It had been weeks since Olivia had started to see her therapist. There was so much that needed to be dealt with. She had the idea that the most pressing issue in her life was her inability to be able to trust someone and love them. The doctor had finally got her to deal with her feelings toward her parents. With her help, she was able to have the faith that Fitz wasn't going to bail this time. He wanted to rush this divorce through as fast as he could. Mellie needed to be gone from his life.
Sitting up in the bed, Olivia poured the lotion into her hands and rubbed it on her legs Her silk camisoles were replaced by a rather oversized NAVY t shirt. She would take the lavender shea butter and spread it over her creamy chocolate skin. Even if he was engrossed in the affairs of the world, she could tempt him with the aroma of the lotion as he pictured it on her skin.
"That's not fait." Fitz pouted. "I promised Elizabeth that I would look these plans over before the briefing tomorrow."
Olivia smirked. Ever since their reunion on the balcony, they would juggle locations. That way they woukd stay one step ahead of the press. Optics were still key and it wouldn't look right for the newly divorced President to be social with another women. But because of all the drama of the past, neither of them wanted to be apart from each other. So one night, would be Blair House and another night would be Liv's apartment.
"I You don't want my skin to get dry, do you Mr President?" she giggled. He took the glasses off of his nose and then grabbed her . While he pushed her down, he took his fingers and began to tickle her. Her laugh was music to his ears.
"I give up. I surrender." Olivia laughed.
"And what are your terms ?" Fitz said seriously.
"Total surrender, President Grant." Olivia leaned into his arms and then wrapped her hands around his thick neck. Her lips made their way to his mouth. He couldn't get enough of her sweet moist lips. She teasingly bit his lower lip and he took his teeth and forced her mouth open enough to push his tongue into hers. Her hands forced their way into the mass of curls on his head. They finally rested on his hairline. He took his hands and pushed them under the t shirt. Olivia broke the kiss and then tossed her head back as he made his way under the t shirt. She could feel the sensation of his teeth nipping at her nipples. There was nothing more sensual then feeling his mouth anywhere on her body. Backing away, Fitz hated to end their night of passion.
"I hate to do this. But I have a busy day tomorrow and I have to read these briefings, Honey." Fitz apologized.
"That's okay. I have to work with Abby tomorrow concerning us." Olivia said sincerely.
"Rain check.?" He said with that deep sexy voice.
Olivia took the covers and pulled them around her body. Then she yawned. "Rain check." She signed. "Good night Fitz." She said as she laid her head down on the pillow.
"I won't be up too long." He apologized. "Love you." After that, he took the papers and then returned to his reading. He knew he had to be familiar with these statistics. He had a lot more pressure on him since the overhaul of the White House. Public opinion had lost faith in a President who fired his Chief of Staff and threw out his wife on the same day. Elizabeth North was trying to show Congress that she was just as savvy as Cyrus Beane . The joke was that she was just as evil as him. The truth was that Cyrus wasn't lying down. He had a few cards to play up his sleeve yet.
Eager to get to sleep , Olivia mumbled into her pillow. "Ditto." Her eyes closed slowly as she drifted asleep. This was such a safe place for her. She could close her eyes and knew that her man was right next to her. Fitz snuck a look at Olivia and then went back to his reading.
An hour passed and Fitz was still engrossed in the report. But while he was reading, he felt some movement next to him. She began to toss her head back and forth and then he could see tears in her eyes. She threw the covers from her body and then began to whimper. "No , no, no!"
Olivia let out a blood curdling scream and awoke from her sleep. She then began to cry. Fitz tossed down his paper and then took her into his arms. He had a feeling what it might be and then he cursed the fact that what she went through was because of him. She buried her head in his chest and then continued to sob.
"Shh, Liviie, it's alright. I'm here." Fitz reassured her. "I am not going anywhere. " He took his hand and rubbed her back , Olivia was breathing heavy and her chest was heaving. Her eyes were wide open. Fitz knew she was seeing Dr Jenkins about some issues and assumed it had to do with the kidnapping. He was very familiar with it because of his own issues. He also was told that it would take quite a while for the victim to get over the trauma, but something could always trigger it.
"Has Dr Jenkins been helping you?" he asked curiously.
"Yes, she has helped me to see that I can love again. She has said that my toxic parents had me feeling so inferior and as a result , I would throw myself into relationships with men that are bad for me. Edison, Russell, and' Jake. I couldn'.'t accept the fact that there was a man who was willing to treat me like a queen. " Olivia was so proud of her own declaration.
This concerned Fitz. "You have talked about the kidnapping? You have told her about how you can't sleep and how you wake up screaming.? "
"I have a lot of issues. She thought that this was the most important. The problems with our relationship were one of the biggest obstacles we have. If we are to move ahead and have a happy relationship , then there are issues I need to work on. " Olivia explained.
Looking her in the eyes, Fitz was puzzled. "Yes, but say we are at an event or on a trip. What happens if you have an episode? I won't care , but if it is a state dinner or interview, then there might be a problem. The press was merciless when Mellie was mourning Jerry. They made fun of her suffering and how she chose to deal with it. I don't want to have to subject you to the same treatment."
"So you want me to see another doctor, after I have done all this work?" Olivia screamed.
"Liviie, understand that a lot of people have gone through what you have been through. Me, Jake, …"
It finally came to her. "Would Huck have experienced it when they were holding him for your shooting?"
"I'm sure he experienced something when he was in the hole. " Fitz said simply. "I experienced it after I was captured in the Navy. To this day, if I hear fireworks or a car backfiring. It reminds me of when I was shot. "
Olivia thought back to when Jake returned from the hole He was very jumpy and hated to be left alone. When Huck was water boarded , he couldn't stand when it rained. He didn't want to take a shower and he went in a corner and repeated 752 over and over again. They had all had traumas in their lives from her mother who had been held hostage for 22 years to Cyrus losing his husband.
"Olivia , I only want the best for you." Fitz was trying to be gentle.
"I don't think this doctor is right for your problem."
"What!" Olivia exclaimed.
"You need a doctor who can help you with dealing with this. This is a serious issue and I know that the best doctor to deal with it is someone who deals with it , exclusively. Military doctors are trained to deal with soldiers that have been subjected to terrible conditions. I wasn't there with you , but I have talked to enough people that have been kidnapped and I am sure that they were threatening to kill you and controlled you with fear. " Fitz stared at her and held her hand as he tried to explain. He wanted her to be able to confide in him. There wasn't anything that he could hear that would make him mad. They were in it for the long run.
Olivia turned away because she wanted to tell him. She needed to if they were to move ahead. "I have tried to block it out of my mind. There was a lot of it that I don't even remember. I was dancing to some records that my father brought over. "
"I knew it! Your father has to be involved in this." Fitz interjected.
"No , that wasn't it. He came over with all these great old records. Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder, he was trying to be a normal father and talked about how he played "Songs in the Key Of Life" when I wouldn't go to sleep before kindergarten . He said I would hear it and then I would be out. I was so caught up in the music and Jake was coming over and we danced. " Olivia knew what was going to come next , but she couldn't tell Fitz that they were going to make love. "Before I knew it. Someone put their hand over my mouth and then they took me to the apartment across the hall. I was held hostage with this wonderful lady named Lois and then they " Olivia stopped as she remembered the image in her mind when they shot the woman so they could take her from the building. She bent over and then started to sob. "It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve it. She was only living her life and they took it."
Fitz cradled her in his arms. "I 'm sorry Livvie., I am so sorry you had to suffer because of me."
Olivia turned to face him. "We always knew that something like that might happen. I was too vulnerable and too careless."
Fitz said ." I will make sure that nothing like that would happen again. Even if I have to put a detail on you to keep you safe."
"I dreamt of you." She said and it caught his attention.
"Excuse me?" Fitz wanted to make sure he heard her right.
"When I was in the cell, I dreamed of you. Of us. We were so happy and married. We lived in Vermont and you were the mayor. You were going to throw out a ball at a local baseball game and fix some potholes. "
"And ?" Fitz was curious where this all would lead.
"And I would spend my days making jam." Olivia smiled at their little joke.
"I knew you would come back to me. Even in the darkest days when I saw the video and Andrew had replaced all of the Secret Service Agents and kept me a prisoner in my own house. I had to have faith and it was the happiest day of my life when I heard you were returned. I had to rush over and see you were alright."
Now Olivia was feeling guilty. When Fitz first saw Olivia after her return, she tore him apart ,then made him feel like shit. She told him that he had no right to declare war and that she was not worth the hundreds of lives that were lost. She also took" Deux Bebe "and threw it at him. He had the most hurt look on his face . She had the same dream over and over again that played in her mind of that scene. Her posh bathroom became the dirty , filthy toilet that she tried to escape from. She would run down the hall and then the scene with Fitz would play over in her head causing her to wake up crying.
"But Liv, we have to move past this. We have a beautiful future and you need to be able to embrace to close your eyes and then lay your head on my chest. " She did what he told her and let that wonderful sexy, baritone voice lull her to sleep as he told her how much he loved her and that she was safe. He ran his fingers through her silky hair as he looked down at her. He could watch her sleep all night. But he had something he needed to do tomorrow , so he had to get some sleep.
He leaned down and then kissed her forehead. "Good night , sweet baby." He whispered into her ear.
Realizing that Fitz had a meeting in the morning with Lizzie Bear, Olivia lifted herself from the bed and walked into the shower. The water refreshed her enough to get herself ready to face the day. Pulling her hair into a chignon , she went to her closet to find an outfit. A text on her phone told her to make her way to the White House. She got dressed and then headed to meet her boyfriend. He got up from his desk and smiled at her. She looked at the man on the other side of his desk. He seemed to be wearing a Naval uniform similar to Jake's.
"Olivia , I would like to introduce you to Captain Miles. He is a naval psychiatrist that deals with sailors who suffer from PTSD. I brought him here to help you. " Fitz explained.
Olivia looked at the man as he went to shake her hand.
"Now Olivia, the President tells me you have been having nightmares. Let's go into another room and talk about it." She hoped the nightmares would end.