Hey guys. UPDATE! Today was a snow day so no school, so update. Here's chapter six! And it freaking deleted most of it GRRRRRR! So it took twice as long to do it! Thank you WiFi, for bailing on me!

*NOT EDITED*

After I had dissed Trish in an attempt to be popular, she hadn't spoken to me in at least a week. I wasn't surprised. I'd be angry at me too. There wasn't much of a way to get your best friend back without pulling a few strings, so that's what I had to do, but I had to dodge a few rumors in order to get somewhere.

I went up to Trish at lunch and sat across from her, forcing a smile on my face. That past week I had gotten raped, bullied, and rumored to be a slut, and I still had no idea who Brian was. I wasn't having the best week and losing my best friend didn't help it. "Hey." I greet.

She slowly looks up at me. "Shouldn't you be sitting with Cassidy?"

I shake my head, unable to say how I feel. "But no. She dissed you, so you're crawling right back to me," Trish goes on. I decided to let her say how she felt. "You know, Ally... when high school started... I had hoped, really hoped... we'd stay friends. But look where it's gotten us, not even a month into high school. Nowhere," I nodded as she went on. "I thought we were..."

"Trish, you know I was just-"

"Trying to be popular? Yeah, I know. I didn't know you had to diss your best friend to do that. Ally, I know this year has been rough for you after losing your parents, so is that... is that why? Is that why you had to change how people thought of you? Because now they think even less of you."

"So, they've always thought less of me?" I ask.

"Ally, yes. But-"

"You know, Trish, this has been the worst year of my life actually. My parents died, I fell in love with a boy only to have him leave, everyone thinks I'm a slut, and I got..." Raped. Is that so hard to tell somebody, especially your best friend. Apparently so.

"It's okay, Ally. I forgive you. And I'm sorry... for being lame."

"No, Trish. I'm the lame one. I dissed the coolest girl in the world to hang out with the meanest girl in the world just to be thought of differently at the local prison facility... school." Which was weird... I LOVE SCHOOL!

With that, I had my best friend back... but something was missing. Actual happiness, it could be. Trish and I had drifted apart by mid sophomore year. One Tuesday, I asked if she wanted to hang out. She had plans, so she said.

"Sorry, Ally... I have plans. But I'll call you, okay?" As if I had a cell phone. That was a phony excuse for, "No, I don't want to hang with you Ally." Truth was, deny it as she might, she didn't want to be seen with me because everyone thought I was a heinous slut and being seen with a heinous slut is social suicide in high school. The last time we spoke—the day before the Halloween party that changed my life—was pretty much the end of our friendship.

Trish went up to me when sat alone at a table at lunch, not touching my food. She sat across from me and sighed. "Ally... I just want you to know that I do care about you. And that you know what you're doing is permanent."

"You don't care about me. You haven't spoken to me in ten months. The last thing you said to me was, 'I'll call you, okay?' But I think we both knew you wouldn't and there was no way you could. And now you think I'm going to die, so you try to pity the slut? Save the act. Save your apologies. It's too late for me to be acknowledged. It's too late for an encore. It's... it's too late." When I realized that I was crying, I wiped away my tears and sniffled before sucking in the air around me.

"I really am sorry."

I shook my head. "Sorry doesn't fix it this time. You think you can just go around saying sorry to people who obviously don't want your pity and who obviously have been through more than one can imagine?" I got up to walk away, but not before taking a glance at Austin, happily flirting with his girlfriend. Then I looked back at Trish. "You... were my best friend and now... now, look at us. You put yourself in this position."

"No, Ally. You put yourself in this position. You deserved everything that happened to you."

That set the tears off once more. "So I deserved to lose my parents, I deserved to have my heart broken, I deserved to get bullied, I deserved to get raped? I deserve all of this. And I deserve to die."

"You got raped?"

I didn't answer. I wasn't going to answer. Someone who cared about me would have spread the news, but... she didn't.

I woke up tiredly on the floor of Sonic Boom. Next to me was a phone with a note attached to it saying 'I think you could really use a phone. I put myself in there as 'Your Reason To Live' and you know exactly why. I think we can move past all this Cassidy stuff and just be friends. In other words, we broke up so now she shouldn't be bothering you and we can be... friends? Oh, and did you know that there were TWO Portlands? That's outrageous.' I can't help but laugh at the note.

Except the part about him dumping Cassidy for me. Well, that's not what he said, but they still broke up so he could be with me in the sense of a friendship, I think. Cassidy is just a jealous bitch while Austin is everything yet nothing in my life. Wasn't I the jealous bitch? They were the ones who had everything.

I text my supposed "reason to live" to come over. I wanted company... for just twenty-seven more days? Twenty-seven days... less than four weeks. I could do it. It wouldn't be so bad.

Then my flashback dream about Trish made me realize it could've been a sign. Could have. Either way, I was calling Trish. I remembered her number.

The second I dialed those seven digits, I regretted it and hung up. That was progress, if you ask me. She called back right away. "Hello? Yogurt shop? I know I was late, but... eh, just fire me."

"Well, then consider yourself fired."

"Ally? It's you!"

"Yeah. You sound surprised? Didn't think I'd ever talk to you again?"

"No... no, actually. I thought you were dead. Rumor has it, at least."

"Well... they aren't true." None of them were. Not the ones about me being a slut or the ones about other things that didn't get around to me, ones like this.

"So, do you want to hang out?"

It was time to let go of whatever it was I was holding onto. A sliver of hope? Hope for what, though. Letting my guard down to Trish meant letting my guard to Austin, which meant I might as well give up now. "Yes." Yes. Of course I said yes, only because I didn't want to say no, which I suddenly feel like I should have said.

When she came, I remember Austin was more than likely coming, but I dismissed it. Miss time with my best friend to hang out with Austin who was my... acquaintance?

"Whoa. How about we get you some new threads? And a visit to the hair salon?" And we did. We both acted like nothing had happened between us, but I could never forget it no matter how hard I tried. Never.

Just to ruin everything, my mind kept wandering to Austin. What if he was at Sonic Boom, waiting for me? I totally blew him off. Maybe that was the problem. I was so worried about things that would never happen, while things I weren't worried about happen. We had talked a lot and done pretty girly things—get our nails done, get
our hair done, go shopping—which were things I hadn't done in pretty much
forever.

We got to her house and both reluctantly decided on a sleepover. We really just talked more and right when my mind got off of everything else, I stupidly blurted out, "So, how's school?"

"You mean, in the sense of people talking about you, or the sense of how school is?"

Which did I mean? "Either one."

"Well, that weird science teacher quit after fluoride literally blew up in his face... and the Spanish teacher is pregnant," Interesting news, I guess. "And Cassidy was going around telling everyone you died in a mental asylum last week." Well, last week I still was in the mental hospital. It's a hospital, not an asylum. And I'm pretty sure that I'm not mental.

"That's okay. She can have her fun."

"You seem to be taking it well."

I shrug. "She hates me and I may never know why. I guess I'll just have to get over it and move on."

"And move past the bullying? Ally, people care about you. What you did wasn't smart."

In the eyes of you, is my first thought, which I'm pretty sure I should have said, but didn't because I wasn't going to push away another person who cared about me. "Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't be sorry. If anything, I should be."

"No. I was the 'heinous slut' and you were just you. I wouldn't even want to be seen with me." Before she can respond, her phone beeps. "Uh oh, this is the yogurt shop. I'll be right back. You can quit a job from the phone, right?"

"You better go there just in case."

"Okay. I'll be back in ten minutes... twenty, if they refuse to give me my paycheck." Then she leaves. I sat there for five minutes before deciding to go to Sonic Boom, just in case.

When I get there, I see Austin. Oh crap. "H-hey. I was going to come but-"

"What happened to you?"

"I wasn't here, like I said, I was going to come but-"

"No. Your hair, your face, your clothes."

I shrug. "Makeover?"

"You looked fine before."

What? "Oh. I thought you were only interested in barbies like Cassidy."

"I never said I was interested in you. Just that I... never mind. Where were you?"

"With Trish."

"And you asked me to come for what reason?"

"Well, I... I don't know. Have you literally been here for five hours?"

He sighs. "Yes. Looks like the mental girl isn't so mental anymore."

Well. That was offensive on so many levels and that was pretty low. "Looks like the delinquent isn't so... isn't so... isn't so... asshole-y? No, if anything you're more asshole-y."

"That's not a word."

"Whatever."

"Did you really just bail on me?"

"Well... yes! I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Don't. I don't have to explain myself to you. I just... I want to be free like everyone else. Is that so wrong? My life has been-"

"Don't bullshit me with that 'life sucks' act. You-"

"It's not an act! Did it ever occur to you that my life actually does suck?!" I had began shouting, but I was determined not to cry. He wasn't going to break me, not again.

"Let's see, your parents died, you got raped, bullied, and...?"

"That's why it sucks."

"Yeah, but you let that stuff hold you back. Get over it. Prison is one hundred times worse than that."

"And you went on account of-"

"You!"

"I didn't ask you to kill Kyle! You know I didn't! You should have just minded your own god damn business!"

He steps closer, staring at me. "If I hadn't done what I'd done, you'd be dead."

"And that's exactly what I wanted, smart ass!"

He grabs my arm and I start breathing slowly. "You wanted to die... but we both know it wasn't the way Kyle had in mind." he says, softly.

He was right, but I wasn't going to admit that. "And thank you for that. Really motivational. You don't know me as well as you think you do."

"I know you better than you know you."

"That doesn't even make any sense."

We're both silent after that. "Ally... life does suck... but you shouldn't go around moping about it." he says.

"And this is coming from the screw-up fairy?"

"What does that even mean?"

"It means: why should I take advice from you? Why should I trust you?"

He sighs. "You shouldn't... but... we still have twenty-seven more days."

"Is that your excuse for everything?"

"Pretty much."

I roll my eyes. "Goodbye, Austin."

"You know, sometimes I think you're no fun."

"And sometimes I think you're an asshole, buh-bye!"

He sighs again, but it's more of a defeated sigh. "I'm still mad you blew me off."

"And I'm still mad that... that... something!"

"That's no way to talk to your reason to live."

"And what makes you think that you're my reason to live?"

"Because..." he begins. He stops and looks up with wide eyes at Cassidy who had just walked in, looking as bitter as ever.

Sorry, didn't want to end it like that, but duty called. I'm trying to get back on track with updating so SORRY about that. Anyways, happy new year, blah blah blah, and the next update is currently unknown, but hopefully this weekend!