I don't own MASH or the song Matchmaker. They belong to Larry Gelbart and Sheldon harnick respectively.
MASH Maker
Well, somebody has to create the MASHes,
He might build something wonderful…
Something effective…
And well run…
And efficient…
MASH Maker, MASH Maker,
Build us a MASH,
Put up the tents,
Quick as a flash.
MASH Maker, Choppers are
Landing quite soon,
So build us a perfect MASH.
MASH Maker, MASH Maker,
Build the O.R.,
Wounded incoming,
From near and far.
Fill it with Doctors and Nurses of skill,
This war is looking to kill.
At C.O.,
Fill him with wisdom.
Efficiency,
At Company Clerk.
In surgery,
I'd give a kingdom
For a staff that can handle the work.
MASH Maker, MASH Maker,
Build us a MASH,
Stock the supplies,
Quick as a flash,
Day after day in a brutal warzone
As gashes and cuts,
Are sewn.
Since when do we have supplies for a MASH, Sir?
I thought we needed them for Hill 403.
And we need that Doctor for Tokyo General.
What about the MASH?
We need them to treat the wounded.
The men at the front deserve the best.
This a war and we have priorities.
So whatever we give you, you'll take, right?
Say, Yes Sir!
Let's see, let us see,
You'll need a C.O. of course!
He's tough and he's smart!
And yes he has a horse.
But he's a nice man, a good leader, yes?
Yes.
The Chief Surgeon's a lech,
And the Head Nurse a snitch,
But at least they both know how…
To cut and stitch.
That man, in the dress.
Is your Company Clerk!
Your 2IC's a snob,
And such a jerk.
But they're the best the draft could catch, right?
Right.
The chaplain is soft-spoken.
And surprisingly quite deft,
He can give you last rites,
And a few lefts.
Did you think that they'd be perfect?
Well we do the best we can.
With shortages still rampant,
Just be glad we've got the men!
MASH Maker, MASH Maker,
Please realize
The stakes here are high.
Hostilities rise.
The Peace Talks are still,
A magnificent dud!
And I'm near elbow-deep in blood.
Oh please Sir,
Get us more sutures
Remember,
You also can die.
If you don't,
Get the supplies we need,
We'll have nothing to patch up your hide!
MASH Maker, MASH Maker,
Wounded are here
We're in quite a rush
What have you planned?
Chaos abounds and
Divided we stand.
So,
Give me your dregs
Draft dodgers galore
Reluctant draftees
And when they're combined…
They'll still be the finest kind!
*smirks*
That worked out quite well if I do say so myself.
Jasper