You remember that Beach episode I promised? Well I totally forgot about it. I'm moving AGAIN and I came across a set of old drawings I did of my OC shinigami and thought to myself, "Oh yeah, I actually liked this fic." Upon re-reading it a few things came to mind. While this may not be the update you expected, it's something I felt like going over for my own fun.
First, I'd like to address the shit format of the fic. Even I, the author, couldn't figure out who was talking half the time. And as far as plot holes go… Usually when I write I fic I try to spot the plot holes and lose ends and manage them as best I can and usually I can do an okay job with that… This fic is a whole other story. Haha, I made a funny, kids.
Second I really wanna talk about Espier. First of all his name was originally "Esper," named after the magical beings that can travel through dimensions and fire lights to attack whatever they want. I changed it to Espier mainly because I didn't like the red line under the name. I'm not even kidding. Red lines in Microsoft Word under people's names annoys the crap out of me and back when I was writing this I just rage quit and fixed it to Espier. That's how most of the names in this fic happened.
There were a lot of things I wanted to do with Espier as a character but again, that would mean more plot holes and loose ends; on top of that the list of characters was growing very quickly and everything was getting too confusing so I killed him off! Yahoo!
While I had not watched Evangelion at the time (I just finished it about a week ago) he reminded me a lot of Kaworu. In chapter 6 Espier tells Key that's he's genuinely interested in what he has to say. It is then I realized that Espier and Kidd are two halves of a whole. They're sort of like Sora and Roxis (Kingdom Hearts) in that they complete each other in a completely weird way I can't begin to explain because even I don't totally understand it. Espier, like Kidd, had a fascination with the world around him, more so the world we can't see. While Kidd's unseen world consisted of things he saw in anime, Espier's was a little bit different. Espier is the kind of kid who spends hours online reading about mysterious places on the planet, looking up conspiracy theories, and reading about serial killers and ghosts and things like that.
But at the same time he's handsome and knows how to function in society, unlike Kidd. While in my head Kidd is a good looking guy, he's good looking in that he's really cute and if he and Espier were gay (I think Espier was gay though), Kidd would bottom so hard. Espier naturally distrusts people due to past experiences and his obsession with the unseen world. Espier always assumed he was different from everyone because he could blend in with the people around him but he never fit in with them. Do you get what I'm saying? Espier is also the kind of guy who remembers things that never happened, for example, games of pretend as a kid seem like real events to him (but he knows they're not, they just feel real). Actually, I wanna get back on this Espier is gay idea, since this is mostly just my own musings.
Espier has an inability to really trust people or himself for that matter. His overactive imagination (we never see because I killed him before this was all really established) mixed his weird feelings toward his new situation with the death notes probably got him really scared of the unknown and yet equally excited for it. This set an imbalance for his regular life because he was used to knowing everything about everyone (or at least assuming so) but them knowing nothing about him (or at least assuming so).
The thing that's nice about Kidd is that he is the only person on the planet who will just let it all hang out there. If you ask him directly he has no problem spilling the beans, even if it gets him in trouble. He probably got inspired to be that way after watching several anime where convoluted misunderstandings started to annoy him. He probably wanted to skip all the filler episodes of his life but sorry, Kidd, life is a series of filler episodes. We have to have them or we just don't care about the characters. But there's also an "endless 8" joke (the melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya) thrown in there because of the idea that life is a series of filler episodes. The show (haruhi) has eight consecutive episodes in the second season that are literally the main cast repeating the same day over and over again exactly as the day before with little or no variation. Just some background information.
Anyway, Kidd's openness shocks Espier. I think Espier liked Kidd because even though Kidd always is more or less open, he's the one person Espier can't guess what he'll do next. That's generally true because we, or at least I, always approach people as if they have an ulterior motive. I think Espier develops a crush on Key in chapter 6. But it's not the usual "senpai notice me" that Key literally experiences through the first 3 chapters. Espier develops a sense of genuine loyalty and admiration as well as a sexual curiosity for the Shinigami. It sounds nuts but it's an idea no one has really approached in this fandom and, in terms of affection, I don't see why it would be impossible to be attracted to a shinigami. If they can love humans, humans can probably love them back.
This love both drove and killed this next idea. Originally Espier was going to have Fate's notebook. I had planned to have him be the true bad guy and even turn Kidd over to his side. While that seemed like a fun idea at first it went against several more or less established ideas. One, the main one, Kidd doesn't do anything to anyone unless they've done something to him. Espier would have to do a lot of crap to convince him that the whole world was out to get him. Also I believe that he really loved Kidd and Key (even platonically as a base) and he just didn't feel evil to me. I think he's crafty and maybe goes through fits where he's sure he can't trust anyone but Kidd and Key would always be there to bring him back to his senses.
The nurse was always evil. She was originally going to be possessed by Fate at times to help maintain a control over Espier but I don't think a Shinigami can fully possess someone without killing them in the process. There's some other stuff I forgot. Anyway that idea was scrapped and you got the actual story of swiss cheese.
Overall, Espier was motived by his need to stand out and be special. Everything important that happens pretty much happens to Kidd and that is what made him stand out to Espier in the first place. Espier wanted to trade lives with Kidd while Kidd just wanted to be a carefree weeaboo. They both took the first chance they had to turn into what they wanted. For Espier it was his need to be different and feel important that drove him to use a death note. For Kidd, well it was more of a convenient thing at the start… Let me derail from Espier for a second.
I mention at some point a wooden door with stars carved into it. This idea was inspired by Howl's Moving Castle (a combination of information from both the movie and book). In fiction stars generally mean wishes or the future or even the gods. Fate, the shinigami, was always tied to this door because, like Kidd and Espier, they are two sides of the same coin. I think Kidd was always destined to find the door because maybe he was God's chosen one and one point. I haven't worked out the details but I think it would make for an interesting side story to see what it would have been like for Kidd had there been a prophecy or foretelling or something. Still, I doubt someone meant for greatness would watch anime 24/7.
Back on Espier, I don't think he was ever so sure of what he was doing. He's the kind of guy who calculates things and works for an outcome, but only on other people. I don't think Espier liked the idea of a fate you can manipulate. In terms of humanity wouldn't God be the most special and important of beings? I think Espier wanted nothing more than to be God's apprentice, specifically chosen to carry out His deeds. And it's this idea that made me really want to talk about him today. While Kidd is my favorite character I do wish I somehow saved Espier from dying.
Speaking of dying, can we talk about in chapter 25 when Kidd has to fight his favorite dead anime characters? They were all chosen because of a specific quality in Kidd that was repressed. I don't know if this was ever mentioned in the story but Kidd overcomes his own emotional issues in this battle by finally addressing them and coming clean. It's okay to have weakness, but now that I think about it I never really established Kidd's problems or him overcoming them but the feeling is still there and that's all that matters to me.
I really liked Light in this fic. At times he was Light from the anime and other times I feel like Kidd got to him. Kidd's ultimate power is basically Lilo from Lilo and Stitch. He can reach into the hearts of people and love them unconditionally, even if he doesn't want to. Even if someone pulls shit with Kidd he doesn't know how to hold a grudge, it's thanks to all those good anime influences! Anyway Light really connects to that, even if he doesn't want to. Like Espier he only wants to believe that he is in power but the truth is other people have more power over us than we do and vice versa. We control each other and Light learns that he can be strong and Godlike and evil BUT he doesn't have to be alone… which is kind of similar to the lesson of L in that L was Light's only equal and that's where the respect came from.
Finally, I just want to say I would love to rewrite this fic mostly for the spelling errors, grammatical errors, and story errors. I would also remove the two girl characters as they really are pointless? I guess I felt like I needed them at the time but really the story would have been fine without them. I generally don't like girl characters because they don't vary in personality or distinct qualities very often. I think I tried to mix things up with this fic by coming up with some of the craziest OC's I could imagine, the kind of OC's that would stand out in a group of OC's… but that might have hurt the fic more than helped it. Oh well, I was young and impressionable and really looking for answers to life's questions. The only thing that's different about me back then and now is that I've come to terms with the fact I won't know everything and all I really wanna do is be a good person- HA! NOT! Bitches I just wanna watch anime and blow my cash on a baller Yukio (Blue Exorcist) figure I saw on amazon. Holy shit, he's smokin' hot. Don't even get me started on Makoto (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club).
Anyway, thanks for tuning in with this story. Maybe this wasn't the update you wanted or forgot you were waiting for but whatever. Eventually the beach episode will happen but only after I have a solid plan for it. Until then, kill as many bastards that hurt you as you can and then forgive them when they're dead. I have no idea what that means, I'm sleep deprived from all the moving work. Ok, love you! And thanks again for sticking with this all the way! Bye!