Hindsight

Summary: "Ten years," James whispered to his wife. "We've been dead for Ten years… how is this possible?" Ten years after the tragedy at Godric's Hollow, James and Lily come back to life and find their world turned upside down.

Chapter 9

Harry was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of tea untouched in his hands. Lily was fussing over the stove and James was pacing back and forth in front of the fridge. Remus had pulled Sirius out into the backyard to get some air. Harry was having trouble paying much attention to them anyway.

His parents died.

They weren't in a car crash, that led to them falling into a coma. They had died. And he had somehow survived the Killing Curse Voldemort tried to end his life with too.

Harry's shaky hand went up to his forehead and he traced the scar there. "You're the only one to ever survive the Killing Curse, Harry, and you have that scar to prove it." Dumbledore had explained it all to his parents when they first came back a few days ago. When his mother sacrificed herself for him, it was done out of pure, selfless love and had formed some kind of shield that protected him from Voldemort's spell. He couldn't help but see Lily in a whole new, even brighter light.

His mother's love for him was so unadulterated that it saved his life.

And James.

His father had defended his family, knowing he would die, knowing he didn't stand a chance against Voldemort.

Those were his parents. How had he gotten so lucky?

"Mum? Dad?"

James halted and Lily looked up from the pan she was furiously stirring… whatever it was she was trying to cook.

"Are you alright?" James asked immediately.

"No. I mean, yes," he contradicted hurriedly. "I just- I'm not really hungry, mum, so can you just sit down with me for a second?" With a wave of her wand, the pan was in the sink and the flame was gone. James and Lily sat next to him at the round table. "I… this is very hard to understand."

"It is for us, too," James assured him. "But Dumbledore told us he's going to start looking into it and he's got a few of his professors doing research as well on anything they can possibly get their hands on. We'll find out how we came back, I promise."

"To be honest, I don't really care," he admitted. They looked stunned. "I mean, I understand there's more at stake to this than your enemies not being happy about your sudden reappearance. Maybe this was planned for some reason but I have you back. That's all that really matters to me right now. You've fought Voldemort, dad. If there really is someone who did this on purpose, I know you'll be able to stop them."

James sat up, touched by the boy's confidence.

"But right now, I'm going to a school where I'll learn magic, my parents are here and love me. I'm happy. I dont' want to ruin that by thinking of what ifs... but I suppose you deserve the truth as well."

Lily reached forward and stroked the boy's cheek. "Is this about Petunia and Vernon?"

Harry nodded. "You guys wanted to know about my life with them, right?"

"We do."

"Right well… like I said, it really wasn't that bad. They ignored me at best as long as I did all my chores, but I would get yelled at for the accidental magic that I had no idea I was even doing. I got Dudley's leftovers, in every sense of the word. His clothes, his toys, his crumbs." Harry flinched at the fury that appeared on James' face. "Dudley was a bit of a bully at school, so I didn't have many friends because- well, because everyone was afraid of him. He'd beat them if they tried to be nice to me."

Lily rubbed her eyes furiously, trying her best not to cry in front of her son. "Harry, darling, what they did to you wasn't right. Forcing you to live in a cupboard, making you cook and clean for them. That isn't what a child is supposed to do."

"I know that, mum, but I was okay. Honestly!"

James cursed as he smacked his palm on the table much harder than he meant to. "You were their nephew, Harry. You'd think Petunia would have some sympathy in her. For Merlin's sake her sister died."

"James, enough," Lily commanded, not wanting to upset the boy.

"No, mum, you're both right. The Dursleys didn't treat me like they should've, I'm not blind to that," said Harry, coming to his father's defense. "You died. You both died, and I know Voldemort was there to kill you for your part in the war against him, but he was going to kill me too, wasn't he? And you both fought to save me… In all my life, I never thought I'd know love like that and now I do, because of you."

Harry, almost embarrassed, stared holes into the table.

"I can't even begin to express how much I love you both. You died protecting me." It was said with such disbelief that their hearts all but shattered. "How am I supposed to repay you for that?"

James gave his son an incredulous huff. "Family isn't about repayment, Harry."

"We would have died a thousand deaths to save each other, sweetheart," Lily murmured softly. "And so would Remus and Sirius. That's what love is. Not spoiling your child with presents or stuffing them so much that they're practically more pastry than they are human."

Harry laughed loudly for the first time in hours.

"It's wanting nothing but real happiness for your loved ones. We'd do anything for you, Harry."

He looked at them, resolute. "And I'd do anything for you. For both of you."

"Hmm," Lily hummed. "Like study hard enough at Hogwarts to become Head Boy?"

"Or you could pull pranks on your git of a potions professor."

"James Potter!"

"What!"

Harry watched them banter back and forth, the mood much brighter than it had been. "Talking about spoiling your child," he interrupted. "Are we still going shopping today or did you two ruin the day by dying?"

"Harry James!" Lily gasped, scandalized. "Did you just sass your parents? Grounded!"

He let out a strangled squeak. "Grounded? Dad! She can't do that! Can she?"

James shrugged. "I tend to just go along with whatever your mother wants."

"You'd force me to wear Dudley's hand-me-downs just to ground me?"

"That's a good point, Lily," James tried. "He looks hideous."

"Hideous?! Coming from you? Who looks like me?"

James scowled and shoved the boy off his chair. "Forget it, you're grounded."

Harry continued lying on the floor, laughing hysterically at the way Lily was screaming at James for physically harming their son.

"Oh, wow!"

Harry ran over to the Quality Quidditch Supplies' window and, as politely as he could, pushed through the other children that were gathered around it. On display was a broom called the Nimbus Two Thousand, and although he knew nothing about brooms, Harry was sure this had to be the best on the market.

"Dad! Come here!"

James glanced over his shoulder and quickly shrunk the numerous shopping bags he was carrying, stuffing them into pocket. It was odd, seeing him with shaggy red hair, but they wanted to have a day out where they wouldn't be bothered by anyone. Lily and James thought it would be fun to switch features. From their hair to the shape of their lips, they had done a complete face swap. "My you look ravishing," James had told the woman when they had finished the change. She elbowed him in the gut with a roll of her eyes.

"Honestly, James," Lily muttered irritably as she pushed the glasses she was wearing back onto the bridge of her nose. "I don't know how you deal with these wretched things. Can't we just correct your vision?"

"I like my glasses," he contended. "I think they give me character."

"Dad!"

"Go on, before he bursts from excitement," Lily laughed.

James jogged up to the window and looked over their heads. "Blimey! Look at that! A Nimbus Two Thousand? Last I saw from them was the Fifteen Hundred."

"Do you think we could get one, dad?" Harry asked excitedly. "I mean! It's alright if we can't but it would be cool, wouldn't it?"

Lily cleared her throat loudly and shook her head when they turned to look her. "Absolutely not. Did you read plaque? He can't learn how to fly on the fastest broom to date."

He nodded obediently but she could see some disappointment in his eyes.

"You'll get one eventually, darling," she promised. "Besides, it's not like you'll be needing one. First years aren't allowed to bring a broom to Hogwarts."

Harry drooped down despite the smile he gave her. James gave a pointed glare to his wife that very clearly said 'look what you've done.' Lily crossed her arms, refusing to change her mind. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's get you some proper clothes." She took Harry by the shoulders and guided him away from the Quidditch shop. "You'll be looking like a right smart wizard once we're done."

"Do wizarding clothes look different from muggle clothes?"

"Oh no, not at all! Casual clothing is all the same, but I'd like to get you some robes as well. I can already see how handsome you'll look in them."

"Darling," James called. "I think I forgot a bag at the last store we were at. I'm going to run back and check."

She glared at him suspiciously. "You aren't going to sneak into that Quidditch shop to buy a broom are you?"

James reeled back, insulted. "Of course not! Now do you want me to go back to find our purchases or not?"

"Well, go on. We'll be at Madam Malkin's," she responded with a raised brow. James rolled his eyes and walked away, passed the Quidditch shop to Lily's pleasure. "Alright, then Harry. Let's head over to that shop right there. You'll be getting familiar with that store, darling. It's where you'll be getting your school uniform."

As interesting as that was to Harry, he had his eyes on the shop marked "Ollivanders" that was just across the way.

"Mum, you're sure I can't get my wand yet?"

Lily tried not to laugh at how eager the boy looked. "Not just yet. Let's wait till your Hogwarts letter comes."

"But there's no rule about it?"

She glanced down at him amusedly. "Alright, that's fair, there isn't a rule, but let's worry about clothes and furniture for now, okay? Our house is a tad bit empty don't you think?"

"I don't know. Pads and Moony take up a whole lot of space."

She let out a giggle at that. "Don't let your uncles hear you say that, dear."

There wasn't a long wait at Madam Malkin's and Harry had very quickly found robes he liked enough to get fitted. Soon enough, it was his turn to hop up on the stool and have Madam Malkin measure one of the robes on him so she could alter everything he chose without him having to try them all on. They made small talk with the seamstress, who was happy to meet a future Hogwarts student. "Do you reckon you can guess what house you'll be in?" the kind woman asked.

"My entire family was in Gryffindor," he told her happily. Lily looked up, startled that the boy even knew of the houses, before quickly remembering that they had left him with Remus and Sirius earlier. They were bound to have told him more about Hogwarts. "I'll hopefully by a Gryffindor too."

"I was a Hufflepuff, myself," Madam Malkin told him as she pinned his sleeve up to the proper length. "Loyal bunch we are. You'll make lifelong friends with us Hufflepuffs."

"Are you offering your hand to me in friendship, Madam?" Harry joked.

The old woman looked up at his mother, one corner of her mouth upturned. "You've got quite the charmer here."

Lily shook her head with a delighted gleam in her eyes. "He gets that from his fath-oh! You- James, you absolute-!"

Harry pivoted around, accidentally tugging the robe out of Madam Malkin's hand while looking for the source of his mother's anger. James was walking through the shop door, his cheeks dimpled from the huge grin on his face. He was carrying a broom in each hand as he practically skipped towards them. "Surprise, son!" he exclaimed when he got to the boy.

He couldn't find a response, to busy gaping at both the Nimbus brooms James was holding.

Lily smacked the man's chest as hard as she could. "You never listen to me, do you?!" she yelled.

"Aw, come on, love! It's not every day our boy turns eleven!"

"He isn't turning eleven for another month!"

"Dad, you shouldn't have," Harry said weakly. "That must've been expensive."

James waved his hand disagreeably. "Teaching you how to fly a broom is priceless."

"You listen to me," Lily growled. "If my son breaks his neck on that stupid thing, I'll never forgive you!"

She stayed furious with James the entire way home, who valiantly ignored her and continued chatting to Harry about the fine art of flying. Harry, for his part, was rather wary of the way his mother was angrily muttering about 'stupid men' and 'poor parenting,' but he couldn't hide his excitement at the prospect of learning how to use a broom.

"The trick, Harry," he was loud purposefully, like he wanted to annoy his wife to bits, "is not to oversteer. Sure there are times you'll have to, but a broom will listen to what you want it to do, especially a top of line Nimbus like this one. It'll be like another limb. Just let it come natural to you." Lily was still grumbling when they got into the house. She thrust her hands into James' pockets, grabbed all the bags and expanded them to their original size. James watched her for a moment, trying not to wince when she began roughly emptying the bags and sorting them all out. "You want to head to the back and try it out?"

"Er." Harry too was observing the redhead, who neatly folding his clothes and placing them on the table, but tossing everything James bought over her shoulder and into the wall. "Shouldn't we help mum with the new furniture?"

"Those probably won't be coming for another hour or so!"

"Then… maybe we should help put our clothes away?"

James looked to the pile on the floor. "Well, I guess you're right about that."

"Yikes," Sirius muttered when he walked into the living room. "What's got your wand in a knot, Evans?"

Lily threw what she was holding onto the couch. "Your best friend decided to get Harry a broomstick after I specifically told him not to!"

"Alright," James sighed. "Sirius, you mind going outside with Harry to see if the furniture's been delivered?"

Sirius grimaced and grabbed the boy hurriedly. "Come on, kid. It's never a pretty sight when those two have a spat."

He waited to hear the front door close before rounding on his wife. "Okay, do you want to tell me what the big deal is? He's only been with us for a day but he was opening up so well at Diagon Alley... You know I'm not going to let him get hurt."

"I know that," she scowled. "But you were the one that's been so worried about us being used by some dark whatever! And getting scared about what we're supposed to do with our lives and- and now you've bought Harry a broom and it's all just so normal and you look so at ease again and now I'm the one that's-! The one-"

James didn't think when he grabbed Lily and locked her in an embrace. "You must be mental if you think I'm at ease, Lily. You've no idea how hard I'm trying to be normal for Harry."

She gripped the back of his shirt in her hands. "I want to be strong for you and for our family but I'm so damn scared, James."

"We're going to get through this. I promise you."

They stayed like that for a while, refusing to let each other go. It was comfortable and familiar, the way they used to end up whenever one of them was panicking about the war and the safety of their friends.

"Are you guys done?" the heard Sirius shout from outside. "It's getting bloody hot out here!"

Lily pushed James away with a growl and stomped to the front of the house. "Sirius Orion Black, if you curse in front of my son one more!"

It had been two full weeks since Harry was reunited with his family and he still felt like he was stuck in a dream. He'd wake every morning, sacred to find himself in his tiny cupboard, his parents still dead and gone. It was a constant ritual to run to his parents' room to make sure they were there before heading down for a visual check on his uncles. He was certain they knew what he was doing, but they seemed to be humoring him, not bothered in the slightest. Assured that they weren't annoyed, he continued on with it.

He was just about to get up and check on his family when he realized it was still dark. Harry turned to the clock on his bedside table and saw it was just about to turn four. He flopped down on his pillow with a groan. He was wide-awake, with no hope of falling back asleep anytime soon.

What could he possibly do for three hours before everyone woke up too?

Pushing himself up onto his forearms, he decided it wouldn't be a bad idea to check on his family anyway. He'd heard them opening his door many times, peeking in to make sure he was alright in his sleep. He could return the favor! Make sure no one was suffocating under their comforters.

"Am I really that desperate?" he grumbled deprecatingly. "… Yeah, I guess so."

With that, he hopped out of his bed, slid his feet into his slippers and crept quietly into the hallway.

Remus' room was across from his parents' and he thought it best to start there and work his way back. He tiptoed down the way, careful to avoid squeaky floorboards, and very slowly turned Remus' doorknob. Harry bit his lips and squinted into the darkness. Remus was lying on his back, his mouth parted slightly and his arms sprawled out around his head. The man looked exhausted even in his sleep and Harry took a moment to check the moon outside Remus' window. He noted that it looked nearly full and decided it would be a good idea to stay awake so he could cook breakfast before Remus even had a chance to head into the kitchen.

"You better stay put, Moony, or I'll tell mum to tie you down," he threatened the unconscious man before closing the door.

Next, he went to his parents and almost immediately wished he had a camera to take a picture of them. For some reason, he imagined he'd walk in to see something romantic and adorable, like his mum lying on his dad's chest with his dad's arms around her like a protective cage. Instead, he saw James sleeping on his side, almost completely off the bed. Lily's arms were outstretched between them like she had pushed him away from her space at some point in the night. His father was drooling on his pillow and his mother was snoring lightly. Harry snickered, wondering if Remus and Sirius knew about this and planned to share the secret with them. Maybe one of them had a camera for him to use.

Finally, he headed down to Sirius' room. He wondered if he'd be just as surprised as when he checked on his parents. Maybe Sirius slept as Padfoot. Maybe he didn't have a normal bed at all and slept on an overgrown dog bed. Instead of snickering at the mental images of Padfoot sleeping on a very fancy cushion, Harry opened Sirius' door and slammed himself against the wall in shock.

With horror, he watched Sirius thrash around wildly on his bed, his body convulsing and twitching like he was being tortured.

"Sirius!" he shouted, running over and grabbing the man by his shoulders. He shook him roughly in hopes he could wake him from whatever night terrors he was experiencing. "Sirius, stop!"

Harry let out a cry when Sirius' hand grabbed him by the face and shoved him away. He pressed his fingers against his cheek when he felt something wet trail down his jaw and realized that he must have scratched him accidentally. Harry wiped the blood away with the back of his hand, scrambled to his feet and ran clumsily out of the room, falling against a hallway table and knocking a vase off of it in the process.

"DAD! MUM!"

He burst through their door just as they sat up in their beds, caught between trying to wake up and being completely alarmed by Harry's terrified voice. "Harry? What's going on, what-"

He didn't give his father a chance to finish. Harry grabbed James arm and tugged on it until he was practically dragging him out of the bed. "It's Sirius! Something's wrong with him! Hurry!"

Lily was already racing to their friend's room while James lunged for his glasses and pushed them on so that they were askew on his face. Remus, who had heard the commotion, whipped his door open and grabbed Harry before he could follow his parents. "What's going on?"

"Sirius!" he gasped. "I don't know what- he's flailing around in his sleep! I couldn't wake him, Moony! I tried but he wouldn't stop!"

"Stay here," Remus ordered before pushing past him and running to Sirius' room.

Harry, who was never very good at following instructions and was much too worried about his godfather to stay put, followed suit after a few seconds of hesitation. He was just in time to see Remus pull his mum away from the bed. She had red marks and scratches on her arm but they didn't seem to be bothering her. His dad, who had just given up shaking the man awake, grabbed Sirius and trapped his arms to down to his sides.

"Sirius!" his father bellowed. "Sirius, wake up! Wake up!"

Remus hugged Lily to his chest when he heard her choked sob. "Don't look, Lily," he told her gently. "Just don't look."

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Harry, Sirius began to settle in his father's arms, his movements slowing and his panting growing softer. He blinked blearily and looked at all of them in confusion.

"J-James?"

His father didn't say a word. He tucked Sirius under his chin like a child and rocked him back and forth.

"Az… dem-mentors. P-Peter. Peter."

"It's alright," James whispered. "You're home. You aren't there anymore."

"Peter… Peter…"

Harry sunk down to the ground and watched them all try to comfort each other. Suddenly, his life didn't feel like a dream anymore.