Hey, so I am back. Sorry I haven't been updating, but this story is wrapping up pretty soon so I am happy about that. I think I've decided to make Thirty-Five chapters. Well, I say that to say that there WILL be thirty-five chapters and here is one of them. : )
School. This would probably be the least favorite word of many people, including myself. The only thing is, my reasons for hating school are different than most others.
I brushed my hair and made my face look less zombie-like. I wore a hoodie and some jeans. I was trying to look as normal as I possibly could, but that wasn't the easiest. I think I ended up looking better than I had the last time I was at school.
There were many times where I hesitated. I sat at Sonic Boom, letting the time fly by. Ten minutes before school started, I forced my legs to move towards Marino High School. By the time I reached the steps, I had a stomachache. "You can do this." I whispered to myself, even though I knew it was a lie. "Come on, go." I told myself.
A girl walked by and pushed me. "Move." she said. I backed up and started up the steps again. Once my hand touched the door, I knew there was no going back. I took my first step into the school. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared. Everything that I was trying to reassure myself about happened. It's like going to a haunted house and telling yourself that there's no such thing as ghosts and then a ghost pops out and says, "Ha, ya thought wrong!"
That situation is this.
I couldn't find a soul that wasn't whispering or staring. People had stopped laughing at me, probably because what happened at the party wasn't a laughing manner. Someone died. And if I was included in that whole ordeal that night, then anything concerning me wasn't funny. It was scary or people felt sorry or people still hated me, but didn't say so because they felt sorry. Either way, I didn't have to worry about anyone making jokes about me. Well, at least to my face.
My locker was cold. I could see where someone had spray-painted 'Slut' on it and where someone had tried to paint over it but failed. I opened it, seeing all my old stuff. My hands were trembling. I started to breath slowly, in and out. Then it started going rapidly and my heart began to palpitate. Not today, Ally. Not today, I told myself.
But it was still happening. I was having a panic attack.
"Oh my God! She's having a seizure!" someone shouted.
I dragged my feet, trying to make it to my first class on my own and I fell to the floor before I could.
Someone's hand was in front of my face. I grabbed it, unsure if I should trust whoever it was. It was Kira. She simply smiled and handed me the books I had dropped. "Welcome back." she said to me as she walked away. At least someone had welcomed me. Then I heard people whispering. It was Kira with all of her friends. Of course. Helping me up must have been a dare or a trick.
She looked like she was explaining something to them and the whole time they were laughing and whispering. One of them said something and then walked off, leaving Kira standing there alone. She looked at me and then turned the other way.
When I walked into my first class, everyone was at first talking and shouting because the teacher hadn't come in yet. The second I walked in, everyone went silent and stared at me. I figured that they would start laughing or whispering, but some guy who I had never seen before stood up and put his arm around me, "So, Ally. What's it like in a nut house?"
"Is it freaking awesome?" some girl asked.
"Was it fun?"
"Did they drug you?"
Everyone was asking me questions and when I gave them answers everyone laughed. The teacher walked in two minutes after the bell rang. "Sorry, I'm late. I had car trouble. Everyone in your seat."
"Ally, sit next to me!"
"No, sit here!"
"Ally, sit with your real friends."
Everyone was begging to sit next to me. I looked around and sat next to the first person I saw. By the time lunch came around, everyone was pleading to sit with me and I ended up sitting with nine girls and two guys, who I had never seen or spoke to before this day. I didn't mind all of the attention, but I was overwhelmed.
"Hey, Ally." One of the girls who had been silent the whole time said. "Why'd you go to the mental hospital in the first place?"
"Because she attempted suicide, dumbass." Another girl said to her.
"But why?" the first girl said.
I looked around, at all the faces staring at me. I could tell them the truth, but that might scare them. But the truth was the only thing that mattered. "Crazy stuff. It doesn't matter though."
"Doesn't it?"
As I was answering, I looked up and saw Austin walk by. "Hey, Austin." I said, smiling.
He continued walking, as if I hadn't said anything. I knew why he wasn't talking to me, but I still wished he was. "You know, you tried way too hard. You have to be chill about talking to boys." One of the girls said.
"Totally." another one added.
"Yeah." I said, partly to myself. "Totally."
The announcements came on after lunch. Normally, I would listen to them, but for the most part I was just hoping that the day ended. I didn't start listening until I heard something that caught my attention.
"...talent show to kick off the new year. Students can show their talents to the whole school and three judges. The winner gets not only a beautiful trophy, but your talent will be professionally shared on YouTube, for the whole world to see. Sign-up sheets are in the hallways and hung up on every teacher's wall. The basketball game last week against our rivals..."
A talent show. In order to participate, I'd have to make sure that I was completely over my stage fright. I wasn't going to do it. I should step back and let the school year end, without getting involved into too many things. If I don't get involved, I don't get hurt.
Someone tapped my shoulder. "We're having a party this Friday night, Ally. You should totally come." It was one of the girls I was sitting with.
Me. Going to a party. Bad things happening at a party once, I can understand. But twice? There was no way I was going. "Sorry, I can't."
"Ally, please. You have to go. Only for half an hour. You show up, dance a little, and I'll drive you home, I promise."
"I've seen a lot of movies where stuff like this happens. You're planning to embarrass me, aren't you? Then I'll have to use my telekinetic powers to kill everyone."
"No. It's a genuine offer. What's the worst that could happen?"
My mind drifted back to the night I was raped, to the night I almost killed myself, and to the night I ended up passed out on the bathroom floor. I wasn't going. "My whole life could change because of one single night. Why do you think I was in the mental hospital in the first place?"
"Oh. You're talking about that Halloween party, right? Just stick with me the whole time at this party. It'll be righteous."
"I don't want to. I can't."
"Ally. Every party you've been to sucked. Maybe I can change that at this party. You'll have a great time."
"Ninety-nine percent of people who go to parties say that and they do have a great time, but I'm always the one percent that gets raped, or bullied, or attacked. Maybe one day I can, but I could barely come to school today. I'm not ready for a party. I can't even put my name on the talent show list."
"What have you got to lose?"
"Do I really need to go over the party thing again?"
"No, I mean with the talent show. You have nothing to lose. After senior year, none of this will even matter. If you get on that stage and you rock or if you stink, it won't matter in five years, now will it?"
"Guess not. I'm just not ready."
"When will you be ready?"
"I don't know."
"You know what I think, Ally? You are ready. You're just too scared to try. You have to try. If you never try, you'll never know. You'll just spend the rest of your life wondering."
"You know what? I'm going to do it. I'm going to sign up for the talent show."
"Great."
As I got up to put my name on the list, the teacher walked in and said, "Class is starting. Everyone in your seats."
"Maybe after class." I said to myself.
You're just too scared to try. You have to try. If you never try, you'll never know. You'll just spend the rest of your life wondering.
Those words wouldn't stop echoing in my head, so after my last class of the day, I went to find Austin. I was going to try with him. And this time, I wasn't going to screw it up.
He wasn't at his locker. Which was weird, because I had always known him to take forever to get his books at the end of the day. He was always talking or messing around. "Hey, have you seen Austin around here anywhere?" I asked a guy whose locker was next to Austin's.
"Oh, Austin? He bailed after lunch. Went with a bunch of guys to get high and stuff. Why?"
"Shit. Why would he do that? He's still on probation." I said softly to myself. "Where did they specifically go?" I asked him.
He sighed. "Okay, but you can't tell anyone. To this abandoned restaurant. We always hang out there and have parties there and stuff."
"Are you messing with me? I said specifically."
"Okay, it's called Fazoli's. He's going to hate you for being a total buzzkill, by the way."
I had to take a bus to get to the neighborhood where Fazoli's was and even then, I had to walk almost twenty miles. I didn't know why I was doing it. I was allowed to be worried about him, but I'd look like a stalker. I sat standing in front of it, trying to decide. I walked inside of the restaurant and saw at least thirty guys in my grade, scattered around. Drinking, smoking, laughing, talking. They all stopped when they saw me.
Austin stuck out of the crowd. He always did. "Austin." He looked at me, as if he hated me.
"What?" He said, annoyed.
"Can we talk for a second?"
"Ooh, Austin's talking to the psycho girl." One of the guys said. That was when I realized. Some people thought it was cool that I was in a mental hospital. And some people thought that I was psychotic. That whole day, no one had called me crazy. They all thought that it was amazing. How could I have been so stupid? Not everyone would take it the same way.
Austin walked over to me and offered me the beer in his hand. "No, thanks," I said. "Austin, what do you think you're doing?"
"Having some fun. Want to have some fun with us? We have bananas."
"Are you stoned?" Austin started laughing at the question. "Are you seriously high right now, Austin? And you're drinking. You're on probation and even if you weren't, you could get arrested for trespassing, underage drinking, and using illegal substances. Do you seriously want to ruin your life?"
"I don't take advice from crazy people. Aren't you the one who tried to kill herself? I thought so."
"Austin, I know you hate me. I kind of hate me too. But just... don't do anything stupid."
"Like attempt suicide?" He started laughing again, this time at his own joke.
I sighed. "Enough with the jokes, Austin. I know you don't want anything to do with me and you don't even have to think about me ever again, but... please don't throw your life away."
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself. Aren't you the one who had a panic attack in the hallway? They shouldn't have released you from the mental hospital. You're still insane."
"Obviously. You know... you're still a fugitive."
"You're still in love with me." Austin whispered.
"You're still in love with me." I repeated.
"Hey, boys, do you see that man over there in the corner? He's coming toward us!" I shouted. I knew they'd get a good laugh out of it. For once, I didn't mind being the joke.
Hopefully, I can update next week (possibly finish the story?). I'm not sure, but I guess we will see. Sorry for not updating often, but I'll try. Please review and tell me what you think (To be honest, this is NOT one of my favorite chapters...)