Plapper: Hey guys. Reviews? Please? Nah you don't have to. So here's my next chapter it's still moving a little more slowly than I'd like, but bear with me. We're getting there, we're getting there. I'm writing most of this during my lessons so don't judge me too much. Actually, judge all you want ^^I don't know you guys. So here it goes:
Define Happiness for me.
Hard isn't it? I agree, but if you had asked me now, in this very moment, then I would have told you that this was it. That it was right now. Right here. Laying on the beach and looking up at the stars, my head on Nico's chest with his arms around me. That, in my humble opinion, was happiness.
A fleeting thing.
„What are you thinking?"
I was thinking about the stars, about how small they made me feel in comparison to their infinity. I was thinking about the Silver City and how unatainable it felt to me. I was thinking about his heart beating under my ear. I was thinking of the Gods and what they had in store for me. I was thinking about the future, and what it would bring. I was thinking about my father. I was thinking about my mother. I was thinking about my grandparents. I was thinking about Caleb. I was thinking about where he was now. I was thinking about Percy and Annabeth. I was thinking about what he'd had for dinner. I was thinking about everything.
„Nothing."
He chuckled and pulled me closer. His arms were so warm, so strong. I felt like I was completely safe in his embrace. Like a nice cocoon.
„Kyra... You never think nothing."
His chest rose and fell benath my head. Steady. Safe. I could hear him breath. His voice sounded deeper with my ear on his chest. It made him sound older. Sexier. Not that he needed help.
„Everything."
I sighed. Yes that was a good description. My mind was everywhere at once when the only place I wanted it to be was right here. With him. I wanted to stop thinking, to just breathe in his scent, just feel his body next to mine, just hear his voice and just see the stars. I wished my fist answer had been true.
„Are you worried about your mom?"
He'd said it carefully, almost hesitant. He knew that this was a difficult topic for me. He hadn't asked me before, but now he had. I swallowed. Was I? Was I worried about her?
„No."
It was the truth. I wasn't worried. She was in good hands. Chiron had sent a satyr to look after her. She was safe, for now. No I wasn't worried. Not about her.
„I'm not worried about her Nico, but... I wish..."
I couldn't find the words. Why were they hiding? Hiding in my throat, hiding in my chest. Not willing to come out. Why could I feel them, but not say them? What made them so hard to say?
„You wish things were different."
I nodded and he pulled me closer. Closer against his side. Closer to the comfort he didn't know how else to express.
„I wish she loved me."
No tears. Not even a crack in my voice. Just the truth. That was the first time I had ever said those words out loud. I wish she loved me. How many children had that same wish? At least half the camp wished for their godly parent to give them more love, but I didn't need my godly parent to love me. What good would it do so far away? No I wanted the parent that was here, the one who should have, was supposed to, to love me.
He didn't say anything, what was there to say? He could have told me that she loved me, but he didn't know that and he didn't pretend to know. I was glad that he didn't try to comfort me. At least not with words. His gentle hand on my hair, his closeness, those were my comfort. Those were my happiness.
I smiled at that thought.
I snuggled closer to him, reaching up to give him a kiss on the cheek and then snuggling back into his embrace. He kissed my hair.
„Thank you."
„For what?"
„For being here. For trying to understand. For making me happy."
„You're welcome."
I hadn't had a dream about the Silver City since I'd visited my mother at the hospital, but that night I dreamt again. This dream was different.
I was back in the square where my dreams always began, but there was no music, no laugher, nothing. The square was empty, the fountain dry and the lady in the fountain was broken. Someone had destroyed her hands and so now she stood there with outstretched stumps. Her smile seemed sad, somehow no longer beautiful, no longer kind.
I looked around and realized that it was dark. The air seemed thick, made of syrup. The houses were no longer white and silver, no longer sparkling, but grey and dull, shadows of what they'd been. I started walking through the empty streets.
Everywhere I went I saw the same thing. Beautiful buildings crumbling, falling, decaying. The plants had whithered and rotten, the windows broken, the magic left.
My heart ached more with every step I took. This was wrong. The Silver City was in ruins. Worse. It was dead. A tear fell down my cheek.
This place had been so beautiful! So magical! So full of life! Where were the smiling faces? Where were the laughing children? The singers? The dancers? The beautiful people?
The pain in my chest grew and grew until I let it out in a long scream. This was wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!
I didn't tell Nico about the dream. We hadn't spoken about when I had over heard him and Chiron speaking and I didn't want to. With my dreams absent, I'd been able to put it out of my mind, but now I could no longer ignore it. The longing in my chest, that had subdued at the sight of my mother and at the feel of Nico's kisses, was back, stronger than ever.
„Are you even paying attention?"
No I wasn't, not at all, but I nodded anyways. Nico just raised an eyebrow at me.
„Aha... So what did I just say?"
Crap... I shrugged and grinned sheepishly. He sighed and took my chin into his hand, making me look at him.
„This is important Kyra. How are you gonna learn if you don't pay attention?"
He was convinced that I could shadow travel. After my little breakdown in the park, I had apparently taken the first step in doing so. I didn't know. I'd always been able to hide in the shadows, but I hadn't realized that I could actually shadow travel. It was something that sounded really cool in theory, but was apparently really hard to master in reality.
„Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm paying attention now. See?"
To demonstrate my attention I gave him an intensive stare, not blinking. I was completely there. He rolled his eyes and took my hands into his.
„Ok. So now bring us to the other side of the arena."
I nodded, bit my lip and concentrated. I could feel the shadows engulf us, and opened my eyes. We hadn't moved. Not even a little. Nico was grinning at me though and I looked at us. We were transparent, fading .
„Ok, so you can make us become shadows, now you just gotta move us. Come on Kyra, picture it."
I took a deep breath and focused on where I wanted to go. It shouldn't have been too hard, but I couldn't do it. I was breathing hard now from the exhaustion, keeping us in shadow state was hard work, and eventually my concentration flickered and faded, turning us back to normal.
For the others in the arena it looked like we'd poped up out of nowhere, and they clapped, but I knew that I'd failed. Again.
„Maybe we're approaching this the wrong way", he muttered.
He furrowed his brow, like he always did when he was thinking and then smiled.
„Ok lets try this. Kyra when you manipulate darkness what do you do?"
I frowned.
„I will it to do what I want, become what I want."
„Exactly. Now do that with us."
I took his hands into both of mine and concentrated again. I could feel us becoming part oft he shadows and then I willed not us, but the shadows we were to move. I opened my eyes and felt my heart drop in disappointment. We hadn't moved!
Nico was grinning at me.
„What?", I snapped.
„You did it.", he said and I looked around. What did he mean? We were... two feet from where we'd been five seconds ago. I laughed
„I did it!"
And Nico kissed me. Gods I loved his kisses.