Chapter 10: Answers

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Esme

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The verdict came within a month in a crisp white official envelope. I saw it Monday afternoon as I left for school and slipped it into my jacket. There it weighed down my slow walk to the schoolyard where the children were playing happily with loud whoops and cries. Mrs. Roan stood to one side of the playground with our resident trouble makers struggling against her grasp on their arms.

"Jenny, Jenny Marsh!" She yelled across the playground at another little girl. "What have I told you about swinging that rope!" Then she caught sight of me and the wealth of relief on her face drove all thoughts of the envelope from my mind. "Oh, Esme. I'm so glad you're here!"

"Can I help with these young gentlemen?" I asked with my kindest smile. "I'm sure we can come to an understanding." I eyed the two boys and they both stilled and looked down sheepishly. Sometimes being inhumanly beautiful had it's advantages.

Between children's squabbles, scrapped knees that I had to avoid (my cover included sever homophobia), a lost bracelet, spilled paint, and a multitude of questions as only children can ask I was quite busy for the rest of the day. Still in moments between bouts of chaos or the rare quiet minute when every child was busy with their work, heads bent over their desks, I remembered the envelope in the top drawer of my desk. Finally the day closed and the children were shuffled out toward their waiting parents. Mrs. Roan made her turns of the room, putting it back into order. I sat at my desk writing grades and words of encouragement on the children's work. As I put each page aside though my eyes would drift to the drawer handle.

"You look distracted today, Esme," Mrs. Roan said kindly as she came over sit at her own desk beside mine.

"Yes, a little," I admitted.

"Has something happened?" She asked and for a moment I was speechless. I had been working at the school for a month now, gradually becoming more confident about being around the children. I was practically frozen with terror the first week that I might hurt any one of them. But it was easier to control my burning thirst when I knew they were only children and I could see their bright faces. It helped that they shied away from my inhumanness, their instinct so much stronger than adults who were tempered with rationalism. Even as I was thankful for that it hurt. So I tried to be kind when I graded their papers, writing them little notes and thanking them for good behavior.

Mrs. Roan was glad for the help around the school. She'd been very patient with me and I learned a lot just from watching her. Often we would talk casually at the end of each day about the weather or the local gossip but never about our personal lives. I just assumed she wanted to maintain professionalism. I had been glad, after Edward explained the local curiosity about me, that Mrs. Roan didn't seem motivated by it. She didn't pry like I feared she would though I sometimes heard the mothers, picking up their children outside, out of human hearing range, discussing the latest speculations about me. So Mrs. Roan's question caught me completely off guard.

"It's just," she went on at my stunned silence, "you've seemed so happy the past few weeks. I thought something changed in you after your first few days. I always thought you looked a bit somber whenever I saw you, even before you interviewed for the job. It was nice to see you really smiling. You are so beautiful, especially when you smile. You should have every reason in the world to smile. I just… hope nothing had gone wrong." Her compassionate expression was a mixture of hope and pity.

"I—I have been happy," I admitted, "happier than I have been in a very long time. When I came to live with Carlisle and Edward I was coming out of a very… dark place."

"Yes, I thought it was something like that. You remind me a lot of myself."

"I do?" I asked her in confusion.

"It was the way you talked in your interview, promising to do your best and the way you looked at Mr. Lands," She said, referring to the principle of the school. "I used to act that way around my husband."

"I haven't heard you talk about him," I said honestly.

"Yes well, that's because he's in jail. Good riddance."

I gaped at her. She was so frank and concise about it. Catching my shocked look she went on.

"He was a violent husband and a cruel man. Smashed a bottle over a poor old barman's head. Killed him instantly. Can't say anyone was sorry to see him locked away, least of all me."

"I didn't know," I whispered.

"Of course not, that's old gossip and you don't listen to the gossip anyway. You're too kind for that, Esme. I'm glad you don't show the children out. The way those mothers talk."

I blushed invisibly knowing exactly what they said about me.

"They treat you well, these men you live with now?" Mrs. Roan asked me.

"Yes," I said, thinking of Carlisle's gentle kiss on my cheek as I left each morning and his arms lightly holding me against him when I returned home each evening. "Yes, they do. They have been kinder than I could expect. I know it's… unorthodox, our little family, but we truly are happy together. We were each all alone in the world before we found each other."

"Good." Mrs. Roan said with a nod of her head.

"And you? Are you alone now?" I asked. I knew she had no children of her own and I hated to think of her returning each day to an empty house. Was there a reason she would choose to stay that way? Maybe women like us just weren't meant to remarry after what we'd been through?

"No, I have a full life. It's not conventional but it's fulfilling."

"And…" I hesitated to ask, not sure I wanted to know the answer, "…do you ever think about remarrying?"

"I don't know if I could," She replied and I felt my still stone heart sink in my chest. "No, just that I don't think I could ever trust a man again. Why don't you leave the rest of those for me to finish tomorrow morning?" She said switching directions quickly. "I think we can both call it a day."

I glanced at the pile of papers left on my desk then at the drawer and the letter waiting there for me. I just nodded to her. She put a hand on my shoulder as we left. If she noticed it was cold and hard through my light jacket she said nothing.

"See you tomorrow, Esme," she said with a smile and I nodded.

"Thank you, Mrs. Roan," I replied.

"Betsy, please."

"Betsy," I agreed. I smiled as I descended the steps of the school building. It seemed I had made my first friend. Her words about marriage troubled me though and the letter in my pocket seemed to weight even more than it did when I arrived. I glanced at Betsy's back, farther down the street where had stopped to talk with an African woman. Two dark skinned children danced around her legs, one hugging Betsy's skirts.

"Mama did a good job with your braids, Molly," Betsy said to the girl.

"Aren't they pretty?" The little girl asked with a slight lisp of missing teeth.

"Yes, they are."

"Don't cling, Molly," the other woman said sternly, then her face softened as she looked at Betsy. "How was your day, Love?"

"Exhausting but rewarding as always," Betsy replied. "I'll be happy to get home."

I turned away, feeling suddenly like I was prying on something very private. No human would have been able to hear the words that they meant only for each other. I walked on but instead of turning toward home I went to the park where Carlisle and I would walk, finding a bench and sitting down to watch the light fading around me. I turned the letter over in my hands for a long time but I didn't open it.

What will I do if the Court denies the petition? I wondered. How many years before I stop feeling like his wife? I wondered if Charles would always be a wall between me and my own freedom. Could I move on the way Betsy had and find new love without feeling guilty about the old? Would Betsy marry her lover if she could? Would I marry Carlisle? I turned these thoughts over in my mind. Finally night was falling and I was conspicuous where I was sitting in the darkened park. I wasn't scared to walk at night. The darkness didn't bother my sharp eyes and I knew there weren't many things scarier than me roaming the streets.

The house was empty when I got home. Carlisle and Edward were in class. I felt a stab of sudden disappointment. I had missed the embrace I had come to expect every day. I longed to see Carlisle as I always did when he was away, even for the few hours he spent in class. It seemed I missed him more now that we were so much closer. Nothing in our lives had changed substantially since the day he returned from Columbus. We still read together in the mornings but now I sat close enough to lean against him. We still listened to Edward play together but now we kept our hands clasped between us. We would still explore the spreading forests and the range of rocky lakeside beaches but we shared stolen kisses and private moments of laughter when Edward ran ahead or lingered behind. Loving Carlisle was easy, like breathing but more necessary than air was to me now.

It hit me rather suddenly as I stood in the cold empty living room of our house that I would never stop loving Carlisle no mater what the envelope I was turning in my hands said. Weather I was legally married to Charles Evenson or not I knew where my heart was. The law didn't matter more than that.

I ripped open the letter and read the verdict with little care for what it said. It didn't have any power over me anymore. I moved to the fireplace and set about arranging the wood we kept for show in the bin by the hearth. I lit a match and watched the logs slowly catch. I felt the warmth against my skin, warming me like fire never did when I was human. I had been warm too then. I was just watching the embers forming when the door flew open almost at the same time I heard footsteps on the porch.

I turned to see Carlisle's anxious face and his eyes searching out mine.

"Esme," he breathed my name and I smiled at him. He heaved a sigh of relief that moved his entire body. "I was worried for a moment that we had… unfriendly visitors."

"Oh," I gasped, realizing what the smell of smoke must have meant to him. "No. It's just a whim. It seems fitting." He crossed the room as I explained to my side and I held out the letter to him. His confusion melted into understanding and then a soft smile.

"The verdict," he said softly, his expression in controlled impartiality.

"Yes." I said and accepted it back. I glanced once more at the last line before I tossed it into the fire. I watched the thin sheet of paper catch and disintegrate almost as soon as it touched the burning embers. Carlisle's arm wrapped around my shoulders and his hand rested easily there, comforting but not demanding. Suddenly I wanted him to squeeze me, hold me close with all the desperation of that first kiss. I turned to look at him, staring at the flickers of light sporadically bouncing off his skin in refracted rainbows like sunlight.

I reached up one hand to turn his face to me. His eyes were questioning, waiting for me. He was always cautiously waiting for me, never pushing me too far or too fast. I was ready now. I pulled him down to meet his lips with mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and held him close, kissing him desperately. For a moment he kissed me back hesitantly. I felt his arms snaking around my waist and his hands beginning to shake against my back.

He moaned against my lips and I felt the sound as much as heard it all through my body down in my core, which was warm as the fire burning beside us. He held my hips and tried to lean away, push me back, fingers pressing the fabric of my dress into my skin. I didn't let him, couldn't. I held him tighter, hands sliding down his back and my mouth parting over his. I felt him relent, his shaking ceasing suddenly. He lifted me with sure and steady hands, spinning me around and I felt the shelves of bookcase beside the fireplace against my back. His taste filled my mouth as his lips parted to mine. His hands gripped my hips, holding me to him and against the bookcase. I knew with much more pressure they would snap or break but I wanted that, wanted to be closer to him.

His open mouthed kissed tore away from my lips and for a moment I was disappointed before they found my throat. I could no longer hold back the gasps of pleasure, as he worked up and down my neck with caresses and gentle nips of his sharp teeth. I had a moment of lucid thought that his lips had been there before and his bite had broken the skin there. I moaned helplessly and held him closer, one hand in his soft honey hair and the other on his back, feeling the muscles that gripped me to him moving under his skin.

The back door creaked and the floor gave a small short squeak. Those were the only warnings before Edward came bounding into the room, so fast he was nearly a blur even to me. The burst of air that he brought in his wake sent the fire roaring for a moment, throwing the whole room into bright light. I gasped in alarm. Carlisle jumped back from me and my feet fell a few inches to the floor. As soon as I had purchase I spun around, putting my back to Edward, hand over my mouth that I knew should be red and swollen from kissing.

"You two won't believe…" Edward started to explain what ever it was that sent him running inside but trailed off, registering the strange scene in front of him.

For Edward's sake I tried not to think about what I had just been doing but I could still feel the ghosts of Carlisle's hands and his lips, my body shivering from the electric aftershock of our passion. Oh God! I thought wildly. Why did I do that? Even if I couldn't bring myself to regret it, I knew that it would have had to end soon. I'm certainly not ready for where that was going. The thought of what followed made my head dizzy with a strange mixture of anxiety and anticipation.

"Ughh!' Edward groaned and put his head in his hands. "This is going to take some getting used to."

"On all our parts," Carlisle said breathlessly.

"Right, I'm leaving. Come find me when…you're…" He gave up on words and just shook his head. As fast as he had appeared he was gone and the fire gave another leaping burst of life as the air in the room eddied and fed it.

Nether Carlisle or I moved for a long moment. I could hardly look at him and I knew if I still had blood it would all be in my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I said and found my words echoed almost at the same moment by his. Unthinkingly I turned and caught his eyes, just as wide with surprised as mine. We both fell quiet and looked away again.

"I—I'm not really sorry," I whispered, chancing a look at his face. He was looking at the floor sheepishly, worrying his lip.

"I can't say I am either," he agreed with a chuckle and glanced up to meet my gaze. He grinned at me, his shoulders relaxing. "I suppose we're understandably excitable."

"Yes," I replied with a nod. "I—I don't think I have ever been kissed like that." A moment after the admission his arms wrapped around me, gentle now, but my body still felt electrified by the contact. I felt his lips against my hairline pressed there firmly for a moment. He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh.

"That just makes me want to kiss you again," he admitted to me.

"I don't believe I would have the will to stop you."

"And I wouldn't want you to. But Edward is waiting and… it may not be the right time…"

"Yes, I know. We have no reason to rush." He let me go enough that I could look up into his eyes. He was smiling, thin laugh lines creased around his eyes.

"We have all the time in the world," he replied. He took my hand, smile never dropping and we left the little house. The fire gave one last burst of light and heat with the air caused by our departure, burning itself out and extinguishing.

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Carlisle

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I put down my book and Edward's hands over the keys of his piano paused when we heard the running footsteps through the driving rain, too fast for any human's. The door of the little house flew open seconds later and slammed shut. Esme stood dripping with her back against the door, her hair wild and falling in soaking locks from the pins that had held it up. She was stone still, not even breathing, eyes wide and pitch black from pupil to sclera with thirst.

"Oh no," Edward gasped and I jumped up without thinking. I was at her side in an instant and pulling her into the circle of my arms. I didn't know what I could protect her from but I had to try.

What happened? I thought to Edward, scared to ask Esme aloud. Did she slip? I tried not to imagine. I tried not to see her wild eyes and her teeth closing over the neck of the driver. I tried not to remember her silent anguish.

Edward shook his head and I felt light headed with relief. Esme was still and quiet in my arms. I ran my hand over her wet hair and kissed her forehead.

"She ran all the way here from the school," Edward said and we both glanced out at the pouring rain that fell as heavy as fog on the city. Still there was a chance that someone had seen.

Would you retrace her steps? I asked Edward silently. Scan nearby thoughts, look for anyone suspicious?

He nodded to me and disappeared out the back door. I picked Esme up and she crumpled into my arms, limp but no longer rigid. I carried her without thinking into my room and sat down with her on the unused bed. I combed out her hair gently with my fingers, freeing it from the few pins that still held it in place and brushing water from her brow.

"I—I'm getting you all wet," she finally whispered. I could almost laugh with relief at hearing her voice.

"I don't care," I told her honestly.

"And your bed."

"I care even less for the bed."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle." She shook her head, rain water making tracks over her cheeks like tears.

"For what?" I asked her, worriedly. "What ever it is, I forgive you, Esme. What ever it is, I will always forgive you."

"I—I must have been seen. I ran all the way here. I didn't trust myself to stop or slow down. I had to—to see you because… I didn't trust myself. Until I saw you I didn't know that I wouldn't turn around and…." She trailed off and buried her face in my shoulder, wet hair sending droplets of water across the bedspread.

"Esme, even if you were seen the worst that can happen is that we have to move quickly. With the rain coming down like this it's possible you weren't seen. No one was hurt?"

"No, no… but I was so close to…" She murmured into my shoulder. Leaning back she took a deep breath and explained, her voice low and filled with shame. "I had just gotten the children settled down for the morning and Betsy was giving the math lesson when I heard them in the hall. It was Mr. Lands, I knew his voice, and two other adults. He was explaining where all the classrooms were and how well trained the teachers are. And there was a little child with them, I could hear his little heart beating. He was scared but curious and he wandered away from his parents down the hall toward our room. I caught his smell when he walked past the door." He voice became dry and raspy at just the memory and I repressed a shudder. I knew what was coming next. "It was like nothing else… no one else I have ever smelled. I needed it. Carlisle I needed to kill that little boy more than I need air or life or even you. I needed his blood." She trailed off again and buried her face in my shoulders.

"And you resisted?" I asked, thoughtlessly, gaping.

"It was just a gust for a moment. Then I heard his parents calling him back and his little steps. I knew he would pass the door again and I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I held my breath and I made for the outside door. Betsy asked where I was going and I just apologized. I got outside and I ran, Carlisle. I ran. I knew if I didn't get home I would turn around and… and…"

"Esme!" I gasped at her in awe. But she heard something else in my voice and she flinched, tensed as if she expected some time of punishment or violence. Charles Evenson's face flashed before my eyes and I was suddenly speechless with rage. I hugged Esme close to my chest and squeezed my eyes shut. Rage wasn't what she needed right now. "Oh, Esme," I whispered into her hair.

"H-how could I want to do that to a little boy, he's just a little boy?" She asked me in horror.

"La tua cantante," I whispered.

"What?" She leaned back to look at my face and finding no anger there she relaxed a little.

"It means, 'your singer,'" I explained. "It's what the Italians of our kind call the human who is… irresistible to you."

"This happens to all vampires?"

"No, not all. There's an element of chance I guess. Some go their whole lives without finding a singer, others meet multiples all over the world. The fact that you resisted at all," I said in awe, "is amazing. You're not even two and you turned and ran! That's… Esme you have nothing to be sorry for. What you did was amazing!"

She pondered this, her eyes, fading a little back to deep umber, searched my face for any hint of deception. I longed for the first time to have Edward's gift and know what was happening behind her eyes.

"Have you ever found one?" She asked me hesitantly.

"Two actually," I admitted, hoping distraction might calm her down a little more. "The first, and the sweetest, was in Voltera. I was nearly 170 then and I found it nearly impossible to resist. I was in a crowded market on a cloudy day just enjoying being around people and I caught the smell from somewhere behind me. I knew I couldn't even look to see where it was coming from. At the time I was staying with the Volturi. I haven't told you about them? Has Edward?"

"Yes, he said they enforce the law and that you lived with them for a time," She said nodding, intent on my story.

"Yes," I agreed with Edward's simplistic description. "One of them, Aro, found me to be a curiosity. He was perplexed that I would choose to live the way that I do. For a while he just observed but then he would find ways to subtly test my control. Over the years those ways got less subtle."

"He tempted you?"

"In every why he could think of but he wanted me to fail on my own, not by force or under threat. I knew if he got ahold of that human, he would win our little game at the cost of a human life. So I couldn't even turn around and see who it was I wanted so desperately to kill."

"Why not?" Esme asked in confusion. "Wouldn't it be better to know what they look like so you can avoid them without having to actually smell their blood?" She shivered in my arms, probably remembering the smell that had nearly overcome her just minutes ago.

"If I knew who it was then so would Aro. He has a gift like Edwards."

"He can read your mind?"

"Yes but not just what you think when he's near you. If Aro touches your skin he knows every thought you've ever had. That's what makes the Volturi such a force in our world. There is no way to lie to them or contest their rulings. Aro knows with a single touch every crime a vampire has committed.

"If I knew who my singer was then so would he the next time he shook my hand. So I ducked into an ally and I left the city for a month. When I finally returned and Aro learned I had such a weakness it was too late. He or she was long gone. Not even Demitri, their best tracker, could find my singer."

"Aro would really have killed someone just to make you… slip?"

"Yes, he kills humans for much less all the time. A few human lives were worth the fun of watching me make such efforts to resist. I actually owe him the lifestyle I have now. I would never have risked human lives to test the extent of my control. After two hundred years I was still unsure. Aro had no reservations and a couple thousand years of creativity."

"And Edward called him your friend!" Esme said in disgust. I laughed.

"He is, actually. As much as I disagree with him, Aro is one of the few people I can call my friend."

"After everything that he did to you?" She asked me in horror.

"I admit I was angry with him for a time, yes. But the more I began to trust my control, the more comfortable I could be in human society. It was in Italy that I first began to practice medicine not just study it. I found such joy in doing that and I had Aro to thank for it. I think in the end my gratitude annoyed him when he realized he couldn't dissuade me from my lifestyle."

"Is that why you left?"

"One of them." I nodded. I was happy to see that she was calmer now, relaxing into my arms instead of sitting in them. Her hair was dripping water down my chest and back but I didn't care. I leaned my cheek against the top of her head and breathed in her scent mixed with rain. The world seemed perfect in that moment, holding her with the sounds of the rain pounding all around us and drowning out most of the little noises that usually filled my ears. I felt like the rest of the world had just washed away and it was just the two of us.

"Who was the other?" She asked me, breaking the silence.

"What?"

"Your other singer? Who was it?" She asked. I felt a stab of nervousness looking down in her eyes and I hesitated to answer. Would it bother her? Would she think differently of me? I wondered.

"D-did you…" She asked, face becoming apologetic and compassionate, assuming the worst.

"No," I said quickly, "no and I'm very glad that I didn't." It was impossible to forget that when I had her in my arms this way. "It was you actually," I admitted.

"Me?" She asked incredulously and just nodded gravely, measuring her reaction. "Even when I was 16 and you fixed my leg?"

"Well, actually, I was distracted then."

She gave me a skeptical look. Having found her singer I was sure she didn't believe anything could be more distracting.

"I was quite put out with the nurse because I wasn't sure your leg was broken and she'd gone ahead and given you opiates. You haven't had a reason to come across them, but you'll know when you do. They are almost the foulest smell I have ever encountered. Even your blood, sweet as it was, couldn't over power that."

"So then when you met me in Columbus," She said.

"Yes, I could barely stand in the room with you much less touch you. I lied and told you I didn't have any bandages."

"I remember that." She said smiling. I relaxed a little, happy that I hadn't scared her away. "But you didn't seem bothered then, at least not that I noticed. I was still recovering from the shock of seeing you when I left your office. I hadn't believed you were real before that." I chucked but the mirth cut off quickly at her next words.

"Was that why you were so tense the second time I came to the clinic?"

I pressed my lips together firmly to keep from frowning and held very still so I wouldn't hold her closer out of protective instinct. She saw the change in me, how could she not?

"It wasn't my blood was it?" She asked. "It was Charles."

"Esme," I sighed and hugged her, tugging her head under my chin. "I loved you even then though I couldn't admit it to myself. I have never hated anyone so much as I detest that man. How I left Columbus that first time I don't know and the only reason I could restrain myself to go back…" I took a deep breath to calm myself down. "The only reason he is still alive is because he had to appear in court. I couldn't go back without a reason not to kill him because I don't trust my self when it comes to him."

"That's why you left," she said softly with satisfaction. "I always wondered if it was because of me."

"No, Esme, not because of you."

"Because of Charles? Because Charles was hurting me?" She leaned back to look at my face.

"Esme, I have regretted leaving you to that… monster every day since."

"But you would have regretted killing him too," She defended me. "You did the right thing." I could hardly believe the words coming out of her mouth. They knocked all the air out of my chest and I could only stare at her, aching for breath to speak for a few long moments.

"How can you say that?" I finally found the voice to ask.

"Because I would never want you to kill for me," Esme insisted. "It would hurt you too much and I don't ever, ever want to be the thing causing you pain, not again."

"I don't… couldn't possible deserve you."

She just laughed at me and sat up straighter to kiss my lips, passionate but chastise.

"Of course you do," she said when she pulled away. "You love me too much not to."

"I love you more than I thought anyone could love anyone, much less me. After two and a half centuries I believed I was incapable of love."

"That's ridiculous," she said in her matter-of-fact way and I laughed. I kissed her cheeks, one then the other, and hugged her close again. For a while we were silent, just enjoying each other's company.

"How did you change me?" She asked, breaking the silence again.

"You mean how did I resist your blood and stop myself from killing you?"

"Yes. I couldn't even think of stopping when I…" She faltered and, to distract her from the bad memories, I started speaking immediately. If she had asked any other way I might not have had the courage to tell her at all.

"I thought you were dead. I loved you then and I couldn't bear the thought of a world without you. I had practically given up on life when I followed your scent to the morgue. Nothing mattered anymore, not even your blood. Smelling it meant you were dead and I couldn't stand that. When I heard your heart beating, even so softly and weakly, I acted without thought. I'd bitten you before I even knew what I was doing, not knowing if venom would even be able to heal so much damage… the possibility though was something I could cling to when I felt like I was drowning or falling. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if it hadn't worked—if you had died in the worst pain anyone can endure—when I could have let you slip away quietly. But I had to try. It was the most selfish thing I have ever done, more so than changing Edward—a hundred times more! And I don't regret it. I never have and I never can."

She looked at me silently for a long time and worried that I had said too much. Her face was filled with awe and rapture. Her eyes fixed on mine, slightly wide, her brow smooth and her mouth slightly parted, jaw slack. If I had to put a word to it I would probably have called it devotion but it hardly made sense in context.

"Will you marry me?" She asked. If I had had a human, beating heart it would have stopped. She looked as startled as I was by the words. Her mouth moved silently for a few moment before she started speaking so fast and frantically I couldn't even think to stop her.

"Eventually, not…" She stammered, "I mean… I want to, someday. I love you. I have always loved you before I really knew why. I didn't believe you were real the first time I saw you. You were just a dream and I loved that dream more than Charles. I thought I could be a better wife if I didn't, if I gave you up, but I know now that it was never about me. Then when I met you in Columbus you reminded me that not everyone in the world is cold and cruel. Your words gave me the strength I needed to leave Charles. Your faith in me when we met in Ashland—you said I would make a good mother when I could hardly believe I was a mother—it got me through that loss. Even after death you've shown me what freedom is, freedom that I never had in life. You've been saving me ever since I met you. I don't think I can ever repay you for that, but I will spend the rest of my life, how ever long it is, loving you and praying that it's enough.

"I know this is happening all wrong. I—I'm not even supposed to ask you, wet and disheveled and out of the blue to boot, but… I love you, Carlisle, and I'm ready to spend the rest of eternity with you." She looked into my eyes, sincerity in her face, worry in her trembling lip and hope in the raise of her brow. I took one deep breath, letting her words skink in. I jumped up, with Esme still in my arms and slid her back on the bed, sliding my hands down her arms to take hers. I knelt in front of her and somehow found my voice.

"Esme, you think I saved you but the truth is that you saved me. I was so lonely when I first met you and when you smiled, through pain and drugs and regardless of any rational instinct, you smiled at me, I didn't feel so lonely anymore. I felt closer to you than any human in fifty years. I was so lonely, and then there was you. I have left you so many times and every time I have regretted it. And then you come back into my life and remind me how good people can be, how much love and compassion there is in the world when all I see are the worst days of people's lives, the pain and suffering that they go through. And then there was you. I have failed you, failed to protect you, left you to be hurt by the people who were supposed to protect you, ran and hid from you when you were loneliest—lonely as I have ever been. Selfishly I took away humanity and soul and salvation from you because I couldn't find meaning in world without you. I am humbled every day that you can even stand the sight of me let alone feel anything more than resentment toward me—that you can find it in yourself to forgive me for what I've done.

"You have brightened my life in ways you can't know. Not just for me but for Edward, you have become more than we could ever had expected to both of us." I dug into my pocket for a moment, looking down away from her beautiful wide eyes. The little gold band gleamed in the light as I held it out to her, feeling her hands start to shake. "Esme Anne Platt, you would make me happier than I have words to express or imagination enough to conceive of if you would make me, unworthy as I am though I love you more than earth and life, your husband?"

I finally looked up into her wide eyes and she was nodding.

"Yes," she said with a choked sound half way between a sob and a laugh, "Yes, yes, yes!" She dropped to her knees in front of me and threw her arms around my neck laughing in earnest now. I laughed too, nervously at first and then it sank in and I was laughing in pure bliss. I held her, lifting her as I stood and spun her, sending water droplets through the air. She just kept laughing. I put her down though I didn't let her go, to kiss her, deeply and passionately.

"Carlisle?" Edward's voice interrupted us from the front of the house. Esme groaned against my lips.

"This has got to stop," she murmured, mouth only centimeters away from mine, her lips brushing against my chin and her scent wafting over my face. I moaned in agreement.

"I interrupted something again," Edward said from the doorway and I very reluctantly let Esme step away.

Yes, I thought to Edward, you did. In explanation I remembered fondly Esme's face just moments ago and her emphatic agreement.

Edward's jaw dropped and he looked between us.

"I—I thought you'd wait at least a year, if not a decade!" He said to me. Then his gaze snapped to Esme. I had an idea of what she was showing him and his laughter that followed all but confirmed it. "Of course! Why didn't I see that coming?" He put his head in his hand and just laughed. "Alright, I'm leaving. I went back on Esme's rout twice and no one saw either of us. We're all safe. The new child at the school is named Ethan Hurst and his parents would rather send him to St. Andrews if they could afford it."

"We can arrange that," I said, thinking about how we might set up a scholarship and award it to the little boy as Edward left the room.

"That way you can keep your job and the child will be safe," I said to Esme. "St. Andrews is on the other side of town so you'll probably never see the child again. We'll be careful though, find out where he lives and goes so that we can avoid him."

"So I can avoid him," she said, a touch of shame still in her voice.

"None of us are perfect at this, Esme. You're still young and doing so well," I put a hand on her shoulder and she relaxed a little. I saw a new thought cross her mind and her face shifted into excited curiosity. She bit her lip and looked sidelong at me. Wet hair around her shoulders and long lashes dark with moisture, her beauty took my breath away. And this woman just agreed-she asked me to marry her, I thought with a note of disbelief.

"Where did you get the ring?" She asked me. I laughed a little nervously.

"I've had them actually." I fished the other one out of my pocket and passed both to her. One was larger than the other, each a simple gold band with tapered smoothed edges. The inside faces were delicately inscribed with a line of text small enough that a human might have needed a magnifying glass to read but our eyes could clearly make out.

"'The day will dawn with greater light,'" Esme read off the first and then the second. "'Those of your love are dearer there.' What do they mean?" She asked me.

"They are lines from a poem." I turned to my desk and pulled out an old notebook, flipping through the pages. "An old vampire in England gave me this. She was a queer woman who couldn't make up her mind what to do or be. She spent some time writing poetry and gave me this when I left for America. It was one of the only things I had to read on the voyage. The passage was a lot longer back then." I finally found the right page and handed it over to her. She took the book delicately, careful of the old and cracking binding.

"'For the reminisce of night
"The day will dawn with greater light
"And ghosts that follow in my wake
"Shall at your sight but quiv'ring shake
"And flee into their native lands
"In my memory's darker bands
"And with remembrance of despair
"Those of your love are dearer there.'
"It's lovely and fitting." She smiled softly as she looked over the hand written poem scrawled on the page in irregular script.

"I'm glad you think so." I sighed with relief.

"When did you have the rings made though?"

"In Columbus, last time I was there. I didn't know if I would ever give it to you but… I wanted to have the option. That's the kind of thing I would have given you if we had met when I was human. I know it's old fashioned and women these days want jewels and flashier things. If you'd rather…"

"No, I think they're perfect." She assured me then smiled with a teasing gleam in her eyes. "Weren't you a man of God back then, I didn't think they were allowed to marry?"

"They were but I would have left the Church for you." I said, accepting the book back and putting it away. When I turned back to her she was smiling, looking down at the rings in her right hand, her left cradling the golden bangle she always wore, the gift from Edward and I.

"I guess I can't wear it yet," she said with a note of longing. She held them back out to me but before I accepted them I had another thought. Edward heard it and blew into the room a second later, snatching both rings out of Esme's hand before she could even gasp.

"I'm honored," he said with a cheeky grin. I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes at his showing off. "I'll return them as soon as you two set a date." He grinned and walked more sedately out of the room.

"What?" Esme asked looking at me.

"Edward is going to be my Best Man. He's taking up his official duties."

"Oh." She looked down at her empty hands and was quiet for a moment. I saw thoughts crossing behind her eyes but they were a mystery to me. I leaned back against the desk and beckoned her closer with a wave of my hand. She came happily into my embrace and even though we were the same temperature I felt warmer holding her.

"What are you thinking, love?" I asked her.

"I—well I mean there's no reason to rush but…"

"You don't want to wait?" I asked.

"No," she shook her head against my shoulder.

"Neither do I."

"Really?" She asked, leaning back to look into my eyes. Her beauty struck me breathless again, the way her hair was curling from the moisture drying and happy glow in her cheeks. I kissed her instead of answering, letting go of a little of the passion I kept in chains beside the monster. I held her tight, fingers pulling at the fabric of her dress almost hard enough to rip it and my lips parting to let her taste fill my mouth. Somewhere in the living room Edward dropped a book onto the floor with a loud bang. I let Esme go. We were both breathing hard, our lungs uncomfortable with the lack of air.

"Soon," I whispered.

"Soon," Esme nodded.