Hello. Another update, as promised. Enjoy!
I've been staring at the wall for two hours. There's not much else to do. I could think up a whole list of things to do right now and the first one on the list is to jump off a building. I'm really tired, of everything—people, life. I'm even tired of the sun.
Ultimately, I decided to go the practice room at Sonic Boom and wait for Austin. I'd be waiting for a while, considering we were meeting at four and it was just barely noon. I started playing around on the keys, randomly pressing some, not expecting to come up with a song.
Needless to say, I came up with a melody that just needed lyrics. I guess I could add a few chords, but I didn't want to get carried away. I hadn't written a real song in nearly three years. Maybe my talent was gone.
I kept playing, but lyrics were the furthest thing from me. I look at the door, only to see Austin watching me play. He looked bemused.
"How long have you been standing there?" I ask.
"Just thirty minutes."
"Don't your legs get tired?"
"Don't your hands get tired?"
I rolled my eyes. He sits next to me on the bench and stares at the blank page on my songbook.
"How have you not came up with any lyrics?"
"I don't know. I just have no inspiration."
"Well, it looks like your inspiration has arrived. Maybe it can be about... fear. What is something that really scares you?"
"I already told you. Failing. Trying my best and still not getting it."
"Oh. I was actually expecting something like spiders or clowns, but that'll work, too."
"Well, we're not all afraid of stupid things like umbrellas."
He glares at me. "Well, at least I'm not afraid of myself."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're afraid of yourself. How much more clearer could I have been?"
"No, I mean... how?"
"Well, you keep all of your talent and awesomeness bottled up inside of you because you think people are going to hate and judge you. You're afraid of your true self."
I gave him a look that said, 'You're right... but let's just work on the song,'. I almost blushed at what he said, though. Who wouldn't?
The song got somewhere about two hours later. By 'got somewhere', I mean we barely made it to the chorus. Austin said I was "listening to the lyrics, but not feeling or understanding them." So when he decided that we needed to take a break, I took that as the perfect time to analyze the lyrics.
Stop, hiding out in the shadows
Scared to show the world you exist
Don't, lock yourself in the darkness
The world is so much brighter than this
Yeah, if you never take a shot
You're never gonna win
So turn it all around
We had both written it, but it seemed more his words than mines. Meaning, we had written it, but it was as if it was in his point of view, directed towards me. I looked at the lyrics again, over and over again. It was surprising to find out what these lyrics really meant and how much it applied to my cowardliness, which I think is a word.
It was crazy. We had been working for two hours and only came up with this little bit. I was out of inspiration. I needed Austin.
Chances are that he was somewhere in the mall. Chances are that if I had looked, I would have found him. Who knows? There was a continuous process of writing a small lyric, then playing it, then erasing it. I did that countless times. I wanted it to be perfect, for Austin. I don't know why, but I think I owe it to him after everything that has happened in just barely three weeks.
He came back, looking both annoyed and delighted. He sat next to me and stared at the songbook. "Why'd you erase all of that stuff?"
"Well, because it didn't seem that good and I wanted it to be perfect for you because-"
"Ally. It is perfect. You're perfect. Okay?"
Now I blush. "Okay." I say.
I think my inspiration really was there. It just took me a while to figure it out.
The song was finished. Only thing was... it was two in the morning. I couldn't even question why it took so long. I just know I enjoyed it. The song was complete and that's really all that mattered. I was tired. Sleep was out of question.
While I wanted to sleep, Austin wanted to stay awake. He could have went home, but I don't think driving in the middle of the night is the smartest idea. So we just decided to stay here... and talk? And maybe... see where things go. That was it. Nothing needed to be more awkward than it already was.
"So... you like the song? I mean, it could use a few-"
"It's fine, Ally."
"Okay. I just-"
"Want it to be perfect?"
"Yeah. I think I've done a lot in the past three weeks to cause you enough stress. The least I can do is make the best song ever."
"It is the best song ever. Don't sell yourself short. And besides, these past three weeks have been the best... and worst of my life."
"Same. Looks like we bring out the best and worst in each other." I honestly had never looked at it that way.
He stops. "That's a good thing, right?"
"For us, it sure is." I say, smiling. He stared at me, looking intrigued. I stared back, unsure if that was the proper response. I would have kissed him if I had any courage whatsoever. Except I don't, so I didn't. I can't say the same for him. I suppose he had his reasons, just like I had mine. Still, I hate those reasons.
Another short chapter, but I don't think it's stupid. It's one of those good, short chapters. I really wanted it to be longer, but I thought the length of it would suffice. Fortunately, we only have about three more chapters like this until... things. So... tell me what you think?