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"Emma come on, you have to get out of bed! You have to get dressed!" I heard Mary Margaret's voice but I didn't move. How could I? Robin had been home for two weeks now and he swore that he personally saw the sea monster grabbing Killian and dragging him under. Ariel was missing too and Eric was as much of a wreck as I was. I hadn't gotten out of bed in days and I was perfectly fine with that. The pillows still smelled like him. I had taken one of his shirts and I was curled up in it now. I smelled like him. If I closed my eyes I would dream of him. I would dream of his arms, wrapping around my waist and pulling me in for a kiss so electric fireworks would go off over my bed. I would dream of the way he traced the contours of my back and legs as he lay wide awake, with me in my half-sleep stages early in the morning. I would dream of the way it felt to just be near him. I would dream of us sitting, curled up together and talking into the early hours of the morning. I dreamed and wished so hard that it was all real. But then Mary Margaret or David would come barging in and force me to eat something that just felt like sawdust in my mouth and try to get me to get up, shower, wipe away his scent and get on with my life. Like either of them wouldn't be doing this exact same thing if the other was ripped away from this world without even the chance to say goodbye. When I refused to open my eyes she sighed and left me alone. Finally. Suddenly I felt the mattress shift and a small body curled up around my arm.
"Emma?" A small voice asked. I pocked an eye open. Roland. My mother played dirty. "Emma, we're about to have Henry's birthday lunch. He really wants you to come down." I narrowed my eyes.
"No, his birthday is tomorrow! His birthday is Saturday."
"It is Saturday." Roland replied quietly. Damn, I had slept nearly all of Friday without even realizing it.
"Oh no!" I cried. "What time is it?"
"Almost noon."
"Roland I'm so sorry, I meant to get up earlier, I just didn't realize what day it was."
"Can I help you get dressed?" He perked up at this. I smiled and nodded as he ran off to my wardrobe. For some reason, after seeing Regina's wardrobe he liked nothing better than to pick out gowns for all the women in this court. It bothered Robin, as he wanted a son who was a bit more of a tough, outdoorsy type but it amused the rest of us to no end. Henry in particular loved it when I let Roland dress me in a gown rather than my usual jeans and jacket. Or lately Hooks shirts over sweatpants. After I slipped into the over gown he had chosen, (Red, a color too happy for me but that made Roland grin like the sun) the black leather pants that went under the pseudo dress and the black heels he'd shoved at me I brushed my hair and washed my face, ready to go face the world. I took Roland by the hand and he led me down to the grand hall. When the door opened everyone stopped speaking and stared. I ignored them a smiled at my son. He grinned broadly and ran over, giving me a hug.
"Sorry I wasn't down sooner, kid, I didn't realize it was Saturday already." The minute the words left my mouth and echoed around the hall I realized how pathetic they sounded. "Happy Birthday Henry!" I finished weakly. Thankfully my son just hugged me with a smile and dragged me back over the table.
"Mom, look what Granny made! You've got to try some of this!" he started shoveling food onto my plate, clearly trying to get me to eat. I smiled halfheartedly and looked over at Regina.
"Regina, can I talk to you for a minute?" She nodded and untangled her fingers from Robins before following me across the room. I tried not to feel jealous but that green twinge of anger bubbled up in my stomach. I shoved it back down and took her hand. "Thank you. For taking care of Henry so well. I know that I've been pretty MIA and with Neal gone it's so good that he still has a caring parent like you planning this party and making the day perfect and everything."
"You know Swan, I think that's the most words you've said in months!" She tried to joke but stopped almost immediately after seeing the look on my face. "Hey, I get it, really. I thought Robin was dead for a while too but he showed up. I know he's saying that there isn't any hope but I think there might be! I know the locator spell didn't show up anything but you have to keep hoping. I was there and it was hope that helped me through."
"The difference being that I have eyewitnesses saying that he's gone. With you he was just gone a month or two longer than expected." She nodded, and I mentally thanked her for not noting on my bitterness.
"The point is, this easily could have gone the other way around if Hook had come back and Robin had died, I'd be the one refusing to get out of bed, or take a shower or get dressed and you'd be the one parenting Henry. You'd do it for me so of course I will do it for you." I nodded and turned to leave but before I could she wrapped me in a hug. I stiffened at first, not expecting the gesture but eventually melted into it. She was the only one who had had a glimmer of what I was going through when pieces of the Jolly started floating into ports around the lands.
But Robin came back. And Killian didn't. And he never would.