So this is going to be a tear jerker and emotional roller coaster. I was a listing to Glee songs and of course I love when they sing Somebody to Love but after that Cry came on and a little of this chapter and came out from both of those songs.

"Jerry we need to talk."

That's never good to hear from the person you're dating and in love with. I knew in my gut something was going to happen, "what's on your mind?"

"I think… we need to cool it for a while."

"Okay. What do you mean by cool it?"

"I think we should take a break ."

"Why? Where is this coming from? Did I do something wrong or to push you because if I did I'm sorry."

"No Jer it wasn't anything you did, it's me."

"Ohh not only do you want to break up with me you give me the whole 'it's not you it's me' speech, really?"

"It is me."

"Talk to me.." something in me clicked and I didn't want to hear anymore. I felt betrayed and used. "You know whatever how about you stop pussy footing around the real reason you don't want to be with me."

"What does that mean?"

"How about that we are different races or maybe it's because you're not really gay, or could it be the fact that I'm the President's son and I was the easy way to make some easy money ."

"Fuck you Jerry. This was never about us being different races, and the fact that you basically called me a fake gay or the fact that you're the President's son. If it was ever any of those things it wouldn't have gotten this far. Do you seriously think that I was just experimenting with you so I could hold it over your head for some fucking political gain?"

"Well it wouldn't be the first time someone in my life would use me. You know what fine, I'll do it for you….we are over, I'm letting you go."

"Jerry you are taking this overboard. I just wanted to cool it not break up," he starts saying with tears in his eyes.

I can see and hear it in his voice that he didn't want us to end but I was angry and scared that whatever it was holding him back was me. I never thought what if this was too much for him. I just wanted him and I really never thought much about what he was going thru but he never did.

"Sorry I can't do that and since I'm a free man I'm going to put that right in to use."

"Jerry.."

"Just make sure that you have all your stuff out of here."

"Jerry!"

I know I blew things out the water but I couldn't control the feeling of anger and abandonment from him. But I ripped the band aid for him and he's free to be with whomever he wants, I know that's why, Z he's gorgeous, built like a god and is just a nice genuine person. I'm not going to be the one to drag him down. I make my way to a party that isn't too far from campus and the second I step thru the door Kelly Lewis is there.

"Omg Jerry you came," she shouted at me.

"Yea I needed some fun."

"Well you came to the right place." She winks at me but I put it off. I told my agents to stay outside because I needed space and they did.

"You need a drink?"

"I do."

Kelly pulls me past the dance floor where everyone is grinding on each other, than we pass a room where smoke is coming out of and I know for a fact that it's something that I shouldn't touch and won't kill me but it will take me to new heights. I want to be numb.

"Hey Kelly hang on," I say stopping her from passing the room.

"You smoke?"

"No, but tonight I do."

"Look at you. Aren't you supposed to be all clean and proper?"

"Fuck that I need fun in my life." I walk in the room and start coughing instantly the smoke is that thick.

"Here let me teach you," taking the joint that was just passed to me out of my hand she inhales and kisses me and blows the smoke into my mouth and thus starts my spiral of bad decisions. We finish that joint where she passes it to me then I get my own and do just fine. By now I'm higher than a kite and I don't feel angry and sad anymore.

"I'm thirsty, no wait I'm hungry."

"Shit your high you got the munchies. Let's hit the kitchen that's where the real fun is happening."

I check my phone and see that Zaire has called 5 times and texted over 12 times but I don't care.

"What your girlfriend checking in?"

Scoffing, "I'm single."

"Good so am I. Here," she hands me a jello shot, and a can of beer, "to being single. Cheers."

We down the shots, then chug the beer. We go on like that for hours till a song I like comes on and I ask her to dance. Somewhere in between songs she turned around and started to kiss me and I let her. It was different but my body still reacted to her. It wasn't the same as I felt with Zaire where there was passion, lust, wanting, need and feeling like I was breathing life. This felt more like I just needed a release. We stumbled up the stairs and I guess word got around that the President's son was going upstairs with some chick. Everything happened in a blur she was pushing me on the bed and trying to take my clothes off. I told her I would do it, somewhere in the back in my mind I heard a yelling to stop but I didn't, I saw his eyes but I pushed it away . I look up and she naked in front of me.

"Jerry come on hurry up and take off your pants."

"Get on the bed," I instruct her, she does and I start to take off my pants. I climb on top of her and start kissing her. Her hands go down my boxer briefs and she starts stroking me and I let the sensation take over. It felt wrong because it wasn't right.

Thru a smile, "looks like I need to fist you a little harder because your still so soft."

From hearing her say that something snaps and I grab her hand taking it away from me and that's when the door opens and I see Zaire standing in the door way.

Covering herself, "what the fuck are you doing in here get out!"

"I came to get my roommate before he made a huge mistake. Plus his agents don't know where he went."

"Zaire please let," I try to start to explain.

"Don't," he gives me the meanest look and I know he is holding it in, "just get dressed so I can go."

"He doesn't have to do anything."

"Look, Kelly is it, stop acting all innocent I know all about your plan, oh and if I hear any peep about anything that went down in this room I will make sure that I tell everyone about your little white powder addiction and that time you went to a clinic for an 'operation'."

"How do you know that?" You wouldn't?"

"Try me."

While they were going at it I got dressed and was by the door in a flash. This was all a set up and I fell for it. I felt like the lowest thing in the universe. Not only did I almost sleep with her, cheat on Zaire, he ended up being the prince rescuing me.

"I'm sorry Kelly but please keep this to yourself. Again I am sorry for tonight," l walk out the door leaving her behind.

I can feel Zaire hot on my tail. I want to apologize to him but I know this isn't the place. We make it outside, I try to talk but he holds up his hand stopping me.

"Jerry I swear if you say anything to me right now…just don't."

He walks fast back to our dorm and my agents are not too far behind. We arrive back at our dorm and he opens the door and slams it once I'm in the room.

"Please let's hear the lame ass excuse that you're going to give me for cheating on me, not only cheating on me but with a girl. Were you not the one who just accused me of being a liar."

"I'm sorry. I love you. It was an mistake."

"Fuck you. Did you not kiss her? Did you not let her put your hands in your pants? Did she not have a grip on you? Did you not only go to that room but with a girl none the less. You want to yell and scream not too long ago about how I was experimenting when here you are at a party getting shitfaced and fucking a girl. That wasn't a mistake that was a choice."

"I didn't fuck her, you have to believe me. I didn't."

"Why should I believe you. She was ass naked with her hand around you. Did she go down on you, was she everything you dreamed of?"

"Zeus," I try to use his nickname.

"Don't! You don't get to call me that. You cheated on me. You cheated on me with a girl and that is adding salt to a wound. I love you and I told you all I wanted was a break. That didn't mean I didn't want to see you, talk to you, kiss or even make love to you. I just meant that I needed a day or two to myself where I could get my emotions together. I don't understand you, you told me you loved me first, you pursued me, and I told you that I was hurt in the pass by a cheater and you go and do the one thing I asked you never to do to me."

By this time he's crying and I'm crying hard. I broke him I can see it and I hate myself for it. I ruined the best thing in my life because I was too caught up I in my feelings.

"I didn't mean it Zaire. Please I'm sorry, I love you, please don't leave me. Please baby I'm sorry I didn't want it to get that far but with the alcohol and drugs in my system I wasn't thinking straight. I stopped her before it got too far."

"It already went too far. Look I can't even look at you right now I'm going to go crash in David's room. Get checked out and make sure didn't take anything else and sober up."

"Za…"

"Jerry you hurt me and you broke up with me just in case you don't remember that part. You said it yourself you are free to do whatever you want, I can't believe I'm wasting my breath right now."

"I didn't mean it, I was scared you were breaking up with me and that you were going to leave me for someone else," by this point I'm on my knees holding his hand begging him to stay, to believe me, to yell and not leave.

"Let go Jerry."

"NO I'm never to let go. Tell me what I can do and I'll do it. Forgive me please, I'll give you time but come back to me."

"Let me go."

"Anything but that I love you. I am in love with you. If you want me to call my dad and tell him right now that I'm in love with a perfect man than I'll do it."

"Jer…"

"No I'll call him," getting up I grab my phone and start dialing but he stops me and we both hear a deep hello on the other end. He hangs the phone up.

"Jerry he's going to call back, so let me go. I'll be at David's but don't call or text me I need time to think this thru and figure things out."

I grab his face and kiss him but I can feel him slipping away and I kiss him with all I have, with everything I want to say but he can't hear. I broke our line of faith and trust. I lost him.

Damn it we are losing him. His heart rate is dropping. Jerry, JERRY!

"Stop it Jerry. I can't you were just kissing her and…I just can't."

And he grabs a bag and starts packing stuff and my phone rings.

"You better get that," and like that he's done packing and out the door.

I pick up the phone and hear my dad's voice asking if I'm there and I can't speak or think. I just watched the love of my life walk away and I feel like he took my heart with him.

"Jerry?"

"Daddy," I haven't called him that since I was little and I know when he hears it he will know something is wrong.

"Jerry what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"Daddy can I please come home?"

"Yea Jerry but I need you to tell me what's wrong, where are your agents?"

"I can't…I can't," I try to tell him that my boyfriend, the love of my life left me because I was stupid

"Fitzgerald I need you to breathe son, do you hear me?"

"Call…Liv," thru the sobs I manage to ask for her, she is the only one at the moment that can help me fix this, she's the only one who tell me what this pain is.

"Who? Do you want me to call Olivia?"

"Yes…please."

"Jerry please tell me what's going on."

Breaking down again, "please daddy please."

"Okay okay just breathe. I'll call her and a plane should be there in 20 minutes for you to bring you home. I'll bring Liv here for you okay?"

"Thank you." I can't even see straight while I grab some clothes and Zaire's pillow. I also put on his favorite hoodie that smells like him, I just need to be close to him anyway possible. The agents come in the room and tell me that the plane is here to take me. I glance back at my room and turn to leave. An hour later I was landing on the lawn and I see dad pacing back and forth. I want to tell him but I'm scared of his reaction and I hope that he really called Liv, I need her, I need my mom. I make it to him and he pulls me in to a hug and I can tell he sees that I have been crying.

"Hey buddy let's get you inside."

He puts his arms around my shoulders and I start tearing up a little as we walk to the Oval instead of the residence, which I'm grateful for.

"I haven't told your mom that you're here yet. Please tell me what's wrong I can see that you have been crying. What happened?"

I look at my dad and I can see the love, worry but I just can't tell him yet. At that moment Liv walks in the door and I call out mommy to her and I run into her arms and start balling. Being in her arms I feel safe and loved, it's the kind of feeling only a mother can give.

In between sobs I tell her what happened, "I messed up. I hurt Z, I'm so stupid. How could I… do that to the person I love."

"Shh baby shh. It's okay."

"No its not. I ruined us, I'm ruined. He won't forgive me."

"I know you and I know Z. You guys can get thru whatever it is that happened." Her phone rings and she answers it while walking over and sitting down with me in her arms, "hey how are you? Don't cry it's going to be okay. He's here, he's safe. No you don't have to go…I understand. I will be calling you tomorrow and you better pick up. Alright night honey try to get some rest."

The whole time I was looking at her while she talked, "was that.."

"Yea it was. What happened?"

A fresh batch of tears come and I can't talk anymore. She keeps rocking me and telling it will be okay and she loved me. I can feel dad come over and say the same thing and I feel bad that he is left out and that makes me cry harder. I don't know how long we all sit there and listen to me cry till I fall asleep with my head in her lap. At one point I wake up but don't move and I hear them talking.

"What is going on with my boy Liv?"

"From what I gathered, his first heartbreak."

"Heartbreak? I didn't even know he was dating, how do you know?"

"We talk least 3 times a week, facetime, and I visit as much as I can."

"I love you. They aren't even your kids and you make time for them, I can't even say that."

"You run a nation Fitz."

"That's an excuse. You are just as busy as me and you make time. I told myself I would make time and I never did."

"The past is the past Fitz, what matters is you fixing the here and now."

"I love you," he says again and I hear the plea and hope in his voice.

"I should get going before the press gets in." She goes to move and I squeeze her tighter around the waist.

"Just like your father," she laughs, "Jerry honey wake up."

I open my eyes and fake like I didn't hear them talking. I feel like I intruded on a moment between them that they don't get often. But for those few minutes we were a family.

Grabbing my face and wiping tears away that I didn't know were coming down my face, "I got to go honey."

"Please stay mom."

"I can't but I can come by later if that's okay with your dad."

"It's fine with me. You need her."

"Can I come with you? I can stay at your place like last time."

"Last time?" but we both ignore his question

"I don't know Jer.."

"Dad please can I stay with Liv. Please?"

"If she's okay with it than its okay but I want to talk son."

"And we will dad but I just don't want to have to deal with Mellie and her questions yet."

"Fitz its fine with me."

"Okay but we will talk. I find a way over there or have you both come here."

I hug him and say, "Thank you dad, you're the best. I know you try and can't always fit us in but I know you love us. Let's go Liv before the press arrives," I rush out because I feel the more time we waste the more Zaire will drift from me.

"Okay but let me talk to your dad for second."

I leave the room and wait outside.

In the Oval

"I'll take care of him and find out what's wrong, okay?"

"Liv why are you good to me and my kids? I don't deserve this from you."

"Fitz I…" but wasn't able to finish her sentence.

"It's okay I know. You guys should get going. I love you." And he leans in to kiss her not caring about the cameras because this was his son and the love of his life having to run away from this prison to get a piece of normal that he wish he could join them on.

"Go take care of Jerry. I'll call you later with the plan."

And with that I watch her walk out and grab my hand and walk down the hall and disappear around the corner.