A/N Ughhh guys I feel like this is my worst chapter. I wrote it almost three times and I feel like I didn't get it out right like how I had it planned, but I am throwing this chapter out there it has feelings and maybe a kiss and a lot is approached so that a little more is figured out between the two but yet it's still dangerous ground between two friends. Fair warning I pulled the humor out of this chapter for the sake of the topic but it will come back. Don't be afraid to shoot me with a review on what I could have changed or what should come next. xoxoxo
Octavia sat on her couch drinking wine with Lincoln. She loved having him as company he was funny and smart and gorgeous. He was pretty much everything Octavia had ever wanted in a boyfriend. They haven't put a label on what they were but he stayed over often and she could admit the last two weeks she had been at his house a lot. She felt like she was cheating thinking so much about Raven and she didn't want to do that or be that person. She knew she needed to talk to him about what was happening but how does she even approach that when she couldn't even tell Raven or what happens if she pushes him away and nothing happens with Raven. Either way she knew she was questioning her feelings with Raven and she refused to lead either of them on.
"Lincoln I need to talk to you." Octavia was very happy she was on her second glass of wine for the night.
"What's up babe." He glanced at her quickly before looking back at the tv to the movie they were watching.
"I...ummm… I need to talk to you about what we are." Octavia waited to see his reaction.
"What do you mean." Lincoln picked up the remote pausing the tv to turn towards her.
"Like what is this…. what are you we doing here… me and you?" Octavia motioned between them.
"Well I thought we were dating? I guess, why do you feel otherwise?" She could tell Lincoln was confused.
"Lincoln I like you I really do. You are pretty much perfect and anyone would be happy to have you." Octavia was mentally smacking herself for being so confused.
"Okay…." She watched Lincoln pull his feelings in a little not sure what was just about to happen.
"See the thing is Lincoln… I am confused on a few things with my feelings and I just don't want to approach anything too serious and end up hurting you or someone else." Octavia braced for the worst.
"So you like someone else?" Lincoln asked with a tone Octavia hadn't heard before.
"I.. well…. I don't know." Octavia took a drink of her wine. This was more difficult than she expected.
"How do you not know Octavia? You either like someone or you don't?" She felt Lincoln start to get mad.
"I don't know how to explain it Lincoln…. I haven't liked someone like this before like I am confused?" Octavia tried to plead her case.
"You haven't liked someone like this before? I am seriously confused Octavia." Lincoln stood up looking for his jacket.
Octavia started to panic she didn't know what to say like she wanted Lincoln to stay and she liked him but her mind was still set on Raven and it was driving her crazy.
"I think I might like a girl." Octavia spit it out and then she felt her face go into shock. She couldn't believe what she just did. She wasn't even fully capable of admitting it to herself yet and now she was telling Lincoln.
"You think you might like a girl?" Lincoln spoke sitting back down.
"I think… I don't know.. I haven't been able to figure it out or put anything on it. I just don't want to lead anyone on." Octavia put her face in her hands trying to not sound crazy.
"It's Raven isn't it." Lincoln said it like he already knew.
"What…." Octavia's head shot up looking at him.
"It's Raven right? I was around for the bar fight thing and I have seen the way you look at her sometimes." Lincoln didn't sound angry or disappointed .
"Is it really that obvious?" Octavia asked.
"Not before that night, but then again I don't know how long you have been feeling this way." she heard the questioning in his voice.
"It hasn't been long, I am not even sure when it happened but it has and it's confusing because she is my friend and I don't know what to do with any of this." Octavia watched him like a hawk.
"Well O all I can say is I don't want to stop you from feeling for someone else but I also don't want to be your go to when you don't have anyone." Lincoln put a hand on her thigh trying to be reassuring.
"I do like you Lincoln, that has never been a doubt please don't think that. I think that I just need a break to figure this out so that no one gets hurt." Octavia grabbed his hand hoping to reassure him.
"Okay I can give you time and since I am not sure who knows about this if you need to talk I am still around for you." Lincoln smiled at her and she couldn't believe how amazing he was being about this.
"Your amazing." She leaned in giving him a quick kiss.
"I'm going to head out but don't be afraid to call me." He leaned in and kissed her on her forehead grabbing his jacket and walking out the door.
Octavia just sat in the silence tapping her wine glass thinking of what she should do. She wants to tell Raven but she just didn't know how, but then again how do you say that. I might have feelings for you or do you say I am curious but doesn't curious usually just mean straight wanting to fool around.
"Ughhhhhh" Octavia groaned out loud throwing her head back on the couch. Maybe she could text her to just casually talk so that there wasn't the pressure of having her in her face.
Octavia: Raven I'm sorry about everything today. I really want to talk to you I just don't know how.
Raven was sitting on her couch with Elliott's back towards her as she had squeezed between her legs resting against her chest. She knew so far the girls were just friends and they had gone on two dates but nothing had come of it after that. It's not like she would say no to it but things had just fallen off randomly with both of them being busy. She heard her phone beep and she hated being that rude person who checks her phone during a date but technically this wasn't one so she reached to grab her phone and pushed the home key too see Octavia's name. She wasn't sure if she should even open it because she had left the girl with Lincoln earlier so she put her phone down.
Octavia hadn't gotten a response so she poured another glass of wine and turned on the music. She figured if she was going to go crazy with her feelings she might as well do it listening to good music and dance around her living room, when she heard her phone beep she just about hopped her couch to get to her phone. It was Clarke asking about food and a date.
"At least one of us is getting lucky." Octavia mumbled to herself and of course Clarke has to bring up Raven. I guess my advice wasn't good enough even though she knew she was tipsy she probably was no help anyways especially right now with dates and feelings.
Raven heard her phone beep again she glanced at it not being able to read the name from the table. She itched to pick it up again and see if it was Octavia. She hadn't read the message yet and she wasn't sure if she would text again. She knew Octavia had a text message rule on if people didn't reply back you don't text again. Raven gave in and grabbed her phone. This time is was Clarke. She was asking about food and a date and course Octavia. Raven laughed knowing Clarke was going to use her idea after the short conversation between the two of them and that she was in fact a genius when it came to planning dates.
"Everything okay?" She heard Elliot ask probably because Raven had laughed a little.
"Yeah everything is good my friend just needed some date advice." Raven grabbed rubbed her shoulder a little hoping the girl wasn't jealous or anything.
Raven seen the preview of Octavia's message and clicked on it. Her friend was apologizing for what had happened today. Raven really wasn't looking for an apology she was looking for answers, like what was going on with her and did it have anything to do with something she did herself or if it was something about her feelings. After their talk in Octavia's apartment today Raven was almost sure Octavia felt something for her she just wasn't sure what and if it was enough to mean something.
Raven: I'm not looking for an apology O and you know that.
Octavia picked up her phone sitting on her counter it was Raven she finally answered it had been a good 20ish minutes and it pissed her off having to wait. She wasn't good at being a patient person and she wasn't 100% sure on how to even reply to the message as is.
Octavia: What do you want me to say then Raven?
Raven: How about the truth for once.
Octavia: I am being honest Raven I'm confused. I know I was wrong earlier with how I handled things.
Raven: How about the bar then O… explain that to me. Tell me what it meant.
Raven knew she tensed up because she felt Elliott shift away from her a little but she was pissed. She didn't get what could be so hard to say. If Octavia had feelings for her she needed to admit it. If it meant she needed to back off in their friendship she would. I guess the question would be if Octavia said she wanted more would she even want it. She never thought about herself in this situation she just wanted to know why her friend was being so weird.
Octavia: I was drunk Raven. I don't know I spouted off some bullshit in the heat of the moment after our dance and that girl.
Raven: You've already said that Octavia. Text me when you really have something to say. You told me to leave you alone and that is what I am doing.
Octavia read Ravens text and was pissed. She knew arguing with the girl while she was drinking was never going to work. Texting never showed emotion anyways so there was no way Raven was even getting the true feel of her trying to apologize. Raven had also said she would give her time but she wasn't sure how much more time anything would take or how it would change things. She already broke the news to Lincoln she just needed to spit everything else out and maybe it would help things. She was going to see her. Octavia jumped off the counter drinking the last bit of her wine. Raven only lived a few blocks from her so walking would give her some air and she needed to at least make sure the girl knew that she was truly sorry for everything especially the bar night.
Raven never got a text back so maybe Octavia had listened. It would be the first time the girl didn't actually try and fight back. Usually Octavia was the one up for arguing all the time. Not sure what to do or say she sat her phone back down and relaxed pulling Elliott a little closer so they were comfortable again when she heard someone knock on her door.
"You expecting someone?" Elliott asked.
"No not that I know of. One second." Raven hopped up off the couch to look at the peep hole on the door and she didn't see anyone. Jumping when she heard the knock again she opened the door and she got the surprise of a lifetime.
"Octavia." Raven wasn't even sure if the words came out of her mouth.
"Raven we need to talk." Octavia raised her voice stepping forward noticing that Raven didn't budge with opening the door.
"Are you going to let me in?" Octavia asked looking confused.
Feeling the door pull out from behind her she turned a little seeing Elliott standing behind her with her bag and a small smile on her face.
"You don't have to leave." Raven spoke letting the door go.
"It's okay Raven I can tell that you two need to talk more than we need to finish the movie." Elliott stepped up and gave Raven a quick kiss before walking out the door waving at Octavia.
Octavia had no idea what to think. She had once again just barged in on Raven and Elliott for the second time today. She had no right doing so and she felt like an idiot. The world didn't revolve around her and her feelings and yet she was making it be that way.
"Well come on in Octavia" Raven kicked the door open all the way turning her back to the girl.
Octavia didn't want to step in she wanted to run back to her apartment.
"Octavia don't stand outside and try to leave after you just got her to leave." Raven stood in her living room getting a little pissed.
"I didn't get her to leave Raven, I had no idea she was here when I made my choice on coming over." Octavia stepped in the apartment slamming the door.
"So what are you here for then." Raven walked up to her face to face. "Ohhh wait let me guess you are here to tell me you are confused and you don't understand but never tell me what it's about, right?" Raven wasn't moving she wanted an answer now.
"Raven…" Octavia was having a hard time breathing with them being so close all of a sudden.
"Yeah that is what I thought." Raven turned heading for the fridge for a beer she needed something to clear her throat before she was the one throwing something at her friend this time.
"No it isn't what you thought Raven I came here to talk to you. Can I please have one of those." Octavia stepped up to the counter not sure what to do with her hands.
"Sure." Raven took a swig off the beer in her hand and then slid it across the counter to Octavia smiling knowing she had a thing about germs.
"Really…. you think I am going to drink off that after I just watched her kiss you." Octavia pushed the beer back.
"Is that what the problem is Octavia, another girl kissing me." Raven watched her expressions change. "The last time it happened I think…" Raven was cut off.
"I don't like it Raven...is that enough for you right now." Octavia slammed her hand on the counter.
"You don't like what…" Raven leaned forward on the counter.
"I don't… ughhh why are you making this so hard on me." Otavia turned to lean against the counter.
"Hard on you… I probably just lost a potential third date with Elliott because of you. Also I was slightly humiliated in the middle of a bar because of you and the only person who seems to know what is going on is Clarke and I can't make her choose between us Octavia." Raven yelled to her back.
"I lost Lincoln." Octavia spit out feeling a need to defend herself.
"What?" Raven wasn't sure she heard her right.
"I lost Lincoln well I broke it off. Fuck are you really that oblivious right now." Octavia pushed off the counter heading towards the door.
"You are not leaving." Raven charged around the side of the counter pushing herself between Octavia and the door.
"Raven." Octavia pushed her hand out trying to keep some distance between them.
"Octavia just say it." Raven didn't budge. She felt like they were going in circles or rather one step forward and two steps back.
"I had to break things off with Lincoln tonight after you left. Lately I felt as if I wasn't being fair to him so I told him what was going on and he agreed to walk away but he let me know the option will always be open for us." Octavia spoke keeping her head turned so they weren't looking at each other.
"Lately you weren't feeling fair, what does that mean?" Raven asked grabbing her arm trying to get her to look at her. She felt Octavia flinch with the touch.
"Octavia let me in." Raven grabbed her other arm because she could feel Octavia pulling away.
"Raven… you can't touch me." Octavia started to feel weak she could feel the heat coming off Raven and how the her fingers gripped around her arms.
"Octavia talk to me." Raven felt the brunette shiver every time she gripped her arms. She slowly started pulling her closer letting her hands slide up her arms.
"Raven I…. we can't do this" Octavia tried to gesture between them but she was stuck.
"We can't what Octavia…. what are we doing that isn't right?" Raven tugged a little harder causing Octavia to turn and look at her this time.
Octavia looked her in the eyes they were way too close she knew she hadn't told Raven what was going on but she had a feeling she already knew and either she was feeling the tension too or she was just looking for another point to prove.
"This Raven… we can't do this." Octavia said looking looking at the ground feeling herself be pulled in but she hadn't stopped it yet. She liked the feeling of Raven's hands on her and it was clouding her judgment at the moment.
"What is wrong about this." Raven had inched Octavia pretty much into her arms slowly. She leaned in putting a finger under Octavia's chin lifting her face so she could look directly into her eyes with their lips just inches apart. She watched Octavia's eyes drop to her lips before back up to meet her eyes.
Octavia felt her body shiver as she felt Raven touch her face. She couldn't stop her eyes from drifting to her lips. They were so close she probably only had to talk to touch her mouth. She could feel Raven's breathing pick up almost like she was challenging her waiting for her to give approval. She knew Raven and one thing Raven never did was take something that she wasn't allowed. She was never selfish but Octavia couldn't bring it to herself to say yes or no at the moment she just kept staring.
Raven was stuck she wanted to kiss Octavia so bad but she couldn't read the girls expression she couldn't tell if there was approval or denial. She didn't want to overstep but watching Octavia drop her eyes to her lips again she took it as a sign and she leaned in brushing her lips slowly across Octavia's not moving just keeping them inches apart still. Octavia hadn't pulled back but she didn't kiss her back either.
Octavia was in shock. Raven had just kissed her or well she brushed there lips together. She knew she didn't kiss back but she didn't even know if she knew how to breathe at the moment. She wanted to lean forward this time and kiss her back but she didn't budge. She just felt Raven let go of her other arm and slide it around her back pulling her closer. They were flush against each other now. She felt Raven's hand inch up to the back of her neck before she felt Raven lean in again and kiss her a little harder this time.
Raven knew she was crossing dangerous territory but Octavia hadn't moved nor did she say no. When Raven took the chance to pull her closer Octavia hadn't pushed away either. She wasn't sure if she was advancing but when she pulled her in to kiss her again and she finally got her approval as Octavia kissed her back. She felt the girl move her lips as her body shook as if she was nervous. It caused Raven to grip her behind the neck a little tighter trying to reassure her this was okay.
Raven kissing her was making her antsy. She felt her nerves spike as she kissed her back she couldn't bring herself to break the kiss and when she felt Raven pull back a little it almost made her groan in disappointment.
"Tell me what is wrong about this again." Octavia heard her say and she pushed there lips together again.
Feeling Octavia finally kissing her back she got a little lost. She could feel herself getting addicted to her taste already. She leaned back against the door pulling Octavia with her. She didn't want to make her feel like she was being forced. She wanted to deepen the kiss but she was afraid to push her to far. Feeling their bodies pushed together on the door and Octavia's hands finally meeting her hips to keep them together had her breaking their kiss as she slowly started to kiss her way down Octavia's jaw making her way to her neck she could hear the brunette suck in her breath and letting it out in a small moan. She felt Octavia grind her hips into her looking for friction. She was driving the girl nuts and she knew it.
"Raven…" Octavia was going to go crazy. She was feeling to many thing at once. The feeling of Raven kissing down her neck and biting lightly. She knew she had moaned she couldn't stop herself from moving. She had a hold of Raven like she was afraid to lose her. She had let her hands roam a little letting them run down Raven's arms that had her hips gripped tight pulling her down on the girls thigh. She could feel the muscles in her body tensing up and she was dying to let her hands slip under Ravens shirt. Hitting the girls belt buckle had her snapping too just a little. What the hell was she doing she froze bracing to push off of Raven. She felt Raven's grip let her go.
"Are you okay?" Raven had felt Octavia freeze up. He hands stopped moving and she held her breathe. It was a key sign to panic.
"What the fuck." Octavia closed her eyes putting her hands on each side of Ravens head using the door as separation.
"I'm sorry I am such a dick." Octavia said looking away from Raven she couldn't face her. How could she do this…. how did she just let herself slip from saying she didn't ever want to hurt Raven too full on making out with her. Even if she hadn't spit the words out about having feelings for Raven her body just proved it.
"I need to leave." Octavia quickly got off the door.
"Wait Octavia don't go." Raven was the one panicking now as she stepped up trying to hold on to her.
"Please Octavia just wait a second before you run." Raven pleaded again trying to stop her friend. For the first time she felt broken like she had overstepped. She needed to just get her to talk.
"Raven this was a mistake." Octavia pretty much ran from her apartment.
"No it wasn't" Raven whispered. She hated hearing those words. It stopped her in her tracks from trying to chase her down. She had been hurt one too many times by those words and right now she didn't know if she was losing a friend or more then a friend so she just stood in silence trying to figure out what the fuck just happened knowing she didn't regret it.
A/N I know I know not what was expected right but I think I have it going in the right direction. I am still not sure how far I will keep the spin off going. Like I said before maybe till chapter 5 depending on what vibe I get off of it. Thanks a bunch for reading. Don't forget to read the start on Voss Inc. xoxoxo