Okay, so I could make up a bunch of excuses as to why I didn't update for so long, but the truth is I was tired and I had no homework, so sitting up until late writing chapters just wasn't how I wanted to spend my summer, but spending my weekends (as in during school) is fine. Plus it is drawing in to one year and I want to finish this. Thank you (if anyone is still reading this. if you are, sorry and thank you)

Note: I freaking hate Ally too. I wasn't careful about the character I created.

Pretending like I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life was so much easier than addressing that I had. I knew why I had made the decision, I just wish I hadn't. The thing is, I can't undo it and even if I could, I'd probably do it again.

Walking around the mall to get my mind off things. That was what I had decided to do, but I bumped into the first, and last, person I wanted to see. "Austin. You're, um, here?"

"I was just walking around to get my mind off what happened yesterday."

"Me, too. Um, I mean, I was shopping with, uh, money I... don't have."

We were both silent until he said, "Can we move past what happened? Pretend like it didn't... happen?"

"But it did and maybe it was for... a... reason."

"Maybe it wasn't. Is this the same girl who said she didn't believe things happened for a reason and that they just did?"

I looked at the floor. The eye-contact was killing me. "How can we move past it?"

"How can't we move past it? There are so many ways. You have any ideas? I have a ton."

I looked up at him. "We can be just friends." I suggested.

"Ally. I don't want to be just friends with you. You have to realize that just because you don't love yourself doesn't mean other people can't love you or that you can't love other people."

"It's hard." I was saying the simplest sentences that came to mind. I didn't deserve him. It wasn't that I was afraid of him hurting me. It was that I was afraid of hurting him.

"I know. But you have to trust me."

I looked away. "I'm saving you, Austin. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Whatever it is that you're going to do to break my heart, I'm pretty sure can handle it. I've dealt it."

Didn't he see? It was happening right now. "Okay."

I turned the other way, my feet scuffling on the floor. I stopped in my tracks and looked back at him. God, I'm so stupid.

"Look, I-"

"Wait, Ally. I don't deserve you."

"I don't know. Maybe not. But I deserve you. And I realized that in two seconds. See? We have... something."

He shakes his head. "I was so sure about that two seconds ago, Ally, but... now I'm starting to re-think it. I don't know why you ever had to re-think it."

"Because when you really love someone, you don't let them leave."

"No! In this case, when you really love someone, you don't walk out on them." People were looking at us, but then turned back to their conversations.

I think through this and realize that he might be right. Even if he isn't, I have to look at it in his perspective. "When you really love someone, you don't get tired of trying to make it work."

"Are you?"

I walk closer to him and take his hand. "I try to tell myself that I am, but I'm not. I'm sick of pushing people away, I'm sick of pushing you away, but at the same time I'm sick of the concept of starting over with my life."

"Ally, you can put the pieces of your life back together. No one said anything about starting over. You don't have to start over."

"Are you going to start over?"

"No. But I should think about starting over with you."

I look at my feet and then back up quickly. "You're right. That way no one gets hurt. Would... starting over... hurt you?"

I'm both relieved and upset at how swift he says, "No. You?"

"I don't think so." I mumble because I really don't know the answer to a question that I asked him. I don't think I know the answer to anything anymore, or that I ever did.

"Just because we're starting over doesn't mean we can't be honest with each other."

Starting over is the most painful thing I have ever done.

And the stupidest. What the hell are we doing?

"If we're being honest with each other..." I said, inhaling a sharp breath. "I wish I hadn't walked out on you. I wish I hadn't said everything I just said, I wish this was over. I keep waiting for the part where I get hurt."

He closes his eyes as if he's dreaming. "Maybe this is it." He opens his eyes and looks at me like he never has before. I still can't decide if it was a good or a bad thing. "I keep waiting for that part, too. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you. I don't-"

"Deserve me? I'm a mess! I'm not perfect. You don't deserve a rich, Brazilian model, but I think you deserve a girl with a bad past, PTSD, and a habit of pushing people away. Well, maybe you don't deserve that, but you deserve more than what I'm going to give you. I mean, what... I don't know."

He gives me a small smile. "I was going to say that I don't want to be with you if it meant I would be scared of messing up the whole time."

"That's why we have to try. You never know unless you-"

"We already tried, Ally! Look where that got us. Here."

"It took long enough for it to happen. Do you want to just throw it all away?"

"Did you ask yourself that question five minutes ago?"

"Yes, that's why I changed my mind."

"You don't get to change your mind this time. You don't get to tell someone that you don't love them and then that you do and expect them to follow you, waiting for your response. You don't get to play with my heart like that."

I was silent, even though I had so much more that I wanted to say. Nothing I could say would bring him back. Nothing I could say would bring us back. "You know," he says, "I liked the idea of us more than I liked us."

"Me, too." I whispered, barely loud enough for him to hear. "Love is just a state of mind."

If anyone remembers, I said this story will be thirty-nine chapters long. Welllll, how's thirty-eight for ya?! (maybe even shorter) I just felt like some were extra and the ideas I had when I first started this story, I realize now, were very dumb.

So, I got a new computer for my birthday last month. One that doesn't suck. I'm quite happy and can update more! I will have a couple more Austin & Ally stories after this, or just one. I don't know, but I should focus on this one right now. Please review!