Hi everyone, I hope you all had a safe and happy Christmas! I'm really sorry for the delay in getting this out, the closer I get to the end the harder it is to keep the story flowing and I had some trouble getting going. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm on to the next chapter for Where the Heart Is and getting the initial story laid out for a new story to start once this one is finished!
A/N: Once again thank you to all you wonderful readers who have followed, favourited and reviewed this story I get a thrill every time I get a new alert! I hope you all are still enjoying this story as we are coming close to the end.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or any of the wonderful characters that I am taking on this journey.
Chapter 20
Self Flagellation
Dean drove like a man possessed, not literally mind you but you get the picture, the ghost of his sister in law sat beside him, looking out the window at the scenery as if it was her first time outside. She was in fact just trying to store everything in her memory for when she was back in heaven, waiting for her husband to return to her when he was old a grey.
Dean was going over everything he wanted to say to Sam in his head and what he hoped would be his little brothers reactions. He hoped that when they finally got to talk about all their misunderstandings, that they could clear the air and he could apologies for not trusting his brother, something that should have been automatic, like it once was.
As he pulled up to Bobby's Salvage Yard the excitement and anxiety of seeing his little brother again was palpable inside the impala and he practically leapt out of the black beauty a soon as he put the hand break on.
Running into the main room he looked at the startled faces of Bobby, Caleb and his father and after taking a calming breath, started walking towards Sam's room and asked "Is Sam in his room?"
"Yeah, he's sleeping... We need to talk Dean... about what you heard in Sam's head" John said, standing up and moving slowly towards him to stop his progression to Sam's room.
"Yeah, I know... I need to speak to Sam... I've made a huge mistake" Dean said guiltily.
"Yeah, you bloody well did... My god kid, do you not think before you react?" Bobby yelled at the young man, truly astonished that after everything they had been through, Dean had let his hot head get in the way of understanding where his little brother is coming from and looking past the words, to his true insecurities.
"Hey, I didn't make up what I heard, he said it, not me... so he has some explaining to do too..." Dean defended, he understood why Bobby as being defensive and protective of Sam but this wasn't just on him.
"I know that Dean, but it's about time you realized that Sam has lost a lot more than you know..."
"I know Bobby... that's one of the reasons I came back, I heard it in his head" Dean said knowingly.
"Wait... what did you hear?" John was shocked to say the least.
"That's something you'll have to ask Sam about. You guys missed a lot" Bobby replied. "Dean, just leave him alone for now... let him sleep" Bobby didn't want anyone to tell Sam's story without his permission.
Dean knew Bobby was right but he desperately wanted to at least apologize to his brother. "Let me just see him and tell him I'm sorry... we can leave the rest until morning" Dean said, hoping that the older hunter would agree. He wouldn't be able to sleep properly without seeing Sam again and kissing Hope good night.
Dean took the few steps to Sam's bedroom door and opened it, his mouth opened to say something goodnight to his little brother but when he saw there was no Sam sleeping on his double bed and Hope was still sleeping soundly in her crib, he didn't want to panic. He surmised Sam must be in the bathroom, so he walked out of the room and knocked once on the bathroom door and asked "Sammy, you in there?"
When he was met with silence once again he allowed the panic to start its red hot flow through out his body. "SAMMY!" He yelled out, turning around frantically and moving towards the back door. "SAM!" He yelled again making all the hunters jump to their feet.
"What's going on?"
"Dean?"
"Hey! Keep it down"
Voices all spoke at once in reply to the noise coming from the eldest Winchester sibling.
"Sam's not here!" Dean answered in a blast of concern and gruff anxiety.
"Wait... what do you mean NOT HERE... is Hope still here?" Bobby asked shocked that Sam would leave his daughter behind, considering how joined at the hip they were after what had happened.
"I'm telling you, Sam got in his wheel chair and somehow snuck past you lot" Dean was angry that the older hunters hadn't even noticed that he had gone.
"We were having a drink..." Caleb said defensively "Where the hell were you?"
Dean stopped his search to turn and look at him, his shoulders slumped "I was being an idiot... I keep forgetting what Sam has been through... I have NO idea how hard that was... and... I heard him think about something that I didn't know about... something I think only Bobby would know" Dean said looking at Bobby with sad eyes.
"You boys don't know the half of it... losing Jess... losing the ability to walk, being a single parent... even before the fire, he lost so much... he took it all hard, but he climbed his way out of his grief. The hardest thing for him was doing it all alone, without you... I know he had me..." Bobby had to swallow the lump in his throat and blink away the tears. "But you guys were supposed to be his family... he needed you and you weren't there... it was hard" Bobby looked from Dean to John to see that they both understood that they had dropped the ball on this one.
"So where the heck is he now?!" John asked looking over where his granddaughter was sleeping soundly.
"I don't know!" Dean yelled, frustration and grief clouding his eyes as well as his judgment.
"Hey, just relax son, we'll find him" Bobby said soothingly. Sam had disappeared a number of times when he first started living with Bobby at the salvage yard. The loss and loneliness became too much and he would sneak off to Jess's grave to talk to her about what he was feeling. "I have an idea where he could be... There are a couple of other places he goes sometimes but... He hasn't gone there is months" Bobby could feel three sets of curious eyes on him but he wouldn't elaborate on exactly what he was talking about. "It's not my story to tell" Bobby said and started walking away.
Suddenly the ghostly figure of Jessica Moore appeared in front of him, blocking his path. "Wait... I know where he his..." She said quietly. "You are right Bobby... he is visiting the grave" she put her head down and floated over to the window where the other ghosts had gathered, the apparitions comforted her.
Bobby felt sadness come over him, the knowledge that Sam had gone to visit his son, made his more determined to find him, to stop the ocean of grief to swallow him. "We have to go... I'll tell you on the way... come on" Bobby grabbed his coat and keys and took big steps towards the door, give the other hunters no time to gather their thoughts.
Dean practically ran back to the impala and started her up, waiting for the others to be ready. "I'm so sorry Sammy" Dean whispered hoping that Sam could hear him in his head. Hearing no answering thought he sighed and was hopeful that his little brother would understand.
Following Bobby to the cemetery was a quiet ride, Bobby had placed Hope in the back seat of the Impala and decided to stay in the impala with Dean rather than ride with John and Caleb. He wanted to have a word with the older brother before they got to the South Dakota cemetery. Bobby had been touched that Sam had wanted his family to be buried in his hometown. When Sam had gone to Stanford he had contacted the graying hunter, to vent his anger, to relay his fears and to get his feelings of betrayal and abandonment off his chest. The usually gruff older man had listened and had been surprisingly understanding and had encouraged him to move on and to focus on his studies. When the young man had met Jessica, Bobby had smiled and told him to grab a hold of her and not let go. They spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years in South Dakota and fallen in love, it was only fitting that when it had started crumbling down around him, Sam wanted his beloved unborn son and then his wife to be buried close by. Ironically, meters away from Bobby's deceased wife.
They pulled up to the cemetery and each man scanned the area in a different direction, when Dean started walking slowly up the lawn, Bobby noticed the wheelchair tracks as he gathered Hope into his arms. As Dean started to follow the tracks the other men followed him silently and carefully, not wanting to startle the young father.
When the tracks led Dean to a small granite headstone he stopped, looked around and when it was obvious there was no little brother brooding nearby, he circled it and gasped when he read his own name carved into the stone. 'Dean Jonathan Winchester - too bright and too young and always missed' Deans right hand came up to cover his mouth and to stop the trembling of his lips. The reality that his little brother had lost a child on top of everything else was more heartbreaking than he could have imagined. The fact that Sam had named him after his long lost big brother, dug the knife in deeper.
"I can't believe my boy actually lived through something like this... he is a stronger man than me..." John said with pride and awe.
"I don't know Dad, you lived through loosing Mum... albeit through a whisky haze but you lived through it" Dean said to his father with understanding and a little sadness.
Johns shook his head in denial, yes he had survived the next 20 odd years, dragging his sons town to town, state to state, bad motel to scungy hotel. It wasn't the life he wanted for his sons or the life they deserved and it had driven his youngest son away but he could never survive what Sam had, the death of not only your wife but of your unborn child, the loss of mobility and rather ironically the family he needed the most was the family he had traveled halfway across the country to get away from.
Bobby looked at the hardened father and sighed. "You don't give yourself enough credit but you and I both survived the deaths of our wives, it was bloody hard and I wanted to give up a number of times... Sam not only survived the lows but he's finally getting the chance to LIVE... Hope is the one bright light in his life, that's why he's doing this medallion thing... he wants her to be safe and enjoy life..."
Dean was nodding his head when he noticed a folded up piece of paper tucked in the grass beside the gravestone. He leant down and picked it up looking up at Bobby, Caleb and his father, who had all stopped talking to see what Dean was doing.
Opening the piece of paper he saw Sam's writing and started reading "I'm so sorry Dean, I always wanted to make you proud but I just kept letting you down.
When I found out Jessica was pregnant, I panicked, firstly, because I felt like I was having a heart attack and I wasn't ready to be a father and secondly because... I thought I had lost you forever and you were going to miss out on being an uncle... When we found out it was a boy, I knew I wanted to name him after you... A strong, faithful, caring man... traits I wanted my son to be.
I need to finish this for both you and Hope... I'm going to get this last piece on my own, to prove to myself that I can. Please don't follow me, perhaps once this is over, you will understand. Sam"
Dean stared in shock at his little brothers note and mindlessly passed it on the Bobby once he had finished reading it. The knowledge that his little brother had felt that way about him, possibly even when they weren't talking. "I really screwed this up didn't I… He's gone off on his own to prove that he isn't some mopey, wimp… I never wanted him to think that I wasn't proud of him, or that I don't think he can do anything I can do… probably better" Dean said proudly, humbled by his little brothers obvious strength, knowledge, independence but obvious love and reliance on his family.
"Well, you didn't handle it that well, no, but we'll find him and help him out, he won't have to do it alone" John says determined to fix their small family. Bobby and Caleb both nod their heads in agreement.
"When we find the idjit, first I'm going to hug him, then I'm going to strangle him for putting us through this" Bobby felt like he was on a roller coaster with these Winchesters. Not that he would ever complain about having them all in his life, especially Sam and Hope.
"Sam said that he had a lead on the next piece and it was in a church, a priest had purchased it as a lot with all different types of artifacts... Did he mention where this church was?" Caleb asked, wanting to get going on this so they could find Sam and bring him home.
"He did... wait let me see if he made any notes yesterday" Bobby moved quickly towards his office and started going through the paperwork on the desk, most of it was in disorganized chaos but there was one pile of pages, stacked neatly and clipped together, which was a very Sam thing to do. "He has the name of the priest here and I think I can find out where he lives"
Bobby grabs the laptop and starts typing away while John quietly asks Dean to go out into the hall, Dean follows his father and when they are standing away from the office so have it conversation could be in semi privacy, Dean looks worriedly at John wondering what all the secrecy is about. "Dean... I wanted to speak to you before we go find your brother... About what you heard him say in his head... I know... Sam has had some trouble trusting you... anyone in fact... but you gotta know that it's not that he doesn't trust you... But he doesn't trust himself... I think he was too reliant on you being out there somewhere, looking out for him... I think maybe in a weird way, he learnt to be stronger, because he had to learn to do everything on his own. He's worried that if he gets too reliant on you again... that he might let his guard down... Trust me... I know how he feels, it took me a long, long time to realize the fire that took your mother, wasn't my fault"
"Of course it wasn't your fault honey" John turned to see Mary floating right behind him. Her words brought tears to his usually bone dry eyes, her deaths was something he still wrestled with. "Your fathers right Dean, your brother just has to learn to let all his guilt go, he has to forgive himself and only then can he move past everything" Mary put her translucent hand on his shoulder, even though he knew he couldn't really feel it, he could have sworn he could feel a faint warmth where her hand was resting.
Dean gave his mother a small smile, he understood where they were both coming from. All he wanted to do is find his brother and find a way for them both to move on.
Sam scanned the area once more from his wheelchair; he had moved to hide behind a rather dense bush while he scoped the building surrounding the church. The youngest Winchester was well aware that even though the man he was here to see, knew Pastor Jim, he would not necessarily be welcomed into his church with open arms. He would have to convince the man that he was telling the truth and that he could be trusted with the last piece. He had to convince his brother and the rest of his family that they could trust him to do the job. He wasn't sure if he could actually ever admit that to his brother but the main reason he still harbored his fears about his brother leaving was because he didn't trust him. He was worried that perhaps his older brother didn't see him as an equal that he had to be chaperoned and protected.
Sam shakes his head at himself and takes a deep breath and starts to wheel himself closer to the old building, similar to Pastor Jim's church and if he remembered correctly the Pastors private quarters where in the back of the church, five rooms in total, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, small sitting room and office. The man should have all his priceless possessions in his office so that's where Sam would go but first he needed to speak to the Pastor and appease to his good nature and hopefully fond memories of Pastor Jim Murphy.
Moving his wheelchair towards the ramp conveniently built for all parishioners to visit a house of god. Once he had crossed the threshold of the church he suddenly felt calm, it was a feeling he would always feel when his father would drop he and his brother off while he went of on a hunt. Being with the pastor was one of his favorite places to be, he would answer every question the youngest Winchester had with patience and love. Sam had been and still was, interested in history, theology and latin and the soft talking but hard as nails Pastor would teach him everything he knew.
After he had left the family business to pursue a normal life at Stanford, he would occasionally receive a care package from Blue Earth, Minnesota, with his favorite foods, books and occasionally a hand written note attached to a copy of an old text in a long forgotten language or from an ancient society that Sam had once shown an interest in. Those care packages were a highlight of his day, week, month and they would help him to remember there were people out there who cared about him. It had now been months since he had heard from the pastor but he knew if he needed him, Jim would jump on a plane as fast as he could.
Moving his wheelchair to the front of the church beside the alter, he saw a tall, slender, graying man wearing the robes of religious man who spoke the word of god. Sam moved around the right side of the pews, he didn't want to draw attention to himself just yet. He thought he would wait out the service before confronting the man but as he drew closer the priest caught sight of him and excused himself from the parishioners he was speaking to and walked over to Sam. "Excuse me... Do I know you? My name is Pastor Andrew Hobbs" Sam stopped moving as soon as the Pastor spoke to him and looked from the floor to his outstretched hand then up to the open and honest blue eyes of the religious man in front of him.
"Sorry, Pastor... My name is Sam, Sam Winchester, I wanted to speak to you privately but... It can wait until you have finished your sermon" Sam said in a quiet voice most people found to be calming and trustworthy, he took the mans hand and shook it tentatively.
"Winchester?... Sam Winchester? I know a Jim Murphy who speaks rather highly of you young man... What could you possibly need to speak to me about that you couldn't ask Jim?" The Pastor asked and smiled when the young man in the wheelchair chuckled.
"I'd rather wait to speak to you in private... It's not of a religious nature... It's... personal" Sam said hoping that he hadn't sparked too much of his interest that he would abandon his Churchgoers waiting for their weekly sermon.
"Alright... Please stay to hear the lord's message... I insist...then we can talk" Pastor Andrew Hobbs looked at the injured man I front of him and could see so many things in the depths of his hazel eyes and hoped that he might be able to reach him with the sermon he had written, ironically it was about understanding and acceptance of other peoples differences.
Sam nodded when he realized he wouldn't be able to hide out in the Pastors office but would have to endure the words of a lord he now had trouble believing in.
Bobby sat at his desk and continued to attempt to read the same paragraph for the third time, he looked up and took a glance at John reading to Hope and shook his head. He felt a small ball of jealousy start to grow in his chest, seeing his granddaughter laughing and smiling at the man who had the family he and his wife had dreamed of.
He had resented the father of two from the first time he had stumbled into his salvage yard with two little kids, one a tough looking older brother who looked like he would turn into a rabid dog if he so much as looked at the small boy shielded behind him and a scrawny little brother with a head full of hair that he used as a protective curtain. Those two little boys had weaseled their way into his heart and had taken it with him when they were unceremoniously yanked back on the road with their father when his hunt was finished.
Sam was sitting in the small lounge room of the religious mans living quarters waiting for him to return with the medallion piece. Sam and Pastor Andrew had moved to the back of the church once the service was over. The young father had come to realize rather quickly that he and the pastor had a lot of things in common and spoke easily to each other. They both had interests in books and history and most notably the history of old items.
Walking back into the room with a large box the pastor made his way over to the couch and placed the box down so he could see the contents of the box easier. "There were a number of pieces in the collection that I wanted but I had to buy everything as a lot in order to get them" the pastor said with a smile pulling out the few religious items that were the reason for his purchasing the collection. "A gold cross that was once owned by an archbishop in 1761 and a highly decorated communion cup from 1645" he described to a half smiling Sam who wasn't all that interested in religious artifacts but would fake it until he saw the final medallion piece.
"They are magnificent pieces, you are very lucky to have acquired them, from an estate sale you said?" Sam asked like a pro trying to find out information from a witness.
"Yes, after the death of the Pastor in the church of St Margaret's, they put a lot of the items up for sale to raise money to fix the roof" Pastor Andrew was still pulling out items from the box when he finally pulled out a small drawstring silk bag from the box and handed it to Sam. "This is the medallion piece you asked about. I don't know anything about it but if you want it maybe we can sort something out, perhaps a donation to the church?" Sam felt a thrill of anticipation and excitement as he opened the top of the bag, tipped the contents onto his hand and as soon as the medallion touched his skin, his eyes rolled up and he slid out of his chair and started convulsing. Well shit!
Bobby sat there, pretending to read but his mind started to wonder 'I would have given anything for kids like them, I would have given them everything and I tried while they were here... I let Dean tinker away on one of my old wreck's and occasionally we would throw a ball around... Little Sam loved to read, I just had to plonk him in one of the old soft cushioned chairs in the study with a book of any description and he would soak it all up like a sponge, he enjoyed languages and symbols and one summer he alone had drawn all the protective symbols throughout the yard that I had been meaning to do for months. I missed them both when they were gone, I used to wish John would just leave them with me and never come back... now that I have the family I've always wanted, I don't want to loose it... not now... not to him..." He looked up when he felt someone's eyes on him and looked straight into the eyes of his friend who he just realized must have heard the whole thing in his head.
Bobby stood up suddenly and knocked his chair over in his haste "Hey, ah John... Look um... You know that I... Um..." Bobby that there was nothing he could say that could explain what he had just said in his head. The two older men had always bumped heads when it came to the brothers and Bobby had always tried to keep most of his opinions about the other mans parenting skills because he feared if he angered the man too much he may never see them again.
Seeing the startled look on Bobby's face and the unreadable scowl on Johns face, Caleb chose to try to break up whatever was about the happen. Obviously Bobby had been thinking something that John had overheard and Bobby was quickly back peddling. Hope started to squirm in Johns arms and began to make unhappy noises as she felt the change in atmosphere between the men. "Ok guys just take a minute.." Caleb started but was cut off by John shoving. Hope into the younger hunters arms and went to stand toe to toe with Bobby.
"Dad... Bobby, come on, don't do anything you'll regret, trust me... You'll wish you'd taken a moment to think things through before you said or did something you might not be able to fix" Dean said to the men who were now looking at him. "Sam might not forgive me for blowing up at him, if I had taken the time to think what he said over in my head, before I said this horrible things, perhaps Sam would still here" Dean took a step back and walked over to where Caleb was holding Hope who put her arms out to her uncle, Dean grabbed her and put his face in her hair to hide his suddenly wet eyes, he murmured to her that he was going to bring her Daddy home to her and she sighed happily in her uncles arms.
The two gruff hunters looked back at each other and straightened up, cleared their throats, bobby lifted his ball cap and rubbed his head, John moved his hand over his salt and pepper beard and moved from one foot to the other.
"Listen Bobby..."
"I'm sorry Johnny"
They both spoke at the same time and then there was a beat of silence and they started chuckling at each other. They had both known each other's thoughts and opinions when it can to the boys and they had both had more than one argument over the years about how they both knew what was best for them. John realized he really shouldn't have reacted the way he had, it wasn't that much of a surprise that Bobby felt the way he said he did. Shame and guilt swept over him, he shouldn't be so offended that the man in front of him, who had practically raised his sons when he was absent, wanted nothing but the best for both boys.
Bobby was the first to move away, he walked over to where Hope and Dean were holding each other and put his hand on her head. "We should be concentrating on bringing Sam back, helping him get the last piece of the medallion and being a family" Bobby finally looked up at John again and looked straight in his eyes. "Let's go and get our boy back... What do ya say Johnny boy?" Bobby said chuckling at the nickname.
John joined in and a big grin graced his usual stoic features, "Yeah, Pa... Let's go get him", smirking at the use of his youngest sons nickname for the gruff hunter.
"Lets knock some sense into him!" Caleb answered with a flourish.
"Dada!" Hope squealed and clapped her hands together making all the hunters laugh fondly at her antics. Dean stroked her head and kissed her forehead and whispered reassurances to her that they would get her daddy back soon. She seemed content to snuggle into her uncle's arms and suck on her thumb.
As the four hunters with a the blond haired baby in tow, walked towards their cars, a sudden chirping came from Bobby's back pocket. "Yeah?" he said in reply.
There was silence for a few minutes while Bobby listened to whoever has called him. "Is he alright?" Bobby asked which automatically made the other hunters move closer. "Yeah, Ok Padre... We'll be there as soon as we can... yeah... alright.. thanks" Bobby moved the phone away from his ear and kept his eyes down as he got ready to tell the waiting men around him.
Looking up into the worried eyes of the young father's family, he sighed, "Sam is with Pastor Andrew Hobbs and supposedly, Sam is unconscious..."
"WHAT?" all three hunters replied in unison.
Bobby put his hands up in a defensive manner "Hey, don't shoot the messenger, ya idjits, calm down... let me finish. Sam met up with the Pastor and when they moved to the back rooms to talk, and once the Pastor brought the medallion piece out to give to Sam, as soon as he touched it, he... collapsed..." Bobby was more worried than his voice was letting on. He really hoped that Sam was going to be okay, but considering their track record, he somehow doubted it would be that easy. "The Pastor didn't want to call for an ambulance until we got there... He's certain it's not your usual illness"
Dean nodded his head then the realization of what that could men dawned on him and his panic levels went to deaf con three. "So what?... you're saying that something supernatural did this? Something related to the medallion?" His anger is just lying under the surface, read to bubble up if his little brother went off on his own and got himself zapped by some supernatural nasty. He will kick his little brothers ass if that's what happened; he couldn't handle that right now.
"He didn't go into that much detail Dean... I think we should just get there first and figure it out when we see what's what" Bobby says in his calm voice, even though he is feeling anything but calm.
John watched the exchange and realizes that he needs to get a hold of his emotions before they start turning on each other... again. "Get a handle on yourself Dean, we need you focused... Sam needs you focused, we can kick his ass later" He knows the Sam comment is a low blow, but it's what the older brother needs to get back I the game.
"Come on dude... let's go get the black sheep of the family and we can give him some contact counseling, once we save his ass" Caleb says with all the tact of a man with no boundary's.
"OK, you're right... let's go" Dean says and with little fanfare, grabs his stuff and stomps off to the Impala to brood while he white knuckles it all the way to his little brother.
The convoy of hunters pulled up to the Church of St Michaels and while doors creaked open and slammed shut, Dean sat looking at the double oak doors marking the entrance to the sanctuary, he could here someone taking. hope out of her car seta, he hoped to a god he wasn't sure he believed in that Sam was okay. He finally got out of the car and the slamming of the Impala's car door broke the silence causing all the hunters to look over at him.
"The Pastor said they were in the back in the private quarters" Bobby said while he walked away from the doors and headed towards the back entrance.
Bobby took the initiative and knocked three times, waiting for an answer he looked around and noticed the protective symbols and salt lines surrounding the building. He nodded in appreciation and just as he was about the say something to the others when the door opened and a worried looking Pastor with wide eyes and shaking hands. "Are you Bobby Singer?" He asked agitated, he really didn't want to have to handle the situation with the poor young man in his sitting room.
"Yes, Pastor Andrew and this is John, Dean, Caleb and Hope, we're Sam's family" Watching as the man opened the door further, allowing the men to walk through the door.
As Dean walked further into the room he noticed the long stretched out figure laying on the couch and immediately rushed towards him, kneeling down beside him, he put his hand on his little brothers forehead "Sammy?..." He looked up at the pastor in question.
"He just collapsed, as soon as he touched the medallion piece..." He said softly, shaking his head at the unfortunate circumstances.
"Alright, let me see the piece and I can try and figure out what happened" the pastor handed Bobby the piece and he automatically walked over to the dining table and pulled out his journal where all his notes on the medallion's history was written.
Dean was watching his brothers face for any type of movement to indicate if he was only sleeping, but after a moment of absolutely nothing he went back to checking him over for any other signs of injuries and slide his other hand through his little brothers hair, giving comfort even in his unconscious state.
John put his hand on the Pastors shoulder to get his attention, "So tell me everything that happened..." He and the Pastor walked away from the others toward the couch and sat down to talk quietly.
Caleb stood over near Dean, rubbing Hopes back while she sucked her thumb and watching with wide eyes, he looked worriedly down at the young father, "Is he breathing alright?" He asked Dean knowing that if he allowed him to stay in his head, the older brother would wallow in his guilt.
"Yeah, he's fine, no injuries that I can see... he's just... unconscious" Dean hadn't taken his hands of his brother since he knelt beside him and as he talked to Caleb, his hands moved to checking his pulse in his neck, to his forehead to check for fever and then back to his chest to feel the rise and fall of his steady breath.
"Bobby... Do you have anything?" Dean asked still not moving from his brother's side.
"Well... I think this is part of the last medallion trial. It says here that someone must make a sacrifice and that the other members of the family must band together, putting all disagreements and grievances aside to save them" Bobby said reading from his and Sam's notes, then he scrunched his eyebrows in question. "I think maybe... Sam knew all along..."
"What?" Dean asked shocked to his core. "What do you mean 'Sam knew'?" Dean almost didn't want to know the answer.
"Are you saying Sam put himself in danger...on purpose?" John said looking away from the Pastor who was now praying for the unconscious mans health.
"Well... it looks like Sam had researched the trials and he actually has a sentence here about a 'sacrifice to be made'... So I'd say Sam knew" Bobby says regretfully, knowing what this piece of news will do to the small, misfit family.
Dean looks back down at his little brother, the smartest, geekiest, nerdiest man he knew, he shook his head, for all of Sam's smarts, he was as stupid as a dumbbell. "I can't believe... why?" Dean asked softly, to no one in particular.
John got up from the couch, stretched his old weary bones and walked over to his eldest son. "The Pastor said that when Sam touched the medallion piece, there was a bright blue light that was so bright he had to close his eyes and when he opened them again, Sam had collapsed" The implications of that scared everyone in that room. If they didn't figure this out, would Sam remain unconscious? Would he be in pain? Would he die? the questions were endless with no answers that Dean could think of.
"Alright, so, is there anything in there about fixing this?" Caleb asked looking at Bobby and pointing to the notes the older hunter was flicking through.
"There is something but... it's complicated" Bobby answered, not liking the skittish look on the older brothers face. "Its ok, we don't have to sell our souls or anything but... Well... It just means that someone will have to go into his head... and I quote 'defeat his demons' " Bobby said using his fingers as quotations.
"What the HELL does that mean?" Caleb asked not realising that the little girl in his arms was actually listening.
"Hell!" She yelled back and Caleb covered her mouth with his hand knowing he would get I into trouble for teaching her a bad word.
"Caleb!" John said as he hit the younger hunter on the back of his head.
"Sorry, she's been so quiet I forgot she was even here" Caleb tried to explain.
"Well, just be careful, all Sam needs is to wake up and find his daughter has a potty mouth" Dean said looking back down to his brother.
"To answer your question Caleb, it means that one or more of you have to somehow get into Sam's head and help him defeat his metaphorical demons... what ever it is that makes him feel sadness, guilt, shame, anger, abandonment... and defeat them" bobby said and each man looked at Sam's unconscious form on the couch and knew that it wouldn't be easy. Sam had been through a lot of in the last few years and had to deal with some circumstances that would make a normal man go crazy. Bobby suspected that he had just buried a lot of his feelings after the fire, the accident, the funeral, rehab and everything in between. Bobby did not envy the man or men who decided to go into his head.
Dean was the first to decide, he felt there was no question really, after what had happened between he and his brother, and Dean was the obvious choice. "I'll do it... I want to do it" Dean said and his father and Bobby both nodded in understanding.
Caleb stood there looking from Bobby to John and back again to see if either of them were going to volunteer to help Dean with this but neither of them seemed to be about to jump to his aid. Caleb and Dean had always been close, ever since they went on their first hunt together they had the type of friendship that only came along when two people shared a life changing experience. Their first hunt had been a little hairy, Dean had almost been stabbed with the creatures incredibly long spikes and he ended but having to get twenty stitches.
It wasn't the verbal beating they both got from John later that Caleb remembers the most. It was the moody silent treatment from Dean's little brother. He was so glad to see Dean when they got back, but when he saw the state his big brother was in, the look he gave the other man could have turned him to dust.
He didn't speak to Caleb for months after that and was even a little grumpy to his big brother whenever he chose to go hunting with him. It all came to a head when the youngest Winchester was sixteen, the older brother had promised to go to some awards night at school that Sam had been invited him to. It had seemed like a big deal to the kid but when the opportunity came to take out a Wendigo in some abandoned campsite, Dean had jumped at the chance. Sam and John had been fighting almost nonstop for a week and Dean just wanted some peace and quiet, he didn't realise that Sam was getting a high achiever award and he had been trying to get both his dad and his brother to attend but neither of them could be bothered to turned up.
The fight that ensued was of epic proportions and nothing was ever the same between the brothers again. Dean didn't understand his little brother's aversion to hunting and Sam didn't understand why his big brother didn't want to spend time with him anymore. He felt like he was being left behind and when he left for Stanford, Caleb wasn't all that surprised, he felt some responsibility for not at least talking to Sam and telling him that Sam was always on his big brothers mind, all he heard was Sam this and Sam that. Now, all these years later, he wanted the opportunity to mend some hurt feelings and heal some old wounds that have been festering for years.
"I want to do it too" Caleb blurted out. "I've always liked Sam, respected his intellect and his loyalty but... I've always felt like maybe he didn't like me, like maybe he was jealous about us hunting together. I think we just didn't have anything in common... I want to fix that" Caleb said as explanation.
"I don't think you guys really tried... Sam was a geek and you were a closet geek, you guys would have had ALOT in common" Dean said chuckling and narrowly avoided a hand to the back of his head.
"Alright...alright Caleb... What do we have to do... Is it a spell or?" Dean asked, fully ready to do whatever is necessary.
"It's a spell and a potion... I'll get all the ingredients ready" Bobby immediately got up from the table and walked back to the car to grab his pack. Before he left the salvage yard, he had packed an assortment of herbs and miscellaneous items incase it was needed for a spell. Bobby being Bobby wanted to be prepared for absolutely anything and he just hoped that he had all the ingredients.
He picked up the heavy bag and heaved it up to his shoulder and walked back slowly. Sometimes he really felt his age but he wouldn't let it get in the way of helping his surrogate son. Sam and Hope were the one bright parts of his life.
After sorting out all the ingredients and measuring it all out, mixing it together and setting up the candles and drawing the protective symbols ready to conduct the spell. All the hunters gathered around Sam and as Bobby recited the spell Dean and Caleb each took one of Sam's hands and each other's and when the mixture in the bowl was ignited both men gasped and all the lights in the house went out.
Dean and Caleb both opened their eyes and were shocked by what they saw. the room was in completed darkness and in the middle of that room was a whimpering, sobbing and shaking Sam, who was tied with his arms around a post and his back was red, raw and bleeding with multiple slash marks from being whipped for each and every one of his supposed sins. "No!, I'm sorry, Please stop!" he started yelling when an invisible entity started whipping him again. Both Dean and Caleb looked at each other and looked back to Sam in shock. What the Hell do they do now?
TBC