Chapter 4- How to Take Care of A Stripper

Deathslayer Night: Gray kicked his door open, bathing in the icy wind. He had just come back to his home after a huge duel against Natsu and Gajeel that ended with Erza being forced to draw her war hammer and beating it on their heads numerous amounts of times. Gray groaned, holding his head as he remembered Erza's devilish face towering over him. If it hadn't been for Juvia suddenly hugging his leg at that very moment, he would have escaped Erza's vicious attacks. Gray went to his kitchen, grabbing a plastic bag before summoning some ice into it. Holding it against his head he looked around at his apartment. When opening his front door, he immediately had access to his bedroom, which was connected to both his bathroom and his kitchen. Gray went to his bedroom immediately grabbing his lacrima remote while kicking away his clothes that were left on the ground. He flicked the "on" button as his lacrima tv came to life. On the tv some weird girl with an afro was talking about the latest mage couples, as she took out a chart of some of her favorite couples. There was Sherry and Ren, Natsu and Lucy, Hibiki and Jenny, and some others until finally there was, to Gray's annoyance, Gray and Juvia. Gray sighed and was about to switch channels when he noticed a weird tugging sensation in the front of him. Gray looked down, his eyes widening when he realized he still had his clothes on- cargo pants, brown sandals, and a gray muscle shirt. Gray found his hand that wasn't holding his homemade ice pack currently trying to pry off his shirt, but to no avail. Gray suddenly started to feel hot and itchy, as tossed aside his ice pack and worked to pull off his shirt, his teeth grinding. Gray, after a short tussle, finally stopped, gasping for air as the world around him felt like it was being attacked by a nuclear missile, searing his flesh and making it raw.

"Think, Gray, think!" Gray thought out loud, trying for a second time to rip off his shirt, "Why isn't this shirt budging!"

MysticStarblade: Gray tugged and tugged in a hope to get his freaking shirt off. He was burning up. After a long while, his navy-blue eyes landed on something across the room. He grabbed the largest pair of scissors he owned. Gray gulped loudly as the light bounced off the blades. Here it goes. The man grabbed a corner of his shirt (the only piece the managed to pry off his skin without much pain) and began cutting it. He got absolutely nowhere. Sure, he managed to make a little cut, but that was before he began cutting his skin off with it. So he stopped. Well, that was no use.

Next, Gray tried to burn it. He cursed quietly to himself. If only Natsu were here to burn it off for him... Gray slapped himself. No, he didn't need that fire-breather. If anything, that nut-head was the cause of all this. With a crazed look in his eye, the ice mage grabbed a jug of gasoline and poured it all over himself. Laughing maniacally, Gray grabbed a match and lit it.

"OH CRAAAAAAAAP!" Gray screamed. He felt his flesh burning, the scent of... bacon drifting around the room. "ICE MAKE... uh... ICE!" With that spell, a thick layer of ice covered the man, extinguishing the strong flames. Gray sighed in relief as a familiar and welcoming chill creeped across him. After a minute, he shook off the ice and looked down. "SHIT!" His shirt was still on, a little scorched from the fire, but still on.

Gray tried other things, from rubbing against the wall to using pliers. But none of his methods were working. After a couple hours, the raven-haired man stood in the middle of his living room, panting as he looked at the broken furniture around him.

He tried everything. Everything except one. With an aggravated groan, the raven-haired man marched to the bathroom and turned the shower on, intent on soaking the shirt and slipping out.

Deathslayer Night: "Grayyyyyy-samaaaaa," a voice called, faint at first.

Gray froze as he tugged his shirt.

"What," Gray thought, his eyes widening, "the hell... was that?

"Ohh Grrrrraaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy-samaaaaa~" the voice called again, seemingly echoing throughout the room.

"Wait, "sama"?" Gray thought. He stopped pulling his shirt to look around in the shower.

"Oh no... It couldn't possibly be-" Gray slowly pulled the shower curtains open to locate the sound of the voice that spread through the room. And, surprise surprise, in the toilet…

Was Juvia's head.

"NOTICE ME, GRAY-SAMA!" Juvia aggressively leapt from the toilet water, her arms outstretched, determined to hug Gray. Gray leapt back, his head hitting the wall of the shower. He gritted his teeth before stretching out his leg to keep Juvia away from him. He rather not be touched by a woman who had just leapt out of his toilet water...

"PLEASE, GRAY-SAMA- HUG MEEE!" Gray paled as Juvia went past his leg.

"Oh, I forgot," Gray thought silently, "She has a water-body." With that last thought in mind, Gray got wrapped onto Juvia so quickly and so hard, he nearly blanked out ( A.N. Not meant to be an sexual innuendo).

"GAHHH! JUVIA! WHAT THE HELL?!" Gray shouted terrified as he turned the shower off.

The water mage ignored Gray's terrified shrieks and sighed blissfully, rubbing her head on his chest, while hearts formed in her eyes.

"Oh, beloved Gray-sama!" Juvia cried out in tears, rubbing Gray so hard that Gray's chest was somehow becoming even hotter, "How Juvia loves seeing you so! How Juvia has longed to be in the same shower as Gray-sama!"

The man tugged nervously at his shirt, his face turning red from both his tight clothes and Juvia's boa constrictor-like wrap.

Juvia blushed and turned her head away, covering her eyes while finally giving Gray some breathing room. "Oh, Gray-sama! Juvia is not yet ready to succumb to the delicious treat that is Gray-sama! However," She uncovered her eyes and finally noticed the man was struggling with his shirt, "Why is it that Gray-sama's shirt is still on? In fact, why were you showering with your clothes on?" Juvia paused her rant, staring intently at the burning figure of Gray.

"... IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE COLD?! OH GRAY-SAMA, LET ME HEAT YOU UP IN MY LOVE!" (A.N. Again, not meant to be a sexual innuendo).

"Damn it, Juvia!" Gray yelled, finally fed up with Juvia's actions, "I can't get my damn shirt off, that's the problem!"

MysticStarblade: Juvia stopped rubbing her head on her beloved's clothed chest. She looked up, anger evident in her eyes. "What does Gray-sama mean?"

Gray shivered under the woman's fierce gaze. "I-I c-c-can't get my shirt o-off."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Juvia wailed, tears shooting out of her eyes, already flooding the bathroom. "DOES THIS MEAN JUVIA WILL NEVER SEE GRAY-SAMA'S DELECTABLE ABS AGAIN?! OH, HOW THIS PAINS JUVIA SO!" The rain woman stopped and stared evilly at the ground. "Juvia will murder the person who did this to her beloved Gray-sama. Juvia will capture that person and tie him to the ground. Then Juvia will rip his arms and legs off one by one before cutting off his -"

"Okay!" Gray interrupted, pale from the vivid description, "Now could you leave? I need to figure out how to get this stupid shirt off."

The blue-haired mage ignored the man and stood still, eying him up and down. Oh how she loved him. She sighed blissfully as her eyes landed on his slightly-wet, raven hair. She stared gratefully at his beautiful eyes, perfect nose, full lips... "Oh Gray-sama..." Juvia thought. And then she reached his chest. She scowled angrily. Damn whoever stuck her beloved to this shirt. A lightbulb flashed in her head.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia shouted.

Gray jumped. He had spent the last fifteen minutes standing awkwardly in the shower as this woman was eying him. "W-what? Didn't I tell you to leave?"

"Juvia has a solution to Gray-sama's dilemma!"

The man raised his eyebrows. "Really? Somehow I don't trust you..."

Juvia pouted. "Gray-sama must trust Juvia! Juvia can help Gray-sama get his shirt off!"

Gray sweat-dropped. Were there any other options? He had a bad feeling about this. But then again, there was nothing else he could do. "Alright then, let's see what you got."

Juvia smiled brightly, making the raven-haired man blush slightly. "Yes! Juvia will not let Gray-sama down! Now," she stepped closer, "do not freak out."

"What are you talking abou- Oi!"

Juvia morphed into water. "Gray-sama will thank Juvia for this later!" she said, her voice echoing around the room. With that, she hugged the man, encasing him in her (A/N Noooooot a sexual innuendo).

"J-Juvia?!" Gray screeched as he felt her swirling around him. He could literally feel her giggling in delight. "Juvia! W-what are you- GAH!" Gray felt like he was being molested.

After another minute of this molestation, Juvia popped off her beloved and re-formed into her human self. "Juvia is finished! ... Gray-sama? What's wrong?"

In front of her, what was left of Gray stood shaking and shivering. He clutched himself tightly. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-s-s-so s-s-s-s-s-sorry, m-m-mother. I-I-I-I-I fear I am n-n-n-no l-longer p-p-pure f-for m-m-m-marriage..."

Juvia scowled and, although she hated doing this, slapped Gray across the face hard. "Snap out of it, Gray-sama!" When he came to, she continued. "Juvia has helped Gray-sama release his clothing! Juvia did this by making mini water slicers between Gray-sama's body and clothing. Juvia suspects that someone put superglue in Gray-sama's clothing before he put it on. And what does Gray-sama mean by marriage?! GRAY-SAMA CAN ONLY MARRY JUVIA! ONLY JUVIA! GRAY-SAMA IS STILL PURE IN JUVIA'S EYES!"

The ice mage disregarded Juvia's last statement and tugged at his shirt. It came off nicely. Tears welled up in his eyes. "J-Juvia..."

"Yes, Gray-sama?"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Gray wailed before pulling the woman into a hug. "THANK YOU!"

Juvia blushed hard, steam coming out of her ears. "G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Gray-sama! Y-Y-Y-Y-Your shirt!"

Gray looked down and found himself completely nude, once again. "Oh crap!"

As he ran around his apartment trying to find his missing clothes, Juvia smiled happily. She was able to help her beloved. It was the least she could do after he showed her the sky. Juvia scowled. Now she had to find the bastard who hid her beloved's abs from view for those brief minutes.

Meanwhile

Natsu ran around the guild, laughing his head off as he continued to superglue random guild members to random objects. This was a brilliant idea. Now that he already successfully superglued that ice princess's clothes to him, Natsu wouldn't have to deal with that stripping anymore. As he was supergluing a raw fish to Happy's back, a chill crept up on him. Natsu shivered.

"Natsu?" Lucy asked, unaware of what evil deeds her partner was doing, "What's wrong?"

"I... I don't know. I just feel like... I'm a dead man."