Dan realized, upon arriving home, then he needed to go to that meeting tomorrow. If not to better himself, then to at least see that blue-eyed mime again.
Dan spent the next day getting ready for the seven o'clock meeting at The Virgin's Heart Church, which was next door to the clinic. How ironic, Dan thought as he looked at the address again to make sure he memorized the address.
"Hey," PJ called through Dan's door "You want to come to a party tonight? There will be very single and very attractive people there." He tried to tempt Dan through the wood of the door. Dan chuckled at this sad attempt.
"No thanks, I had my own plans tonight." Dan called back, pocketing the address and walking towards the door.
"Oh yeah, like what?" PJ asked Dan as Dan made his way to the kitchen.
"Like a meeting." Dan said nonchalantly as he opened the fridge to see what was inside. PJ raised his eyebrows in surprise, not only at this news but as at the fact Dan was making food to eat. Dan had only eaten enough to survive over the past couple of months.
"Well Dan," PJ baffled as Dan grabbed bread. "Color me impressed." Dan gave him a humorless grunt as he slathered butter and meat on the two halves of a sandwich. Dan ate hungrily at the sandwich and popcorn he had prepared with messy haste.
"I'll be back later." Dan pronounced at six o'clock. He knew he'd be early unless he went to get more cigarettes and smoked while walking around for an hour or so.
"Have fun." PJ called from the bathroom, poking his freshly laundered head out to see Dan leave.
"Right." Dan grunted with the slightest laughter in his voice. He lit up and turned his collar up as he walked into the fading light and beginning evening of London's streets.
Meanwhile...
Not too far away...
Phil hadn't said anything to Louise about where he was going. Not only because he hadn't said anything in over two months, but also because he wasn't sure if it would turn into a regular thing. But he couldn't think of a good reason to leave besides the truth. Visiting someone would raise too many questions, and going out would be too ridiculous. But, thankfully, he didn't need to think of one. Louise texted him that she was going to a party with some friends and he was more than welcome to come along.
'No thanks.' Phil texted back nervously. 'I want to see if I can beat the high score on Mario Kart.' He lied.
'Cool, well have fun.' was the only reply he received. After Louise had gone, Phil got dressed, grabbed his own keys to the flat, and checked the meeting's address again. It was right next to the clinic, he realized. He walked out the door and locked up behind himself. Even though it was within walking distance, he grabbed a cab. He hadn't been able to go walking at night alone for a very long time. He handed the address to the cab driver and waited as they sped through the brightly lit streets.
"Welcome my friends." A man in a cloth poncho greeted to the circle of folding chairs in the church's basement at seven o'five that night. "Tonight I see a new face," He nodded to Phil who buried his face into his scarf. "So why don't we start with introducing each other and why we are all here?" He rose to his feet just as someone clambered down the stairs. Phil's heart leapt into his throat as he recognized who it was.
"Sorry." Dan breathed, clutching his chest with his hand. "I lose track of-" His coffee eyes met blue and his heart skipped a beat before thumping more eratically than with the sudden burst of energy he used to run. "Time." He wanted to smile but he began having a coughing fit which ended in black phylum spewing from his lips.
"Please take a seat." The leader insisted, pointing to a seat next to his own and directly across from Phil. Dan obeyed and gratefully sat down. "Right where were we?" The leader thought out loud.
"Introductions." An Asian girl piped up barely moving his lips that was sitting next to Phil.
"That's right, thank you Lee." The leader smiled at her to which she squeaked and buried her face into her shoulder. "I am Roger but you young people can just call me Roge or R-Dog. Don't call me R-Dog, that's stupid. But yes I am the leader of this support group for rape victims." Dan, Phil and several others all had physical reactions. Some just flinched but Dan and Phil had the worst reactions with Phil squeaking and burying his face further into his scarf while Dan nearly vomited.
"Can-can you not?" Dan asked, fighting the bile at the back of his throat.
"What?" Roger asked.
"Use that word." Dan managed to swallow the last of the sick, sending it to his uneasy stomach.
"What 'r-" Roger began.
"Stop." Dan ordered before Roger could finish the word. The small group looked from Dan to Roger and back again. Dan might be new but Roger was still in charge here. Roger seemed to let it go and moved on.
"Like I said, I'm the leader of this group and I was..." He looked at Dan. "Ravaged twenty years and seven months ago." He sat back down and signaled for Lee to go next. They all went around the group, everyone using a different word to describe what happened to them even though it was all the same. Finally, Dan and Phil were the only ones left. "How about you?" Roger motioned to Dan. Dan gave Roger a dirty look before rising to his feet.
"Hi, I'm Dan, short for Daniel but you could have figured that out." Dan began looking to the floor then his eyes met Phil's feet then rose to his light blue eyes. "I had my incident two months and four days ago." He told Phil. Phil's eyes went wide as Dan sat down, the realization hitting him that he and Dan were raped on the same day. He knew he had seen Dan before the clinic! It was at the hospital when he left, he and Dan had shared an elevator together.
"Good share, Dan." Lee mumbled to the agreement to the group of young people and Roger.
"Yes, now what about you?" Roger asked Phil. Phil looked from Dan to Roger in horror. He had to speak too? But he couldn't speak, not in front of all these people. Sure it was only seven, but he couldn't, he wouldn't. Phil shook his head.
"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" Roger joked but Phil grew angry and rose to his feet.
'You know nothing about being raped!' He mouthed before leaving in rage and anger but by the time he got outside, it had all melted into hurt and sadness.
"Hey." Someone said behind him. Phil jumped a mile and rounded on Dan. Seeing it was only Dan, he relaxed and wiped his eyes. Phil waved weakly and let his hands fall into his coat pockets, burying his face into his scarf further against the cold.
"That was uncalled for, what Roger said, I mean." Dan fumbled trying to talk to Phil who refused to face him. Phil tighten his grip around himself and blinked away the tears while nodding. Dan felt so awkward and didn't know what to do. So he did what he knew best: ignore it and have a smoke.
"You want one?" Dan asked, holding out a cigarette to Phil but Phil turned it down. Dan shrugged and lit one up. Phil gaped at him. "What?" Dan blew out the pollution as Phil texted furiously.
"'Don't you know smoking KILLS people?'" Dan read out loud when Phil was finished.
"Yeah, that's the point." Dan chuckled darkly taking in another long huff. Phil smacked the cigarette out of Dan's hand. "Hey, what's your problem?" Dan hissed, fishing out another cigarette and taking a step away from Phil. "I am just speeding up the process of dying." He inhaled the pollution and exhaled its' smoke. "If I'm lucky, I'll die in a few years' time at the rate I'm going." Dan smiled sickly at the lit cigarette. Phil slapped this one out of his hand too and reached for the rest. "Dying is better than living with the pain and memories!" Dan yelled at Phil, securing the pack in his pocket and making a note not to smoke in front of this mime. Phil was texting furiously then stopped and deleted what he had written, thinking better of it, but understanding how Dan felt deep down. "By the way, I still don't know your name." Dan reminded Phil now facing Phil, waiting for a reply. Phil took out his phone again but Dan pushed it down. "No, I want you to tell me your name." Phil thought about texting 'Get used to disappointment.' before walking away and moving on. But Dan's intense coffee colored stare made him stay and for the first time in a very long time, he wanted to talk to someone, Dan to be specific.
"I'm Phil." Phil managed, it came out squeaky and hoarse but still recognizable. Dan smiled a toothy grin, he hadn't thought that that trick would have worked but he was pleasantly surprised, not only by receiving an answer but he thought Phil sounded like an old time cowboy in that moment.
"Hey Phil, I'm Dan." Dan reintroduced himself, shaking Phil's hand and smiling broadly.