I know last chapter was short but this one should make for it. I hope he proposes but proposes her to take the ring and get married later. I feel like this will always be tainted by the Presidency and not their love. And i just wanted those who are hating on the season moving fast because Kerry Washington 'might be pregnant' so what. She is not her character, I'm glad if she is, and that the studio is standing behind her because for others they wouldn't be so lucky. And FYI most of my rant is coming from comments from Instagram or youtube that i saw. But to end this on a light note I appreciate Tony Goldwyn for staying in shape or getting in shape because lawd if that is what a man can could like at 50+ then there is no excuse for anybody. Also i will be wrapping this story up soon. Always comments and reviews are welcome

Fitz POV

The holidays were always the hardest. I was here entertaining people that were only there for something. I loved that all my kids were under my roof again, it felt right. They were not suppose to be living on campuses until they were 18 but I once again didn't put my foot down and was talked into sending them away. Don't get me wrong I love my children but people forget that I am human too. I make mistakes, can be confusing and fall in love. I made a mistake and married the wrong woman, I became confused when another woman that wasn't my wife came into my life and brought strong emotions out of me and I fell in love with her. Did I love Mellie, yes, but it felt more out of obligation; it wasn't the type of love I wanted and saw myself having. I had to try hard too many times to figure her out, I couldn't understand her moods, the look on her face, and we couldn't have silent conversations. I couldn't be me, I had to hide the real me from her because she would always make my feelings feel like they weren't up to standard for others.

But the light in my life didn't make me feel like that. From the moment I saw her I was stunned by her. Of course she was beautiful but the way she was talking and looking directly at me made me fall. She was real she gave it to me straight and to be honest I didn't like that, it was one of the two reasons I fired her the other was I wanted to kiss her so badly and make her mine. Over the years we have been playing the emotions from love, heartache, deceit, betrayal, all of the above. We tried to stop but for me it wasn't that easy she was always the one I wanted, I needed her, she was in my blood, and I found my heart. I knew it wasn't fair to her that I couldn't love her in the light but damn that woman had me and I would take her anyway I could but that got tiring and I wanted more and still do. I never lied to her about my love and never will. I might be over fifty but as far as love I am a young. I lied to myself for years of what love was and I never had a good role model in that department. Seeing my parents in a loveless, political marriage, hearing the arguments, finding about all the other woman my father banged. I swore to myself I would never be like him but as I stand here I am just like him. I cheated on my wife, and cheated on the person I call the love of my life. I hurt her so much she just keeps calling herself a mistress and I don't know how to fix it.

I feel like the Grinch moping and staring out at the snow. It feels like there is a lead blanket on me all the time when she is not near. I know she is most likely with her friends but I can't help but want her with me. I want to be the one she smiles and laughs with. I want to be able to sneak glances at her and see her be free with those around her. I want to be the one that she just can't help but spend time with. I just want her, no scratch that I want her and I want to make her happy which will make me happy. Ever since that damn dinner where Mellie made an ass of herself I can't help but want to run away to the home I had built for us. The first time I took her there we fought cleared the air a little and made love for hours. Being with her makes me whole, it makes me feel like I am doing right as a man, she makes me feel wanted, needed and loved. You know what that is what I want for Christmas I want her and the kids can come too. Even if it is for a fleeting moment I want my family, my dream, my future, just for one minute.

I pick up the phone and dial her, "Hi." She answers.

One simple word from her and I'm putty in her hands, "Hi. Run away with me?"

"What?"

"You, me, the kids, and our home. Let's just go home."

"Fitz…"

"Please Livvie. I miss you."

"Fitz we can't."

"Why not," I start begging.

"Because. What would you tell the kids or the press? How about I would be in my own house not being able to sleep in my own bed, so please tell me how this will work."

"Liv I wasn't…"

"Of course you weren't. You think I don't want to be in our home with the kids for Christmas instead of sitting her once again alone in my apartment wishing and hoping."

"Livvie..."

"Don't. Just don't."

We sit in silence on the phone for awhile listening each other breathe. It's a silent way of saying our sorry and it is dropped.

Breaking the silence and fearing her hanging up, "tell me something."

"Like what?"

"It doesn't matter anything. I just need to hear your voice. I just need..please."

"Fine. For someone in the senior citizen age range you have a killer body and stroke game," laughing at the fact she just said that.

"Not expecting that but you see I have this young beautiful woman who I am in love with and I got to keep my body up for her. As for my stroke game well she brings it out of me."

"She is a very lucky girl."

"No I'm just a lucky man that even is lucky to be noticed by her. Hell she even looks at me or even talks to me is a win for me.

Laughing and falling back into a comfortable silence Liv was the first to break it, "Merry Christmas Fitz."

"Merry Christmas my lovely Livvie."