Hi everyone, here is the latest installment of this story, I hope you all enjoy it. Not a whole lot happens in this one but there are some lovely moments I thought you would all enjoy!

A/N: Once again thank you again for everyone who has followed, favourited and reviewed this story I truly appreciate each and every one! I hope you all are still enjoying this story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.

Chapter 19

Inside Looking Out

"Alright, so... tell us... what did you find?" Bobby asked before anyone else could ask.

"Okay so, firstly, I found a list of coins and tokens in the register from ancient or mythological societies and there is one on the list that I don't recognize, it's listed as a key of trilogia from a lost ancient society who, by the way, have ties with the hunting community" Sam said knowing that Bobby and Dean would find that little tidbit incredibly interesting.

"The local apothecary was noted as having conducted exorcisms, blessings of property and expelling of demons" Bobby and Dean exchanged glances, ancient people were more open to the supernatural but also more open to accusations and a mob mentality. "The key is in a display case in the 'money through the ages' section, ground floor" Sam said, his hand on Hopes back, she was still clutching at his shirt, not willing, even in sleep, to let her father go.

"Alright... why do I feel like you have more" Dean asked, he know his brother and the expression on his face told him that there was more, and they wouldn't necessarily like what he had to say.

"Yeah... I also found a little something on what we can expect when I recite the second spell for the medallion... it looks like we will 'be able to hear our inner most thoughts, to understand each other and acknowledge our differences'... so everyone should try to think happy, pure thoughts" Sam finished with a smirk to Dean who as far as he was concerned was ALWAYS thinking impure thoughts.

"Oh man... I don't think I really want to listen to anything this old coot has in his head" Caleb said elbowing Bobby and ducking his head as his hand came out to smack him in the head.

"It will certainly be an interesting experience" John said trying not to laugh.

"I'm not looking forward to it but, there you go" Sam said looking down at his daughter who was snuffling and grumbling to consciousness.

"Alright so, where do you think the last piece is?" Bobby asked, getting the conversation back on track.

"I have some information about a Paster obtaining a cache of historically important objects, now here is where it gets weird, the Paster has been known to aid and abet hunters, providing a safe house, protective charms and spells, much like Paster Jim" Sam said smiling to himself, the memories he had a Paster Jim were fond. The Paster was one of the few people who knew about his life at Stanford and when he was planning his wedding he asked the Paster to be the one to marry them, which he said he would be honoured to do. Sam hoped that he would be able to see Jim again so he could introduce Hope to him and have him bless her.

"The medallion piece was part of that cache and I don't think he knows how powerful it is, or that it is part of a trilogy, so we might have an easier time getting it than our previous two attempts" Sam said with raised eyebrows, he wasn't really in a rush to relive the experiences of the last three days.

"Well, let's hope that this time around we aren't taken advantage of or threatened, I don't think I could handle anything else happening to you or Hope or any of you" Bobby said, his heart aching at the thought.

"Well... Let's get to it then, I don't want to be in this ugly mugs head for long, so lets get this over with shall we?" Caleb said pointing to Dean and smirking at Sam.

Sam chuckled and looked down at Hope who had started giggling when she heard everyone else laughing. "Hey baby, are you laughing at us honey?" Sam rubbed her back then looked up at the other older hunters and said "Lets go and get this medallion shall we" Sam began moving his wheelchair over towards the museums map and while all the hunters stood behind him. He pointed to the location of the 'money through the ages' section on the ground floor and as Caleb, John and Bobby started walking towards the staircase, Dean and Sam with Hope still in his lap, moved towards the elevator, they nodded at each other and went their own ways, vowing to meet each other on the ground floor.

As John, Caleb and Bobby took the stairs, they were quiet for a few minutes before Caleb spoke up "I really hope we survive being inside each other's heads... I mean this could either bring us closer together or push us apart..." Caleb sighed, his stomach churned with anxiety. "Maybe that's part of this whole thing, we have to prove ourselves, that we can survive anything... Like seeing our lost loves, each other's thoughts... I'm sort of worried about what we'll go through with the last piece" He felt Bobby put his hand on his shoulder in comfort.

"Don't worry Cal, I think we're strong enough to weather any angsty storm they could throw at us, I mean, we all know each other faults, insecurities and we know we each have secrets but, it's all in the past... At least I hope our tempers can remember that..." Bobby said smiling slightly to himself, he could see it now, screaming matches, fists flying then hugs and pats on the back. This could get ugly.

"Well, I know I can be a bit... volatile, but I'll try to reign it in alright?" John said coming to a reception area of the ground floor. "Lets go meet the boys" John started walking towards the elevator and where his son's and granddaughter should be coming from when he suddenly heard a great yelp and sounds of running water, coming from the elevator. Looking at one another curiously, the three hunters moved towards the creaking and groaning elevator as it splutters to a stop, they can hear the distinct noise of laughter. Sam and the heart warming sound of Hope giggling to be precise. The doors open and the scene inside it, makes the three hunters burst into laughter.

Sam is in his wheelchair with Hope cradled to his chest, her thumb in her mouth, on one side of the elevator and Dean is standing on the other side of the elevator, drenched from head to toe, there is melting ice lying on the floor and a steady stream of water continuously dripping onto his already soaked head. He is standing there shocked, shivering and seething. "What the bloody hell are you guys laughing at? That a-hole booby trapped this elevator!" Dean yelled rather indignantly.

"When we got into the elevator, there was an unusual button with the numbers and Dean, being Dean just had to press it" Sam said teasingly.

"Well, I had to make sure you two wouldn't do something to get yourselves hurt... better me than you" Dean was always the protector, of family, friends, civilians, and even other hunters. it never ceased to amaze Sam that his big brother would do literally anything to protect his family.

"Yes, well... enough of all that, lets get this piece and get the heck out of here!" Bobby said in his usual gruff but kindly manner.

Rolling his eyes, Dean took a wet step forward, his shoes squelching as he walked. Sam moved his wheelchair to follow him, trying to avoid the water so his wheels wouldn't slip on the already non-gripable polished floor. "No freakin sympathy... I only have water all over me..." Dean grumbled taking his shoe off to tip the water out of it.

"De!" Hope squealed in her amused voice, obviously finding him entertaining. Sam moved closer to Dean, knowing on instinct that Hope would want to be close to her uncle.

"Hey, don't you get in on the act too missy... You're supposed to be on my side" Dean smiled at Hope and put his hand on her warm head, getting comfort from that warmth as it crept through his hand. She had truly stolen his heart.

"You do look kinda funny dude" Caleb said smirking as he ducked out of the way of Dean's wet shoe.

John was still chuckling when he walked up to the correct glass cabinet, pulled out his lock pick and unlocked the side door and started to read each of the little cards to make sure he picked up the correct one. Sam quickened his pace to get to John and Bobby quicker, to make sure they grabbed the correct one. "Ah, guys it's the one in a wonky tear shape, he has it listed as a 'bartering token' this looser had no idea what he had..."

Sam shook his head at the stupidity. The nerd in him who loved books, history and artefacts, would have loved this place, he would have been able to point out all the inaccuracies and historical misinterpretations that this guy obviously believed.

As the older hunters discussed some of the other pieces in the cabinet, contemplating whether any of them could be used in their line of work. Something across the room catches his eye and he moves his wheelchair towards the cabinet in the 'King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table' section, He was mesmerised by the armer and the swords including a replica of Excalibur. He had always loved the story of the honourable knights and the round table, when he was a kid her always wanted to be a part of an exclusive club where he would save the damsel in distress with his best friend by his side.

Growing up he had felt like he was never quite good enough for his father, not quite fast enough, strong enough or anywhere close enough to being like his brother, so the knights of the round table, were like a dream. He sat there in his wheelchair for a few moments, lost in his memories he didn't see his brother come and stand beside him. Dean stood their watching him and taking note of the wistful look on his little brothers face and remembered how he would read and re-read the King Arthur comic stories in the back seat of the Impala over and over, that book got tatty and dog eared from being shoved into his back pack, when he was ordered pack up and ship out. That book had travelled with Sam all across America, until it fell apart but he kept it together by tying some string around it and the day their dad threw it out, Sam had mourned it and was always looking in second hand book stores to try and find another one but had been unsuccessful.

Dean now had an idea for Sam's upcoming birthday but until then he had to get his brother's head back on track. "Come on Sammy, lets go, so we can get this medallion together and get on with the next"

Sam shook his head to clear it, his brother was right, they needed to get this done so they could finally get on with their lives. He cleared his head of the nostalgic thoughts and looked up to see Dean walking slowly back to the older hunters, waiting for him to catch up with him. Sam moved his wheels quickly, listening to them squeak on the polished floor, he thought about what the museum curator had said to him and moved his wheels on purpose to leave scuff marks just to spite him.

"Alright so... do we want to recite the spell now or do we ant to wait until we get back to Bobby's?" John asked not wanting to step on anyone's toes by making the decision without asking anyone.

"We can do it here, it doesn't really matter where we do this, we are all going to be able to hear each other's thoughts so I don't think there is a good place to do it..." Sam said resigned to the further horror of being able to hear everyone's thoughts.

Bobby got the brass bowl and candles and set the ritual up on the floor. The older hunters moved to circle the room and Sam passed his daughter off to Dean, then maneuvered his wheelchair to the centre. He lit the herbs in the bowl and started chanting the spell. The wind came out of nowhere and swirled around them making anything not nailed down, fly around the room like a tornado. Soft voices like whispers in your ear were heard through the loud rush of the wind around them but no words were understood. Then suddenly the swirl of wind started to move out, the centre become calm but the outside was still a frantic rush of wind and debris.

As each person in the room was brought into the calm eye of the storm, they could hear the whispers more clearly.

"Oh god... here we go" said one voice echoing in their heads.

"That was like being caught in the spin cycle" said another.

"Shit!"

"What the?"

"Crap!"

Then silence came over the room, the hunters looked at one another, waiting to hear the first voice, the first to crack.

"Okay so... that was different" Caleb finally piped up, using his actual voice not his inner voice.

Everyone glared at him.

"Hey, stand down... I didn't think that... see... lips are moving" He said pointing to his mouth as he spoke.

"Look guys, don't panic... it's not that bad... the text said that we probably won't hear all the voices of everyone in this room, it will be the ones who we, personally need to hear... there is something that they're hiding from you or that you are hiding from them. So... Dean... Sorry man but, you and me are probably going to get up close and personal with each other... sorry" Sam said, deciding that honesty is the best policy.

"Great... the families big, angsty, puppy is going to share his girly thoughts with me... I can't wait Sammy" Dean said, hiding his uncomfortableness and anxiety behind snarky comedy. "What... what are you hiding from me man?"

"Well, Dean... Just the usual little brother stuff... You know... I was the one who broke your favourite car when you were ten... Stuff like that" Sam said, looking at his big brother briefly, then looked away, knowing that when the truth finally came out, Dean might not be as easily persuaded.

"I knew it was you little brother... No more secrets now buddy" Dean said amusingly

"I'm going to be able to hear you too... so no busty asian beauties... please" Sam pleaded Bobby chuckled at Deans disappointed face.

"Don't think about it... don't think about it... don't think about it..." A voice sounded in John's head. He looked over to Bobby to see his face, which usually didn't betray his thoughts but this time showed guilt and nervousness. John wondered what that was all about but decided to leave it alone for now.

Caleb stood over by the display cabinets, pretending to read the information cards but was in fact listening and watching the two pairs of hunters which were now hearing each other's thoughts and wondered if he would have to pull any of them apart at some point. So far he had been lucky, he could hear everyone's voices at first, then the voices died down. Now he couldn't hear anything, except the anxious voices of the hunters in front of him.

"Okay, guys let's get back to Bobby's so Sam can have is meds and do his PT" Dean said, watching Sam shift in his wheelchair and wince from the pain.

"Yeah, alright... Sorry Sam, I didn't realize it had been so long. You should have said something" Bobby said, placing his hand on his shoulder.

"It's fine Bobby, I've kind of gotten used to it" Sam said shrugging his shoulders.

"Well, you don't have too... that's the point… Let's get out of here" John said watching as each of the men led the way towards the exit and then Sam moved his wheelchair to follow them and John took up the rear leaving the museum behind them.

The trip back began quietly and calmly, Dean and Sam were comfortable in the silence, both boys just mindlessly watching the scenery go by. "I really don't want to lose Dean after everything we've been through... I know he loves his family but he loves hunting more and I know he's just gonna go running straight back to it once this is all done... it's all he knows..."

Dean sat in the driver's seat, letting his little brothers words sink in. Did he really think that he cared about hunting more than his family, than Sam and Hope, who brought light and happiness to his otherwise bleak life. They made him want something more, they made him want to give it all up and find something new, just so he could spend time with them. He made him so mad, he could hardly see straight. "What the hell Sam!" Dean turned angrily to look at Sam, his fingers clenching on the steering wheel, creaking, straining under the pressure of his white knuckles.

"What?..." Sam looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Shit I forgot you could he hear me!" Sam said, then cursed himself again at his stupidity, "Let me explain…" He knew his brother would eventually hear all his secrets but he had thought he would have at least been able to prepare himself.

"Yeah, Sam, I can bloody well hear you... I don't want to hear your excuses either… how could you think I would just abandon you... I don't know how many times I have to tell you or prove to you that I'm here for the long run. Eventually I may have to get a job but if we are going to be protected, I want to be there for you and Hope" Dean was seething, he was getting sick and tired of having his brother believe the worst of him. "I'm not running off when all this is over... I can't believe you would think that... after everything!" Dean barked and he focused back on the road. He ignored all of Sam's attempts at talking or begging for forgiveness. He finally turned away from him and curled up into the passenger window and stared out into the landscape.

Dean just didn't have it in him to let it go... Not yet. Hadn't he told his little brother repeatedly that he wanted to stay with him and his daughter. The anger and resentment he felt was palpable, he could feel it coming of him and had no doubt that his brother would be able to feel it too. He would forgive him eventually but at the moment he just felt like holding onto this grudge until he was good and ready.

Sam couldn't believe he had actually been so stupid as to let his greatest fear to be heard by the one person he never wanted to hurt. He had feared his brother would go straight back to hunting once the medallion put the protection over all of them that he could be invincible. He would be able to hunt down and destroy all the evil that roamed the earth. As much as he would be proud of his brother if he could accomplish all of that and be the hero he knew him to be, he would also miss him terribly and resent the job his older brother had always been such a natural at.

Anxiety and guilt ate away at Sam as time ticked by, each tree and lamppost that flew by only made the pit in his stomach deeper and the nauseousness bubble away at the small meal he had eaten for lunch. Taking deep breaths trying to quell the urge to jump out of the moving car and just get the feeling of shame out of his body and onto the sidewalk.

His back ached and his legs were jiggling and shaking like crazy and he was hours past his meds but he stayed quiet in his own little pit of despair. He hoped that he could eventually get his brothers forgiveness but until then, he had to live with the fact that he had hurt his brother by saying something so stupid, petty, misguided that he had pushed his brother away and could ruin their news repaired brotherhood forever.

Tears well up in his eyes at the thought that he may have destroyed his bond with his brother permanently. He suddenly wanted to get back to Bobby's and just hold his daughter until they both fall asleep.

Hours of tension later, saw the Impala park alongside the old truck that held the three older hunters who were making their way inside Bobby's house. Dean practically jumped out of the care and slammed the door shut and made his way inside, leaving Sam to make his own way out of the car, into his wheelchair and inside with Hope in his lap. Sighing loudly at the implications, Sam moved around in his seat and grabbed his wheelchair, dragged it to the front seat and opened the passenger door, using his muscled arms to place the wheelchair out the door and set it up so he could transfer into it.

Sam unhooked Hope from her car seat and used his abdominal muscles to lean over the seat and pick her up, he was such a deft hand that she stayed asleep the whole time and as he leant her against the seat so he could transfer into his wheelchair and as he leant forward to pick her up he felt someone walk up behind him. "Sam? Why isn't Dean helping you with Hope?... What's going on?" Bobby asked in his gruff but fatherly voice.

All the pressure and anxiety from the car ride and with the kind, loving voice from his surrogate father had his emotions rise quickly to the surface. "I... I thought..." Sam couldn't get much more out before his face crumpled and tears were running down his cheeks, he saw Bobby's worried face and put his face in his hands and sobbed.

Bobby didn't know what had transpired but whatever it was had Sam upset enough to let his strong walls crumble. "I fworgot tha he wwoo hear mwee" Bobby heard Sam mumble through his hands but was unable to understand him.

Placing his comforting hand on his shoulder he knelt down and spoke "Sorry son? I missed all that" He noticed that Hope had woken up but didn't move away from him.

Sam lifted his tear stained face up to see his father figure looking at him unsure of what to do to help is young charge. "I forgot that Dean could hear me... 'sniff' an' I started thinking that Dean would choose to go back to hunting 'sniff' when all this is over... but he got really... mad and... 'sniff' he hates me now Pa!..." Sam let his emotions take over him again, allowing tears to run down his cheeks again and down his face.

Bobby sat with him, rubbing his back while he cried, he touched Hopes head as she snuggled into her father, for protection from whatever was making him upset. Bobby just couldn't understand why Dean had snapped, he knew his little brother was sensitive and had a low self-esteem, especially when it came to keeping his brother around. It wasn't that he didn't believe that Dean was here to stay but that his heart was afraid that if he loved too completely, or believed with his heart and soul, that it would be ripped from him all over again.

"Sam... You have to calm down... This isn't going to do you any good son. Come on, let's get you inside and I'll get you your meds and give you a massage and you can rest...we'll sort this out" Bobby said reassuringly. Sam didn't feel all that convinced but a massage and a rest definitely sounded like a good idea.

"Ok Pa, can we go in through the back... I don't really want to see anyone right now" Sam said, knowing that Bobby wouldn't think any less of him for showing a weakness.

"Sure son, I don't really want to see anyone either" Bobby was a little freaked that John had been able to hear him earlier and luckily he hadn't heard his secret... not yet anyway.

Bobby pushed Sam's wheelchair around the side of the house after closing the Impala's passenger side door. He went up the ramp and in through the special laundry door he had installed that closed by itself behind him. Pushing his way to the main room he could hear the other men's voices in the kitchen as they made themselves coffee and chatted about everything but the voices in each other's heads.

Bobby quietly pushed Sam into his room and picked Hope up and placed her in her crib. Next he helped Sam out of his wheelchair and onto the bed. "I'll just go and get your meds then I'll give you that massage alright?" He got a nod from an already sleepy Sam. Bobby knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until he had worked the tension out of the young man's muscles.

The grizzled hunter walked out of the room and walked into the kitchen, not looking up when the three men went quiet and looked at him. He went aout his business, collecting the meds and filling a glass of water. When he turned John and Caleb were both looking at him but Dean vas looking at his coffee cup, eyebrows scrunched together in a scowl. "You got something to say Dean?" Bobby said angrily.

Dean looked up at that and the anger simmered in his gut at the protective papa bear look on his face. "I got nothin to say... Why don't you ask Sam..." The younger man said grumpily.

"What's he talking about Dean, what happened?" John asked his eldest son, he could sense tension coming off Dean and his youngest son had disappeared inside without even coming in to see them before going into hiding.

"You'll have to ask Sam... I don't know what else I can do to convince him" Dean said frustrated at his little brothers lack of faith and trust.

"I'm asking you Dean... What happened? What did you do?" John replied, knowing his sons knack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

"I didn't do nothing, Sam's the one who wants to push me out the door. He's the one who thinks I wanna run away the first chance I get and you know what, it doesn't matter how many times I tell him, he just doesn't want to believe me, so maybe I should just leave... it's what he wants!" Dean finished with a huffed breath and his hand clenched into fists, his faced with anger.

"Hey, now you listen to me, that boy has been through hell, and at the time of the fire, his injury and the loss of his wife, he tried to contact you, but you didn't answer... he thought you didn't care and that you had abandoned him. Surely you can understand his reluctance to trust that you are going to stick around" Bobby said, defending his young friend.

"Bobby, I understand all that... but he thinks I don't know how to do anything else BUT hunting... I have other skills you know" Dean said still a little insulted.

"But Hunting IS the only thing you know Dean... it shouldn't be that much of a surprise that Sam would think that" Caleb said seeing nothing but petulance in the younger hunter. It seemed to him that Dean was just being overly sensitive.

"Hey, I'll have you know I'm good at a lot of things... I'm a good mechanic, my baby purrs like a kitten, I'm good with electronics... I made my EMF out of an old radio... I can cook..." Dean counted each thing on with his fingers on one hand.

"That's three things Dean... not what I could call A LOT OF THINGS... but yes, you are good with your hands, I'll give you that but can you honestly say you would happy doing one of those things for the rest of your life?" Caleb put the question to him, hoping he would realise where the youngest Winchester was coming from.

"Well... I... that's not the point Caleb... Sam didn't even give me the opportunity to find out... he just has me typecast as this bad guy who wants to run away the first chance I get" Dean was really hurt by his brothers lack of faith in him.

"Dean... I know what Sam said was hurtful but think about it for a second. When Sam needed you the most, you didn't come, he had to do everything on his own, look after Hope, mourn his wife and the life they would have had together, and he had to work really hard to get out of bed every day, let alone relearn how to walk again... that young man, has had a lot of disappointment and bad luck in his life and he still feels like it's all his fault, even after I told him otherwise until I was blue in the face. Why wouldn't he automatically think you would go back to hunting. He thinks he doesn't deserve to be happy" Bobby said to the older brother who just didn't understand the despair he found when Sam finally asked him for help. Sure he had been there with him, through everything, but it wasn't until Sam finally realized he didn't have to do it all on his own that things finally started to get better.

"Look, I understand what you're saying but I need to be mad for a while... Just let me get my head together and I'll talk to him okay" Dean said suddenly getting up and grabbing the keys to the Impala on his way out oblivious to anything the other hunters were saying.

"Damned fool idjit... He just doesn't understand what he's done... Sam will lose it if he thinks Dean has left... You don't understand what it was like..." Bobby was pacing, taking his ball cap off, running a hand through his thinking hair and outing the hat back on, then repeat.

"Let me go speak to Sam myself, maybe he'll listen to me" John said, looking at his old friend worriedly. Bobby handed him Sam's meds and a glass of water so his young friend could have some relief.

John walked toward the guest bed room that Sam had claimed as his own and as he knocked and opened the door without waiting for an answer he heard Caleb and Bobby talking.

"How bad was it Bobby?" Caleb asked his voice full of concern for his friend as the young father in the other room.

"Pretty bad... It got pretty bad" Bobby said emotions on full display. "Sam was going do something stupid, if I hadn't stepped in when I did, Sam would have thrown it all away" he put his head in his hands and sobbed quietly as his friend let his words sink in.

John walked in the room and closed the door, Sam was laying on the bed with an arm thrown over his eyes, shoulder moving and quiet sniffs and breaths the only noise in the room. John sat on the bed beside him and if Sam knew he was there he made no indication but as the son of a hunter, John was certain that his son knew exactly who it was and why he was there.

"Talk to me Sammy... Sam? I know Dean's mad now, but he'll come around" John said, hoping that Sam would understand that everyone knew what had gone down between he and his brother. There were no secrets in this family now.

Sam moved his arm from across his face. His eye were red and puffy and his cheeks were damp, when he spoke his voice was stuffy and rough. "I said some stuff in my head that I didn't mean, Dean heard it and now he hates me..."

"He doesn't hate you Sam, he just needs to blow off a little steam... Look, I can only imagine how life altering everything has been for you but you have to start trusting us Sam, we DO want to be here with you..." John made sure to look into Sam's hazel eyes as he spoke so he could see the truth.

"Are you saying you'll stop hunting all together...?" Sam asked incredulously

"We might end up doing a little hunting locally, from time to time but we'll be here most of the time. I want to get to know you all over again and watch my granddaughter grow up... I am really sorry that when this all happened to you, that we couldn't be there for you... I wish to god we were but what happened, happened, we can't change the past but we can change the future so please don't push us away because we made a mistake"

Sam took a deep breath and let it out loudly. He wanted desperately to believe his father and brother that they were here to stay buy the nagging voice of doubt was always there to remind him of his darkest hours. "My head says one thing and heart says another... I'll try harder to listen to my head... I'm sorry Dad..." Sam said, a tear escaping, he wiped it away quickly, not wanting to show any more weakness to his father.

"You have nothing to be sorry for son. When Dean comes back, I'll have a talk with him alright" John rubbed his youngest sons arm, hoping to keep him calm.

"I'm going to try and have a nap, if that's OK, I just need to recharge my batteries" Sam was laying down as he spoke, curling himself up on his side, facing Hope in her crib. "Could you tell Bobby I'm ready for my massage please?"

"Alright Sam, I'll let Bobby know" John walked towards to door and turned the light switch off and closed the door behind him. As he looked up he saw the ghostly figure of Jess floating beside the door with a sad look on her face, he knew she had heard everything they had just spoken about, she smiled at him in thanks then disappeared. She was going to have a few words with he other lost Winchester.

Sam laid in his bed thinking everything he could have said or wanted to say to try and beg his brother for forgiveness. Bobby had been and gone, giving him his massage, he tried to cox him to eat something but the pit in his stomach made even the thought of food unthinkable. Once Bobby had left Sam lay there willing sleep to take him away, no dreams, no empty nothingness where he could hide but he was stuck permanently in consciousness and the dark storm of negative thoughts that sucked the life and light out of him, made him exhausted but unable to sleep. Even Hopes smiling, happy face couldn't bring him out of the shadows, he felt like he was sinking into an abyss and with Dean running in he opposite direction, he felt like he had nothing else to give.

Dean drove his beloved impala until he ran out of road. He pulled up on the side of the dirt road and got out, walking towards the front of the car, he leant against the black beauty and sighed. Perhaps running away wasn't such a good idea, Sam had just been voicing his fears and maybe it wasn't just his brother he was mad at. Maybe he was mad at the fact that he was right. Dean did want to go back to hunting, he loved it, the rush, the thrill of it, getting the bad guy and saving people. He could have been a cop if he had the smarts along with the aptitude.

The anger had swept away from him as he drove and now he was left with the bitter pill of regret. He had yelled at his already fragile little brother, left him alone to wallow in the black hole that was his own head. Dean had forgotten that his brother always had at least one toe in the depression pool. He just hoped that Bobby and their Dad would be there for him to keep him from doing anything stupid.

He continued to look around him at his stark surroundings and let all his worries float away. "I can't believe I ever thought that I wouldn't want to bring a life into this world... or that I would ever be any good at it" Dean heard his little brothers voice in his head, he must be thinking about Hope.

"My baby girl could have had a big brother or sister... but... we lost our baby... I'm so sorry... I just can't believe I was going to tell Jess I didn't want to be a father, after my childhood and what I know is out there in the shadows, I wanted Jess to end the pregnancy... just for a second this terrible, horrendous thought came to my mind... but then I thought... what if I have a boy... I could name him after my teacher, my protector, my brother and from that moment on, my mind was changed..." Dean's eyes were filled with tears, Sam was going to name his son after him... the sadness he felt at the fact that they had lost their first baby, his niece or nephew had been cruelly taken away from him. The very thought that he hadn't been there for his little brother was enough to make him feel guilt and shame. Sam had truly been to hell and fought his way back and at the first test, Dean yelled and screamed and ran away. He had a lot of questions for his little brother and a lot of groveling to do as well.

Dean stood up from the car and as he turned to get back into the Impala and drive back to his family, he walked straight through the ghostly figure of his sister in law. Shocked he stops and turns to see Jess looking at him unhappily, her hands on her hips, the air around her swirling like a dust storm. "What have you done to Sam? He's so upset, he's not sleeping or eating... you go back there and talk to him... he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve to feel like that. He knows what he said was hurtful, but he DIDN'T mean it!" Jess, even as a ghost, looked upset and close to tears.

Dean looked into her ghostly eyes and said "I'm so sorry, Jess... I'm going back now, I'll fix this... I promise Jess, I'll fix it"

TBC