AN: This picks DIRECTLY after where the last chapter ended. If you're feeling a little hazy about it, read the end up chapter 9. Also, I'm really sorry if there are any serious errors in here, I really do do my best. Enjoy!

Sesshomaru managed to pull back enough to sever their connection. As the world snapped back into place with alarming brightness and clarity, the sound of her breathing and the feel of it against his neck a sent shiver down his spine. He gripped Rin's shoulders lightly and took a step back to be able to more fully look at her. Her face was flushed but much to his surprise she did not seem afraid. She looked up at him and licked her lips; it was not a seductive gesture, nor a nervous one. The gesture struck Sesshomaru as more contemplative than anything else.

Rin mumbled something too softly for a human to pick up but to his ears it was crystal clear. "It's happening again." She reached up and put her hands over his for a moment before brushing them off.

"You are the man from my dreams." She spoke louder this time, addressing him while staring up with wide eyes.

Sesshomaru quirked an eyebrow up in response but said nothing. He wondered if she knew how cliché she sounded.

"From my actual dreams, I mean. I remember. When I was little I dreamed of you. And now," Rin took a step back and then paused as if having contemplated whether or not to run and deciding against it. "This isn't right. Stop looking at me like that. It's crazy. I'm crazy." Her voice cracked and he could see tears in the corners of her eyes.

He hadn't thought that he was making a face but she had always been good at reading him. The trepidation rolling off of her was a wakeup call - he knew he should let her walk away. He knew he should do everything in his power to convince her none of it was real. But, for the first time in a long time, she wasn't only afraid of him and it seemed like she might actually believe him.

The thought of not having to be alone any longer was intoxicating. Could he finally have her whole? Could this Rin remember it all and still want a life with him? To be with her so completely seemed like an impossible dream… and yet.

"Let me show you."

"What?" She stared at him mystified.

"Do you want to know the end?" He didn't know why he was asking her. The end of that memory was the lowest point in his life. If anything, it would scare her away, not make her want to know more. But, how could he resist the chance to finally share the pain with someone - no not just someone, with his Rin?

She surprised him further by not telling him to get away but by asking him a question that further fractured his already mangled heart. "Does it have a happy ending?"

Rin must have seen the sadness in his eyes because the tears she had been keeping at bay began their slow descent down her cheeks. They ran to the corners of her lips and then over the gentle curve of her chin before disappearing. Sesshomaru had always thought crying was a sign of weakness and thus disgusting. Yet, as he watched Rin cry, he was amazed by how still her face remained even as the tears flowed freely down her cheeks. With such a simple gesture and the mellow look in her eyes, she seemed convey all that he was feeling inside.

He knew she didn't understand. He understood that she was frightened and felt like she was losing her sanity; he felt everything that was racing through her mind. It was because of how certain Sesshomaru was that he was taken aback when she said the opposite of everything she was feeling.

"Show me." Such a simple demand held a complexity of emotions for both of them.

"Why?" Sesshomaru asked softly. It was all he could think to say; she had floored him with the sudden clarity of her desires.

"I want to – need to – know." Rin pleaded as her eyes searched his for the compassion he knew she wanted to find within him.

Without explanation, he gently pulled her to him and was pleased when she didn't resist his embrace. Sesshomaru leaned down and pressed his cheek against hers, thinking that any contract would trigger their connection to his memories. He closed his eyes and willed them backwards.

"Maybe you need to…" Rin spoke after a minute of them being pressed together. She trailed off and sucked in a deep breath.

Sesshomaru could feel her cheeks burning against him own. He knew what she was implying but wanted to hear her say it.

Knowing how very out of character it would seem but not being able to resist, he purred in her ear. "What do I need to do?" He knew the sensation of his rumbling voice against her ear would drive her mad with want.

Rin tensed against Sesshomaru as sputtered indignantly before stuttering, "Nothing. I, I, I mean, we could, you could, well, I could. Kiss. You. Again." Her speech was so stilted and awkward that Sesshomaru couldn't help but smile and was glad she couldn't see him.

He stood up to his full height and looked down at her, feeling his heart pound in his chest at the fierceness in her eyes and the blush on her cheeks. "I see. Then do so." He knew she hadn't expected him to agree with her and was rewarded for his brashness with an astonished expression.

Rin licked her lips and slowly reached up, lacing her arms around his neck to give herself leverage and balance as she went up on her toes. In turn, Sesshomaru bent his head down to accommodate her but stopped a few inches before their lips touched; he wanted her to put in the effort.

It was sick to want to kiss her when she was most interested in seeing the most painful moments of his life. But, he could not deny her, even if it meant reliving what he went through in his mind every day. She had a right to know, didn't she? The memories were hers as well.

"I'm going to kiss you now." Rin murmured more to herself than him. She pulled herself up until their bodies were flush against each other and tilted her head up, smashing her lips into his. There was nothing elegant about it and as Sesshomaru looked down at her from his lip locked position, he wanted to laugh at her scrunched up eyes and how her lips were pursed as if sucking on a lemon.

Sesshomaru let his eyes slip shut and took control of the kiss as he moved his mouth against hers. He eased her lips apart, savoring the little gasp she made, and took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth. She quickly responded to his gesture with enthusiasm as she moved her tongue to meet his, tasting him as wholly as he did her.

Rin moaned as her gathered her up in his arms and hoisted her onto the desk. Sesshomaru pressed a leg between hers, hiking up her skirt until he was snuggly against her with her legs around his hips. He ran his hands through her hair, cupping the base of her skull and keeping her locked in the kiss.

She didn't seem to mind as her hands ran up and down his neck and shoulders as if mapping his body. It felt so good but it Sesshomaru couldn't help but wonder why they had not been pulled backwards in time with all this physical connection. He loosened his grip on Rin to allow her to catch her breath and take stock of the situation. However, Rin didn't seem to agree with this concept because she wrapped herself more tightly around his body.

For the second time that evening, Rin's passion set off a reaction. One moment Sesshomaru was kissing his assistant while she perched on her desk and the next he saw through eyes from long ago.

General Amatsu, rode up beside her Lord. Her crimson hair flapped in the breeze as she surveyed the destruction before her.

"The reports were true. They destroyed everything. But this may not be connected, Sire. It is believed to be the work of raiders. She may still be out there."

"No." Sesshomaru knew better than to think so. He still hadn't fit together the puzzle of Rin's sudden disappearance but with no ransom note and no scent to track, this had been the only sign. The reports of his summer palace's destruction seemed to too closely follow on the heels of Rin's kidnapping.

Sesshomaru was a Lord, a tiayoukai, and an incredibly intelligent being. He knew better than to think it was a coincidence - it was a sign, a message from whoever was responsible for his sleepless nights.

"At least allow my men to secure the area-"

"No."

"But Sire..."

Sesshomaru dismounted and began his decent into the valley below.

The skies bled red as the sunset soaked the earth in amber light. The heavens must have felt his anger for it was as if the ground trembled under him as he crossed the field.

The earth seemed to tumble away the closer he got as if he was stepping into a void. He faintly recalled a similar moment in his life when he had followed Rin into an unknown, dangerous world. He had gone to the Afterworld for her and found his strength in her death. But once was enough; he doubted there would be any strength to find if he found her dead again.

Behind him, he could hear the restless shifting of over a hundred of his finest warriors; they were all ready to attack but there was nothing to fight.

Ahead the forest was burned to ash. There was no sign of life - nothing left, nothing green. The land was scarred and though one day it would heal, that was not this day. The small castle before Sesshomaru was in ruins. Only a week prior, Sesshomaru had visited here and all was well but now there was nothing but crumbling walls and rubble.

Sesshomaru stepped into what had once been his great hall and breathed in deeply. Through the dust and ash he sought to find the one thing his heart ached for. A tiny part of him hoped she wouldn't be there, that she was alive and safe somewhere even if it was far from him. But as he sifted through the various scents that assaulted his senses, there was no denying it; he could smell her over the burnt wood and blackened stone.

Following his nose - barely acknowledging the fading prayer in his heart - Sesshomaru walked through what had once been the entrance way into the private wing. Though he had never visited here with Rin, the opportunity, now gone, was one more knife in his bleeding gut.

He soon found himself in what would have been the master bedroom. As he entered, he seethed with rage at the thought that anyone had been with Rin in what would have been their private sanctum. It was sacrilege to dare to enter the Lord's personal chambers, more so with his wife.

Sesshomaru walked along the far wall and surveyed the damaged, careful to step around the fallen sections of ceiling. Everything was destroyed but as he neared the center of the room, he hardly noticed. Sesshomaru walked with lead feet towards to futon pressed against the back wall and begged the Gods to find anyone but his beautiful wife chained up there.

Her arms were tied over her head. Her face was so bloodied and beaten that her features were indistinguishable.

With a trembling hand, Sesshomaru reached up and brushed her hair, matted with blood and grime, from her face. Barely containing his urge to turn away, he pressed his nose to her neck with the hope of smelling life in her, if only faintly, but found no trace of her presence. The smell of her lingered but it was a stale shadow of her former scent.

So many thoughts rushed through his mind in those precious moments with his body pressed against his only love. He thought of revenge, rage, despair, and most of all he thought of Rin. His Rin. His beautiful, prefect, wonderful Rin was gone. In her place was a defiled corpse.

As he finally managed to pull away, Sesshomaru's eyes trailed down her body and he could not stop himself from staring at the horror before him. His stomach rolled as he stared at her belly, still large with child, covered with an array of stab wounds. Once again with the faintest of hope Sesshomaru searched for life. He pressed his ear to her skin and found what he feared most, no heartbeat.

Everything was gone. He had lost the two people in the world that mattered most and had no way to avenge them. There was no trace of anyone else. There was no lead to follow. None if it made any sense. One minute she had been in their home, weeks from giving birth to their first child and the next she was gone, having suffered tortures Sesshomaru could not even begin to allow himself to imagine.

How could this happen? How was it possible that there was nothing he could do? There was no one to kill even though the message was clear. Whoever had done this wanted Sesshomaru to know that nothing was sacred, nothing was safe. Even if Sesshomaru burned down the world, there was no bringing his loved ones back.

And so The Great Lord of the West held his wife's body and wished for the power to once again chase her through the gates of Hell, if only to join her there.

She couldn't tell if it was her body trembling or his own. At some point in their third unexplained shared delusion, they had stopped kissing. His head was pressed atop hers and hers was tucked into the space between his neck and shoulder.

Rin heard a sound somewhere in the distance, a wailing howl, which she could not identify. It most closely resembled the sounds she had heard in that dream about childbirth she had had at the gala. As she recalled the sounds had ended up being her own. Perhaps this time…

A hand gently caressed up her back before cupping the back of her head and rocking her body softly against the solid mass before her. She knew then that it was her she was hearing – she was being consoled.

She was crying.

That hallucination, dream, nightmare… whatever it was, it had been the worst experience of her life. Rin felt the anguish – soul shattering, crushing hopelessness – as it enveloped all sight and sound and left her devastated. It couldn't have been real but if it were then maybe, just maybe, her boss' coldness was completely founded.

As her sobs dissipated her mind continued reeling at the impossibly of her current situation. A word repeated in a persistent loop in her head; it slowly drowned out all other thought – FORGET.

She still felt the rolling desire in her belly from kissing him and wanted to drown in that instead of face the perplexing situation before her. Rin pulled away from Mr. Tashio's warm embrace and lifted her sweater over her head before letting it drop on the floor without making eye contract. Underneath it was only a thin white camisole and a plain white bra. It was nothing fancy but out of the corner of her eye, Rin could see the heated gaze of her boss; he didn't seem to mind.

She slowly curled her fingers around the edge of her tank top and raised it up, teasing him with the translucent, clear skin over her hips, her stomach, and her ribs. As the underwire of her bra came into view, Mr. Tashio's hands suddenly appeared over hers and stopped her assent.

In a panic the words FORGET FORGET FORGET raged in her mind but she couldn't break free of his grip to continue on her quest to ease the pain in her chest.

He said nothing as he lowered her hands back to her sides, his eyes not on her body but on her face.

Rin wanted to plead with him. She was willing to beg him to let her do this; anything was better than seeing that nightmare again. She tried to speak but the words got stuck in her throat as she watched him stoop to pick up her sweater and then gently place it beside her.

His hand brushed against her side, a whisper against the fabric covering her thigh, before he turned away and went into his office. The door closed softly behind him leaving Rin alone, partly naked, and wholly ashamed.

There was no forgetting. There was no moving past this. Rin knew she had gone crazy; if the past 20 minutes were any indicator, she had clearly lost her mind.

Hastily getting dressed, Rin ran to the elevator with her coat and purse in tow. When she got home she would email her letter of resignation to him. She knew full well she couldn't return to Tashio Industries and she couldn't be around Mr. Tashio anymore. Reality and common sense seemed to disappear in his presence and her mind felt like it was fracturing under the pressure of his….his…. memories? Even as she tried to remember what she had seen, it seemed to fade. Suddenly gripped with the feeling that even though the nightmare had been terrible it was leaving her without her consent, she forced herself to remember it. But, the more she reached for it the further it went into the recesses of her mind until it was only a feeling of lose that reached deep into her soul. If only she could get a hold on it, then maybe she would understand.

But as her frustration grew and the memory grew more and more distant she knew she needed to stop thinking about it. She needed to move on. Never again! Rin needed to keep herself safe more than she needed to understand the mystery wrapped in an enigma that was the elder Mr. Tashio.

At the office building doors, Rin checked her phone for the time and saw that she had multiple missed calls from Kagome and a few from an unknown number, presumably Inuyasha. She couldn't find it in herself to feel bad about for abandoning them and decided it was best to ignore them both for the time being. Rin tucked her phone back into her pocket and headed home to wallow in her own self-pity for the second time that month.

Sesshomaru sat back in his chair and resisted the urge to chase after Rin. She had looked so beautiful and pure in white though he would have preferred her in nothing. He closed his eyes and pictured her as she had been not long before; he wished he had taken the opportunity to memorize her body, every beauty mark and curve.

The only thing that had stopped him was his respect to the memory of the first Rin. He would not cheapen her death by alleviating the pain of it with sex, even if it was with her own reincarnation. With her past self in mind, Sesshomaru had stopped himself from ravishing her and had kept his eyes from bleeding red in her presence. Never mind that as soon as she left he had trashed his office to rid himself of all the aggression she had coaxed from him with her little display. Damn it, she brought out everything he worked so hard to keep pent up and she wasn't even trying.

Sesshomaru scrubbed his face with his hands and looked up at the ceiling.

She was gone – he had made it happen – and Sesshomaru very much doubted that she would be returning to him again. He had embarrassed her, called her professionalism into question, and had rejected her at an incredibly vulnerable moment. Though he had done all of this with the sole thought of protecting her from the hell that being with him would inevitably bring her, he had shamed her and she would probably hate him for an awfully long time.

Perhaps it was time that he accept that fact that he was not meant to have Rin in any lifetime. He always managed to push her away and loose her.

The doors of his study flew opened as an enraged man flew in unceremoniously.

With a quick nod from him the guards shut the door behind the youth, leaving the two of them in private.

"I assume you have interrupted my work and made a show of your lack of self-control for a reason, Rou."

"Stop calling me that! I saw her! That whore parades around this palace as if she were the Queen. How can you stand her?"

"Know your place, boy." Sesshomaru snapped but there was no real anger in it. In truth, he was pleased by Rou's reaction though for the life of him, he couldn't fathom why.

"She hangs all over you. It's indecent."

"And you continue to fornicate with one of my Generals"

This gave them both pause; Rou stared at his master in disbelief and Sesshomaru inwardly cursed though didn't dare look away lest Rou think he had the upper hand.

"You have barely spoken to me since the night you came to my room. You have no right to judge me!"

"Nor do you to judge me!" Sesshomaru rose, suddenly filled with anger. How dare this boy come in here and accuse him of anything! It was Rou's fault in the first place!

"I didn't ask you to save me! But you did and here I am! You only have her around when I am there to see it! You do it to torture me! I know it…" Rou's anger suddenly left him and weariness settled in its place. "I'm sorry my Lord. I shouldn't have come. I can't do this anymore."

Those final words, spoken in a harsh whisper, caused Sesshomaru's heart to leap. What did that mean? "Speak plainly." Sesshomaru demanded.

"I will ride out with the guard tomorrow to patrol. It is clear I am not welcome here anymore." Rou waited a moment in the hopes that his Lord would tell him to stay but when Sesshomaru remained silent, it was clear to Rou what he had to do.

Rou bowed and muttered, "Good day, my Lord."

After he had left, Sesshomaru sat there for quite a long time debating his next move. It would be good for Rou to be gone for a while. It would give Sesshomaru a chance to get rid of Kagura and perhaps figure out what to do about a male Rin. Maybe it wasn't all that big of a deal.

Yes, when Rou returned Sesshomaru knew he had to set it right or else loose Rou's trust and love. Sesshomaru wasn't clear on exactly how that would be done since they were both men. Yet, he could not find it in himself to let a chance to be with any form of Rin go to waste. He would explain everything once Rou returned; he was sure the boy would understand and be pleased with his decision to alter their relationship.

It wasn't until three weeks later, when the patrol was due to return, that Sesshomaru received word. They had been ambushed along the border by Southern forces. No one survived.