Hello! My name is the Author of DOOOOOM but you knew that. :D Anyways, sorry for the wait I decided to be really lazy but I'm back. I also want to inform you that the Merlin Lord of the Rings Crossover of DOOM has a Beta of DOOM. Her name is the Captain of Words and she writes awesome Star Trek fics of epic DOOM. After you finish reading this chapter you can go and read her awesome fic The Quirks of Jim Kirk. So here is the next chapter! Enjoy!
Disclaimer:
"Hey Merlin! Did you know you belonged to the BBC?" Sarah asked.
"That What?" Merlin asked confused. He looked to Arthur for an explanation.
"Don't Ask." Arthur said, epically shaking his head.
Eomer walked epically into the room with his Rohan stride.
"What is going on here?"
The entire room went silent and the only sound that could be heard was the crackling of large fire pot things. Don't question my descriptive adjectives….
"This does not concern you." Wormy the perv said, standing and trying to compose himself. He was still nervous about Figwit.
"Yes it does!" Sarah said, now restrained by Hana the guard. She felt a leathery glove come over her mouth. "MMMM!"
"This girl was found to be disturbing the king's peace." Wormy said, glaring at the American.
"MMMM! MMHMMHMM!" Sarah mmed, clearly not happy about being restrained.
"Well, then I suggest she be taken back to wherever she belongs." Eomer said, looking at the strange the girl before facing Wormtoungue.
"The girl is homeless and a menace to the city of Edoras." Wormy said pointing to her.
"I may be wrong, but she does not look like much of a threat." Eomer said, working out that the girl was clearly not a mary-sue and couldn't take on a full room of guards.
"Mhm!" Sarah said struggling.
"You would wish to let this girl run rampant around his lord's lands?" Wormy said, wormily.
"Well, if you're so intent on keeping the peace, then she will be taken back to the dungeons." Eomer challenged, glaring at the wormy man. The two had a staring contest before being interrupted by Sarah.
"MMMMM!"
"Hana, take the girl away." Eomer said, nodding to the guard.
" Yes, Lord Eomer." Hana said, coolly obedient.
Hana took Sarah out of the hall as she struggled uselessly. The Rohan guard was trained in epic combat while Sarah merely had P.E class. It was obvious who would win that fight. Sarah stopped struggling after she realized how futile it was to escape. Hana pulled her down the corridor and they passed the entrance to the dungeon.
'Wait a minute; we're not going to the boring old dungeon. Hang on! My medieval guys are down there!'
"MMMM!" Sarah, mmmed trying to point this out to Hana.
"I'm sorry. I would let you walk freely but if anyone were to see then they would tell the worm. They're good people but they serve a bewitched king." Hana stated darkly.
"Mmm…." Sarah muttered, not able to disagree.
"I'm glad you understand. Don't worry, we'll soon be out of the city. First we must got to the armory to make you less… conspicuous." Hana said, quietly.
"Mph." Sarah hmped, not happy about having to change.
"I would find you some more suitable clothing but I'm afraid there is no time. The armory is just outside and the guards may be told to look for a girl. They won't look for a soldier." Hana explained, in his Rohan soldier voice.
"Hm!" Sarah hmped, slightly excited to put on armor.
"I'm glad you agree." Hana whispered as a guard walked passed them.
'Does he speak mmm language?' Sarah thought to herself, as she was dragged out of the corridor.
Sarah threw the stupid helmet over one of the little hills. She was bored, really bored and the armor she was wearing was heavy. The Armor smith had managed to find her some chain mail that Eomer had worn when he was a teenager but it still fell to her knees. She wore a tabard with Rohan's white horse running across a green field. It was really cool but the helmet was lame.
"My Lady, we must be quiet. If we are found then the worm will have us killed." Hana said, in a serious soldier voice.
"Sorry." Sarah said and she reached over to pick up her helm. Holding it in her hands she glared at the stupid thing. It was supposed to protect your head but besides that it was just heavy. 'I guess if you decided to head but an orc it would be useful, but not as much as the gondorian ones.'
The sun had set and the sky was a bluesish orangey color. They had been hiding behind a small flowery hill where one of the great kings of Rohan was buried. Hana was slightly uneasy about sitting near the dead leaders but he sat silently with his sword drawn. Sarah tried to amuse herself by staring off into the distance like Legolas and picking grass but she was still bored.
'Hm, the mountains are nice.' Sarah thought to herself. 'I wonder where one of the beacons are.' Sarah scanned the peaks looking for one. 'If only one went to the Emyn Muil. Oh, hang on.'
"Ah! I forgot!" Sarah yelled as she reached into her pocket to see two messages on her phone. 'Missed Call from Emma Auckland', 'Voicemail from Emma Auckland.'
"Is something wrong?" Hana asked.
"How did she call me in Middle-Earth?" Sarah went to her voicemail and pressed play on the one from Emma. "Hi, Sarah. Well this is a bit complicated but I'm in Middle-Earth and apparently so are you. So, um if you could call me back when you're not being attacked that would be great. Bye!"
Sarah looked at her phone, stunned. Funny how that voice mail seemed so normal but not really normal at all.
"What are you doing?" Hana asked, confused at Sarah's tapping on the strange metal box.
"I am introducing texting to middle-earth."
"Texting? Is that some sort of new form of writing?"
"Sort of, it's a bit more complicated then that."
Sarah went to the chat icon on her phone and went to Emma's name. Hana looked on in wondered and tried to figure out how this mysterious texting worked.
'Hello?' Sarah texted.
Hana and Sarah stared epically at the phone, Sarah waiting for a response and Hanna wondering what would happen next.
BZZZZ
"Ah!" yelled Hana, and he jumped away from the phone, but still trying to stay hidden.
"Ah! What? No it's just a text! Don't worry!" Sarah, holding up the phone and trying to convince the Rohirim its harmlessness.
"It has you name on it!" Hana exclaimed.
"What? Ah!" Sarah stared down at the phone to see a message in all caps.
'SARAH!'
Sarah laughed and started pressing buttons. Hana still looked suspicious.
"EMMAAA!'
'WHERE R U? Frodo wants to talk to Aragorn.'
'I'm not with him, we got separated. They ran off to stop the hobbits from being taken to Isenguard."
"Ah, Sad. BUT YOU'RE ALIVE!'
'YESSS! YOUR IN MIDDLE EARTH!'
'I KNOW!'
'ARE YOU IN THE EMYN MUIL!'
'YES!'
'COOOL!'
'UNCOOL!'
'ITS STILL SLIGHTLY COOL!'
'Yes, but its way too cold.'
'Ah, bummer. Are you with hobbits 1 and 2?'
'Yep, they say hi.'
'Tell them I said hi back.'
'Wait, where r u?'
'Edoras with a guard named Hana!'
'There's a girl guard?'
"I am not a girl!" Hana exclaimed.
'No, he's not a girl. He very much resents that.'
'Oh, sorry Hannah.'
"Hana?" called the voice of Eomer. The guard then stood up epically.
'Gtg, Eomer's back. I have to escape Edoras. Wormy's here. I'll call u later!' Sarah texted as Hana went to talk to his leader.
'Be careful! Stay away from wormy!'
"Sarah, come! The Lord Eomer is here." Hana called. Sarah pushed herself up, the chainmail clinking as she moved.
'Dang! This stuff is heavy.' Sarah thought as she walked to Eomer. The horse lord had brought two great brown horses with him. The earthling stared at them because they were cool middle-earth horses.
"Hana, there has been a change of plan. I have been banished and must leave the city." Eomer said, darkly epic.
"Then I will come with you, I am loyal to you not the worm."
"Thank you, there are many who have decided to come as well. We will ride out and slaughter the orcs in our land."
"I will fetch my horse." Hana said putting on his helm.
"That may not be wise." Eomer warned. "Wormtoungue knows you took the girl. The company has assembled a few leagues from here. It's best if you ride Arod and leave your horse behind."
Hana nodded, still not happy about leaving his horse. Who would feed him? There was a straw shortage! No straw could be spared for horses whose masters decided to go saving girls from different universes!
"The girl will have to ride with you." Said Eomer.
"I have got a name and I'm pretty tired of being called girl, you know." Sarah pointed out. The horse lords turn to look at her.
"Of course, and it would be…?" Eomer asked.
"Sarah Jones of America." Sarah gave a bow, trying to look cool but failing because the armor made her nearly fall over.
Eomer smiled, amused. "Well, I am Lord Eomer, third marshal of the Ridemark."
"Ah, your name is cooler then mine." Sarah said, slightly depressed.
"Come, let us get you to safety." Eomer smiled a little and motioned for Hana to help the girl on to the horse.
"Excuse me, but could you do something about my friends? They're kind of stuck in the dungeons." Sarah said before Hana put her on the horse.
"I'm sorry, but we cannot risk going into the city. I have been banished and Hana promised them to get you out of the city. If I am caught then you will be put back in harm's way." Eomer mounted his horse and waited for his comrade and the mad girl.
"I can't just leave them. They're in the Rohan dungeon! What if Wormtoungue decides to execute them!"
"Don't worry, Wormtoungue has no plans for them." Hana said. "Apparently they are sentenced to a lifetime in the dungeons."
'Well, I suppose they're not going anywhere. How long will it take to get back to Aragorn? Neh! I don't like leaving those two. What if Arthur has another magic spazz or Merlin gets himself killed while I'm gone?' Sarah thought to herself.
"Are you sure there's nothing we can do? No epic rescue or something?" She said as Hana put her on the horse. He struggled a bit, putting a damsel on a horse was one thing. They just wore a cloth dress and were skinny because towers didn't include restaurants or refrigerators or pantries stuffed with princess gummies. Sarah was well fed and wearing a chainmail shirt.
Hana then got on the horse behind her and picked up the reins.
"I promised them to keep you away from the worm. Don't worry, I'm sure Lord Eomer will find a place for you."
'Yea, Right. Orcs are running all over Rohan and burning stuff. Where in the heck will he find a safe place?' But, Sarah remained silent and decided not to say anything else. There was no rescue happening tonight and now she had to find out how to deal with learning to ride a horse.
Eomer then pulled her out of her thoughts. "I believe this is yours." He said handing her the helmet she had discarded because of its uncomfortableness.
'Neh.' Thought Sarah, irritably but she took the helmet and the Riders of Rohan rode off.
Arthur hit the iron bars with his hand and cursed. That guard had better saved Sarah from the creep. Merlin sat down with his head in his hand thinking of a plan and looking amazingly adorable at the same time.
"Do you think she escaped?" Arthur asked, concerned.
"I don't know." Merlin said, rubbing the back of his head, still deep in thought. Obviously, he could save Sarah if he wanted to, but he couldn't blast open the cell or Arthur would have a magic spasm.
Arthur gripped the bars again and looked around the framing for some way to escape, but the Rohirim dungeon was strong. He slid down onto the stony floor. The straw had been removed because of an unlikely shortage. Straw shortages were not good things in Rohan and almost never happened. However, Wormtoungue had killed many of the straw harvesters and those that remained hadn't been able to take up the slack.
"We have to do something! This never should have happened, we should have protected her." Arthur said, leaning against the stonewall. "If something happens to her… if that worm…" The prince trailed off and put his head in his hand.
"We couldn't have stopped the guards from taking her." Merlin said quietly.
Arthur lifted his head and stared epically at the wall, still in noble prince mode. "We should have tried to escape."
The Camelot residents then heard some clanging noises and jumped up as Grima Wormtoungue himself walked down the dungeon steps. His black cloak slithered behind him and two guards stood behind him. Arthur and Merlin ran to the bars and glared epically at Wormtoungue.
"What have you done with her?" Arthur growled, not like a tiger but like an angry knight person.
"Such fierceness for such a young warrior." Wormtoungue sneered. He went to stand across from the Camelot people but not too close because they would have punched him.
"If anything happens to her…" Arthur said darkly.
"Then what?" taunted Wormtoungue. "You'll blast open the bars with sorcery and rescue her? Be her knight in shining armor?" Merlin's hand twitched as he continued to glare at the man with a worm for a tongue.
Arthur glared some more and Wormtoungue sneered. Wormy had just come up with something to keep the two beardless runts in his dungeons. They didn't seem to be much of a threat but it would be better to make sure they didn't try anything. "Well, I wouldn't plan any valiant rescues. The girl is dead."
In a woodland glade far far away a girl with flawless skin stepped out from behind a tree. She faced the audience.
WARNING: This scene involves a Mary-Sue. Side affects of reading include Chronic Sue Spasms, Vomiting, Seizures, Brain Cell Failure, and Death.
"My name is Mary-Sue. I am ordinary girl with Barbie like blonde hair. I'm perfectly skinny and everyone wants me. One day I was in an animal shelter helping helpless furry animals when I was dramatically sucked into a horrible cave."
"…of EPIC DOOM!" Sarah yelled jumping out from behind a tree.
"No, it was terrible! So awfully rocky and dark."
"Who the hell are you kidding? That was Moria and it is boss awesome." Sarah said, giving the perfect girl a weird look.
"You're very strange." Mary-Sue said with a tinkling laugh.
"What! A tinkling laugh? Who are you? Tinker Bell?" Sarah said, disliking the girl even more.
"QUIET NOW!" The girl yelled, suddenly angry.
Sarah jumped.
"Holy crap! What?" Sarah said, startled.
"Sorry" The girl said, returning to her sickly sweet voice. "I get angry sometimes. Also don't swear."
Mary-sue smiled and her eyes were sparkly AND THEN HER WHOLE FACE WENT SPARKLY!
"Wha…?" Sarah started but Mary-Sue interrupted.
"Then I met two cute boys in a cave."
"Wait! Wait! Hang on! You can call Merlin cute but Arthur is more buff then cute. You're supposed to be perfect! Don't go stereotyping medieval boys!" Sarah said, epically defending her friends from being the victim of Sue Discrimination.
Mary-Sue began crying. Sparkly tears ran down her sparkly face.
"What is it?" Sarah asked, giving Mary-Sue a bewildered look.
"I'm sorry. I just get emotional sometimes." Mary-Sue said.
"Emotional about what exactly?"
"I just don't like being criticized." Mary-Sue said, and she started to sob.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"My lady! My lady, wake up!" came the voice of Hana, the-would-be-dark-lord.
Sarah tried to get up, but she then fell back down, she wasn't quite awake yet. "I'm sorry! I had this awful dream! There was this sparkly girl named Mary-Sue and she was…. She was terrible!" Sarah said, distressed. The surrounding Rohirim gave her sympathetic looks, assuming that she was having nightmares about Wormtoungue but they had no idea about horrid creature named Mary-Sue. Hana patted her on the back.
"Don't worry. There is no one named Mary-Sue in middle-earth. It was just a dream." He said comfortingly. "Go back to sleep, the dawn has not yet come."
Sarah nodded sleepily and then went back to sleep on the blanket the Horse-Lords gave her. The trip had been hard but Sarah tried to be positive. It was like going on a camping trip with more horses and without tents… right forget the camping trip.
Meanwhile in a room filled with technology of epic doom….
Katherine Deanatra flipped a switch.
"Gah!" The timekeeper yelled. "Dawn! The systems failing! What's happening?"
A girl with very short dark hair came up behind her. "The time-stream is failing!
It can't take be altered this much! Look at it!" She gestured to a glowing blue line that was breaking in placed.
"It can't take it! The balance is being overthrown." Dawn started typing on of the black console.
"Well, what do we do?" Katherine said panicking. Dawn swore as another large fracture formed in the blue line.
"We have to restore the balance. It's too simple now with two people knowing the events and using it for good. Salron will be overthrown too soon and then look there's another one that crops up." Dawn said gesturing to a break in the line.
"Another Dark Lord? You've got to be kidding me." Kat said as she epically pushed some more buttons.
"I'm not. It's a bloody guard named Hana of Rohan. He lives and then finds some sort of weird magic thingy in the tower of Orthanc that makes him go mental. That's the thing when you move the balance of power, time tries to correct itself." Dawn said whilst typing urgently.
"So we have to make Evil more powerful before a guard goes to the dark side or do we just kill him?"
"Have you been listening If you just kill the guard someone else will become a dark lord of evilness. That guard won't ever become evil because we are putting someone else into the equation." Dawn brought up an image of a man with red hair.
"Henry Iowa." Katherine read. "Born in Ontario, Canada on January 12, 1987. Moved to Texas when he was thirteen. He graduated from Harvard University when he was eighteen. Woah." Kat said impressed.
"Oh yes. He's quite the protégée but not a very nice one." Dawn said bringing up a snapshot of Henry Iowa in prison. "In 2006 he was caught trying to infiltrate the FBI no ones quite sure why, but he was sentenced to a lifetime in prison."
"So we take him out and it won't effect Earth's time stream?" Katherine asked.
"Nope, because he never escapes and his family disowns him. He's the perfect choice." Dawn said. "Deanatra, please inform Commander Matthews."
"Yes, Sir." Katherine said, as she headed out the door. Dawn shook her head and stared at the screen.
The next chapter will be up soon... maybe... probably... more likely if you review...