Hindsight

Summary: "Ten years," James whispered to his wife. "We've been dead for Ten years… how is this possible?" Ten years after the tragedy at Godric's Hollow, James and Lily come back to life and find their world turned upside down.

Chapter 27

"Harry," James sighed exhaustedly. "For the last time, I'm not taking him with me. I can't even understand him."

"But he understands you," Harry argued stubbornly. "He's smart, and he'll hear something coming before you do. Just trust me, okay? Sally has to go with you. It's the only way I'm letting you leave in the morning."

"Harry-"

"James Potter," he responded just as sternly.

The older man chuckled and ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. "You'll be good for your mother, won't you? Don't give her any grief while we're gone." Harry stared up at his father innocently, a "who, me?" expression on his face. James rolled his eyes. "I mean it, Harry James, and don't you be getting in trouble at school."

He couldn't help but snort. "That's rich coming from you."

"Cheeky little git," he growled as Harry ran from him.

"I'm just saying!"

"You come back here, Harry! This is how you say goodbye to your father who's going on a dangerous mission? By insulting him?!"

Harry's laughter echoed so loud that everyone in the house heard it. James was just about to give up when Harry ran back in and tackled him into a hug.

"I'll miss you, dad. Come back to us."

James smiled down at the boy. "Always, Harry."

"And don't you dare leave without saying goodbye to me, okay? I'll never forgive you if I wake up and you're not here."

With that, Harry quickly left and shut himself up in his room. Sirius and Remus came in from the backyard just in time to see the boy flee. James and Sirius stared at the stairs sadly. Sure, they'd gotten Harry on the brink of adolescence, but he was still rather childlike when they first met him again. Seeing him acting like… an adult about this situation was rather bittersweet for them. Somewhere in James' heart, he wanted to see Harry throw a tantrum and beg him not to leave. Sirius was rather hoping for one as well if he were to be honest.

Remus stared at them amusedly. "Would you rather he was crying his heart out right now?" he asked.

They gave him a mean glare. "Shut up, Moony," Sirius grumbled. "Is it so bad to want to be wanted?"

James pouted as he threw himself down on the couch. "I don't want him to be inconsolable. I just wanted… you know… a more dramatic scene. A little more emotion."

"He didn't eat the entire day after you told us you two were leaving," Remus deadpanned. "What more do you need?"

Sirius breathed out deeply. "I don't know, like… that weird depression he went through before leaving for Hogwarts the first time? That would be nice." James nodded in agreement.

"You two are unbelievable."

They laughed at the wolf's exasperation. "Come on, Moony, lighten up. We're just trying to brighten the mood. We might die, don't you know it?"

"Die again," James corrected.

"Right, die again in Prongs' case."

Remus groaned and rubbed at his face. "Can you two not joke like that? It does nothing to make me feel better about this. I should be going out there with you."

"No," James said firmly. "You should be staying here and making sure your friend and her son are well taken care of."

The wolf stared at him wryly. "Honestly, James, do you really think Lily needs protecting? If there was an attack, she'd be covering my ass more than I would hers."

He sat up quickly. "Who said you'd be doing anything with my wife's ass?"

Sirius shook his head. "That's if you die again, James. Obviously, one of us has to marry her. You know, you'll be dying in my arms like 'please… take care of Lily' and I'll be forced to marry her to fulfill your wishes and then we'll end up falling madly in love and Harry will see me as his new father."

"Don't count me out," Remus countered. "You guys will be gone. Lily and I can bond during that time. Get closer… realize what was in front of us this entire time."

"Oi!" James protested angrily. "Neither of you will be doing anything of the sort! If I die, Lily will grow to be an old spinster that was never able to love anyone as much as she loved me. And Harry will bitterly hate you both because you'd be constant reminders of the only man he ever looked up to!"

"Excuse me?"

The three men whirled around to see Lily standing there with her arms crossed, an amused gleam in her eyes.

"Who said I gave you permission to die, James?"

Sirius glanced at James, who was drinking Lily in like it would be the last time he ever saw her. "Okay, but for argument's sake, would you choose Remus or me?" he asked, effectively interrupting the tender moment between husband and wife.

James lunged forward to swat at him as Lily muttered, "Remus, obviously," to which Remus grinned victoriously.

"What do you mean obviously?! I have a lot to offer!"

She shook her head and plopped down onto James' lap. "You're not my type, Black."

"I'm everyone's type, Evans. Just admit that if James hadn't gotten to you first-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Pads," James growled warningly. "Now, leave us be."

Remus grabbed Sirius' arm and pulled him away. "Fine by us," the werewolf told them. "We're gonna go ask Harry who he'd choose as a dad. A galleon says he'll choose me too."

"You're on, you arrogant prat. Harry! You still awake?"

Lily watched them disappear before leaning back and nuzzling her face into James' neck.

The mood changed all too quickly. She let out a deep sigh as she wound her arms around his waist. James let a hand trail up her spine and into her hair, pulling her closer into his embrace when he felt a tear hit his skin. Lily tried desperately to stay strong but the feel of her husband so close had her breaking down against him. She cried silently as she reached up and touched as much of him as she could, her fingers continuously moving between soft caresses and desperate grips. James shut his eyes tight and allowed her to memorize him, his own hands holding her waist tight like he was trying to keep himself grounded. He spared a moment to rip his glasses off his face and toss them to the other end of the couch before resting his palm on the small of her back and pushing her forward into him.

"James," she whispered pleadingly. "You can come home every night, both of you. You don't have to stay away."

He shook his head, their foreheads rubbing against each other as he did. "It wouldn't work, Lily."

"It would!"

"It wouldn't." Lily looked like ready to argue, so he placed a hand on her cheek and shook his head once more. "Lily, Sirius and I would have to apparate outside of the wards, remember. What if someone saw us? What if someone somehow followed us? If you and Harry were found because of a foolish mistake-"

"You'll be careful," she insisted. "I know you will, just please-" She choked on her sob as she threw herself forward into him. "Please don't leave me again, James."

He felt his heart stop.

"I lost you once. I can't go through it again."

He trailed a hand under her shirt and up her back. "Never. Never again."

"I don't want to marry Sirius," Lily bawled loudly.

James couldn't help himself. He barked with laughter and held her closer. "Oh, Lily… but he needs to fulfill my wishes for someone to take care of you."

"Potter!"

James and Sirius dragged themselves into Number 12 Grimmauld Place, exhausted and dispirited. When they weren't camping, they allowed themselves the luxury of the beds at Sirius' childhood home, though "home" and "luxury" were quite strong words for it. Every time they came, Kreacher the house elf would throw insults at them until Sirius threatened punishment and the damn portrait of Walburga Black would screech and holler if it saw them. Despite it, they supposed it was better than what had been happening outside of Grimmauld Place's walls. They'd spent a month searching countless woods, houses, and areas but continuously came up empty handed. They weren't sure what more they could do with nothing to go on. Their list of places that Voldemort had presumably been through was starting to get shorter and shorter by the day as they crossed more off.

"You're sure there's nothing here? You looked through Regulus' things?" James sighed.

Sirius shrugged helplessly. "I'd say I'm sure but that stupid house elf won't let me anywhere near his things without physically attacking me. I highly doubt Voldemort or Bellatrix would leave anything physical to him anyway. It's all probably just junk in his chest."

James threw his head back and leaned against a wall to prop himself up, lest he collapse from tiredness. "Well, maybe not a Horcrux, Sirius, but what if Lestrange left him a letter or something? Or a bloody map or picture."

He scoffed. "Yes, James, I'm sure Bellatrix left him a map with a X on it, as well as details on how to retrieve the Horcrux."

He couldn't help but snort as he sat down to Sirius on the couch. "Fair enough. Besides, who knows if Bellatrix told him anything, right? You said you think he got killed trying to leave, didn't you?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm assuming. I mean, Regulus and I may not have been the best siblings but I know him. He wasn't as tough as he made himself out to be, no matter how hard he tried." He rolled his eyes. "Kid probably realized what they wanted for him, tried to bolt and they killed him on the spot."

James looked at his friend through the corner of his eye. He could see Sirius swallow hard at the thought. Yes, despite the lack of closeness between the brothers, it was clear that Sirius still cared.

"Bloody idiot," the man muttered. "But Bellatrix did like him, lot more than me, at least. Who knows, maybe she did tell him something and he took it to his grave."

He reached over and patted Sirius' shoulder. "Let's look anyway, yeah? Perhaps we'll find something."

"It's a waste of time, James," he whined back. "Can't we just sleep? We're going to back to Albania tomorrow!"

He hauled Sirius up to his feet and began tugging him in the direction of Regulus' untouched room. "No sleep till we're dead, Sirius," he said firmly. "Your godson's life is on the line, or have you forgotten?"

The statement had him straightening back up. "Fine," he breathed out. "Fine, I'll distract Kreacher. You go in there and see what you can find, since you're so eager."

He chuckled as Sirius sauntered away, a swagger in his step like he was trying to prove who the master of the house was, before yelling for Kreacher to come to him. James knew he didn't have much time. Kreacher was like a hound, able to smell a disturbance from miles away. He'd have to make the search quick. When he was sure that Sirius had Kreacher busy, he jogged up many flights of stairs and hurried into Regulus' room. Kreacher kept the room spotless, like someone was still supposed to live in it. It was disturbing and sad at the same time. Not letting himself get caught up in his thoughts, James began combing through everything in sight. No bed sheet went unturned, the closet searched through thoroughly and the drawers emptied out of their contents until all that was left was Regulus' old Hogwarts trunk.

James dislodged the lock on it with a quick wave of his wand and tossed it aside. He threw the trunk open and began rifling through the things he found inside. Old school books, uniform still somehow in pristine condition, and parchment- but nothing that could help them in their mission.

He sat on the floor in front of the trunk and heaved a labored groan. It was hopeless. They'd never find anything.

"What does the blood traitor think he is doing?!"

James swiveled around and looked at Kreacher and Sirius, who were standing at the door. Sirius looked entirely too entertained with how murderous Kreacher appeared to be.

"Don't you dare, Kreacher," Sirius warned when the house elf summoned a pan from thin air and raised it above his head, as if to hurl it in James' direction. He grabbed the pan from him and tossed it over his shoulder. "You best not forget your place!"

Kreacher wailed and rushed forward. "Master Regulus, Kreacher has failed you once more! Kreacher allowed the blood traitors to destroy your room!"

Sirius grunted irritably. "And what was the first thing you did, Kreacher? Left a crease in his pants?"

Kreacher picked one of the books out of the trunk and threw it straight at Sirius' head, causing the man to stumble back into the hallway and against the wall with a cry of pain.

"You little piece of-!"

"What was the blood traitor doing in my Master's room?!" the house elf demanded angrily at James. "Filthy Potter was trying to steal his valuable possessions!"

"I wasn't trying to steal anything, Kreacher," James snapped. "I was just looking for something!"

"For what?!"

"A Horcrux," Sirius drawled sarcastically as he rubbed the red bump on his head and glared daggers at the elf. "Seen one around? Oh, you remember Regulus, always leaving Horcruxes around so carelessly. Always told him to be careful but he never listened to his smart, older brother."

Though James snickered at first, they both froze at how quickly Kreacher's mood changed. The furious elf was now shaking in his spot, glancing at both of them with unadulterated fear.

"You know something," Sirius whispered, equally horrified as he was surprised. "Kreacher, what do you know?"

"Kreacher can't," he said in a rush. "Kreacher promised Master Regulus… Kreacher-" The house elf suddenly looked like he was going to cry. "Kreacher let Master Regulus down."

"Tell us, Kreacher," James pleaded. "Tell us what you know."

"Kreacher can't! Master Regulus told me not to let anyone know!"

"Is this about a Horcrux?" Sirius gaped disbelievingly. "Voldemort trusted my brother with a Horcrux?!"

"Did he?" James asked the elf. "You know where it is, don't you, Kreacher?"

Kreacher shook his head as he backed away from them. James was on his feet now, stalking towards him with Sirius.

"You have no idea what you're messing with, Kreacher," Sirius hissed. "This isn't just a little toy."

"This isn't anything you've ever seen," James insisted. "You can get seriously hurt."

"Give it to us. Now. You let us destroy that thing before horrible things happen. Not even an elf loyal to Death Eaters will be saved from it. I'm trying to help you before you get yourself killed! Don't you get that?"

Suddenly, Kreacher looked up at them with hope-filled eyes and a look of wonder. "You… Master Sirius and Potter can destroy it?" Both men reeled back in confusion, but Kreacher was excited now. "Master Sirius can destroy it?!"

"Has he ever called you master this many times in a row?" James muttered.

"I don't think he's called me master ever," Sirius said back. "Kreacher-"

Kreacher grabbed Sirius' hand and began pulling him away from the room. All traces of his own misery and the hatred he had for Sirius were magically gone. "Kreacher promised Master Regulus he'd destroy it himself but Kreacher couldn't find how! Kreacher tried so hard, Master Sirius! But now you can do it! Now you can fulfill what Master Regulus wanted Kreacher to do!"

"Wait," James shouted. "He wanted you to destroy it? Not keep it safe? And you have it?! Here?!"

"Bloody hell, James, get the bloody basilisk fangs that Dumbledore gave us!" Sirius nearly shrieked. "We can get the story later! For fuck's sake, we're about to destroy a Horcrux!"

Screaming.

Someone was screaming.

Lily bolted up in her bed when she realized she wasn't having a nightmare about her husband who had been gone for a month already.

The house was overwhelmingly quiet without James and Sirius around, and despite having tried his best to stay strong, Harry had taken to sulking around silently. Lily never showed it to her son, but she was on the brink of her own breakdown. Her mind constantly assaulted her with images of James and Sirius dead or captured. Remus had to do almost all of the talking for all three of them. He'd gone out of his way to keep the pair happy, took over cooking duties and even did most of the chores before Lily or Harry could get to them. He had run himself ragged right up to the full moon- and after it for that matter- and was finally given a peaceful night of rest.

But someone was screaming in their quiet house.

Lily scrambled off her bed, ran to the door and stumbled into the hallway just as Remus' door whipped open. He looked extremely exhausted and alert at the same time. The two stared at each other and, realizing that neither of them was making the noise, turned to Harry's room in panic.

"Harry," Remus hissed as he hurried over, Lily just behind him.

The sight they came upon filled them with pure horror.

Harry was thrashing in his bed, his voice turning gritty as he yelled out. Dobby was kneeling next to him, trying desperately to hold him down. "Master Harry, please!" The house elf cried. "Master Harry, wake up! Miss Lily! The young master!"

"Dobby, get out of the way!" Lily ordered. She took the elf's place, grabbed her son by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "Harry! Baby, wake up! Wake up! SWEETHEART, PLEASE!"

"Dobby, go to Hogwarts," she heard Remus tell Dobby. "Get Professor Dumbledore, now!"

Try as she may, the boy would not stir. He shook and twitched in her arms, whimpering and groaning from pain. Remus was on the other side of the bed, slapping Harry's cheek and begging him to come out of his episode. A sob ripped from Lily's throat as she pulled Harry into her lap and wrapped her arms around him, locking his own limbs down so that he convulsed violently against her instead of flailing around freely. She wrestled with the unconscious boy, hoping to still his body, but it didn't work.

"Please, baby wake up," she pleaded. "Har- what's happening to him?! Harry!"

"Come on, kid," Remus whispered into the boy's ear. "Come on, Harry, don't do this to us. It's just a dream. It's just a dream."

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Harry froze in his mother's arms and went limp. His chest rose and fell rapidly and his eyes fluttered open weakly. "Mum," he rasped. "M-Moony."

"My baby," she murmured tearfully, kissing his forehead tenderly as she trembled. "What happened, Harry? Are you okay? Oh God, Harry…"

He shook his head and tried to force out an explanation. "Peter… it's Peter," he finally answered.

"What about him?" Remus asked him sharply.

"I… he was with Voldemort. Voldemort… so mad… trying to find out where we were… where dad was…" He rolled over so that his face was pressed against his mother's stomach. "Horcruxes, said Horcruxes," he mumbled. "… so mad… just a dream."

They watched him bring a hand up to his scar and rub it.

"Hurts."

Dumbledore chose that exact moment to rush in with Dobby at his side. He took in the scene silently. Lily and Remus stared up at the man, lost and unsure of what to say. Albus walked in cautiously and placed a gentle hand on Harry's head.

"My boy," he said soothingly. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over Harry's scar. "Tell me what you saw."

Harry squinted up at his Headmaster. He blinked before closing his eyes again. "Voldemort… I saw Voldemort, and he looks…"

Fear flooded onto Harry's face.

"He looks…"

Dumbledore's eyebrows furrowed. "Can you remember?"

"No," he confessed. "But I remember… I remember being terrified."

"It was just a dream," he assured. "Rest now, my boy. Rest."

When Harry was finally able to fall back asleep, the three adults went down into the living room solemnly. Dobby was still on Harry's bed, sitting dutifully at the end of the bed to protect his young master.

"Was it really just a dream, Albus?" Remus murmured knowingly.

Albus stared at the coffee table. "I had just received a message from James and Sirius before Dobby came to me. They found a Horcrux and were telling me that they were just about to destroy it."

Lily didn't know if she should feel relieved or not. Was this to happen to her son the next time they found a Horcrux? "We never told him."

Remus nodded but Albus turned to them questioningly.

Lily cleared her throat and explained. "Horcruxes. We never told him what his father was looking for. Just that he had to find a way to stop Voldemort from ever returning."

Remus clenched his fist at his side. "But Harry mentioned that Voldemort said something about Horcruxes in his dream. It wasn't just a dream, was it, Albus?"

Albus did not answer. He didn't need to anyway. Instead, he said, "there's no sign that anyone knows what James and Sirius are doing, and without a clue on where the other Horcrux is, maybe they should come home for now. It should be safe."

"Thank you," Lily breathed out gratefully. "Thank you, Albus."

James and Sirius stared at the broken locket between them. James' hand was quivering as he tried to keep his grip on the fang.

They were sitting on the floor at opposite sides of the room, unable to look at each other.

Neither of them knew what to say to each other. The things that the locket made them think, made them face. The insecurities, the fears, all their deepest feelings laid out in front of each other. Sirius wanted to comfort his best friend and James wanted to erase all the guilt that Sirius was still carrying in his heart, but the Horcrux's power was so overwhelming neither of them could even move. Neither of them could break out of their own thoughts to help the other.

They'd have sat there forever if Albus didn't appear.

They looked up, still dazed.

"It's Harry."