Chapter 21 - Revelator
"Emma!"
Emma whirled around as her name was called by Andrea, who was running over to where Emma had been hanging the last of the women's clothing.
"What is it?" Emma asked worriedly, dropping the skirt she had been holding.
"You have to help us stop Daryl." Andrea replied frantically.
"Stop him?" Emma asked, closing the distance between herself and Andrea.
"He's worried about Merle, said he's going to return to town to look for him." Andrea explained, motioning for Emma to follow her. "Come on. Hurry."
Emma walked swiftly after Andrea, picking up her pace when she heard raised voices from the front of Merle's house. When she came upon the scene, Shane and Sam were standing in front of Daryl as he tried to descend the steps. They were all shouting at each other. Andrea went to the horse Daryl had ridden in on. She took up the reigns.
"Get the hell out of my way!" Daryl demanded hoarsely, giving Sam a good shove.
"You need to rest, Daryl!" Sam shouted back, recovering from the push he had received.
"The hell I need to rest!"
"What's going on here?!" Emma barked, cutting through the argument as she approached the steps.
Emma looked up at Daryl, her eyes running over his ragged appearance. His clothes were soaked with sweat, stained with biter and human blood. His boots were caked in dirt. One of his suspenders had been busted. It hung down his front like a red snake. Emma was reminded of her own appearance after having taken care of Clarke for those three long days, right down to the deep circles dragging Daryl's dark eyes down his face. His lips were pulled into a scowl that showed his teeth in such a way that Emma thought it looked like he might start snarling at any moment.
"Merle ain't back yet." Daryl snapped at Emma. "I'm going to find him."
"Not right now, you're not." Emma argued, standing behind Shane and Sam.
Daryl's face darkened.
"If you ain't gonna listen to me, I sure as shit ain't gonna listen to you!"
Daryl tried to take a step down, but he stumbled. Sam and Shane both put their hands out to catch Daryl. Emma moved forward to help, but Sam and Shane had a handle on things. It took Daryl several moments to recover. When he did, he knocked the helping hands away from him and stood, visibly shaking. Emma knew Daryl was in no condition to travel. If he tried to return to town, he would surely be killed. Emma also knew that nobody was going to be able to stop Daryl, not even her. So, she thought quickly of a way to keep Daryl from killing himself.
"Wait." Emma piped up as Daryl tried once again to get past Sam and Shane. "If you do me just one favor, we'll let you return to town for Merle."
"What?" Sam, Shane, and Daryl all asked at once.
"Will you...just let me make you a cup of coffee?" Emma asked. "It will help you stay awake, give you a few minutes to sit and take it easy while you drink it."
"Emma-"
"I'm not talking to you." Emma interrupted Shane before he could question her decision.
Emma looked up at Daryl as he frowned down at her. She softened her features in an effort to get through to him.
"Please?" Emma asked quietly.
Daryl's expression didn't change, but he finally sighed, even though it came out more like a growl.
"Fine." Daryl muttered. "One cup of coffee, then I'm out of here."
Emma breathed a sigh of relief before she hurried up the steps and into Merle's house. She quickly began brewing the coffee, then went into the pantry. On one of the top shelves were bottles, jars, and viles filled with herbs and liquids used for medicinal purposes. In one of the viles was laudanum. Emma knew if she added some to Daryl's coffee, it would knock him out in minutes. The taste and color would be masked by the coffee. Daryl wouldn't know Emma had drugged him until it was too late.
"Daryl!" Emma called out to Daryl once the coffee was ready.
While she waited for him, she quickly returned the laudanum to its rightful place.
"Let's get this over with." Daryl grumbled as he entered the kitchen.
Emma handed Daryl a mug full of coffee. She made sure he started to drink it before she headed out of the kitchen to inform Sam and Shane of what she had done.
"Emma, what the hell?" Shane asked as she stepped out onto the porch.
"I put laudanum in Daryl's coffee." Emma explained. "He should-"
"Emma?"
Emma slowly turned to see Daryl standing in the living room, staring at her through the screen door. He was still holding the mug of coffee. Daryl had heard what Emma said. A look of what Emma could only imagine was complete and utter betrayal came over Daryl's face. It was almost more than Emma could bear. Before Emma could explain herself, or Daryl could curse her or question her, he suddenly collapsed on the floor. The mug shattered, spilling the remaining coffee everywhere.
0o0o0
Emma sat by Daryl's side as he slept, mending the clothes he had been wearing. Daryl had been sleeping for three hours. Emma wondered if it was the laudanum that was keeping him unconscious, or if it was sheer exhaustion. She wouldn't have been surprised either way. Shane, Benjamin Caufield, and Dr. Torrence had all retired to rest after their horrific ordeal. Carol was in Merle's bedroom with Carl, who was beside himself with worry and grief since his father had yet to return. Sam was concerned for Merle, as was Emma, and obviously Daryl. Sam made Emma promise him once more that if Merle still hadn't returned by the morning, they would go to town for him. Emma knew that wouldn't be an issue. If Merle still hadn't shown up by the time Daryl woke, he would surely head straight for town. Sam could go with him.
After Emma had undressed and redressed Daryl, Andrea had joined her for a short time to inform her of the news Shane had shared with everyone. Luanne's husband, Gabe, was killed by biters. Another man called Steven had also been killed. The rest of them, including Rick and Merle, nobody knew for sure what their fates were. When the biters got the upperhand, it was every man for himself. Shane told Andrea the only reason he left town was because he thought for sure Rick had already escaped. Emma figured Daryl though the same thing about Merle. There was no way Daryl would have left town if he truly thought his brother was still in danger. Apparently, when Carl learned that his father wasn't among the men that had returned, he had gone after Shane. The poor boy beat Shane with his fists, cursing him and wailing for his parents. Carol and the reverend removed Carl from the situation and took him up to Merle's room.
Shane also told Andrea that he planned to return to town the next day to look for Rick. Emma knew that Daryl and Sam would go with him. Even though the biters frightened her, Emma wanted to go with them. She wanted to help search for Merle.
0o0o0
That evening, Shane called everyone to a meeting up at Merle's. Emma reluctantly left Daryl's bedside to attend when Sam came to fetch her. The kids were all upstairs in Merle's bedroom. There was Carl, Sophia, baby Judith, and two children Emma didn't know. One of them was a boy about Carl and Sophia's age. The other was a girl that looked much younger than them. Everyone else was seated either on the sofa, in one of the chairs, or on the floor of the living room. Emma took a seat with Andrea on the floor while Shane stood over them.
"All right, everyone." Shane kept his voice soft, not wanting to disturb the children above them. "I know...it's been a long couple of days...weeks, even, but there are things we need to discuss."
Emma brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.
"First things first, it's looking like we're going to be here a while." Shane slowly paced back and forth as he spoke. "We weren't able to take care of all the biters in town, and..."
Shane stopped and took a deep breath.
"There were some of the biters...some we didn't recognize."
"What do you mean?" The reverend asked.
"They weren't from Scarlet Town." Shane explained. "That means...this sickness...it didn't just break out in our town. It's been popping up in other places."
"What?" One of the women asked in a hushed voice.
"So," Shane held his hands out as people began whispering and murmuring, "there's more of these things out there. That means the safest place for us right now is right here."
"How do you know we're safe?" Carol asked.
"There's a gate barring those things from leaving town and heading up here." Shane replied confidently, hands on his hips. "Even if they were able to get past it, they'd have to travel miles up here, and get past another gate."
"What about food? Supplies?" Benjamin asked. "We don't have enough here."
"Mhmm." Shane agreed with a nod. "Which is why we're going to have to make trips into town here and there to stay stocked up on the essentials, but I want to keep those trips few and far between. Our presence in town just...excites the biters...riles them up."
The murmurs died down.
"Now, as for the others that haven't arrived yet-"
"Like my husband, Beau?" Jackie snarled angrily, tears streaming down her face. "You all just left him. You bastards."
"Jackie-"
"Shut up." Jackie half snapped, half sobbed. "I don't want to hear your excuses."
Carol wrapped one arm around Jackie, comforting her as best as she could.
Before Shane could speak, as if on cue, a bell rang out in the distance. All heads turned towards the front door.
"Beau!" Jackie screamed, jumping to her feet.
Jackie nearly took the doors off their hinges as she burst through them. Everyone else filed slowly outside to see who it was that had returned. Emma stood out on the porch with Sam. At the same time, they both reached for each other's hand. Emma held Sam's hand tight as they waited to see who was arriving. Would it be Beau? Rick? Merle? Someone else? One person? Multiple people?
Finally, a single horse rode into view. It wasn't dark enough yet to blind the people on the porch. Emma could see right away that it was Rick who was returning.
"No!" Jackie howled, falling to her knees. "No!"
Carol and Andrea slowly helped Jackie to her feet. They escorted her off of the porch and in the direction of Sam's house. Shane left the porch to meet Rick as his horse stopped in front of the house. Emma watched as Rick dismounted. Shane and Rick embraced, clapping each other loudly on the back as they were reunited.
"Dad?"
Emma turned to see Carl opening the door behind them.
"Dad!" Carl shouted, flying off of the porch.
Carl ran right into Rick, who wrapped both arms around his son to both steady and embrace him. Carl cried loudly into Rick's filthy uniform.
Emma looked over at Sam, who was trying to mask his disappointment. She squeezed his hand encouragingly. Sam looked over at Emma with a solemn expression.
"If Rick can return hours after the others, so can Merle." Emma murmured for Sam's ears only.
"If you say so..." Sam mumbled, letting go of Emma's hand.
"Merle!"
Heads turned in the direction of the voice as it called out. Daryl was running up from his house, but he slowed to a complete stop when he saw that it wasn't his brother that had returned. Daryl didn't hide his sheer disappointment as his face visibly fell.
Rick ended his embrace with Carl, but kept one arm around him as they walked with Shane to the porch. He surveyed the people standing there, counting faces and going over names in his mind.
"Merle? Beau?" Rick asked, turning to Shane. "Wesley? The others?"
"They haven't come back yet." Shane replied.
"I see." Rick mumbled, eyes on the ground.
Emma couldn't help but look in Daryl's direction. When she did, she wished she hadn't. Daryl was glaring daggers at Emma. She felt that stabbing pain in her chest again. It took Emma a minute to tear her eyes away from Daryl's hateful stare, but somehow, she managed to.
"Well, that settles it." Rick announced. "Tomorrow, I'm going back for them."
0o0o0
Emma woke just before daybreak in the loft. Though she had already thought about sleeping there before Daryl returned and she drugged him, her mind was completely made up when she saw the way Daryl looked at her when he finally woke up. After Rick made plans with Shane, Daryl, and Sam to return to town for the missing men, Daryl had marched right back to his house the way he had come. Emma had a feeling she wouldn't be welcome there. So, she headed to the barn where she belonged.
Carl had kicked and screamed when Rick said he was going back to town, then, he had run back into the house crying. Rick went in to try to talk to him after he spoke with Shane and the others. Emma wasn't sure if Rick was able to make Carl understand, or if Carl even allowed Rick to speak with him. All she knew was that the men were meeting at the barn at sunrise. Since Emma hadn't heard the bell at all during the night or early morning hours, she figured they would still be leaving at daybreak. She wanted to go with them. She wanted to help search for Merle. She also wanted to keep an eye on Sam, who hadn't yet seen how devastated town was.
Emma dressed and equipped herself with Daryl's hunting knife and the stock of her busted rifle before heading down the ladder to wait for the men. She opened the barn doors and stood in the opening. Slowly, men emerged from their respective houses. Sam was the first one out the door, followed closely by Shane.
"What are you doing up?" Sam asked as he approached Emma.
"I'm going with ya'll." Emma answered.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" Shane asked, one hand on his hip.
"I want to help." Emma replied simply.
Daryl was the next to emerge. He paused when his eyes met Emma's, but he recovered quickly.
"Have you guys saddled up yet?" Daryl asked, ignoring Emma as he spoke to Shane and Sam.
"Not yet, but we should." Sam said.
They entered the barn and took horses out of stalls to saddle. Emma led Barrow out of his stall.
"What are you doing?" Daryl asked from across the way.
Emma turned to face him, but Daryl wasn't looking at her.
"I'm going with you." Emma replied quietly.
"You ain't." Daryl scoffed, saddling Jim.
Rick entered the barn, then, and silently pulled Danny from his stall.
Emma went to Daryl's side. He stiffened when she approached him.
"Daryl, I did what I did to save your life." Emma murmured, hoping the others couldn't hear. "If you had gone back to town in the state you were in-"
"Merle would be back by now." Daryl interruped harshly, pushing lightly past Emma to bridle Jim.
"You would be dead." Emma argued, turning towards Daryl, who was still refusing to look at her. "Daryl, look at me."
"I can't." Daryl snapped, throwing down Jim's reigns as he finally lifted his eyes to meet Emma's.
Emma heard Rick speaking softly to Shane and Sam. All three of them led their horses out of the barn, and Emma knew Rick was giving her some privacy with Daryl.
"Daryl-"
"I don't want you comin' with us." Daryl spat viciously at Emma. "It ain't because I'm worried about you. It ain't because I care. It's because...because it's making me sick just to look at you."
Emma was taken aback by Daryl's anger, even though she had tried to prepare herself for it. She took a subconscious step backward.
"Maybe you were right." Daryl muttered, grabbing up the reigns again. "Maybe this was a mistake."
Without another word, Daryl led Jim out of the barn. Emma watched him go. She looked over at Barrow, then at the doors as they closed. Emma decided not to go into town. As she came to that decision, she realized she was breathing heavily. Her eyes stung. Horrified, Emma realized she was close to tears. She hadn't cried since Hershel's funeral. Emma blinked rapidly. She would be damned if she cried over Daryl and his angry words. Emma closed her eyes and worked to control her breathing. As she slowly calmed down, she heard the horses outside the barn take off. The men were leaving.
0o0o0
The bell rang out late that evening, after most everyone had gone to bed. Emma was awake in the loft. She knew the returning men would have to come into the barn to put their horses away. She laid still in the hay, waiting for them. Eventually, she heard the doors open as they entered.
"When should we tell them?" That was Shane's voice.
"Shh." Emma wasn't sure who that was until the voice spoke again. "Lower your voices. Emma is sleeping up there."
"Emma?" Rick's voice asked. "Why is Emma sleeping up there?"
Nobody said anything as Emma listened to the sounds of the men taking care of their horses.
"Daryl?" Rick asked.
"What?" Daryl grumbled.
"Why is Emma sleeping in the loft?" Rick asked.
"Beats me." Daryl muttered.
"Rick, when should we tell them?" Shane asked.
"Not tonight." Rick replied.
"Tomorrow?" Shane asked.
"Tomorrow." Rick agreed.
It was quiet for a few moments.
"Sam, Shane, I need to talk to Daryl for a minute." Rick finally broke the silence.
"Sure thing." Shane said.
Emma heard footsteps in the dirt, then the barn doors opening and closing.
"Save it, Rick." Daryl muttered once the doors were shut.
"I know...today was rough...what you saw-"
"What part about 'save it' don't you get?" Daryl interrupted.
"Listen, I don't know what's gone on between you and Emma, but I know you could both use each other's support with everything that's happened." Rick said.
"Stay out of it, sheriff." Daryl growled.
Before Rick could say anymore, Daryl left just as quickly as Shane and Sam had. Rick sighed.
"Emma?" Rick's voice came from below. "Emma, are you awake?"
Emma thought about pretending to be asleep, but she wanted to know what had happened in town. She was glad to hear that the four men who had left that morning had returned, but wanted to know why nobody else had come back with them.
"Yes." Emma finally replied.
"Will you come down so that we can talk?" Rick asked.
Emma didn't even bother to throw on her robe or to wrap a blanket around herself. Nightdress and all, she climbed down the ladder to speak with Rick.
"What happened?" Emma asked once she was on her feet again.
Rick sighed again.
"Jackie James' husband, Beau, is dead...along with the other men that fought with us." Rick replied solemnly, looking down at the dirt floor.
"Merle?" Emma asked quietly.
"Merle..." Rick slowly lifted his eyes to meet Emma's. "Probably."
"What do you mean?" Emma asked.
"Daryl found...Merle's..." Rick stumbled over his words.
"What, Rick?" Emma asked, becoming anxious and impatient as she crossed her arms over her body.
"Daryl found...Merle's arm..." Rick finally spit it out.
"What?" Emma asked, her eyes widening. "His arm?"
"Apparently Daryl knew it because there was a scar on the wrist that matched one of Merle's scars...and anyways, the odd thing about it is that...the arm didn't appear to have been...torn off..."
"What do you mean?" Emma asked.
"It looked like it had been severed by a knife or a saw." Rick explained.
Emma was having a hard time processing what Rick was telling her. How did Merle's arm become detached from his body? Even if it was cut off and not bitten off, why? Where was the rest of Merle's body? There were too many unanswered questions swirling around Emma's head.
Rick's hands upon Emma's shoulders brought her back to that moment with him.
"Are you all right?" Rick asked gently.
"It's just...a lot to take in-"
"I know, but I was talking about what happened with Daryl." Rick interrupted.
"Oh..." Emma said, not knowing what else to say in regards to Daryl.
"Emma, you can tell me anything, remember?" Rick asked softly, his hands becoming heavier on Emma's shoulders.
"I know," Emma murmured, "but I have to deal with this on my own."
Rick didn't seem satisfied, but he nodded.
"Okay." Rick said, taking his hands from Emma's shoulders.
"You should really get some sleep, Rick, after everything you've been through over the past few days."
"You should, too." Rick replied.
Rick started to head out, so Emma began climbing the ladder, but Rick's voice stopped her.
"Tomorrow, after breakfast, I'm going to call everyone together at Merle's house." Rick told Emma as she paused on the ladder to listen. "We have things to talk about, rules to make, and...people to remember..."
Then, Rick really left, taking the lantern with him.
0o0o0
A sudden sound woke Emma in the middle of the night. She sat up with a start and looked through the darkness for the source of the noise. There wasn't another loud noise again, but there was a different sound, constant. Emma couldn't put her finger on the sound, but she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep until she figured out what it was. Emma crawled to her lantern and lit it before getting up to investigate. As she carried it to the ladder, she nearly dropped the lantern when she saw the source of the noise. Out of pure shock and fright, Emma began to scream.
Across the way in the other loft, swinging back and forth from a noose, was Jackie.
Emma's ears were ringing from her scream as she numbly started down the ladder. She had to get help. Emma thought she heard her name being called, but she wasn't sure if her ears were failing her, or if someone was really calling out to her. Just as she got down from the ladder, the barn doors burst open. Several lanterns offered necessary light as people entered.
"Emma!"
Emma was still looking up at Jackie's swaying body as the ringing in her ears slowly dissipated. She was barely aware of the presence beside her, or the hands on her shoulders, shaking her to her senses. As Rick climbed the ladder to get to Jackie's body, Emma turned her head. It was Daryl that had called out to her. It was Daryl that was shaking her.
"Are you all right?" Daryl asked, his voice thick and husky.
Emma slowly nodded as Sam made his way over. When he approached them, Daryl let go of Emma and backed off somewhat, but remained nearby. Sam grabbed Emma's hands.
"Oh my god." Sam's eyes were wide. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine..." Emma tried to speak at a normal volume, but her voice was lost in her breath.
Emma caught sight of Rick cutting Jackie down and suddenly felt her knees buckle as images of Merle's severed arm flashed through her mind.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Daryl exclaimed, leaping forward to catch Emma around the middle.
"I'm fine." Emma repeated herself, finding the will to raise her voice.
"That really must've given her a fright." Sam mused aloud.
Emma had reached out for Daryl's arm as she started to fall to her knees. She let go of it, but Daryl kept his arms around her waist.
"I mean, to wake up to something like that-"
"Shut up, Sam." Daryl hissed.
Rick had Jackie's lifeless body over his shoulder as he climbed down the ladder. Shane waited at the bottom to help him once he got close.
"Sam, there's more of them coming." Daryl said suddenly, motioning to the barn doors with his head. "Keep them from coming in."
Sam quickly jogged to the barn doors before anyone could enter. He opened one of the doors just enough so that he could slip out. The door shut behind him.
Emma was suddenly very aware of how close she and Daryl were. It was the closest they had been since before Amy had been buried. Emma wanted to seek comfort in Daryl's arms, but she remembered how badly they had spoken to each other over the past few days. Their words echoed in her head as Shane helped Rick get Jackie's body down from the ladder. Emma didn't feel worthy of comfort after what she had said to Daryl, but part of her also didn't want his comfort after what he had said to her. Their ugliness repulsed her even more than the dead body Rick and Shane were laying on the ground.
"Are you sure you're-"
"I was just startled," Emma insisted, wiggling out of Daryl's arms, "but I'm fine now."
"What the hell happened?" Shane asked, rubbing his hands over his face. "I thought we weren't going to say anything until the morning."
"She heard us come back, asked me about Beau when I got to Merle's." Rick replied as he stared down at Jackie's body. "I couldn't lie to her..."
Shane sighed, then rubbed the back of his neck.
"We'll bury her tomorrow..."
An eerie sound cut Shane off before he could finish. Everyone's eyes fell upon the corpse, and to their horror and confusion, it was moving. They might have thought Jackie had miraculously survived her suicide, but the noises she was making sounded too similar to those of a biter for them to jump to that conclusion. Their worst fears were realized as Jackie slowly sat up, moaning and groaning. They were all so stunned that none of them moved, which kept the new biter calm. It wasn't until Daryl snapped to his senses and stepped protectively in front of Emma that the biter became agitated. Its moans turned to hisses as it tried to stagger to its feet. Before it had the chance, Rick used his boot to land a hard blow to the monster's head. The biter fell backward. Shane finished the job by bringing his own boot down hard on the biter's face.
"Wh-What...what in the hell...?" Shane asked the question everyone present was thinking.
"How is that...possible?" Rick asked, staring down at the motionless biter.
"I don't know." Daryl muttered.
"Could she have been bitten or scratched in town?" Emma asked, coming out from behind Daryl.
"Let's find out." Rick replied, crouching down beside the biter.
Rick and Shane searched the body, but couldn't find any cuts, scratches, or wounds of any kind.
"Do we...somehow...?"
"What, Rick?" Shane asked.
"Do we all carry this disease?" Rick asked quietly. "Is this what our fate will be? All of us?"
There weren't any answers for why Jackie had turned into a biter. Rick, Shane, Daryl, and Emma all stood in silence for several minutes as they all pondered possible reasons.
"We say nothing tonight." Rick finally spoke up. "We'll discuss this tomorrow at Merle's house."
"Gotcha." Shane replied, nodding his head in agreement.
"Shane, go help Sam get everyone back to bed." Rick pointed at Daryl. "When everyone is gone, we'll take the body outside and bury it. Tonight."
Daryl nodded.
"Give me a few minutes." Shane said, heading towards the barn doors.
"Emma, you should go back to bed." Rick murmured, his voice softening for her benefit. "It was probably very...jarring for you to wake up to something like this, to say the least."
"Yeah." Emma replied simply.
Emma didn't have the strength or the will to argue, or to discuss the strange events further. All she wanted to do was return to the loft, crawl under her quilt, and try to sleep. She wouldn't have to think about anything anymore. She could just sleep.
"Goodnight, Emma." Rick said as Emma turned to climb the ladder.
"Goodnight."
Daryl didn't speak as Emma climbed up to the loft.
0o0o0
After breakfast, just as Rick said, he gathered everyone together in Merle's living room. The first issue he addressed was Jackie's fate. After he broke the news that she had hung herself, he gave everyone time to process the information. Several tears were shed. When everyone had calmed down, Rick moved on to everything else he had to say.
"Shane told me what he already went over with you, so I won't repeat what he said." Rick stood with his hands on his hips. "While we're all living here, there are going to be rules put in place that I expect all of you to follow. Even though we aren't in Scarlet Town anymore, I'm still the sheriff. Shane is still the deputy. We will enforce the rules, and if you break a rule, you will be punished accordingly."
Everyone was silent as they waited to hear Rick's rules.
"Everyone is expected to help out on this farm." Rick took the time to look at every single face. "You will contribute in whatever way you can. Help care for the animals, help care for the children, wash and dry the clothes...do what you can to make life on this farm that much easier, and hell, even more enjoyable.
You must have permission in order to leave the farm. You must alert your presence upon returning to the farm by using the bell at the gate.
The men will be expected to take watches. There will be a schedule put in place once Shane and I have time to discuss it. When you are on watch you are expected to keep an eye out for anyone approaching the farm that is not someone you see here, or biters. If you see a stranger, or a biter, you will warn everyone with a signal that Shane and I will come up with later.
When you are in town to collect supplies, you are not to fire a gun unless absolutely necessary. In fact, while on this farm, you are not to fire a gun unless absolutely necessary. Shane and I will keep all of our guns in a location known only by us, and if you need one, you will get permission from one of us.
Now, who here feels comfortable with giving the children daily lessons?"
Carol raised her hand.
"Good." Rick gave her a nod. "I think it's important to continue teaching the kids. The next time we have people in town, we'll see if we can locate books and other school supplies."
"That would be great." Carol replied meekly.
"Shane, do you have anything else to add?" Rick asked, turning his head to look at Shane.
Shane lifted an eyebrow as his forehead became creased.
"Uh...no..." Shane replied slowly, sounding confused.
Emma wondered when Rick was going to break the news about Jackie becoming a biter.
"All right." Rick's arms fell to his sides. "I think it's important that...in light of the people we've lost...we take the time to remember and honor them."
The reverend stood from the sofa.
"I'll be holding a simple service by the garden in a half hour." The reverend said. "Anyone who would like to join me is more than welcome, although I hope everyone here will attend."
Slowly, everyone dispersed. Emma watched Shane pull Rick aside. She assumed it had something to do with Rick leaving out a huge piece of information while addressing everyone. She decided to leave it to them as she stood and left the house. As Emma was leaving, Andrea caught up to her. They walked together to the barn.
"So...have you gotten a chance to speak with Daryl since he got back?" Andrea asked.
Emma opened the barn doors.
"I would rather not talk about it." Emma replied as she headed inside.
"Why not?" Andrea asked, following Emma into the barn.
"Was there something you needed?" Emma asked, turning to face Andrea.
Andrea suddenly looked down at the ground. Emma felt badly for being so short with Andrea. Truthfully, Emma still wasn't used to Andrea acting so friendly. Emma thought of Amy, and how happy it would have made her to see her sister and friend getting along.
"Sorry...I had a long night." Emma apologized softly.
Andrea lifted her eyes and nodded.
"I know." Andrea murmured. "It must have been awful to wake up to something like that..."
Andrea's gaze drifted up to where Jackie had been hanging the night before. She visibly shivered.
"What did you need from me?" Emma asked, choosing her tone carefully so as not to come off as rudely as she had before.
Andrea tore her gaze from the loft.
"I was just wondering if...maybe...you wouldn't mind loaning me something to wear for the service?" Andrea asked quietly, almost as though she was embarrassed to ask.
"Sure." Emma shrugged. "Come on up."
Emma climbed the ladder first. While Andrea climbed up after her, Emma looked through her clothes. She chose her nicest skirt and a blouse that would go with it.
"Is this okay?" Emma asked, holding the clothes out to Andrea.
"Yes, thank you." Andrea replied, barely glancing at the outfit as she took them from Emma.
Emma waited for Andrea to take the clothes and leave, but she remained.
"Was there something else?" Emma asked.
"Could I change up here?" Andrea asked. "I don't want to-"
"Knock yourself out." Emma interrupted, turning her back to Andrea to give her some privacy.
Emma used a washcloth to pat down her face, neck, arms, and hands while Andrea changed.
"So...are you sure you don't want to talk?" Andrea asked suddenly. "About Daryl, I mean."
"There's nothing to say." Emma answered. "Daryl isn't over what I said to him in town, or what I did to him when he finally got back. I don't know if he'll ever be."
"I don't know." Andrea disagreed. "He seemed pretty worried about you when he got back."
"What?" Emma asked, turning her head slightly.
"When he got back from town with the others...you can turn around."
Emma slowly turned around. Andrea was wearing Emma's clothes, her dress folded over her arm.
"He was looking for you."
"He was looking for Merle." Emma argued, shaking her head.
"He was saying your name." Andrea insisted. "I heard him."
Emma thought back to when Daryl had returned. She remembered how frantic he had looked, how his mouth had been moving just as quickly as his eyes.
"Well, I think we should be going." Andrea said suddenly, heading towards the ladder. "The service will be starting soon. You're going to attend, right?"
Emma nodded.
"I'll see you there, then."
Without another word, Andrea climbed down the ladder.
0o0o0
Everyone except Daryl, baby Judith, and the young girl whose name Emma still didn't know were in attendance at the service. The reverend stood at the head of the group, facing them, with a bible in his hand. He had it pinned to his chest. Emma glanced back at Daryl's house just before the service began. Somehow, she wasn't surprised that Daryl hadn't come.
"Let us bow our heads and pray." The reverend began the service, holding his free hand out over the group.
Emma bowed her head with everyone else.
"Dear God, you are our creator. It is you who gives us life. It is you who takes it away. We are joined together today to remember and honor several lives that are precious to us. As we mourn these cherished lives, we lift our grief and our sadness up to you. Lord, we ask that you comfort us during our time of need. May you give us the strength to carry on. In Jesus' name, we pray."
A collective 'amen' sounded all around Emma. Hers came late.
"We lost several brave men, men who made a choice to fight on our behalf. They died protecting us. I would like us to remember them now..."
The reverend went on to speak a little about each man. Emma learned that Gabe Davis was an avid hunter. He still held the town record for the largest buck ever killed, an impressive fourteen pointer. Gabe and his son, Joshua, would hunt and his wife, Luanne, and their daughter, Lillian, would cook their kills. Beau James was well known for being a gentle giant. When he had been born a whole month early, his parents were told that he wouldn't last through the night. Not only did he survive, but he grew to stand at six foot four. His greatest joy in life had been being Jackie's husband. There were many others - Steven, Frank, George, Jim... The reverend said a kind word about each man, honoring their memory as best he could.
"Merle Dixon was not always held with high regard in town, but today, we shouldn't dwell on his past mistakes. We should all remember that in our time of need, it was Merle that offered us a safe haven. If it weren't for him, we would still be cowering in fear within my home. I, for one, will always be grateful to Merle for shining a light upon us when we were in such a dark place."
Emma thought back on her time with Merle...
"Word is that you got this gig here at the inn to show off your stuff." The strange man leaned forward. "You interested in work?"
Emma lifted her head.
"I see I got your attention..."
o0o
"I ain't paying you to clean, you know?" Merle leaned against the wall.
"Then don't pay me for the evening." Emma murmured, studying a jar of brown liquid. "If you don't mind, though, you're distracting me. Could you leave?"
"What?" Merle asked with a chuckle, moving from the wall.
"I said, 'get out'..."
o0o
"Your days of fighting are over." Emma finally said, dabbing the cut on Merle's cheek.
Merle cracked an amused smile and chuckled.
"What?"
"You heard me. You're finished with fighting..."
o0o
Sam stood with Daryl as Merle and Emma began to dance. Merle's brow furrowed as he mouthed how many steps he took. He counted one too many, and as Emma went to turn, Merle tried to take her another step. They faltered. Sam covered his mouth to hide his laughter. Merle glared over at him.
"I counted wrong." Merle explained as-a-matter-of-factly. "It could happen to anyone..."
o0o
Emma descended the steps to where Barrow was waiting patiently. She made sure the saddlebags were secure before she climbed into the saddle. When she looked up, she saw Merle standing on the porch next to Sam. He had one arm around Sam's shoulders. The other was at his waist. When Merle's and Emma's eyes met, Merle raised his hand to her. She returned his wave before she turned Barrow around...
o0o
"I thought I heard someone ride up." Merle was grinning as he deposited his ax into a nearby stump before walking over to where Emma was now standing with Sam.
"Hey, Merle." Emma gave him a nod. "Thank you again for letting me keep my things here."
"It wasn't no problem..."
o0o
"Goddamn, girl. I missed your coffee."
Emma laughed as she finished off Sam's mug.
"I mean it. Sam makes it too weak. Daryl makes it too strong..."
o0o
"Well..." Merle sighed, but the grin on his face didn't falter. "Emma told me she's come back for good."
"Mhmm." Daryl ran one hand along the corner of the table and nodded.
Emma turned around and poured Merle's coffee.
"Emma, the loft is yours if you'd be more comfortable there, but since Sam'll be staying at his own house with his wife, that leaves his bedroom upstairs vacant. You want to stay with old Merle?"
"All right, Merle, you've played your games long enough." Emma said as she finished pouring Merle's coffee.
"Shucks, Emma, you don't let me have any fun..."
o0o
"Hey."
Emma turned to see Merle holding onto her.
"Take care of yourself, girl." Merle said in the most sincere voice Emma had ever heard from him.
"You too, Merle." Emma replied, barely above a whisper.
Merle nodded, then slowly released Emma's wrist.
"I'll see you back on the farm..."
Emma silently wept as she played memories in her head. Merle had bad habits. He hadn't always been easy to get along with, but deep down, he was a good man. Emma would miss him terribly, just like she missed Hershel. She allowed herself to shed several tears for Merle, but then she wiped them away and pulled herself together. It was so quick that hardly anybody noticed Emma had cried at all.
"In closing, I would like to recite from scripture. I feel that this passage is appropriate." The reverend flipped open his bible. "'The Lord your God is with you. He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing.' Amen."
"Amen." Emma murmured.
0o0o0
Later that day, Emma knocked on Daryl's door. She wanted to check in on him to make sure he was all right, especially after he had skipped out on the service. Emma stepped back when the door opened. Daryl stood in the doorway, frowning. It seemed as though he was always frowning those days, although, there was also a lot to frown about.
"I wanted to see if you were okay." Emma explained when Daryl didn't speak. "You didn't come to the service-"
"Prayers aren't going to bring my brother back." Daryl interrupted.
"I know, but..." Emma took a step forward. "Could we talk for a minute?"
Daryl seemed reluctant. He exhaled through his nose as his eyes suddenly found the ground very interesting.
"Just for a minute, then I'll go." Emma promised.
Daryl sighed, and his body language told Emma he didn't want to talk, but he stepped aside anyways. Emma walked past him and into the house she had once shared with him. It seemed like so long ago. It was as if Emma had never lived there at all. She turned as Daryl closed the door.
"I've tried to talk to you about what happened in town, what I said, but I haven't actually gotten a chance to tell you...I'm sorry." Emma apologized softly. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. I was just...well, I won't make up any excuses. I'm just...sorry."
Daryl didn't say anything. He just stood in front of the door, arms folded over his chest, staring at the floor.
"I'm not going to apologize for what I did, drugging you." Emma continued when Daryl remained silent. "You were exhausted and dehydrated. If you had gone back to town-"
"Merle would still be alive." Daryl interrupted Emma suddenly, lifting his eyes to meet hers.
It all clicked, without Daryl having to say the words out loud. Still, Emma wanted to hear Daryl say it. She needed to.
"I shouldn't have left without him." Daryl mumbled, almost to himself. "Before we got split up, he told me to get back to the farm when I had the chance. He said he'd do the same. He said we'd meet back here."
Daryl went to the little table under one of the windows. He sat down at it.
"Daryl..."
Emma stopped speaking when Daryl suddenly slammed his fist into the table.
"I shouldn't have left him, but," Daryl muttered angrily, looking up at Emma, "you shouldn't have kept me from going back for him."
Then, Daryl confirmed Emma's suspicions.
"If it wasn't for what you did...if it wasn't for you...Merle would be alive."
Daryl looked away from Emma and out the window to his left. Meanwhile, Emma accepted the fact that Daryl would never forgive her for what she said, or for drugging him. Things would never be the same between them. They would never go back to the way they used to be. They couldn't, not if Daryl couldn't understand why Emma had made the decision she made. They couldn't, because Emma would never apologize for what she had done. Even if it was true, even if Merle could have been saved had Daryl gone back to town when he had wanted to instead of having to wait, Emma still would have kept Daryl from going. That decision had kept him alive.
"Maybe you're right." Emma finally replied. "Maybe he would be."
Emma crossed the room to the door without looking at Daryl.
"I'll carry that responsibility with me for the rest of my life...if that means that you're alive today."
As Emma opened the door, she glanced over at Daryl, who was still staring out the window.
"I don't think Merle would begrudge me my decision."
"Revelator" - Gillian Welch [The service/Daryl and Emma talk after the service]