Chapter Six: Florence Nightingale Effect
The trees belonging to the dense forest that is my home flew by as Sam drove down the highway. I stare out the window and can see the promise of the sunrise through the forest. On the horizon, only a touch of orange was present below the dark night sky. Seeing the sunrise is the only reason to ever be up at this hour. I've been up almost all night long, yet I don't think I could sleep if I tried.
I hate him.
I hate his so much for doing this. You can't just kiss someone. It doesn't work like that. Or maybe it does, for humans. I mean he once lived a fairly human life, one without shapeshifters and vampires. I never had that, though, so it doesn't work like that in my world where people just die off randomly. Or not so randomly. Whatever! God, I'm just so fucking pissed at him, I could rip a tree out of the ground.
Out of my peripheral vision, I see Sam glance at me and then look back at the road. He's been doing this the whole car ride. I wonder what he's thinking, if he knows about the kiss. Maybe I could ask him what I should do. After all, he is with his imprint, Emily. It seems to be working out for them. Granted, he isn't dying and I'm not Jake's imprint but… No, he'd probably just be biased, and say being with the girl he loves is the best thing ever, and shouldn't I be happy and make Jake happy during his final days? I need someone who is logical, who doesn't have a stake in any relationship Jake and I may or may not have. Sam looked at me again. Fuck. Maybe I should just ask what his problem is…
"He loves you, ya know."
Woah. What? I definitely did not see that coming, even from the former alpha and oldest member of the pack. I know he cares a lot about his "brothers" and especially Jake, but I still did not expect that sentence to come out of his mouth at this moment. "Excuse me?" I turn towards him, giving him my full attention.
"Jacob… he loves you." Sam paused, eyes still on the road, and tilted his head to the left slightly. "I mean, he always has loved you. The love just changed a couple of months ago."
"What made it change? It's not like I've done anything special or am anyone special, besides being half vampire."
"You did. Do something special I mean. When Jake first got really sick, and he was in the hospital for that period of time. When he had all those tests and surgeries, trying to figure out what was wrong, you were there the whole time. You played games with him and talked to him. You kept his mind off of the pain and uncertainty he was going through. You made him feel like he wasn't alone," Same started to laugh. "He loved it when you had Carlisle sneak you in after visiting hours and just curled up next to him, reading. He loves to watch you read. Every time we would come and visit, and you weren't there, we'd open the door and see him looking toward us, expectantly. Then he would scowl and say 'Damn. You guys aren't nearly as pretty and feminine as I was hoping the person to come in would be.' Then when we'd ask about how he was feeling and what the updates were. And you know what? He never talked about the tests or surgeries, just you. 'Nessie kicked my ass in chess today. Girl's too goddamn smart for me.' 'Nessie started reading some book today about some sex-addict billionaire. She told me if I ever became a sex-addict and slept with a ton of women, she'd castrate me.' Jake adores you, Ness, as if that wasn't obvious," Sam finished.
I had no idea how much everything I did meant to Jacob. Why can't he just tell me these things, instead of just kissing me?
"So, what I'm Florence Nightingale now?" I joked.
"You know very well that his love for you is no delusion or an extreme manifestation of appreciation for taking care of him."
"He never said anything. At least, not to me, obviously."
Sam shrugged, "He knows that he's dying and doesn't want to hurt you more than you will already be hurt when... well, you know."
"Then why did he kiss me tonight?"
"He kissed you?" Sam's eyebrows rose to his hairline.
"Yeah, that's why I asked you to bring me home instead of having Jake drive me."
"Holy shit. Well… I don't know," Sam looked puzzled, "Maybe…well, he has been having trouble keeping his distance from you. Maybe he decided he can't, or that he doesn't want to. Maybe he's just decided 'YOLO.'"
"Whatever. Just drop off at the end of the driveway. I need to think without my prying father near."
"Can you walk ok?"
"Yeah. Oh, and, Sam, look at me." Sam turns his head towards me. "Never," I say quietly. "Never, ever, use that goddamn phrase again."