This chapter ended up being waaaay longer than I had originally intended it to be. Oh well.
A/N: I know that in the game Varric calls Dorian 'Sparkler' but I decided to use my creative authority to change it. Because reasons.
Happy weekend and happy reading! :)
It was later that afternoon that Ellie found herself in Skyhold's small library, sitting on the floor casually as she plucked the strings of her lute. Her fingers formed into chords with ease as she played, not any song or melody in particular, but instead she absentmindedly twiddled out notes in a random harmony. The motion and music soothed her, relishing playing the instrument she had been adept at for years. It was one of the few times she had been afforded time to play since becoming a part of the Inquisition and the familiarity of the pastime brought a contented smile to her face.
Seated on the only chair in the room was Dorian, his posture perfect though he was in his most relaxed state here in the library. In his hands was a rather large book written by Genitivi, though at the angle Ellie was sitting she couldn't see the actual title of the particular piece of work. The two sat in an amicable silence, with the exception of the sound of Ellie's lute and the occasional turning of a page, and they were both more than content that way.
To some it may have seemed like a dull way to spend an afternoon, and Ellie supposed that compared to how she normally spent her time it was rather dull, but today it was a welcomed change. Considering they had just arrived back from the Exalted Plains yesterday and they had to leave for Crestwood tomorrow, Ellie needed a bit of reprieve. Especially since last night wasn't exactly restful for her.
Her mind drifted to Cullen, as it seemed to so frequently these days, and without realizing it was happening her fingers scaled down an octave, creating a deeper, more rich sound. She still couldn't put a name to whatever was transpiring between them, if anything, but she found so much solace in the fact that he agreed to stay. Whether it was because of her, or what she said, or some other reason of his own, Ellie didn't know. As far as she was concerned, she didn't need to either, she was happy enough that he was actually staying. Deep down she hoped that the reason for the change of heart was because of her, but she refused to let her heart get carried away with that notion.
Cullen had left her quarters that morning shortly after their little chat when he woke up. They both agreed that for the sake of appearances it would be best if little to no people saw him leaving her room in the morning. Though Ellie could be almost certain that with all of the eyes and ears in the holdings, someone probably saw him go to her quarters last night and someone else probably saw him leaving first thing this morning. She could imagine how quickly the gossip would spread and if she were being honest with herself, she was a little disappointed that there wasn't more truth behind what would be insinuated in those rumours.
"I take it you two lovebirds are back on better terms?"
The bemused voice of her all too assertive friend pulled her from her train of thought and she marvelled at the uncanniness of how he decided to bring this up just as her mind had drifted to Cullen. But considering that's who her thoughts seemed to constantly be consumed of, it truthfully wasn't that hard of a feat for Dorian to pull off.
Ellie's eyes flickered up to the Tevinter, her expert fingers not faltering on the lute's strings in the process. "Yes we are, and we're not lovebirds," was her simple, slightly defensive answer.
"Considering who we'll undoubtedly be seeing in Crestwood, it's probably for the best that you got that sorted before we left," Dorian said in light-hearted jest, though Ellie fought a groan at the reminder that she would be seeing Fenris again in Crestwood.
While the two former lovers had aired out all of their tension and animosity from the past, Ellie was still reluctant to see the elf again. Since their last encounter, Ellie was finally able to allow herself to slowly heal. But seeing Fenris was a reminder of what could have been and it was like reopening that old wound each time.
Instead of glorifying Dorian's implication about their rendezvous with a response Ellie decided to give their conversation a gentle nudge in a different direction, "What makes you think you're coming with me to Crestwood?"
The tall book that was being held upright on the mage's lap abruptly dropped down followed by a dejected scoff which only emphasized the mocked hurt expression on his face, "Why wouldn't you take me? I am an absolute delight!"
Ellie let out a soft chuckle as her eyes returned back to her instrument, "You're right, how could I possibly forget?"
"I have no idea. Perhaps because you're far too distracted," Dorian replied in an almost cryptic voice, then paused before dropping his voice to a near whisper, "Speaking of which…"
He trailed off and the odd statement made Ellie's eyebrow raise as she glanced back up to her friend to find that his eyes were focused intently in the direction of the door. Fearing she knew exactly what, or should she say who, he was looking she hesitantly followed his gaze to confirm her suspicions. Standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression on his face was Cullen and Ellie had to fight to remain noticeably unaffected by his presence, though the telltale sign was that she immediately stopped playing the stringed instrument in her hands.
"Well," Dorian said loudly as he flipped his book closed and stood up, a coy smile playing on his lips that Ellie didn't like one bit, "I'll let you two darlings be. Three's a crowd, after all. Commander, nice to see you feeling better and not lying unconscious on a stone floor. Ellie, I'll see you later this evening. Why don't you invite Cullen here to the celebration as well? You two had so much fun at the tavern last time."
An embarrassingly noticeable blush instantly appeared on Ellie's face at the snide Tevinter's parting remark that was so obviously made with the sole purpose of making her uncomfortable. When Dorian brushed his way past Cullen and out of the room, she dared to look back at the man. While she saw that his cheeks were also an interesting shade of pink as well, she was too consumed by her own unease that it didn't quite register.
The Commander clearing his throat helped pull her out of that frame of mind, "Dare I ask what that was about?"
Ellie offered the man a shy smile and tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, "In the Exalted Plains we kind of… Killed a high dragon and Bull is insisting we celebrate tonight."
Golden eyes widened so dramatically that Ellie was almost frightened they'd fall out of his skull, "You killed a what?"
"A high dragon," she replied with a shrug like it was no big deal, though it was the first one she had ever fought and they barely walked away from it alive.
Cullen raised a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed, "Maker's breath, Ellie. You could've gotten yourself killed."
His tone wasn't chastising or berating, it was low and full of concern and worry, somehow making Ellie's heart skip a beat. It was then that she thought it best if she got off the floor, so she did, standing up with her lute still in her hand. "We're fine, Cullen. Had a few bumps and bruises but we lived to tell the tale," she said in a reassuring manner, purposely leaving out the part where she dislocated her shoulder, "Dorian's right though, it would be nice for you to join us if you're feeling up to it."
Cullen seemed slightly stunned that she still asked to have his company but he quickly recovered, "I'll try my best."
"How are you feeling, anyways?" Ellie asked, genuine concern evident in her voice.
The man let out a quiet sigh, leaning his tall frame against the doorway, "Better, actually. The rest helped, I'm sure. That's actually why I came to find you, I wanted to thank you for all that you did last night and this morning."
"There's no reason to thank me, Cullen. I certainly wasn't going to just leave you lying on the floor. It did just about give me a heart attack though," she replied with a slightly jesting tone.
He returned the remark with a sheepish smile, an expression that endeared her to Cullen every time he did it. "Still, you gave up your bed to make me comfortable and I doubt you got much sleep last night. After this morning, I know you won't let me apologize for it but at least let me tell you that I appreciate what you did."
The genuine comment of thanks warmed Ellie's heart. She didn't help Cullen for commendation or recognition, she did it because she cared about him and his well-being, his comfort. She didn't even agree to join the Inquisition in hopes of being thanked or appreciated for what she was doing. That didn't mean she was a completely unselfish person, she knew she wasn't that perfect, but she also knew that she could never count on other people's reaction to serve as a positive, consistent motivator.
"You're welcome, Cullen," she replied as she took another step towards him, tilting her head up a little more to better look him in the eye and offered him a kind smile.
If Cullen was put off by the her closing more distance between them, he didn't let on. Instead he kept his stance leaning against the doorway, his honey-coloured eyes bore into hers. The eye contact was intense, but not in an awkward or uncomfortable way. Ellie could practically feel the heat radiating off the Commander and the air between them very quickly switched from being friendly to being something more intimate and, dare she actually admit it, but there was something in his gaze that felt almost seductive and sensual.
Both were unwilling to move or tear their eyes away, seemingly trapped in each other's stares. Ellie knew exactly what she wanted in that moment, though she'd be damned if she would be the one to make the first move. She wasn't that bold. So she stayed still and when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw his hand move to reach for her waist, her mouth ran dry and her breathing hitched.
But just as quickly as the moment began, the sound of someone calling for her down the hall pulled both of their attentions back to the world around them. Ellie let out the breath she'd been holding and nervously ran her free hand through her hair while she heard the Commander clear his throat.
"I'll hopefully see you tonight?" She asked meekly, hoping to make things a little less tense.
He shifted, putting his weight back on both of his feet instead of leaning on the doorway, "I'll do my best, Ellie." With that Cullen left the Inquisitor in the library to return to his duties and let her tend to whoever was searching for her.
The air in the tavern that night was heady and cheerful. Ellie was drinking it all in like she didn't have a care in the world. She wasn't acting loosely uncontrolled or brazen. The woman with the fate of the world resting on her shoulders simply let her worries go for an evening and let herself be consumed by the company of good friends and smiling faces.
Cullen wasn't present in the tavern, and though there was no doubt Ellie would have been delighted if he was there, she had had a gut feeling he wouldn't be. With what happened last night, she couldn't blame him. His withdrawal symptoms were far from cured, even though his body forced him to get some rest finally last night. Plus these kind of social gatherings weren't typically the Commander's forte. When she had invited him, he gave her a hopeful but non-committal answer and his absence was predicted. But Ellie was determined not to let it dampen her spirit.
"Boss! Have another drink!" The Bull called out to her, reaching over and filling her stein with ale. She was more than thankful that he wasn't making her drink that awful liquor he had made her drink last time. Lifting her glass to her lips, she took an eager gulp of the fermented liquid. While she didn't mind drinking wine, Ellie was hands down more in favor of drinking ale.
Ellie and her friends were seated around the largest table in the tavern. She was situated at the end of the table with Varric and Dorian on either side. Iron Bull was next to Dorian and Ellie found it amusing how the Tevinter and Qunari got along so amicably, despite being born into rival cultures. Cassandra was next to Varric, though she was chatting with Blackwall in what appeared to be a rather serious, military-minded discussion. At the other end of the table was, curiously enough, Josephine and Sera who were talking animatedly and giggling about something. While she expected that from Sera, seeing Josephine so relaxed and giddy with the elf was not something she had ever anticipated, though it was a welcomed sight.
Solas was not present for the festivities, as per usual since he preferred quiet and solitude. Vivienne and Leliana were apparently busy entertaining some Orlesian Comtesse and her family, which Ellie was happy she wasn't required for. Cole was lurking somewhere around the top two floors of the tavern. The spirit had made a few people really uncomfortable, but Ellie didn't mind him so much. He was just trying to help, even if he did so in obscure, sometimes unsettling ways.
Despite a few people from her regular company missing, Ellie was happy. Everyone in there seemed to be enjoying themselves and smiles were easy to come by. Of course, Ellie being on her fourth drink definitely helped the situation. She was all too confident that if she kept that up, the ride to Crestwood in the morning would be brutal. But that was a consequence she could ignore for the moment and deal with it when it came, she decided, as she took another drink.
When she lowered her stein from her mouth, to her amazement and shock the person she least expected had slipped through the door. Barely able to contain the butterflies that suddenly had become very active in the pit of her stomach, she locked her eyes with his and beamed at him.
Though when he had first stepped in the darkened room he seemed a little unsure at being there, when he caught Ellie's eye, he appeared to relax as he quietly made his way over to her side of the table. Ellie had to swallow the excitement that was threatening to bubble out of her when he pulled up a chair beside her and took a seat, positioning himself between her and Dorian.
The Tevinter shot Ellie a knowing look accompanied by a shit-eating grin that would have normally earned him a glare, but she excused it in favor of diverting her attention back to Cullen.
"You made it," Ellie remarked, her smile evident into her voice.
When he was seated comfortably, he turned his face to her and returned the expression, "I did. How could I pass up an invitation from you?"
The flirtation in his tone gave Ellie a bit of pause, not expecting him to be so forthright so early in the evening. Before she could come up with something clever to say in return, the dwarf to her right decided to chime in.
"Curly, you're here! Someone pour this man a drink. I was just about to tell Sparky here about that one time in Kirkwall when you…"
"I'm sure Ellie doesn't need her head filled with that nonsense," Cullen interrupted before Varric could get anything interesting out while shooting him a warning look.
But, unfortunately for the Commander, Ellie's curiosity was already piqued, "Oh please, Varric, do enlighten me with this so-called nonsense."
"Yes, tell us one of your stories about the Inquisitor's illustrious Commander in his Kirkwall days," Dorian piped in, his amusement seeping into his voice, facial expression and posture.
The blonde man scoffed, "I'm going to regret coming tonight, aren't I?"
Ellie placed a hand on Cullen's arm, which was devoid of his usual armor and was instead covered in a simple linen shirt, "Don't worry, I won't let them harass you too much tonight."
Varric let out a chuckle, "You heard Sparky and Twinkle Toes, I have to tell the story now. But I'll let you off the hook for the rest of the night after it's done, I promise."
The dwarven merchant launched into a story about how one of Hawke's companions, a Rivaini pirate named Isabela, had made several passes at Cullen who tried to awkwardly ignore them as best as possible. But apparently that wasn't sufficient for her because one day she devised a ruse, naturally using the excuse of blood magic, to lure him to some abandoned warehouse in an attempt to seduce him. According to Varric, the pirate's plan failed and Cullen managed to escape her clutches but for weeks afterwards, he was a blushing, blubbering mess.
Those within earshot of Varric's tale were all howling in laughter and Cullen was now a lovely shade of red and had guzzled two mugs of ale trying to drown his embarrassment. While Ellie was more than aware of how the dwarf liked to embellish on his stories, the fact that the Commander wasn't denying any of it made it certain to everyone that what Varric was saying was the truth.
So as to not have the tavern and company completely ruined for her Commander, Ellie choked back the laughter that was still in her throat and again returned her hand to him, this time to his back and leaned towards him, tilting her mouth up to his ear. "Are you going to be alright?"
He angled himself closer to Ellie to be able to reply, "I will be once the blushing stops, I'm sure."
"Well, for what it's worth, I think it's all very adorable," Ellie whispered before really thinking about it. Her brain was a touch fuzzy now from the alcohol and it made her let go of any reservations she would have usually had with admitting such things.
Though his skin still had a noticeable red hue to it, he flashed her a smirk instead of getting shy like he normally would. "That hardly helped," he muttered before clearing his throat.
By then, the others at the table had carried on with different conversations amongst themselves and Varric's little story about Cullen had been dropped. Ellie still, for some reason unbeknownst to her, had her hand on the Commander's back and she felt him become less tense with the lack of attention from the rest of the room.
With what sense of propriety she had left in her liquor-induced state, she removed her hand from his back and used it to take another sip of her ale. She had no idea what made her all of a sudden so blatantly touchy with him that night, but thankfully he didn't seem to mind or feel uncomfortable because of it. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that in the morning when she was thinking clearly she would regret it, especially if it made things awkward between them.
Ellie was idly peering around the tavern in silence, glassy eyes occasionally darting back to Cullen, though she was not entirely sure what to say to the man she craved who was sitting next to her. The alcohol only seemed to enhance that craving for him and it was taking all of her self-control not to start acting on it somehow.
The way the small amount of lighting in the room still reflected off his golden hair, yet cast more of a shadow on his stubble-covered jawline, making it appear more defined than it already was. It made the white ribbon scar that ran up from his lip even more pronounced and his eyes deeper in colour.
Ellie had seen him in casual clothes only a handful of times, but each time she revelled in it. She loved how powerful and imposing his armor looked but seeing him more human and laid-back was all too intriguing to the Inquisitor. Not to mention the thinner fabric clung to his muscular physique, something that was lost under his heavy armor. His massive, strong arms stretched the linen so much Ellie wasn't sure how he even got his arms in the shirt. While it wasn't that tight everywhere, the muscle tone in his torso was still apparent, though not accentuated by any means. Ellie didn't dare let her eyes drift further down than that, especially considering her Tevinter friend was too observant for her liking, but she could imagine what the view of Cullen's lower half would be like when unobstructed by armor or heavy coats.
Because of her close proximity to the Commander, every time she inhaled she caught his scent. It was probably the most delightful smell she had ever known; a mix of cedar, herbal tea and a musk that only belonged to Cullen. Catching that smell with every breath was intoxicating on its own.
The next time that Ellie stole a glance at him, he was openly glowering at the blonde elf at the other end of the table. Sera didn't seem to pay any mind to it, if she even noticed, but Cullen still glared in her direction.
"Problem?" Ellie asked, eyebrow raised.
Her voice seemed to pull him from his sneering and he turned to Ellie, his glare gone but he still had a doubting look in his eye. "Sera was in my office earlier and I know she did something, but I can't figure out what."
When he mentioned that, Ellie's memory of accompanying Sera to the Commander's office to pull a harmless, little prank on him earlier that day had surfaced in her mind and she had to stifle a giggle.
Apparently, though, the archer had heard his accusation from across the table."Why don't you ask your Inquizzy, yeah? She was with me after all," she piped in with a teasing grin as she went back to her conversation with Cassandra and Josephine.
Cullen's head snapped to Ellie and she could see the mischief in his eyes, "Is that so?"
"Perhaps," Ellie retorted with a coy smile.
The Commander let out a low chuckle, "Well whenever I discover what dastardly thing you and Sera did to my office, I'll do something back."
This time it was the Herald's turn to laugh as she replied in a voice that was far more suggestive than the sober Ellie would have done, "I'm counting on it, Commander."
When she practically purred his title, Cullen's eyes seemed to darken and his trademark smirk was still playing on his lips.
Before he could respond, Varric's voice sounded through the room, suggesting they play a round of Wicked Grace. At the announcement, there was more than one groan that emitted from those at the table. Even Ellie, who normally loved to play the card game, wasn't feeling it at the moment. Not when she had such handsome company beside her almost all to herself.
"Maker, Varric, we'll be up all night playing that and we leave early in the morning," Ellie breathed in mock exasperation, though she was hardly exaggerating that much. She feared she would regret how late she'd already stayed up, let alone how late it would be if they played Wicked Grace.
There was a collective sound of agreement throughout the room and the dwarf held up his hands in surrender, "Fine, fine. But when we get back from Crestwood, you owe me a game."
Strangely, when Varric's idea was dismissed, everyone seemed to take that as their cue to turn in for the evening. Everyone accept for Bull and Blackwall who made no motion to suggest they were leaving the tavern anytime soon.
While a large part of her was reluctant to leave Cullen since she wouldn't be seeing him again for a few days, Ellie knew that in order to survive the ride to Crestwood the next day she would need to go to bed. Especially since she didn't exactly get much sleep the night before.
Chairs scraped over the wooden floor as people slowly began to get up and leave. Cullen stood up as well, and being the gentlemen he was, pulled Ellie's chair back for her and offered her a hand up. Though she thought the gesture was sweet, she was grateful for it because she wasn't entirely sure how well her legs would work with the amount of ale she had consumed that night.
"May I walk you to your door?" Cullen asked softly so as not to draw undue attention to the request.
A solid lump formed in Ellie's throat at the question and if she wasn't lightheaded before, she sure felt like it now. But she refused to be that obviously flustered because of what was most likely an innocent remark. However, she still didn't entirely trust her voice to work properly at the moment, so she simply nodded in response as she placed her hand in his and rose from her chair.
As discreetly as possible, they slipped out of the tavern and made their way towards her quarters, using the shadows of the night to their advantage. Ellie knew it wasn't because either of them were ashamed, but with what happened the previous night and this morning she knew the rumours were probably already spreading about them and there was no need to add fuel to the fire. They both knew that.
They walked in complete silence all the way up to the entrance to her room. Not the door that came in from the Main Hall, but the other, lesser-known one that went from the garden to her quarters which Ellie used when she wanted to escape her room without being easily spotted. She reached the door and, before opening it to enter, she turned to face Cullen who had an unreadable expression on his face.
"Promise me you'll look after yourself while I'm gone," Ellie said meekly, shifting on her feet awkwardly and biting her bottom lip. Part of her wanted to just say something to fill the silence, but she truly meant what she said. It killed her to see him suffering so much and working himself so hard.
In return, he offered her a sad smile, "I promise I'll try. Promise me you won't go after any dragons while you're gone this time."
A quiet laugh fell from Ellie's lips, "I promise I won't. This time, anyways."
She looked up at the tall man in front of her through her long lashes. His eyes were on her as well and for the second time that day they stood facing each other, eyes locked, but bodies unmoving. They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity and in that time Ellie realized that she could gaze into those beautiful, warm amber eyes every single day if she was given the chance. It was too much to hope for, but part of her wanted to.
After a long moment, Cullen reached out and took her hand in his. The feel of his bare skin against hers sent sparks through her entire body, her breath getting caught in her throat in the process.
When Cullen started to lean his head down, her heart began racing so fast she thought for sure it would burst right out of her chest and she would drop dead at his feet. His lips had parted ever so slightly and Ellie watched in disbelief as he drew even closer still. But instead of closing the distance between his lips and hers, he brought her hand up to his lowered mouth and pressed long but gentle kiss to the top of her hand.
"Take care, Ellie," he murmured with her hand still close to his mouth, his breath ghosting over the spot where his lips had just been, sending a scorching heat to race right to the pit of her stomach and lower. How a kiss on the hand could be so sexual, she had no idea. And with her alcohol-addled mind, she wanted nothing more right then but to pull him against her and show him exactly where she wanted his lips to go.
But before she could act on what she so desperately wanted in that moment, he placed her hand back at her side, turned on his heel and walked away, leaving an aroused and confused Inquisitor at her doorstep wondering if what he did had the same affect on him as it did on her.