Another boring and typical day at school. Without Oona there, I felt different. Not happy, but not angry. Just. . . Different. Unfortunately, Gil seemed to notice that.
"Where's your girlfriend?" he asked me during lunch.
I took my book and smacked him on the head.
"She's not my girlfriend!" I said annoyed.
"I know how much you like her," he said while nudging me.
"I don't like her in any romantic way. She's just a friend!" I exclaimed.
He raised a brow at me and asked, "Then explain why you were staring at her during lunch, yesterday?"
I was on the verge of hitting him with my book again.
"I was not staring at her!" I said while slowly lifting my book to hit him.
"Yeah, right!" he scoffed. "You were practically staring at her the entire time."
I hit him with my book and muttered, "Stupid uncouth youth."
"Do you always have to hit me?" he muttered under his breathe. "You don't seem to dislike her, unlike the other girls I've tried to hook you up with."
I ignored his words but started to think. So what if I might have been staring at her? I'm pretty sure that I don't like her in any romantic way, and I'm pretty sure that I only like her as a friend because she likes poetry.
My thoughts moved on to what Oona said last night. I wonder what she meant by "it will change your life." In fact, how did it change hers?
After school, I went back home and finished my homework within 2 hours. No one was home, again.
I knew that my mom didn't have much time for me, but it still hurt that we can't spend time with each other.
Then, there was a knock on the door. I went to go check, and there was a package lying on the steps.
It was probably another one the silverware packages that she was gonna sell.
I read the label on the side and it said, "Stainless Steel Knives."
There was an immediate blast of dark thoughts that shot through my mind as I read the label.
Knives. . . Blood. . . Death. . .
I brought the package in and closed the door.
The thoughts wouldn't leave me.
I quickly ran upstairs and locked my door.
Calm down. . . Calm down. . .
I made my way to the bathroom.
Shut up. . . Shut up. . .
I looked into the mirror and the hell broke out.
I started screaming at myself for being stupid, an idiot, and other things.
"Why are you so stupid?"
"Why can't you be normal?"
"Do you even have a life?"
"What is wrong with you?"
"Can you please just die already?"
"SHUT UP!" I screamed at the mirror.
I sank down to the floor and I began to sob.
Just shut up. . .
The hardest part of having depression is that you may have no one to hold onto when you need someone most.
I wanted to feel okay. To get away from my thoughts. My hell.
I started walking. I didn't know where I was going, nor did I know what I was doing. I just went with it.
When I finally stopped walking, I was underneath the school bridge.
I didn't Oona, but then again, she did injure her leg, so I don't blame her. Plus, it's only 9:00 P.M.
I slumped down, underneath the bridge, feeling as if my mind was on stuck on repeat and there was no stop button.
Then, I saw a light flickering in the distance. I turned my head to the light and saw Oona holding a lantern.
"Nonny? Is that you?" she called out.
She made her towards with a slight limp to her walk. Then, she hung the lantern up, and sat down in front of me.
"Why are you here?" I asked with my head hanging low.
"Because I had a feeling that you would be here. And my leg feels better," she replied.
"What's the matter?" she asked.
"Nothing," I replied and turned my head away from her.
Then, she pulled me towards her and lifted my head up.
"You've been crying," she said as she examined my face.
Then, she pulled out a notebook and pen.
"Write," she said.
At first, I didn't accept them, but then I reluctantly took them and started writing.
All of my pain started pouring out onto the pages of the notebook. After about an hour of writing, I finished my poem.
"I promise that I will not read your poems, but if you don't trust me, you can keep the journal," said Oona.
I didn't need to think for a second to consider my answer. I closed the journal and handed it to her.
She smiled and said, "Let's go watch the stars."
We climbed up the slope of rocks together and walked to the nearest hill. When we reached the top, we both laid down on our backs, side by side.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" Oona sighed.
"Yeah, it's amazing," I whispered.
Like her. . .
Then, I felt her head resting on my shoulder.
She seemed so calm and peaceful.
I stared out to the sky and closed my eyes, breathing steadier than before.
After a few minutes, we both got up and we started walking back to her house.
When we reached to her doorstep, we both said our good byes, and I started back home.
Then, she shouted at me, "Wait!"
I stopped and turned around, and she ran over to me and hugged me.
"It's gonna be okay," she whispered to me.
Then, she went back inside and I walked back home, smiling.
You may think that the knife scene was a bit over the top, but there are some people who are like that. You might think that the person would get triggered whenever they see a knife, but that's not the case. It's just another strange thing about the mind.