Hey, guys, I'm back! Was going to update last week, but then the PERFECT chapter that I wrote didn't save. I may or may not have cried... But anyway, this chapter is basically what I remember writing, but it's not as good as the original, so just bear (bare?) with me, okay?

My life had gone from not-so-good to collateral damage in such a small amount of time. And I didn't know what—or who—to blame for it. There were times when I'd blame myself, and then others, and then myself, once again. I had to ask myself several times if it was my fault.

I continued to ask myself: If I could go back in time and stop myself, would I? That means stopping myself from going to the party, stopping myself from wanting to be noticed. I could never answer that question. If I did go back and stop myself, what would I lose or gain?

Maybe I'd gain something never existed in my world. And maybe I'd lose something that I never knew was important to me. I can make such an assumption because it's happened before. Plenty of times. I'd always wonder what I could do to stop it. Nothing. I could always hope. Hope—that was the something that never existed in my world.

And I never knew why.

I still wondered what caused the mess that my life was. And maybe it was time to stop blaming myself.

There had often been times when I refused to believe that fate existed, but it seemed to skip me when it passed by. I mean, was there really a reason I was always picked last for teams or was I just picked last?

In my life, the saying Everything happens for a reason had only been a myth. And then... it started to become my reality, my everyday life. I was the way I was, I was treated the way I was for a reason. And then I stopped. I stopped believing that all of it happened for a reason. Maybe it just happened and people were out of their mind, waiting for fate to choose their destiny or place in life. But either way, I had been one of those people at one point or another.

"Austin. Do you believe in fate?"

It seemed ike a random question, which it was. Maybe I wasn't the only one was unsure. Maybe someone else out there didn't know either. "I believe that some things are meant to be, but not that everything happens for a reason." I blinked. "That makes no sense, does it?"

"Not exactly."

"Well, if you're walking in the street and you get hit by a car—"

"Please pick a different scenario."

"Just listen. I don't think that you got hit for a reason. It just happened."

"A wrong place, wrong time thing?

"Exactly. But if you find someone you love and you lose them... maybe it's meant to be that way. Maybe it was never true love."

I sighed. "No matter how hard you try, you can't make that not sound cliché."

He shrugged. "Well, I tried."

"So," I started. "We're meant to be. But maybe bad things in our lives just happened for no real reason."

"Our case is different. I think the bad things in both of our lives happened to... to bring us together. So, I guess the bad things did happen for a reason."

"So, I'm guessing the word coincidence is like an antonym of fate?"

"The word coincidence is irrelevant when referring to fate."

"Is the word disaster irrelevant when referring to... well, everything?"

"Depends on the type of everything."

I closed my eyes. "The kind of everything where you don't know what you have to lose or gain."

"Well... the word disaster is very relevant in that case."

And maybe we can't blame fate or the omnipotent force that makes everything happen. We blame ourselves because that's where the fault really is.

And even so, in me.

"I'm a disaster." I blurted out. And wasn't it true? Didn't everything in my life fall back onto the word disaster?

"You're a beautiful disaster." He told me.

"We're a disaster."

"A perfect disaster." He said. "You see, some disasters are nice."

He was right. And maybe if disasters were nice, half the things I experienced in life weren't so bad.

That brought me back to the question: If I could go back in time and stop myself, would I? If I did, I'd be stronger, smarter. I wouldn't have had to suffer or go through all the pain and struggle that I went through. I would not have Austin. I wouldn't have understood why things happened the way that they did. I wouldn't be who I am today. So... would I go back?

No, I would not.

This chapter makes me want to cry for some reason. I don't know... Well, anyways, hope you enjoyed it! (It was short, I know) And now that's it summer, you can guarantee (or hope) that I will update more often. Maybe I'll update tomorrow or Tuesday. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think.