AN: Apologies for a second short chapter and annoying AN.
Jason had been sat nervously in his room, alone, for hours. He would have expected the overwhelming feeling to be fear. For the first days, weeks, months, however long he'd been here in this gilded cage, he did feel overwhelmed by fear. Was he to be raped or murdered or both? Or would he do worse himself? Would he betray his family and friends, his loyalties and duties as a Roman?
But, after more time alone than he could measure, and, according to Zagreus, more time still that he'd missed, he was pressed to find the emotions anymore. His mind had numbed to it all.
Sometimes he wondered if this was a game to Zagreus. If he was creating time to confuse Jason, to wear him down until he caved and thought there was nothing more than to be what Zagreus wanted him to be. Until he stopped feeling anything, until he was so numb that he would crave the feeling of Zagreus close to him, touching him.
He just lay there for much of his imprisonment, curled in on himself on the bed. At first he'd listened with all his might for the arrival of Zagreus, for feet, for a creak of the bed. Even that had faded eventually. Now he just lay, morose, inept, useless.
Sometimes someone would come in and leave him food. He nibbled at it in boredom, sipped at the drink. It was more about relieving the monotony than sustaining his worthless existence.
He wondered what Piper would be doing right now. Would she have taken more lovers? Was she, perhaps, now untouched by his presence? Had she forgotten about him? Did she, like Jason's father, not care if he were raped or murdered?
He had loved her truly for a long time. From the age of sixteen she had been the most important person in his life. Though he always had his duties, his quests, Piper was something else, a constant companion, lover, friend, guidance.
He often wished that Zagreus would tell him it was all a trick.
When Zagreus actually returned to him, Jason took a while to notice.
He'd been lying at the edge of the bed, facing the door, tracing shapes in the sheets. They were a strong and soft fabric he couldn't recognize. They barely seemed real, and had successfully resisted his every attempt to turn them to rope (he hadn't decided in himself if he wanted a rope to help him escape the castle or help him escape this life), but they were beautifully decorated. The pattern felt warm beneath his fingers, and he could lose himself in the colors and shapes and textures.
He didn't hear Zagreus arrive, nor see movement or feel the bed dip. He noticed there was the gentle sound of a second person on the bed, gentle breaths, and the soft rustle of fabric that was a second set of fingers imitating his movements. It didn't make it jump.
He turned his head, just enough to see that it was, indeed, Zagreus behind him. The god was watching him, quietly, but he didn't look like he was seeing him. It was more like his eyes had locked onto Jason, and with no more stimulation had got stuck there while his mind was a million miles away.
Jason decided he didn't care anymore. He went back to tracing the design of the comforter.
It took Zagreus some time to get restless. Jason assumed gods experienced time in a different way, but he didn't know if it would have felt longer or shorter for Zagreus.
Eventually the god sighed.
Jason ignored it.
The god rolled. Taking a small glance over his shoulder, Jason saw that he now faced the roof.
Once again, Zagreus sighed.
Jason wondered if maybe he was hoping Jason would ask after him, like a normal lover might. 'How was your day, honey?' or something. It would be laughable if Jason could remember how to laugh.
Zagreus wriggled. And groaned. Hints. Jason stayed silent.
After a few minutes, the god once more went silent. He seemed genuinely thoughtful this time, and a tiny bit of curiosity blossomed within Jason.
Eventually, the god sighed again. This time, Jason thought it might even be a real one.
"My love," Zagreus breathed, "my love."
Jason didn't reply. He didn't want to reply to 'my love'.
Zagreus hummed, as though he accepted Jason's silence as an answer only he could hear. "My love," he added.
He used a gentle hand to turn Jason over so he had no choice but to look at him. Jason didn't try to resist, because he knew there was no resisting to be done. Though his fingers twitched for a weapon, he knew there was none to be found.
Zagreus took a deep, steadying breath, "Today, my love, I nearly killed Percy Jackson."
Maybe Jason had made too many assumptions too quickly. Maybe he could still feel. His body stiffened. His heart beat a little faster. Percy.
"Oh relax," Zagreus replied, "I didn't actually kill him."
Jason let out a breath, but didn't relax. Percy wasn't dead, but that did leave a myriad of possibilities – was he maimed? Was he bleeding? Dying?
Zagreus snorted, "Why are you worried about him?" he demanded, "Percy Jackson is nothing! An irrelevance! A tool of the monsters of Olympus!" He thumped the bed beneath him, angrily. "Nico's the same. Actually he's worse! He looks at that brat like the sun shines out of his ass!"
Jason nearly smiled at that. Nico, still in love with Percy after all this time. Years unrequited. It was a loyalty he envied.
"He's just a brat!" Zagreus growled.
But there was not enough aggression in his voice. It was like he was not simply trying to tell Jason this. He was trying to tell himself.
"What is he?" Zagreus continued, "He's nothing! A human! An irrelevant mortal. In fifty, sixty years he'll be dead. I should have just killed him and saved us all the annoyance!"
"Why didn't you?" Jason asked. He cursed himself straight after. Why was he engaging? Where had the numbness gone?
Zagreus went quiet for a long moment after that. He still stared at the ceiling, maybe deep in thought, maybe stewing in anger, maybe sending psychic energies to kill Percy. Jason hoped it wasn't the latter.
"Why do you hate me?"
Jason almost missed the question. It had been so quiet, so almost not there. Jason frowned.
"I don't…" no, that was wrong, "I don't know if I hate you," he corrected. "I don't think I do."
Zagreus turned his head to look properly at Jason once more. His eyes held emotions Jason had never seen there before.
"Why don't you love me?" he asked.
Jason blinked. He didn't want to know how close he was to admitting that maybe, deep down, he could love this flawed creature.
So he just shook his head.
Zagreus gave him time to reply. He took a long time to accept that no reply was coming. And even then he was more saddened than angry.
"I don't hurt people," he said, "I'm not a villain."
Jason didn't reply. Zagreus had hurt them all. Maybe not in the same ways as Gaia and the giants and the titans, he hadn't killed their loved ones, he hadn't attacked them with swords. But he had hurt them.
"Do you know where that word comes from?" Zagreus asked, conversationally. "It's from the middle ages. I missed the middle ages, of course, but I still know. It used to mean a slave. Someone with no property of their own, just the goodwill of their master."
Jason didn't reply.
"It tells us a lot about people, don't you think?" said Zagreus, "that the word for poor turned into the word for evil?"
Jason didn't reply.
A sudden rush of voices outside quickly preceded a soldier dashing into the room. He looked panic-stricken, horrified.
"My Lord!" it cried, "The half-bloods have escaped."
Zagreus put a soft hand on Jason's face. He stroked it gently, making no move to get up.
"I know," he said quietly.
AN: My apologies for the last (and this) AN, it was not my intention to drag readers into the argument. I simply wanted you to know that there was (and possibly still is) a chance of the story vanishing. It is not my intention to let it. I want to finish it in a satisfying way that will have character arcs and interest and focus on the features I think you guys are reading for. I do not want this to be another of those never to be finished stories. All you really need to know is that I intend to complete this story. I have spent too long on it to voluntarily do anything else. Do not feel you need to continue reading this author's note unless you really, really want to.
I am afraid that Hubris P's involvement in this story has to be at an end. I am grateful for his research and ideas, but my communications with him more recently have done considerable damage to my love of writing, something that I cannot let continue. When you have something in your life as precious to you as writing is to me, you must protect it, even if others do not understand your actions. I cannot let my love of writing be any more damaged, I cannot let the dread that I have come to associate with Hubris P's communications be any more linked to the pastime that has brought me through some dark times in my life. I do not consider this anyone's fault, I do not lay blame at anyone's feet, it is merely how it is now.
I wish to continue this story. I have given an offer to Hubris P that I consider to be satisfactory to all parties. I give permission, and even my blessing, for Hubris P and any other cowriter he may choose to work with, to use as much of the story before this point in another fanfiction (obviously, only fanfiction, but as this story uses characters from the work of Rick Riordan, that goes without saying). You may use the text as it stands, edit it as you choose, and complete the story in any way you wish. I just ask that you allow me to do the same. I want to finish this story. It may take me time, but I want to complete it. I am sorry to say that this is the only way that I can see this story getting an ending at all.
If you wish to work with Hubris P, either search for him on this website, or pm me your details and I shall pass them on. He is particularly concerned with Zagreus' rise to power. He has been known to think very deeply about the importance of prophecy and has interesting ideas about the future world of PJO. He also made some excellent links between PJO and existing but as of yet untouched Greek myth, and undertook some nice research of the things 'known' about Zagreus. I do, however, feel compelled to point out that he is the sort of person who thinks there is a possibility for a continued collaboration after threatening to have someone banned from this website.
As a result of recent events, I am sad to say I have had to disable guest and anonymous reviews. I'm very sorry about this. I did not want to do it, but felt I had to after an attempt to include spoilers in reviews.
For future reference, Hubris, please note that the only contact I will accept from you is through the email address I gave you. It is my choice whether I choose to read what you have to say. I have asked you nicely not to contact me anymore, as I have explained to you. Please abide by that.
Everyone else, I am very sorry you've had to be involved with this. I know I would hate to have to read a rambling long AN like this. All you really need to know is that I intend to complete this story.
One final, less significant, note to a reviewer on the importance of ideas; I do agree, ideas are important, but I do often have a few dozen a day, often while I'm at work and trying to concentrate on other things. The only ones that have any value whatsoever are the ones I sit down and spend the time to develop and get into a form that is accessible to others.