Hi everyone! Thanks for reading!

A quick note: Over the next few weeks I may not be updating as much as I have been. I will still do my best to update when I can but as it turns out I'm actually getting married at the end of the month and life is going to be a bit hectic between now and then. Sorry to keep everyone waiting in the meantime but such is life.

A quick but less important note: If anyone is interested I will be posting things occasionally to my profile regarding my Quizzie. Things that are not exactly crucial to the story such as who I envision her to look like and what her clothes are like, etc. Beauty and fashion are interests of mine but I understand they may not be interests of everyone or some of you are happy with what pictures you have in your head already. So I'll only mention this once but feel free to check out my profile if you're interested!

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated!

Onward!

Ellie had been standing outside the door to Cullen's office for the better part of half an hour, silently debating whether or not she should go through with this. Her mind and heart were waging a war with each other and she was weighing both of their voices out with confusion.

You need to tell Cullen, he has to hear this from you, her mind argued.

Her heart was always quick to flood her an objection, He'll look at you differently from now on. How could he want you when he finds out your damaged goods?

Why would he be upset to find out you were once romantically involved with someone? Surely he must have had women in the past.

She reflected on what Cullen's past must have been like. The Commander was undeniably good looking, he was smart, kind and dedicated. Obviously he would have attracted a female following in his years. She was surprised she had never asked him about it before, she hadn't hesitated to ask him if he had taken chastity vows. Perhaps she was too afraid to know the answer of whether or not his heart was taken.

Luckily, her brain had the final say, if he doesn't find out from you, he'll find out eventually. Just get it over with.

She straightened her posture, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She heard a mumble that sounded like Cullen telling her to enter. Opening the door, she noticed him hunched over his desk, not looking up at her as he buried himself in paperwork.

"Unless it's really important, I'm rather busy so I'd prefer not to be distracted," he said gruffly, still not noticing who he was addressing.

His dismissive attitude threw Ellie for a loop, making her second guess her decision to come. "Oh, um, I can come back," she offered feebly, already retreating back to the door.

Cullen's head snapped up at the sound of her voice, "Ellie? Forgive me, I didn't know it was you."

She smiled shyly in return, silently cursing herself for becoming a nervous idiot all of a sudden, "It's alright, I can see you're busy. I can come back another time."

"No!" He quickly exclaimed, then cleared his throat and spoke at a more reasonable volume and pace, "I mean, no. It's fine. This can wait."

Ellie watched as he dropped his pen and stood up. He still stayed behind his desk but he didn't take his eyes off of her.

"Are you sure?" She asked, almost hoping he would want to return to his work and give her a reason not to go through with this.

He gave her a sincere smile, "Of course. What did you need?"

"I just um," she fumbled awkwardly trying to figure out exactly how she was going to say this, "I need to talk to you about something because I think it's best you hear it from me."

He eyed her cautiously, "Alright."

Ellie's nerves were getting the best of her and she started pacing in his office. She had gone through every possible outcome of this conversation in her head and was mentally bracing herself for the worst. She figured that the best way to start, was with trying to gauge what he may already know, considering he had spent considerable time in Kirkwall. "You knew Hawke and her companions in Kirkwall, right?"

"I did, though not overly well. I didn't make many friends while I was there," he paused a moment, clearly remembering what had interrupted their chess game earlier, "Wait, is Hawke the one Varric sent for? Is that who you met today?"

During Ellie's incessant pacing, she dared to make eye contact with the Commander. His warm eyes melted her every time she looked into them and at this moment they made her both want to run to him and run away from him.

There's no turning back now, she reminded herself.

"Yes but he wasn't the only one there. He brought one of his companions with him."

Cullen raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Which one?"

Ellie stopped her pacing and huffed out a heavy sigh, biting her lip anxiously. The nervous tick obviously alerted Cullen to her state of mind.

"Are you alright, Ellie?" He asked gently, living away from the back of his desk and stepping towards her. The Inquisitor's head was tilted down but she flashed her eyes up to meet his as he drew closer.

This conversation is most certainly going to be the death of me, Ellie concluded but willed herself to get it over with.

"Not really, but I'll manage. Um, so I take it you knew Fenris as well?"

Cullen nodded, "I did. We shared a very strong hatred of mages at the time, if memory serves me right."

The blonde girl almost smiled at that, knowing naturally that would be a point of common ground for them. She had forgot they had had that in common until now, but Ellie was thankful that Cullen's opinion had softened.

"Well you see, the thing is.." She started, feeling like she was about to vomit. How she could willingly throw herself in front of danger every day but then be a nervous wreck now was beyond her. "Before Fenris went to Kirkwall, him and I… We were kind of together."

Cullen's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up, "Together like…?"

"Yes, like that," she confirmed. The Commander took a couple steps back from her at her admission. Ellie felt her heart sink when he did. "It was a long time ago and believe me when I say I've tried to forget it happened. The last thing I expected was for him to show up here. But we need their help and I really don't want this getting around. I didn't want to even tell anyone. But I thought you should know."

Her words flew out of her at a rapid speed and she watched helplessly as Cullen absorbed her words. His head was down and his face had an unreadable expression on it. "Why did you tell me?"

Because I care about you more than I should. Ellie knew damn well she couldn't blurt out how she really felt. She had dealt with enough embarrassment and shame today. So she went for the next best thing she could think of. "Because I trust you."

"Oh," he gasped, apparently not expecting that answer. He rubbed the back of his neck and it looked like he was fighting to figure out what to say next. "Were the two of you serious?"

That was a loaded question as far as Ellie was concerned. But she detected compassion in his voice and she wasn't about to take that for granted. "I thought we were. Apparently I was mistaken."

"Mind if I ask what happened?" Again, his tone seemed caring, though his defensive stance hadn't changed.

Ellie ran a hand through her hair and she related the same version on the story she had told Dorian earlier. It wasn't easy for her to verbally relive her pain again, but she was surprised that Cullen listened carefully and didn't seem to pass any judgement. Him being understanding was the scenario she had played out the least in her head.

When she finished, she stood awkwardly in front of Cullen. He was still a few feet away and the feeling running through her was something akin to feeling like a child again who had to confess something to her parents that she knew would get her in deep trouble. He was quiet for a few moments and braced herself for him voicing his disapproval.

"So, let me get this straight, he just left you?" His tone became increasingly more loud and incredulous, "Why would he do that?"

Ellie shrugged, trying to ignore how angry he sounded, "That's something you'd have to ask him, I suppose."

He took a tentative step towards her, "Forgive me for being blunt, Ellie. But I meant what I said earlier. You deserve to be loved. You deserve better than what he did to you."

Ellie's mouth practically dropped at his words and she was rendered completely speechless.

"I, um, I just meant," he stuttered, her silence causing him to want to retract his words, "Everyone deserves to be treated properly in that regard."

Normally she would have been taken aback by him back-pedalling but this time her mind lingered on the sentiment of his first statement, the one he'd made twice in one day. And the fact that she had been expecting him to think less of her after this conversation, but instead he openly defended her against Fenris. Knowing that put Ellie completely at ease.

"Cullen, I really appreciate you saying that. You have no idea how nervous I was to talk to you about this, or talk to anyone about it really," she told him honestly as she smiled up at him.

He returned the facial expression, "Who else knows already?"

"Varric knows the shortened version because he was there when I met Hawke. And I told Dorian what I told you. Other than you three, no one else knows as far as I'm aware. I'd like to keep it that way."

Cullen nodded and she noticed a brief flash of an unreadable emotion on his face. "Are they still here?"

Ellie let out a soft groan, "Unfortunately. I know we could use their help but I can't even begin to tell you how badly I wish we didn't." She regarded the man across from her then. He seemed conflicted, though Ellie had no idea why. She didn't know what else to say about the subject of her past and he remained quiet so she decided to gently probe him about his past. "You said you didn't make any friends in Kirkwall. Does that mean no one special caught you eye?"

His golden eyes snapped up to hers at the question. "Not in Kirkwall," he admitted quietly, the tone of his words made Ellie's stomach flutter and she felt heat rise to her face. She didn't want to get presumptuous though.

"Before Kirkwall?"

Cullen exhaled audibly and rubbed the back of his neck, hesitating before his next words left his mouth. "When I was serving in the Circle Tower, there was a young apprentice mage I was somewhat infatuated with. She led me on for some time, but it turned out she didn't feel the same. That was for the best, I'm sure, considering she was one of my charges. It could have never worked anyways."

Ellie's eyebrows furrowed. "What was wrong with her?" She asked in whisper, not meaning for the words to come out and she could only hope Cullen didn't hear her.

"What was that?" He eyed her curiously.

"Nothing, I just…" She paused. Should she really say this? But then she thought of how he jumped to her defense regarding Fenris. And that if she truly accepted how she felt about Cullen, a subtle hint to that wouldn't hurt, would it? There was only one way to find out. "Regardless of the circumstance, I just don't understand why she wouldn't feel the same way. You deserve to be loved too, Cullen."

Her confession must have struck a chord with the Commander because he stepped closer to her slowly, looking her with what seemed like a mix of disbelief and something else that Ellie was too cautious to name.

"Ellie, I…"

He was interrupted by the door swinging open suddenly and his lieutenant striding into the room with a handful of reports and maps. Cullen and Ellie's eyes met, both holding a measure of disappointment at the intrusion. Ellie backed away towards the door to let her Commander get back to work. His amber orbs followed her steadily as she walked out of his office as she tried to figure out exactly what just happened between them