Warning: Suicidal themes.
June 15, 2002
"Good morning to me." Severus Snape's lips curled to form a perfect 'o' as he surveyed the stunning view of Italy's Amalfi Coast from his hotel room's balcony. The sun had just risen, painting the sky in orange and red hues. He cast his gaze onto the sea, admiring the gentle waves on the surface of the beautiful blue water. A warm breeze enveloped him, and he smiled.
He'd been in Italy a few days and had developed a habit of waking early enough to watch the sun rise. He hadn't grown tired of it, for he never expected to be standing where he was today.
He yawned and strode over to the wrought iron dining table. He took a seat and poured himself a cup of coffee. He sighed deeply, savouring his first sip. He scanned the morning newspapers laid on the table, bypassing them in favour of the invitation. He re-read it for the hundredth time, unwilling to believe it.
Severus had been called many things, great not being one of them. He wouldn't use the word to describe himself either. Great wasn't meant for men like him. Great was more suited to men much more honourable, noble and ethical. It was beyond him how anyone could see him, a former Death Eater, as great.
Granted, he thought, running his thumb over the invitation's embossed text, I have every right to be here. Severus's accomplishments in the field of potions were extraordinary. The wizarding community was abuzz over his creations, which treated children who'd been inflicted with dark curses. His success was almost enough to make them forget about his sordid past. Though, branding him as the greatest potioneer of all time was a bit much.
"Buongiorno, Sev," a soft, melodic voice called, breaking Severus from his reverie.
"Buongiorno, Cissa," he replied, taking in the gorgeous woman standing in the doorway to the bedroom. She was clad in his white dress shirt, which hit the middle of her toned thighs. The sun's rays reflected off her hair, highlighting the gold flecks embedded in the blonde locks. She crossed the room and took a seat beside him, accepting the cup of tea he poured for her.
"Did you sleep well?" She took his hand in hers, stroking the back with her thumb. "You were so nervous last night, which isn't like you."
"It's a lot to take in." Severus leaned toward her and placed his hand on her knee, caressing the soft flesh. "And, mia cara, you should know by now that I always sleep well now that you're beside me at night," he drawled as his hand crawled up her leg.
"Oh, Severus!" she exclaimed, playfully slapping away his wandering hand. "Are you flirting with me?"
"Maybe I am," Severus teased, flashing his signature smirk at her. "I should get ready. Come with me?" Severus stood up and started to head back into the bedroom.
"Do I have to?" Narcissa replied, covering a yawn with the back of her hand. "I'm a little tired. Someone kept me up all night," she replied, winking at him.
"All right," conceded Severus, not trying to convince her otherwise. He wanted her to accompany him. He'd grown accustomed to having her beside him, helping him through the endless sea of people who wanted to engage in conversation with him. He was unable to handle small talk. Narcissa excelled at that, dealing with the brunt of it for him.
"Thank you." She smiled at him and turned her attention back to her tea. "I'll visit the market and pick up a few things."
"Will you help me get ready at least?"
She lifted her head, focusing her azure irises at him while pretending to ponder his request. He sauntered to her, pressed his lips on her neck and whispered into her ear. Her face flushed.
"All right." She placed her hand in his and allowing him to lead her to the bedroom.
An hour later, Severus studied his reflection in the mirror while Narcissa straightened his cravat. The new dress robes she purchased for him fit perfectly.
"If it's all right with you, we'll have an early dinner before the ceremony," he said, bending down to kiss her goodbye. They pulled apart after a few moments, and she nodded.
As Severus made his way to the hotel's conference room, he could not help but feel incredibly grateful to discuss his groundbreaking findings with the best in his field. Narcissa insisted that he take the credit, downplaying her role in it. He was thankful to have her in his life, and he promised to tell her how he felt before their trip ended.
XXX
May 2, 2000
Severus stood at the back of the ballroom that had been transformed for the evening's event. His pitch-black robes blended in perfectly with the dark drapery covering the floor-to-ceiling windows. The shadows swallowed him, allowing him to remain hidden. He crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes narrowing as he watched the couples twirling about the dance floor.
Minerva's threats to fire him had forced him to attend. He doubted that she'd do it. After all, she'd begged him to return to the school once she found out that he survived the war. Severus, having nowhere else to go, eventually caved into her requests.
He slipped a hand into his pocket, fingering with the green ribbon attached to his Order of Merlin, First Class. He'd stripped off the gold medal the second he stepped off the stage. He had tried his best not to accept the award, but bloody Harry Potter had insisted that he claim it. To make matters worse, Potter had championed himself Severus's protector and had helped secure Severus's pardon.
Severus was thankful for Potter's efforts, but wished to be left alone. His attendance at the award ceremony had caused unrest. A large group called for his imprisonment and death, refusing to believe his contributions to end the war. Another group, considerably smaller than the first, argued for his pardon. That second group was full of the people who mattered, and so here he stood, a pardoned man and an Order of Merlin recipient.
All the praise agitated him. He didn't want to be honored. He didn't want to think about his actions during both wars. Thinking about the past only served to bring up memories he preferred to have locked away. After all this time? Always.
xxx
"Severus? You can't stand there forever." A familiar hand tugged on his forearm, dragging him back to reality. "Dance with me."
Severus gulped, temporarily blinded by the woman standing before him. Her newly single status suited her. Her eyes shone with a light he hadn't seen in many years. Moonlight crept through an opening in the drapes, bouncing off the silver beading of her dress.
He'd watched her amongst the dancing couples, for she was a popular with the males in attendance. She'd caught the attention of several men; many of whom Severus was certain had developed an interest in her.
"No, Narcissa," he snapped, focusing his gaze on a spot behind her bare shoulder.
"Must you be so difficult," she chided, pursing her lips. "For Merlin's sake, Severus! It's just one dance!"
"I do not dance."
"Please? I really cannot stand another dance with Potter or Weasley."
Severus chanced a glance at her face, allowing her doe-eyed expression to do him in. "Fine," he conceded, allowing her to lead him to the dance floor. "Just one."
Much to Severus's chagrin, the next song was a much slower one. He noticed couples inching closer to each other. Narcissa noticed his reluctance and pulled him toward her, taking her hand in his and positioning it away from their bodies. She placed a hand on his shoulder and guided his other hand to the small of her back. His face flushed at the feel of her soft flesh under his calloused fingertips.
"How are you?" Her warm breath lingered on the outer shell of his ear and sent shivers down his spine. "Andie says you're doing better."
Without warning, her fingers crept up his shoulder and gently stroked the hideous scars on his neck, causing him to flinch at her touch.
"I'm fine," he lied, hoping the song would end. "How are you? You look well."
"Thank you. I'm fine…," Narcissa began, trailing off as she noticed her ex-husband wrapped in the arms of Hermione Granger.
"Do you miss him?"
"Yes, but it wasn't going to work." Her fingers left his neck and began to play with a loose thread on his robes. "She makes him happy." Severus looked up at her, noticing a sad glint in her eyes.
"How's it going at St Mungo's?" he asked, hoping to divert her attention. It worked and they spent the rest of the dance discussing her work.
xxx
The celebration finally came to an end. Unfortunately, Severus couldn't avoid the well-wishers. He pried an attractive brunette off his arm. She'd made her wishes clear, but he declined her offer.
"The usual?" the barkeep asked, pouring a double shot of Firewhisky.
"Leave the bottle." Severus downed the shot, waiting for the warm liquid to warm him. The barkeep's eye widened, but did as asked. Lost in his thoughts, he did not notice a familiar figure enter the bar after him.
Severus drank shot after shot, pondering the meaning of his wretched life. He hated every minute of it. He couldn't leave Hogwarts or his home without being accosted by people who always had something to say to him.
He stumbled out of the bar, dizzy and nauseous. He steadied himself, strode over to a row of bushes and vomited. "Much better," he slurred wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
He crossed many streets before he reached his designation, a bridge with a spectacular view of the London skyline. Severus looked down at the lanes of traffic, orange from the streetlights shining on the pavement.
It took him several tries before he was able to jump onto the railing. He positioned himself so that his feet were dangling over the edge. Oh, how badly did he want to end his miserable life! Why did innocents die while he lived? He had nothing left to live for. All he needed to do was let go.
xxx
"Severus! Get down from there!"
"Why do you care, Narcissa?" he spat. "Leave me alone."
"I care!" she cried, her voice breaking. "You don't want to do this!"
"Why?" he asked, turning to look at her, caught off guard by the tears streaming down her face. "I'm a monster! I don't deserve to live!"
"Yes, you do!" She walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're not a monster. That monster died two years ago and you helped bring him down."
"You don't get it!" His tone startled Narcissa and she took her hand off him. "I want to die!"
Severus released his grip on the railing.
Narcissa beat him to it, Apparating to the bottom of the bridge and catching him in her outstretched arms. The last thing he saw was her panicked face before the pull of Apparition carried him away.
XXX
June 15, 2002
Severus's meeting ended early that afternoon. The small talk had been minimal since the guests were more concerned with hearing about his creations. He had sorely missed Narcissa's presence. She simply fit and the more they were apart; the more he wanted her beside him.
He wandered through the city streets, taking in the sights and sounds. Perhaps he could find Narcissa at the market. A jewellery store at the end of the street caught his attention. He stared at the display for a few moments, entering as a wave of clarity hit him.
XXX
November 2, 2000
The past six months had been difficult for Severus. Narcissa refused to give up on him, no matter how hard he tried to push her away. She moved him into her townhome, claiming that his home was uninhabitable. She persuaded him to quit his job at Hogwarts so he could work on his research.
Severus spent his days in the lab he set up in the basement. He occasionally accompanied Narcissa to St Mungo's where she worked as a part-time healer, specialising in childcare. An alarming number of children were being treated for dark curses inflicted upon them during the war. Their attempts to find suitable cures had been unsuccessful.
His nights were filled with nightmares. Narcissa remained at his side, comforting him. He spent many nights pressed against her, her fingers stroking his hair and her hands rubbing his back while she whispered soothing words to him. He'd fall back to sleep in her arms.
Yet, part of him wished she hadn't been there that night. But, as time passed, he grew more thankful for her constant presence in his life.
January 9, 2001
"Severus, there's something I want to show you," Narcissa said when he came home that night. She blindfolded him and led him to the basement.
"Happy birthday," she whispered into his ear. "I hope you like it," she stated, removing his blindfold and revealing the potions lab that she had built for him.
"I love it." Without warning, he pulled her to him and kissed her. She was shocked, but responded back in kind.
Narcissa's patience with him while he toiled away in his lab amazed him. She didn't complain or scold him for working too much.
"I'm going to bed," she announced, kissing his cheek. "I brought you some tea."
"Thank you. I'll be up in an hour," he promised.
Narcissa often assisted him with his work. She was good at potions, easy to work with and intelligent. Severus enjoyed her company and begun to develop feelings for her. He tried ignoring them, but it was difficult when he seemed to always want to be near her.
One evening, Narcissa suggested a change to a potion, which led to the creation of one of the treatments. Overcome with emotion, Severus kissed her. The kiss led to more, and he woke up in her bed the following morning. Neither one of them regretted it.
June 15, 2002
Severus returned to his hotel room at sunset. He spotted Narcissa on the balcony, resplendent in a dark green strapless dress.
"Buona sera," Severus purred, wrapping his arms around her waist. He kissed her shoulder, smiling as goosebumps appeared on her pale flesh.
"Hullo," she murmured, turning to face him. "How was your day?"
"It would've been better if you were with me" he replied, leading her to the dining table.
Severus was a nervous wreck. Luckily, Narcissa hadn't noticed since she was busy answering his questions about her day. As he listened to her melodic voice, he fingered a small, square box buried in his trouser pocket.
"You must try these chocolates at the market…"
Severus smiled at her, losing himself in the twinkle in her eyes. He could have this forever. He'd almost lost her once, and never wanted to feel that way again.
"Cissa…" Severus took her hand in his. She cast him a curious glance. Summoning all his bravery, he knelt down before her.
June 8, 2002
His feelings for Narcissa terrified him because she represented everything that he only imagined having with Lily, the love of his life.
Narcissa accepted him in spite of his flaws and had fallen in love with him. Her attempts to keep her emotions hidden were futile, and he saw right through her. She'd agree if he asked for more, but he wasn't sure what he wanted.
He enjoyed having her in his life. Their friendship deepened over the years. He enjoyed the intimacy they shared, succumbing to the peak of ecstasy in her arms. He loved how she fell apart with his kisses and caresses.
Could he give her more? What did she want from him? Marriage? Another child? He could not see himself as a husband or father.
When she began to confess, he did everything to prevent her from saying those three words.
"You know, you could be happy," she spat. She slid out of bed and put her clothes back on. "You won't let the past go," she accused, walking over to her dresser. She summoned a bag and began throwing clothes into it.
"Where are you going?"
"Why do you care? I'm sick of coming in second to a dead woman."
"Narcissa," warned Severus, his voice dropping dangerously low.
"You still love her. You'll always love her," she stated, wiping the tears off her face. "I can't be with someone who doesn't care about me. I can make you happy, but you refuse to let me." She left before he could respond.
Severus spent a few days, mulling over words before he realised the truth behind them. He found her a day before their trip to Italy, holed up in a small cottage overlooking the Bristol Channel. It took him several hours of apologising and pleading before she finally forgave him.
June 15, 2002
"I couldn't have done this alone," Severus addressed as his speech was coming to a close. "I owe much of my success to the lovely, Narcissa Black."
The crowd gasped and turned to look at the beautiful blonde seated in the middle of the room. They'd heard rumours about the pair, but their relationship hadn't been confirmed until now.
"Thank you for your patience, guidance and encouragement. I'm not the easiest man to deal with, so thank you for putting up with me. I love you."
She flashed him a dazzling smile and mouthed the words back to him. He smiled at her, mesmerised by the diamond engagement ring that adorned her left hand. He was so thankful for everything she'd done for him. She'd made him a better man, and he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with her.
A/N: Word count: 3000. Written for Sophie's Crystals, Gemstones & Astrology Challenge/Competition. Prompt: Use the quote: "Behind every great man is a greater woman" as inspiration for your story (1,000 to 3,000 words).