Hey guys! Update! Little Aussly and Alliot (if that's the proper pairing name).

*NOT EDITED*

Elliot. Elliot. Elliot.

The only one who didn't know what went on at school. The only person I could talk to without them saying, "Yeah, I can't be seen with the school slut, so bye." The only boy I could talk to without somebody thinking I was sleeping with him. I don't know when my crush on him started, but he was all I could think about. The last time we spoke was freshman year going into sophomore year.

There was a tree we'd always climb for some reason and we'd sit on the top branch and talk. It was the last day of camp and for some reason, I let my guard down and thought that after knowing him since we were kids, we'd at least kiss. I had been hopeful because the last year had been the worst year of my life. It was always different with Elliot. Except for this time.

"You know, the stars look really pretty tonight. They're beautiful." I said, trying to make conversation.

"Ally... I have to tell you something I've been wanting to tell you since... since..." he begins. Was he going to say that he liked me? I had surely hoped so, so I hadn't wasted three years of my life thinking that he was actually into me.

"Okay. If it's hard to say then just-"

"I'm moving."

I pause, my mind going blank and my head starting to pound. Moving? "You're moving?" I ask, my voice beginning to crack as I choked on the tears I was trying to hold back.

"Yes. To Jacksonville, which isn't even too far, but..." He stops talking when he sees my tears.

"It's at least five hours and 344 point 8 miles from Miami. It is far."

He seems shocked at my tears. "That's what I'm going to miss... your knowledge about... distances. I bet you're going to miss me... isn't that why you're crying?"

The bad part about Elliot not knowing about my other life was, well he didn't know about my other life. He assumed everything was fine when it wasn't. Though the people who did know about my life still assumed it was fine, but for me it was a living hell. No one seems to see anything in me—pain, happiness, hope, hatred—it is all blind to people in the outside world, if that isn't so obvious to me now.

"No... it's not. No, it's not why I'm crying. Why the hell would you think that?" I snap at him.

"Okay, Ally. I've noticed something's wrong with you."

"It took you six weeks?"

"What's wrong? What is it?"

"Nothing."

"No—it's something. What?"

"Haven't you heard? I'm crazy."

"No, I haven't heard actually. What's your problem?"

"Why do you assume I have a problem?!" I shout at him, tears stinging in my eyes.

"Your problem, with everything. You didn't even participate in arts & crafts this summer and you love arts & crafts-"

"No! YOU love arts & crafts! I just... I only did it all those years because..." My tears had stopped me from speaking. I didn't even know what I was crying about, which felt like the worst part.

"I'm sorry, Ally."

"No, you're not. Do you have any idea how many people have said sorry to me in the past year. Sorry your parents died, sorry I-"

"Your parents died?"

"So you've figured out after six weeks." I say with a hint of sarcasm.

"I didn't exactly have a way of knowing."

"I shouldn't have to tell you."

"So I just look at you and know your parents died. You're being unreasonable."

"And you're being an idiot!" I yell as I jump out of the tree and go deeper in the woods, finding a sharp stick. The sharktooth-like edge scraped across my skin, leaving a small line of blood on my right arm.

"Ally." a voice behind me says. I turn to see Elliot.

"What do you want?"

He comes closer. "I just wanted to say that I like..." he stops talking when he sees my nearly mutilated arm and the bloody stick in my hands, with some traces of blood on my fingertips. "Di-did you do that to yourself?" My not answering clued him in on the fact that I did.

"You were saying?" I ask, as if nothing had ever happened. He starts speed walking the other way. "I liked you too!" I shout after him. "Hence the word 'liked', past tense." I mumble.

Cassidy had been looking as proper and bitchy as ever and with it nearly midnight, I was determined on getting her out and finding out why she was here if her and Austin were broken up.

"Hey, Aussie, hey, Dawsie. Ugh, did I really just say that?"

"Cassidy. What are you doing here?" Austin asks.

"Operation: Ruin Ally Dawson's Life, attempt 67." I answer for her.

"Aw, Ally, I feel the same way too. I really just need some cash."

"But you're rich."

"And so are you. And she's poor, and that's a tuba, and that's a clarinet, and that's a violin. Are we done here?"

He groans. "Yes. In fact, we've been done since yesterday."

"Then why did you come to my house last night?"

"I didn't."

"Oh, but you just as easily could have."

"You're a lunatic."

"You're an asshole."

"Hey, I just called him that, like, five minutes ago." I say.

Cassidy gives me a half-hearted smile. "Great minds think alike."

"Are you saying I have a great mind?"

"Oh, don't flatter yourself, Dawson. I'm saying I have a great mind."

I walk over to her. "And you want money from your ex-boyfriend?"

"Is that what he told you? That we broke up? Austin, you should be... proud of yourself. For manipulating this poor, ugly young girl."

"Dammit, Cassidy! We broke up."

"You can't dump somebody when you're drunk. Everybody knows that's not legit."

"I wasn't drunk."

"Oh, but you were and I was too. And with your little drinking problem-"

"I don't have a drinking problem!"

"But you clearly have an anger problem, probably a side effect from the drinking problem."

"You have a drinking problem?" I ask Austin.

"No, I don't."

"Correct, but you just as easily could have one." Cassidy says.

"Lunatic."

"Asshole."

"Okay, so how about the lunatic and the asshole get out of here before the mental girl gets really annoyed? And yes, I just called myself mental."

Cassidy starts clapping. "We have a breakthrough. But I'm not leaving without five grand. It's an offer, Austin, take it or leave it."

"Leave it. Just like I did you." Austin says coldly before leaving. Cassidy does her signature groan-sigh-scream-cry and then stomps out. I knew I should probably go back to Trish's place, but somehow my feet were glued to the floor. Then it occurred to me, the longer I stayed at Sonic Boom tonight, the longer what had just happened would stay in my thoughts, but I still couldn't make myself move.

The only question that was still lingering was: Why exactly does Austin think he's my reason to live?

Kid you not, I made a list of possible reasons and theories of why he could think that he was my reason to live. I ruled out all the options with logic and truth, but it took two hours to come to that before I fell right asleep.

It felt as if I was only sleeping for five minutes until someone was calling my name. I look up to see a fairly familiar figure. Elliot.

"Elliot?"

He gives me his signature smile. "Don't tell me Ally Dawson's forgotten how to hug." Jumping into his arms, I give him a tight hug. It was as if the last time we saw each other never happened. I did need to forget the past and that was one step closer to the future. I had every right to be happy, didn't I? It wasn't letting my guard down, which was the number one thing I wanted to not do.

Releasing him, I gave a somewhat relieved sigh. "You've... changed." he says, eyeing me, up and down.

"Yeah. It's only been, like, two years. So, what are you doing in Miami? Your dad get transferred or whatever reason you moved?"

"Well, actually, I'm only going to be here for..." For some reason, he stopped talking and I just smiled, until I realized it was up to me to break the silence.

"Um, so..." I begin.

"Ally."

"Yeah?"

"Do you still... still..." I had already known what he was going to say. Self-harm. But I played dumb.

"Nah, arts & crafts just isn't my thing anymore."

He chuckles. "No... I mean... hurt yourself?"

'Yes. In fact, I just did the other day. Is there a problem?'

I wanted to say, but that was risking alienating the next person in my life who actually cared about me, so I had to say something else. But what else was there to say but the truth? My heart started pounding so loud I thought that Elliot himself could hear it. My adrenaline was racing and my breathing was speeding up. I had to tell him the truth. But the truth would scare him away.

He grabs my hand before I realize it was shaking. I pull it away and sigh before telling him what was either going to be a lie or the truth. The ugly truth."Well..."

"Never mind. You don't have to answer. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Are you? Mentally, I mean?"

What the hell kind of question was that? 'Are you mentally okay?' Of course I'm not. Well, actually it depends on the day. "Depends on the day." I answer vaguely, wanting desperately to talk about something else. He doesn't get that hint, obviously.

"Well... cool. How is everything else? Your parents?"

'Well, last time I saw they were six feet underground... but have you seen them lately?'

Another thing I wanted to say, but didn't.

"Uh, still dead."

"Oh." Was he surprised that they hadn't... I don't know, resurrected?

"And yours?" Part of me prayed that his parents were dead, but the other part of me thought that was a foolish wanting.

"Good."

"Just... good?"

"Well, they... are happy, I suppose."

"But are you happy?"

"Um... are you happy?"

"Come on, Elliot. I asked you first and based on what I've already told you, take your guess. Am I happy?"

"I don't know. I don't really have control over my life."

"Well, suicide is always an option."

"What?"

Shoot. "Did I say that out loud?" I ask.

"Have you ever... contemplated suicide?" No. There was never any contemplating. When I realized I wanted to kill myself, I went through with it, I broadcasted it, everybody knew it. Sure, I didn't succeed, but still it answers the question honestly.

"No. Have you?"

"No... but I saw this thing on YouTube and you were... you..." he begins.

I knew what he was going to say, so I had to change the subject. Why are we talking so much about me and my problems? "Speaking of YouTube, don't you think Rebecca Black is so over rated?I mean, the Friday thing was two years ago. Why is she such a big hit to everybody two years later?"

"Well, actually, she's a pretty good singer."

"Yeah, with the computer by her side. Hashtag: autotune."

He forces back a laugh. "What? I'm just being honest." I say.

"Brutally honest," says Elliot. "And 'Friday' is a classic. It's essential; you can't just disrespect it."

"You can if it's stupid."

He can't hold back a few laughs and neither can I. When my laughing fit is over, Elliot is the next to speak, "Are you single?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because... well, have you had your first kiss?"

"Why?"

"One time, we made a deal... to see who would get their first kiss... first. Our last summer together. We didn't see each other again to find out who won."

"Okay, we'll answer it at the same time on the count of three. 1, 2, 3."

"Yes." we both say, giving the other question looks. We both open our mouths to speak, but then I point to him to go first.

"Well, when-"

"Your mom doesn't count, Elliot." I joke.

He smiles. "I was hoping not. That'd be embarrassing," Then he gets a look that reads serious and playful. "Sophomore year... I visited Miami, but you were nowhere to be found. I had talked to this girl and she was pretty. One thing led to another and she kissed me. I kissed back. You know, to be polite. I forgot her name though."

"Oh. What'd she look like?"

"Brown hair-"

"Cassidy?!"

"Yeah! How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess."

His first kiss was... C-C-C-Cassidy? Not my Cassidy. And I don't mean my Cassidy, but the Cassidy in my life? That disgusted me, no matter how long ago it was. "How long ago was it?"

"Seven months ago?"

I fight back my barf. "So, Ally. What about yours?"

Sighing, I tell him. "It was actually the summer before freshman year."

"Oh. So you played me?"

"Well, you waited until this year to lose your... kissing virginity."

"Actually, I lost it to my grandmother on the day I was born."

I laugh, before finishing my story. "We were at this park. It had a beautiful meadow and... we were talking by the flowers, when he leaned in to kiss me and I sneezed in his face."

"Ally. Almost-kisses don't count."

"Grandmother kisses don't count."

"Yeah, yeah. Is that all there is to your kissing life?"

"No. Let me finish. Anyways, he told me he was moving later in the jungle gym. I was heartbroken and..." I start faking tears. "He had to leave. I told him I'd see him soon and he... he waved goodbye. But I fought for my love and I said 'No!'. Then, with all my power, I kissed him."

Elliot starts applauding. "Riveting," Then he stops. "Now tell me what really happened."

I sigh. "Okay. I was heartbroken when he told me he was moving... but we were at one of the picnic tables then. He said he'd see me again if fate had it's way of bringing us together again. Then he kissed me. And I kissed back."

"What's this loser's name?"

I knew his name. I just couldn't say it. "I don't remember." I lie.

"Did you ever see him again?"

"Yes."

"You seriously forgot his name?"

Nope. "Yup."

"What'd he look like?"

"Why?"

"Because I want to know."

"Austin, okay? His name was Austin... Austin. Golden blonde hair, drawing brown eyes, abs that I may or may not have seen before... this attractive smile that makes me want to just wipe it off of his face everytime I see him. And yesterday, I almost-"

"Wait, wait, wait. You're still seeing this Austin?"

"Yeah. Well, not seeing like an affair, but seeing like with your eyes. Vision. Five senses."

"You guys hang out?"

"I guess. He..."

"You have feelings for him?"

"No. In fact, I hadn't thought about him for a consecutive seven minutes until you brought him up."

He sighs. "Oh." he says, in a defeated or upset voice. I eye Austin at the door.

"Uh, how long have you been there?" I ask, walking over him.

"Long enough to hear that you've been thinking about me."

I give a relieved sigh. "Good."

"And about our first kiss. It was magical, wasn't it?"

Elliot walks over to us. "Who's this, Ally?"

"I'm Austin."

I slap my face with my hand. "Is that so? Austin. You know Ally? Kissed her lately."

I shake my head. "Is three years ago 'lately'?" Austin asks.

"Oh. So this is Austin. I was just asking Ally if she had any feelings for you."

"I know. I mean... what did she say?" Austin says, covering up his eavesdropping smoothly. The thought was silly, but could this guy actually charm other guys? In a sense of making himself seem innocent when he wasn't.

"No. She has no feelings for you whatsoever," Elliot says, taking a step closer to Austin, who backs up in a creeped out way. "What about you? You have any feelings for her?"

I expected him to give a scoff followed by a 'Hell no', but what he really gave was a hesitation before looking at me. I gave him a I-really-like-this-guy-so-don't-screw-this-up look and he looked back at Elliot and said, "No."

"There was a hesitation. Why? Got something to hide?"

"No."

"Really. You seem like you hide a lot of things."

"Yeah. Dead people's body parts. I have a severed head in my car trunk if you want to see it."

"Ew." I say in disgust.

"Freshly cut." he says, turning to me. I knew he was joking, but the thought was unsettling.

"You're disgusting."

"You're attracting."

"Okay. Since there are no feelings between you two," Elliot begins, looking at me. Then he turns to Austin. "You won't mind me asking Ally on a date."

"She would never say yes to a douchebag like you."

"Yes!"

Elliot smiles. "Awesome. See you here at seven-thirty. But... this date is only happening with Austin's blessing."

"What?" Austin and I both say in unison.

"You don't like Ally; prove it. Say yes; you don't. Say no; you do."

I look at Austin threateningly. He better say yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

"No."

I groan. "Really? You like me?"

"Well, I... I... you..."

"You like me, don't you?"

"I... it's... no. I don't like you. In fact, I despise you, but I don't give you the blessing to go out with..." Austin looks at Elliot. "That."

"Ah, but you would only say that if you liked her. Do you?"

Austin sighs. "Have fun with the slut." he says, harshly, before leaving. I pretend like he didn't say that and give Elliot a half-hearted smile. Half my heart indeed was smiling at Elliot. The other half? For it had went with Austin.

"So Elliot asked you out?"

"Yes and he asked for Austin's blessing. Can you believe that?"

I was at Trish's, getting ready for my first date in... forever. I was wearing leggings, flats, and a long T-shirt. It was a date, but I didn't want to look flattering.

"Not really. I think Austin likes you."

"And I think Amanda Bynes has the nicest tweets." I say sarcastically.

"I'm serious, Ally. Why else would he hesitate or not want to give you guys his... blessing?"

"To ruin my life. That guy hates me and... after Kyle, I... I don't know." I say, not wanting to talk about Kyle.

"You feel bad?"

"He went prison because of me."

Trish sighs. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. That creepist (creep and rapist) deserved what he got. The guy's probably on fire, getting eat by maggots as we speak."

I shrug, unable to be cool about it. I did feel like Austin got arrested because of me. In fact, it haunted me every night. I ruined his life. And now he was ruining mines, which is most likely why he didn't want me to date Elliot. He didn't want me to be happy.

"It's almost seven-twenty. I should go. Wish me luck?"

"No. You don't need any. Just... remember: Once your guard goes down, your heart opens up."

I had no idea what that meant, so I mumbled a thank-you and rushed to get to Sonic Boom. There, rose petals led me to a table, draped with red tablecloth and three candles on top of it. I see Elliot in a suit, which made me feel like an idiot. That's when I realized I didn't want to date Elliot. I wasn't ready to date. Not so soon, and not to mention, I had zero feelings for him. All we had was camp. Just camp. That's all we'll ever have. Now I just had to tell that to him.

"Hi." I say, rushing to sit down so he didn't dare try to pull out my chair. I thought that move was cheesy. There was no man playing a violin like it always is in movies. Thank goodness. Hopefully there was no lobster or wine, or even apple cider. I'd prefer pizza and soda. Or pickles.

"Hey, Ally." he says, smiling at me from his seat. Surprisingly, the date wasn't terrible. We started talking about Rebecca Black again, which I thought the conversation on that was over earlier, and other stuff happening in media and politics and music. No flirting had come. No romance. Which was what surprised me the most. Hell, Austin flirts with me more than this guy. Earlier, he called me 'attracting', but he was probably just trying to annoy me. Hopefully. Hopefully not. I don't know, really. It's more than Elliot has ever called me.

I was beginning to enjoy myself and think this date hadn't been a total waste of time. Dare I say it, I was beginning to fall for Elliot. Then a distant, familiar voice called, "Ally!"

Austin. Of course. The second I think I'm falling in love, this guy has to come and ruin it. Ruin everything.

I get up and walk towards him, attempting to punch him in the face, then I decided yelling at him would be better. But I didn't want Elliot to hear it, so I drag Austin inside of Sonic Boom, close to the door.

"What are you doing here? Trying to ruin my date?!"

"No. I just wanted to-"

"Ugh! I hate you! Do you really have nothing better to do than ruin my life?! I never did anything to you!"

"Ally, I-"

"It's because of Kyle, isn't it? You hate me because of Kyle?!" I shout, before realizing that tears were streaming down my face.

"No. You're going to date Elliot and-"

"And that's none of your business!"

"And after you start dating him-"

"I'm happy?! You don't want me to be happy, do you?! Is it such a burden for you for me to be happy?!"

"You-you'll slip away... after you start dating him. Then it's probably all over. And... I... I just wanted to say that I-"

"Hate me?! It's cool. I hate you too... I hate you more."

"Just hear me out. I just wanted say that I like, have always liked-"

"I don't care! I don't care what you have to say and I most certainly don't care about you! Get out of my life and do it fast. Just go."

"Ally-"

"I said go." I say, tensely.

"Ally-"

"You know, you've got some nerve. Coming here, trying to ruin my life, ruin my date."

"I wasn't trying to do any of that. I just wanted to talk to you."

"Well, we've talked. You can go now."

"Ally, please." I look up at his pleading eyes, and turn away before I get mesmerized. Potential song lyrics, but I didn't have time to think about it.

"You want to ruin my life. You'll stop at nothing to make sure I'm miserable and you're happy. You hate me... and I don't know exactly why. But go. Leave and never come back. Because I hate you too." I say softly.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier. About you being a-"

"Did you hear what I just said?" I say, coldly.

"Yeah."

"Any feedback before you go?"

He stops to think. I can almost picture a list of comebacks swirling through his head, scrolling down until he finds the right one. I realized my tears had stopped. I'm just glad I got that off my chest.

Then Austin whispers, "I'm afraid you've got me confused with Cassidy." When he walked out the door, my heart fell in more pieces. What had I done? I basically pushed another person out of my life who cared about me. That's the silly part. He doesn't care about me. He never has cared about me. He never will care about me. That's the part I want to let go of. Him thinking he's my reason to live, especially so confidently. That's the part I can't figure out. And why I feel closer to him than I do Elliot. That's the part I'm trying to forget. But Elliot—Elliot will never be Austin and that's the part I'm trying to fake.

What do ya think? Fairly long, I'll say. Took me a well three or four hours. (I should be studying). I'm glad I finished. It's almost 6 where I am and it's pitch black outside. Silly daylights saving time. This chapter was SUPPOSED to be up yesterday, but it just had to not save and make me crazy (crazier). I was super angry and refused to even touch my laptop, but I'm over it (I think). Sure, I had to retype about 4000 words, but that is SO four minutes ago. And yesterday I saw Frozen! Best Disney movie I've seen since 2008. Disney movies went downhill after they ended the HSM and Cheetah Girl trilogies. After that, even the Disney movies in theaters started to suck... but that's totally unrelated to this chapter. Well, bye. I need to take a well earned nap.