Hey. I'm sorry I didn't update. I've been busy and the original chapter three didn't save, and I've been too angry to approach my laptop after that.

NOT EDITED

"Are you kidding me?" I say to Trish.

"No, Ally. I'm telling you.." she begins. We were interrupted by Cassidy. It was the very day after the party. I had apologized to Trish for what I said. Popularity wasn't worth losing my best friend. It wasn't worth losing everything.

Cassidy flips her long brown hair over her shoulder and smiles. "Hey, fatso. Hey, slut." she greets impolitely. However, I think manners are the last thing on this girl's mind.

I usually left it to Trish to have a comeback and she always did. "So, I'm fat and she's a slut. Those things can be fixed, but you will always be ugly." Cassidy scoffs and walks off. I thanked Trish, but within an hour, I wished she hadn't have done that.

In Phys Ed, I was changing in the locker room. But after my rape, I felt vulnerable and violated, and there was no way I was changing in front of these people. I started to walk in the bathroom, but Cassidy stopped me.

"Tell your friend to be more careful." she whispers. I'm not sure what that means. I get it within a minute. "Ally? No way! You had sex with him? I mean, was it good?" She said that so loud I'm pretty sure the boys' locker room heard. And it wasn't even true.

Kira looked up. "You mean with Kyle?" she asks Cassidy.

Cassidy hides her smirk. "No. She had sex with Brian."

"Who's Bri.." I begin to ask, very confused, when another girl lashes out.

"My boyfriend?! You slut!" she shouts. I look around, still lost. Who the fuck is Brian?

The girl started scratching me and throwing punches. I fought back until she revealed the bruise Kyle left. It was more like a gash. She gasped and screamed at its gory sight. I pushed her off of me and lowered my sleeve.

"I bet you got that from getting rejected by a guy. You wouldn't take no for an answer, so he hit you? Am I correct?"

Partially. I rejected a guy and he wouldn't take no for an answer, so he hit me. Oh, Cassidy, so close.

I don't answer her. Brian's girlfriend calmed down as far as anger, but now she was crying. "Brian always cheats on me."

"Okay. Who is Brian?" this girl asks.

"Does a Brian even go here?"

"There is no Brian at this school."

People started to catch on. There was a guy named Kim at this school, one named Roger, one named Peter, people of all kinds of names, yet not a single Brian. Which is ironic since the girl claims that's her boyfriend, therefore he's taken, and not single, which he should be. But wait. There is no Brian and everyone knows that. So, how did that hurt Cassidy's poor little ego? I don't know, but I know she quickly covered it up.

"Does it matter? She didn't have sex with just Brian. A series of guys. And I never said that Brian went here."

Her theory was so effed up. "Even if I did, how would you know that?"

Everyone started to agree and demand she was a stalker until finally Brian's girlfriend (I'm beginning to think Brian does not exist) said, "Brian told me. And the series of guys that Cassidy is talking about are his friends."

"Um, that sounds like rape." Kira points out. The word 'rape' sends this tingle through my body. A bad kind of tingle. More like a tremble. I remember everything that happened last night as it replays in my brain, word for word, action for action, and worst of all, the sick feeling it left that night that it still there.

"Was it?" a girl asks me.

This is all so stupid. "I didn't have sex with anybody. And what you thought you saw was wrong! I didn't have sex with Kyle. He..." I begin. I could have said "raped me" and that would have been it. I knew for a fact everyone would beleive it and Kyle would be in jail, permanately, and all the bad things would never have happened. All those repercussions because of two words I did not say.

For some reason, there was a lump in my throat. "Just give up and let me take over." she whispers and turns to the crowd. "As you can see, she's lying. What else could be behind her loss for words?" More than you think. "Guess what else," she continues. "Ally is a slut and she knows it. Brian even knows it. So, my advise to her is to go to the clinic to get rid of that STD."

And everyone beleives it.

They seem to forget the fact that Brian doesn't exist. It was fine for the rest of the day. No one gave me a hard time. Then Thursday had to come.

I had walked to my locker, hoping to dodge the haters. Unfortunately, Cassidy was already there. This girl had no morals.

"Are you done ruining my life?" I ask, seriously fed up. On top of that, I was not going to be late to my first hour.

Cassidy shrugs. "Well, it's a bit of a hobby."

I'm not a complete wuss, so I push her out of my way and open up my locker. She pulls out some sunglasses and tries them on. "How do I look?"

"Stupid." I respond. I'm guessing I provoked her because after that she threw them down and stepped on them, which really didn't affect me. Well, it was really sunny that day, so later on it kind of did, but not terribly.

I didn't think anything of it after that. Everything seemed fine to me. Until at lunch, this girl kept scowling at me. It made me uncomfortable so I threw away my lunch, which was honestly just milk. I was too depressed to eat. More so from my rape rather than Cassidy's tormenting.

When I sat back down, she sat at my table, still scowling. "Is something wrong with your face?"

She keeps doing, and I just choose not to look at her. Then this girl slips me a box of OraQuick. She whispers, "Free of charge in your case." In case you don't know what OraQuick is, it's an in-home HIV test. I get up to throw it away until Cassidy asks what's in my hand. I look around and toss it to her.

"No thanks," she says. "You'll need it more than I will." I wonder if I'm the only one who noticed she just basically admitted that she needs it. She hesitates to give it back to me, but I don't take it anyways.

Against all odds, I survive freshmen year.

I awaken from the flashback slash dream and check the time. It's not like I'm late for anything, but I rush to get dressed and comb my hair. My life is so boring. Is it wrong to say that I miss the tormenting? I mean, at least it gave me something to do and excitement in my life.

What drove me to the edge was that no one cared about me, so there was no reason for me to. I wasn't staying for anybody. What iced the cake was Kyle's triumphant return, trying to rekindle whatever he thinks we had that one night. Dilusional, he is. Wait. In a way, the dream wasn't particularly about Kyle. It was about my tormenting, or how and why people starting creating rumors about. The sucky part is I still don't know who Brian is.

For the first time in a little while, the store has business. A little girl's mom bought her a violin. I decided to save the money, but ended up counting all the rest of the money. It came around three thousand dollars, but it's not like I can buy a house with that money. Besides, if my life does continue until high school is over, I'll need some tuition money to get into MUNY, my dream school. Hopefully, that'll happen.

Later on, Austin comes. He's not exactly welcome. Leave it to him to shake up my day. I haven't had one bad thought today. Well, not a seriously bad thought.

He looks around and then approaches the piano. "You play?" he asks.

I clear my throat. "Um, I used to."

A look of disappointment spreads across his face and I wonder why. "Why'd you stop?" he asks.

I really don't know why. There was no point in it. An entire day of getting bullied and I go over and play the fucking piano? Yeah. No. I tried that in freshmen year and it calmed me down, but the bullying continued. The piano isn't my hero. Nothing is. I mean, look at me.

I'm seventeen and instead of hanging with friends, I'm in a music store that hardly has business with a guy who just got out of jail, and went because of me, and because of everything else, I was in a mental hospital. If I must go on, my entire life has been a joke with no punchline. The worst part is that I don't even know who is telling the joke, or if they're expecting people to laugh, or if it's me telling the joke. I've never been very funny. Well, not in my eyes.

That's when I realize he asked me a question. "Oh, um... I don't know. No point, I guess."

"There's always a point when it comes to music." he disagrees, and somehow I agree with him.

I shrug. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I am." I chuckle at his arrogance. Or was it just confidence? Is there a difference? He's both confident and arrogant, if you ask me.

I begin to think about the times I actually am right about something. That doesn't work out because then I start to think about the times I actually do things right, and that just brings horrid memories and regrets.

"I hear you write songs." he suddenly says.

That doesn't make any sense. "From who?"

He hesitates to respond and then starts to play, but stops, getting flustered. He's not the best at playing the piano. Says the girl who hasn't played in two years.

"I asked you a question."

Austin looks up from the keys, but not at me. At the door. I quickly turn to look, but no one's there. My blood had started rushing. What would be the big deal if someone was there? I'm sure I'm just afraid of everything, like my shrink said.

A shrink is a therapist, of which I had in the mental hospital. I don't think my shrink was very good. I knew she was listening, but it didn't feel genuine considering she was getting paid to do it and saw thousands of people just like me everyday. I barely remember her name, and actually, when I think about it, she was no help. I'd be sad, she'd ask why, I'd say why, and she'd indirectly call me stupid.

"Hello, Ally."

"Uh, hi."

"How are you feeling?"

"A little gloomy."

"Why?"

"I'm seventeen and I'm in a mental hospital. I have no friends. My parents are dead. My rapist found me last month. Countless reasons."

"Do you know how to fix that gloominess?"

"No, that's why I'm seeing you."

"Listen, Ally. Sometimes it's our own misunderstanding or mistakes or incompetence that makes us gloomy. The way to fix that is to address your problems. That's exactly how molehills turn into mountains."

"So, you're calling me incompetent?"

"No, Ally, you're just lacking in success. You're being substandard."

She was using big words to basically insult me. Part of the reason I was seeing her was because I was being insulted and all she did was insult me more. I have to say though, I would have preferred Cassidy to call me vile or repugnant rather than ugly.

By now, I've forgotten that I asked Austin a question, and that he dodged it, but I decided to rest and reflect on my life. Which subsequently reminded me that I did have an appointment with my shrink at four. How exactly was I going to get there?

The light bulb just turned on.

Austin. The dude is rich. He has to have a car. He came to school everday driving a Harley-Davidson or Range Rover or Convertible.

"Hey, Austin, can you give me a ride?" I ask.

Here I am, expecting him to say yes, when he's obviously going to say no.

"Sure. Where?"

Wait, what?

"Um, this big building somewhere. I'll know it when I see it."

He takes a minute to think. "Okay. You wanna leave now?" he asks. It was around one and I figured I could get there early, especially since I didn't want to go, but was making myself.

My therapist, Dr. Karen Winbinger, was evil to me in so many ways. In fact, when I get there, I'm going to call her Karen.

I nod.

"Um, Ally, you might want to fix yourself up a bit. The public isn't a fan of... that." he says, pointing to me.

I can't beleive he had the audacity to say that.

Just kidding. I've just always wanted to use 'audacity' in a sentence. In fact, I had been waiting for him to say something about how I dress.

"Well, I don't have anything else to wear. And I can't find a brush anywhere."

I'm not even sure if he realizes that I'm a freaking peasant.

Yet, I drag my feet up the stairs and put my hair in a bun since it at least looks controllable and less tacky that way. I put my Beatles shirt on and then my gray sweatpants and green hoodie.

I go down the stairs. "It's not a Before and After transformation, but it'll have to do."

"Where are we going though?"

How do I say this in the least freakiest way possible?

"To see my shrink."

I had to say shrink to ease the weirdness, rather than therapist. I didn't expect Austin to even know what a 'shrink' was. Boy, was he full of surprises. Needless to say, he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Shrink? You mean a therapist?"

"Yes, Austin, a therapist."

He sighs, which I guess is his weird way of saying 'whatever'. We get in his car, which today is a convertible.

The entire drive is silence until I see a big building and tell him to stop. He parks and doesn't directly tell me to get out.

"Um, are you going to leave?"

I couldn't. As if there was a way to face my fears and get over the past. There was, and I hadn't exactly found it.

He seems to understand. "Just go in. What's the worst that could happen? I'll go in with you."

I accept the offer and walk inside with him. Much to my dismay and to his pleasure, hand in hand. I sign in and take a seat. The couple hours we spend waiting is actually interesting. We don't tell each other anything personal, but we definitely got to know each other.

Then, they called my name. I went into the shrink's office, with Austin walking close behind me.

"Ally, hello. Have you gotten yourself a boyfriend?" she asks.

I roll my eyes. "No."

"Oh, please. Take a seat." I find a couch and plop on it.

Austin whispers in my ear. "I think you've got it from here." Then he leaves. Well, that's just perfect.

"So, Ally, how are you feeling?"

Stupid. "Uh, actually, I'm a little lonely, Karen." That's true, but it's not really bothering me that much.

"Who was that boy?" she asks.

What was I supposed to say? Friend? Associate? Colleague?

"He's Austin. The one I told you about. Who, I guess, killed Kyle."

"Oh, is he? What is he doing out of jail?"

I wish I knew the answer to that.

"I don't know."

There's a bit of awkward silence after that, then as the shrink, she breaks it.

"Do you like him? I saw the way you looked at him."

"No. He's cool and all, but I think you know a boyfriend isn't on my agenda."

"Then what is?" she asks.

"What?"

"On your agenda?"

"Um, I don't know."

"How about you start making lists? Schedules, agendas. Keeping yourself busy can cure depression."

"Okay, I guess."

Silence again, but this time I break. "Would I even have a chance with Austin? I mean, after everything that happened? It's just a question out of curiosity."

"I don't know. But you could ask him when the time is right."

Finally, my shrink was listening and had not insulted me.

"However, he is quite handsome and your style hasn't updated at all."

And there it is.

She continued to see right through me and give me "advise".

"... and stop being such a pussy. That is where you're losing it."

"Whatever." I say. She glances at the clock.

"Times up. Get out of my office. I'll see you next week."

Well, she basically just threw me out. However, I'm quite happy to leave. When I walk into the waiting room, I see Cassidy, ready to walk in.

I always knew the bitch needed help. Nothing really happens. She just scowls at me and walks into Karen's office. She's just like I left her. Bitter.

Sorry for the wait. Duty called. Tell me what you think? Sorry again! But I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Was it too short? Ugh, excuse my writing insecurity. Bye.