Hi... Thanks to everyone whos reading still! Happy to know that people are enjoying my take on everything so far.

Ive gotten a few supportive reviews regarding my bringing Fenris into the mix but any other thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Enjoy!

Ellie had returned to her quarters that afternoon a sweaty, disheveled mess. She had beaten a training dummy to a pulp and didn't feel any better at all. Her mind was still swirling with memories from her past that had been forced to the surface that day.

There was more to Ellie's heartbreak than Fenris leaving her. Ellie held a deep secret about what else had happened when she lost the only man she had ever cared for by that time, a secret even Fenris didn't know about. Ellie wanted to assume that if it weren't for that secret, she would have healed properly from the wound the elf gave her. In some ways, she thought he even deserved to know what it was now that he had appeared back into her life. But a larger part of her wanted to keep it hidden, to not let anyone know the burden she'd been holding onto all these years, even if it meant being emotionally scarred.

The Herald was so lost in thought she didn't hear the knock on her door. It wasn't until she heard a voice behind her that she realized someone was in the room.

"Are you okay, my dear?"

She turned to see the familiar face of Dorian, regarding her with a concerned, knowing look Ellie sighed and sat on the end of her bed. The mage followed suit and took a seat beside her, his eyes not leaving her.

"Did Varric tell you?"

Dorian looked at her quizzically, "No one told me anything, I just saw you beating that poor training dummy with an determination that would make any expert warrior jealous." He paused thoughtfully, "How come you told Varric before me? You wound me, Ellie."

"Because he was there for the whole thing. I really don't want to tell anyone anything about what happened," she said quietly.

The Tevinter placed a hand on her shoulder, "You would probably feel better if you talked about it. I'm not forcing you to say anything, but know you have a friend who will listen."

The corners of Ellie's mouth curled up ever so slightly at the sentiment. Dorian had been a true friend to her. Even though they hadn't know each other that long she felt a closeness with him that she hadn't experienced since her friendship with her mentor. They surprisingly had a lot in common, he had the uncanny ability to read her like an open book, and she accepted him and his choices without judgement. When he turned to her for support in dealing with his estranged father and she learned of what came between them, her admiration for the mage grew significantly. It took a brave soul to break tradition so they could follow what was in their hearts. That was a truth that Ellie knew all to well with her own family. To find that Dorian was as determined to always be himself was a profound realization for Ellie and their friendship seemed to grow tenfold after that. If she would feel comfortable telling her tale to anyone, it would be Dorian. She couldn't bring herself to divulge her one last secret, but she could trust him enough to tell him the rest.

Ellie inhaled deeply, readying herself to launch into the story. "Varric said that he had sent for a friend that could help against Corypheus. I went to meet him this afternoon, turns out this friend is actually Garrett Hawke."

"The Champion of Kirkwall?" Dorian asked surprised.

Ellie nodded, "Apparently he's fought Corypheus before. His knowledge of him would be a great asset."

Dorian raised an eyebrow, "So what's the problem?"

The Herald buried her face in her hands momentarily, collecting herself as she could feel herself starting to fall apart, "Hawke brought a friend with him. Someone I knew before he went to Kirkwall."

"That sounds foreboding. How did you know this person?"

"His name is Fenris. We met when I had a contract to kill some Tevinter magister," she paused to glance at her friend, making sure he was alright with listening about her killing one of his kin. He motioned for her to continue, "Fenris was a slave in Tevinter. He was tortured and abused in ways I don't even want to get into. When he managed to escape, his only goal in life was to rid the world of as many slavers and magisters as possible, his former master primarily. Apparently the one I was supposed to kill had ties to his old master and he wanted information. Our missions kind of overlapped and after a bit of an argument, I decided to help him find out what he wanted to know before I finished my job. The thing with Fenris is that he wasn't just an average slave. His fighting skills and strength were incredible. So after we finished with that particular magister, I asked him to tag along with me. He knew his master would try to hunt him down so he needed to move around a lot, which is exactly what my life entailed at the time, and I was more than happy to have an extra blade around. We got closer as time went on and well…"

"You became more than friends?" Dorian finished for her, she simply nodded in return. "But things did not end well, I take it?"

"I woke up one morning and he was gone. He left a simple note saying he didn't know how he could be with anyone, and other than that he left no trace." Ellie's sorrowful voice was soft now, barely over a whisper, "I had been so careful to not get emotionally involved up until then. But I was stupid enough to allow myself to care for him in ways I knew better not to. I learned my lesson."

"Is that why you've been reluctant towards your feelings for Cullen?" Dorian asked gently, but pointedly. As much as she tried to keep her inclinations towards the Commander hidden, Dorian knew better than that. But now he understood why she was so guarded about the subject.

Ellie nodded slowly, hesitantly admitting to Dorian after all this time that she did indeed feel something towards Cullen.

Dorian stroked his chin in thought, "I do not know what this Fenris is like, but the Commander is a good man. He has his problems and any relationship has the ability to hurt the people involved. But if there is one thing I know about Cullen, it's that he is devoted. I can't see him leaving anytime soon."

Ellie pondered over her friend's words. She was fully aware that he was right in saying Cullen was completely loyal. But she thought back to his words when he told her of his struggle with lyrium addiction, when he said that if his ability to lead was compromised he would ask for a replacement. In her gut, Ellie felt like it wouldn't come to that but the possibility was there that he might leave. Perhaps not because of her, but leave all the same. Could she make herself vulnerable to that happening again? Could she let herself openly care for man in that capacity knowing that it could result in her being rejected again?

Dorian's voice snapped her attention back to him. "He cares for you, Ellie. Anyone with eyes could see that," his words made it seem like he could read her thoughts and she mulled over the weight of what he was saying. "I can understand why you're scared to lend yourself to your feelings for him. But do you really want to deprive yourself of the happiness you could have just because of the pain you've experienced by the hands of someone else? Yes, it could end badly but it could also become something wonderful. You won't know until you give him a chance."

Ellie knew he was right. She knew she shouldn't write Cullen off because of what Fenris did. Her mind drifted back to what Cullen said to her earlier that day. He believed she was worthy of love. Maybe he wasn't wrong. Just because Fenris didn't want her, doesn't mean that she was beyond being wanted.

She sighed I defeat, brain exhausted, "I don't know how to do this."

"If I can make a suggestion?" Dorian offered and Ellie nodded for him to go on, "Talk to Cullen about this. You don't need to confess your feelings for him yet if you don't want to, but letting him know your struggle may cause him to be more sensitive to your feelings. It might not be the easiest thing to bring up, but I think Cullen would want to know."

"How can I even bring this up without it being awkward? I don't think anyone even knows Hawke and Fenris are here yet besides Varric and us," Ellie lamented, anxious about the conversation she knows she should have but desperately doesn't want to.

Dorian thought for a moment before replying, "If you plan on accepting their assistance, which I strongly advise that you do for everyone's sake, people will inevitably sense you have some history with Fenris and the rumours will fly. I'm sure Cullen would appreciate knowing the real story from you before he makes his own conclusions."

The blond groaned, "I hate it when you're right."

"I'm always right," Dorian quipped in his usual witty tone.

Ellie rolled her eyes, "Fine, I'll talk to Cullen. But I'm telling you what I told Varric. If you repeat what I told you to anyone, I'll murder you."

The mage chuckled, "Me? I wouldn't dream of telling anyone about your little love life! I am curious to see what this man who once stole your heart looks like though."

She gave him a playful shove at his flirtatious tone, "Don't go getting any ideas."

"I would never! I'm not one for being sloppy seconds anyways."

Ellie laughed at the easy banter between her and Dorian, even if they were joking about him hooking up with her ex-lover. She turned to look at him, sincerity in her eyes, "Seriously, though. Thank you for listening to me, Dorian."

He flashed her a winning smile, "Anytime my dear, you need just say the word."

As much as Ellie didn't want any of her past to surface, she was slowly learning that relying on people that had proven honest-hearted was a source of comfort, not unease. Between her small chat with Varric and her more detailed talk with Dorian, Ellie felt somewhat relieved, but also more nervous. It was nice to know she had people in her corner, not just as far as the Inquisition was concerned, but also on a personal level. On the other hand, the two people she had confided in both urged her to speak to Cullen. She knew they were right and that it was the best course of action, but she was terrified that he would look down on her now and be turned off by her previous life. Ellie had just accepted the fact that she wanted Cullen as more than a colleague, more than a friend. She didn't want to lose her chance of that happening, not now.

Dorian left the Inquisitor alone in her room. She rubbed her temples, mentally preparing herself once again to rehash her past to someone she hoped wouldn't think less of her for it. Rising from her bed, she took a deep breath and started making her way to Cullen's office.