Chapter 27

At that moment

She awoke to terrible pain. It felt as if she had been slammed into her body. Her eyes fluttered open to the familiar sight of her bedroom walls. The grey carpet was stiff against her cheek. Korra pushed herself onto her elbows and knees. She surveyed the area to find her dorm was empty of any life but her own. No roommate. No other person. No one.

"How did I get here?" The Southerner sat in a half-upright position and rubbed her head. Each breath increased the intensity of her aches. She had no recollection of completing the trip to her complex. The pounding of rain on the window told her the storm was still raging. Her skin continued to burn with frostbite. Her face felt stuffed. She sniffled and coughed, her throat rough and dry. Her energy faded fast. She crawled over to the sole piece of barren wall in the room and slumped against it in a similar fashion as –

Memories flooded her sight. Republic City. The Equalists. The attack. Punch and punch after kick after stomp. The white blaze that burned within her, that she pulled from more at that moment than she ever had.

The slap. The piercing sound of that backhand. The recoil of Asami's head.

The fire…. Her face.

What have I done?

Korra stared at her hands, returning to a state not too far off from what she felt when she was in Asami's apartment. Her palms were shaking. She examined them in the low light that crept through the window. The water had washed them clean and the cold had pinked them. The battle left dark bruises on her knuckles. She shut her lids to will the pain away.

What have I done?

Asami's terror filled eyes haunted her thoughts. That look of trepidation stabbed her no matter what she did. The blankness in the engineer's voice when she spoke to her afterwards. Her hollow movements… The dead look in her peridot irises that were so full of life when they first met. The quiet weeping she could hear through the bedroom door.

She hates me. She hates me now. How could she not?

A sob escaped Korra's lips. It stung her lungs and ribs, but she couldn't control it. She glared at her hands.

You. You did this. You did. You Bent fire. Why? Why did you Bend fire? How did you even Bend fire? Why? Why?! When Asami's mother died because of a Fire Bender and you fucking FIRE BEND IN FRONT OF HER? When Asami hates Benders, especially Fire Benders? And that's what you do? You Fire Bend? How? HOW CAN YOU FIRE BEND?

She curled into herself, realizing the hands she yelled at were her own.

She was your only friend here. And she's gone. She hates you. You're an ash making, fire tossing disgrace. This is your fault.

She tightened her discolored hand into a fist. The ache pierced her, but she didn't care.

Asami is gone. She's never going to talk to you again. She's never going to accept you. You fucking FIRE BENT IN FRONT OF HER.

"I know, okay, I KNOW!" Korra screamed and punched the wall next to her with astounding force. Another cracking sound echoed from the blow. Pain shot up the bones in her arm and she recoiled, cursing herself for such stupidity. She glared at her bleeding hand and watched the blood drip down to her wrist. She looked up to the indent she left in the white stone. The depression couldn't have been deeper than an inch. Small red streaks marked it as her own.

Why? Why did I Fire Bend?

The Southerner heaved, resting her face against the abused wall. She gazed at her worn, tan hands.

How is this happening? I'm from the Water Tribe. How could I possibly Fire Bend? Both of my parents are Water Benders, not –

A very disturbing idea dawned on her.

No. No, my mom would never… – she wouldn't.

Her thoughts were staggered and sourced from different versions of her voice, herself.

It's very possible.

No, it's not. She would never cheat on my dad.

But what did they want most?

A family?

A family.

But she would never cheat to do it.

They've tried countless times to conceive on their own. You've heard them argue about it.

But she wouldn't cheat… would she?

How much does she love your father? And how badly did he want a child of his own? You might not be his, but you look like his, and that's enough to fool him, right?

There was a pause in her thoughts.

But who? Who would she have even known from the Fire –

Memories crawled from the depths of her mind. Images of a pale man with a thin mustache and a red and black uniform… the pictures were fuzzy and brief in her head. She was young when she met him.

What was his name again?

She searched her throbbing head for an answer.

Mizu. His name was Mizu. He was part of the Fire Nation Navy.

Visions of the docks her parents took her to when she was a child came to sight. She remembered watching the traders come into port. Their ships. Their red flags... The first time they met, her mother had introduced her to the man in private, while her father was away speaking with the captain of the fleet. She had seen him several times afterwards throughout her life, but the moments had been brief, though she always remembered the look in her mother's eyes when –

No, no, NO! It's not possible. She would never…

He was just a friend. A family friend. Friend to the family. Not a member of the family. Not a secret… member… of…

Doubt crept in, as much as she didn't want to believe it.

Well, it would explain why you could never Water Bend…

Hot tears rolled down her face.

No. It can't be… It…

But what if it is?

It just can't be. I won't believe it. I won't.

But what if it is?

…

Then I can never Fire Bend again.

She knew too well what would happen if her father believed she was the product of another man's work…

Could I even do it again? Could I even Fire Bend again if I wanted to?

Korra scowled in concentration. She threw her fist forward. Nothing happened. She continued punching the air, growing more frustrated with each attempt.

It had to have been a fluke. It had to be. But why am I even trying?! I don't want to Fire Bend! I never want to Fire Bend again! I just want things to go back to the way they were!

Her emotions overwhelmed her. The thought of everyone she held dear disowning her was too much. She slammed her shaking hands onto the ground in blind rage. Violent pain punctured her.

"Stop. Fucking. PUNCHING THINGS!"

She brought her palms to her chest and cried.

"Why is this happening..."

Korra curled into herself and buried her face into her knees. The sight of Asami's fear-laced eyes tormented her above all else.

"I'm sorry, Asami… I'm so sorry…"

(-)

The storm had simmered. Korra was too weak to shed any more tears. She had lain against the wall for two days straight, eyes as open as they could be from the swelling, lids refusing to shut to grant her body the sleep it needed. Opal was nowhere to be found. Neither was Asami. A jolt shook her chest. Her aching heart throbbed.

She really does hate me.

She tried to push the thought away.

At least she will be safe now.

She clung to this idea that their separation would remove the target from her back and keep it solely on Korra's, used it as justification, as an endgame means of optimism for the raven.

The sun rose into the horizon and lit the room with a muffled light. There were still dark clouds in the sky, but they held their contents.

Korra felt like she was going to be sick. Her nerves pounded. It was getting more difficult to breathe with each passing hour. Occasional coughs became more frequent. She was lightheaded. At first she fought the pain, but her will and body deteriorated at uncontrollable speeds. Her mind was plagued with horrid thoughts until they spilled into nothingness. She felt herself shut down. Each attempt at sleep or even closing her eyes brought back horrid memories of the previous days.

She slipped into darkness until every ounce of her being numbed. She stared at her hands, absentminded. Her emotions dissolved into emptiness.

The sound of an object fidgeting in the lock of her doorknob disrupted the silence. It was enough to grab her attention, but not enough to move her.

"Korra?" The voice was familiar, but she didn't want to believe it. It was all a trick in her mind – she was sure of it; it wasn't the first time in the few days of solitude that she imagined these scenarios.

The latch clicked with a gentle motion. The grind of boot soles against carpet grew louder. The soft pat of abandoned winter gear followed. A warm hand covered her shoulder.

Korra was still. Her eyes were low and somewhat open. They never left her palms.

"Korra?"

The Water Tribe girl dare not look. It was all just in her head. There was no way she could be here. Why would she be?

Soft fingers pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. The owner bent down until her face was in the background of Korra's line of sight.

She caved into her delusions.

"A – Asam – mi?" Her voice wasn't even a whisper. As much as she hated to ask, she had to know. She had to know if this was real.

The engineer nodded and lifted the injured woman's chin. She rose with the motion so that she could sit upright and still meet Korra's eyes.

The Southerner, on the other hand, avoided contact with those peridots. She feared the look that would radiate from them, the rejection and fear and disgust.

"I was worried about you. I woke up and… you were gone. With the storm and your injuries…" Asami swallowed the knot in her throat.

Korra kept her pupils on the floor as she absorbed the words spoken to her. She could feel herself emerge from the darkness, despite her efforts to fight it. This isn't real. You're being tricked.

"I didn't know what to think, with everything that happened. Knowing that you were out there, I realized – I was afraid you weren't going to make it. I came here as soon as I could. I tried going through the storm but everything was frozen over. Even the college was closed."

Her emotions started fluttering back. She was believing the story her mind had fooled her with.

"I'm just so happy you're alive." She wrapped her arms around Korra's shoulders and refused to let go.

The warmth and pain it brought was too real, too convincing.

"Why did you leave? Why did you run away?" Asami's voice quivered. She felt hot tears drip onto her tan skin.

Korra couldn't help but feel again. She needed to answer her, console her, protect her, whether this was reality or a figment of her twisted imagination. She had to make a difference.

"I… I was scared." She summoned the strength to speak, though her body was not swayed enough to move.

"Why?"

"I… I didn't… want to see you… get hurt, because of… me… anymore. And… and… I was…" Korra gasped for breath. Her vocal cords strained. "Afraid, Asami… I was so afraid…"

"What were you afraid of?"

"Everything. Myself." She admitted, the thoughts from the darkest depths of her mind escaping her grasp. "I'm a monster."

"Korra, why do you think you're –"

"You saw what I did. I know you did. I see your fearful eyes every time I close mine." She pulled away from the engineer and shoved her face away to hide her weeping. "I Fire Bended, Asami."

"Since when does being a Fire Bender make you a monster?"

"Have you just ignored the Hundred Year War? Those Fire Benders, the ones that killed people, Asami. Fire Benders killed your mother. I Bent an element that killed your mother, and could have killed you." She shuddered and withdrew. Hot tears dripped from her puffy eyes. "I was afraid that you would hate me. And you have every right to. You have every right to hate me like all of the other Benders."

The older woman placed a hand onto the tan shoulder slumped beside her. "Korra, I don't hate all Benders."

The intensity of her sobs lessened. "You… you don't?"

"No, Korra, I don't. It's true that Fire Benders killed my mother, but I don't hate Benders as a whole. The only one I hate is the one that took her away from me. I'll never forget his face."

She turned and looked into the peridots staring at her. They didn't hold the distrust and loathing she'd imagined they would.

"You, you don't hate me?"

Asami slipped her hand into Korra's hair and stroked a strand with her thumb. "I don't think I could ever hate you." It was true. As much as she trembled to the thought, to the power Korra had and her innate ability to destroy the walls she had built inside to protect herself for all these years, she couldn't run from her feelings anymore, couldn't deny them, couldn't bury them down with the rest anymore.

The Southerner couldn't believe her ears. She examined the eyes staring back at her, looking for some indication that this was all a rouse. What she found were feelings of understanding, of friendship, of caring, and… something else…

Desire?

Happiness?

Trust?

…Love?

The engineer's pale fingers drew her attention away. They wiped her tears from her wounded cheeks in a gentle motion.

An immense feeling of relief washed over Korra and brought her back from the dark depths she was torturing herself in. She flung her arms around Asami.

She doesn't hate me. She doesn't think I'm a freak. She… she…

Korra never wanted to let her go. The Non-Bender reciprocated, her thoughts along similar lines. The Water Tribe girl nuzzled her face into her shoulder and sobbed. She buried her hand into her perfect raven hair and repeated her name in hushed whispers.

"It's okay, Korra. Everything is going to be okay."

For the first time since she'd been saying those words to herself as a child, Asami believed them. All those times she used that sentiment for her own problems, and even for Korra's, she had always harbored doubt. It was different this time, though she didn't know how. All she knew was that Korra was alive and in her arms.

For the first time in what felt like too long, Korra felt hope again. The thought of Asami hating her and never wanting to see her again was too much for her to bear. She needed her in her life. She didn't know why and she didn't care. All she knew was that Asami was alive and in her arms.

And at that moment, that's all they needed.