Chapter 23 - Chip
Emma headed right to Merle's when she woke up and dressed for the day. She glanced at Daryl's house on her way to Merle's. Emma wasn't worried about Daryl. She knew he would pull through as long as he remained on bed rest for the next few days. Keeping him on bed rest, Emma knew, would be a challenge. If Daryl had been stubborn enough to try and return to town for Merle when he was dead on his feet, he would be stubborn enough to think he could get up and move around after his accident in the woods. Emma knew she would need help keeping Daryl off his feet. She decided that she would recruit Rick, Sam, and the reverend. Emma no longer trusted Shane, and even if she did, Daryl wanted nothing to do with the man unless it involved a brawl.
"I already sent Andrea with a plate to Daryl's." Luanne announced the moment Emma stepped into Merle's kitchen.
"Thank you." Emma replied, setting the table while Luanne finished up breakfast.
Carol, the kids, and whoever had watch that morning ate first. That way, Carol and the children could begin lessons afterward and whoever had watch could eat before their shift. Then, whoever was being relieved of watch ate with Trish, Kate, Mary, Ellen, Luanne, Andrea, and Emma. The men that still hadn't eaten took their meals last. Rick decided that was the most fair way to serve meals. So far, it had worked out well, although Trish had begun eating larger portions since she was eating for two. Her belly had already started growing.
Carol, Mary, and Ellen brought the kids in to eat. Once they were situated at the table, Mary and Ellen headed off to make themselves useful elsewhere until the children were through with lessons. Emma gave baby Judith a bottle.
"Emma, is Daryl okay?" Carl asked as he broke the yolk of his sunny side up egg.
"Yeah." Emma nodded. "Daryl is okay. He just needs to rest a while."
"Good."
Emma watched as the kids ate their breakfast. Carl and Todd were talking about how they could help Emma later, after their lessons were over. Carol and Sophia sat quietly side by side. Anna played with the food on her plate, which Luanne had sweetly cut into bite sized pieces, just as she usually did. Emma looked down at Judith as she hungrily drank her bottle. It was hard to believe she was nearly a year old. She was getting so big. She had already started toying with the idea of walking, although she could only take a couple of steps before she fell over. Emma couldn't imagine addind another baby to the mix, but she was reminded of the impending birth each time she laid eyes on Trish's belly. There were so many kids to look after under the special circumstances the group had been placed in. It would become that much harder to protect the kids if the women in the group continued adding to their numbers.
In light of what had happened the day before, and with a new baby coming in the spring, Emma decided right then and there that she needed to teach the kids to defend themselves. Anna and Judith were too young, but Emma could teach Carl, Todd, and Sophia how to shoot. The only problem was that the guns were kept hidden, and Emma knew that Rick and Shane would disapprove of her idea. Carl had been begging his dad for weeks to teach him to shoot, but Rick refused. If Emma wanted the kids to be self reliant when it came to their protection, she needed to come up with a plan to get the guns without Rick or Shane knowing. Emma came to the conclusion that she needed Daryl's help.
After she had eaten, Emma went to Daryl's house. She nearly waltzed right in, stuck for a moment in the mindset that she also shared the little house, but caught herself before she could open the door. Instead, Emma knocked.
"What?" Daryl's voice was muffled, but audible.
"It's Emma." Emma replied, raising her voice so Daryl would be able to hear her. "Can I come in?"
A moment of silence.
"I just wanted to talk to you about something." Emma pressed one hand to the door, her other around the knob. "I promise that I didn't come to fuss over you."
"Fine." Daryl finally answered.
Emma opened the door. Daryl was sitting up in bed, an empty plate at his side. There was a much smaller fire than the night before glowing in the fireplace.
"Has the doctor been by at all?" Emma asked, shutting the door behind her.
"I thought you said you wasn't gonna fuss." Daryl muttered, folding his arms over his bare chest.
"I hardly think that was me fussing." Emma scoffed, lifting an eyebrow.
Emma considered sitting in the empty chair by the bed, but she decided to instead sit at the table by the window. It was more neutral there.
"...he came by earlier to check on me." Daryl spoke while Emma situated herself at the table. "He said I gotta clean the stitches and change my bandages once a day."
Emma caught herself before she could ask if Daryl needed help. She figured he was more than capable of cleaning and bandaging himself. Besides, Emma didn't want Daryl to accuse her of fussing over him again. That wasn't the reason she had dropped in to see him.
"I need your help with something." Emma got right to the point.
"What?" Daryl asked warily.
"I want to teach the three oldest kids to shoot, but there are obstacles in my way." Emma explained. "First of all, I have no idea where the guns are being kept-"
"Neither do I." Daryl interrupted bitterly, a scowl coming to his face.
"Secondly," Emma continued, "there is no way that Rick and Shane are going to let me teach the kids...which means that when I do, there needs to be an explanation for the gunshots."
"Why do you want to teach the kids to shoot?" Daryl asked, his forehead wrinkling.
"I think it would be a good idea." Emma replied, leaning forward in her chair. "Part of the reason you were shot yesterday is because everybody is so damn afraid. Maybe, if more of them felt confident that they could defend themselves against danger, there wouldn't be...accidents."
Daryl grunted.
"Besides, with Trish pregnant, that means there's just going to be one more kid to watch out for. With the men taking watches and working the farm, and the women taking care of the domestics...there are just too many kids to keep an eye on all the time."
"I guess you got a point." Daryl agreed. "So, how you gonna find the guns?"
"With everything that happened yesterday, I figured you might talk to Rick." Emma replied, sitting back in her chair. "You could tell him that you think after what happened, you have a right to know where the guns are kept-"
"You want me to lie?" Daryl smirked.
"Would you really be lying?" Emma asked, her lips pulling into a smirk of her own.
The smirk on Daryl's face disappeared.
"I guess not."
"Okay, so, after you find out where the guns are at...you can supply me with guns." Emma said.
"That doesn't solve the whole gunshot problem." Daryl pointed out. "Everyone is gonna hear those gunshots and wonder what the hell is going on."
"I would need your help with that, too." Emma admitted slowly.
"How am I gonna cover up gunshots?" Daryl asked, throwing his arms out.
"You aren't going to...you're just going to take responsibility for them."
"What?"
"You can go hunting at the same time I take the kids out into the woods for practice." Emma explained, laying out her plan. "Everyone will think the gunshots are you hunting."
"That's a lot of gunshots for me to just be out hunting, Emma." Daryl sighed, running a hand through his hair.
"Well, I guess I'll have to come up with a limit for each of the kids."
"I'm going to suddenly become very bad at hunting." Daryl muttered, scratching the back of his neck.
"Does this mean you'll help me?" Emma asked.
Emma waited while Daryl considered his options. He didn't have to help her. There was nothing he was getting out of Emma teaching the kids to shoot. Daryl would strictly be doing a favor, a couple favors, for Emma. She wasn't sure that sounded very appealing to Daryl, after all, he blamed her for Merle's death. Although, Daryl had spoken to her more over the past two days than he had since June. Emma decided to remain hopeful as Daryl thought things over.
"Yeah." Daryl finally said, lifting his eyes to meet Emma's. "I'll do it."
0o0o0
Rick called a meeting after supper. He planned on speaking with Daryl, who was still confined to his bed, and Benjamin, who was on watch, after. Meanwhile, everybody else gathered in Merle's living room. The kids, as per usual, were all upstairs. They were never present for meetings.
"I want to talk about what happened yesterday." Rick began the meeting without hesitation. "Mistakes were made. Mistakes that could have resulted in someone's death-"
"Daryl." Emma interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest from her seat on the floor.
"Yes." Rick nodded. "Daryl. Luckily, he wasn't killed, but he could have been."
"What did you want us to do?" Trish asked, her voice more high pitched than usual. "Kate and I both thought he was a biter. We did what we thought was right-"
"How could you have thought Daryl was a biter?" Emma asked, turning her head to look at Trish and Kate, who were seated side by side on the sofa.
"He was filthy." Kate retorted defensively, wrapping her arm around Trish's shoulders.
"Ladies-"
"So, by your standards, any of us who have done a hard day's work could be biters?" Emma asked in disbelief.
"Emma, I think it was a little more than that." Andrea spoke up suddenly, coming to the younger girls' defense. "Daryl was limping-"
"I can't believe I'm hearing this."
"Ladies, that's enough." Rick finally got a word in edgewise.
"Why is Emma being so mean?" Trish whined, tears welling up in her eyes.
Emma whirled around completely, though she remained seated.
"Because you nearly killed an innocent man." Emma snapped angrily.
"They didn't take the shot, Emma." Shane barked from Rick's side. "I did."
Emma turned back around.
"Well, you're just as guilty as they are."
"I said that's enough!" Rick shouted, holding out his hands to Shane and Emma. "What's done is done. Bickering back and forth like this isn't going to change what happened-"
"I think you'd be singing a different tune had Shane here shot your son instead of Daryl." Emma interrupted Rick icily.
"Maybe tensions are too high right now for us to be having this conversation." The reverend suggested softly, standing from the sofa. "Perhaps we should postpone the meeting until everyone has had a chance to cool down."
"I won't have this incident creating a divide among us." Rick warned the group, slowly waving one of his fingers over the different faces gathered together. "We're going to settle this right here, right now."
"I second that." Shane grumbled, glaring at Emma.
"Rick, I think you should reconsider." The reverend said.
"What are you going to do about what happened?" Emma asked, ignoring the reverend's call for peace. "How are you going to prevent what happened yesterday from happening again?"
Rick lowered his finger and slowly exhaled.
"From now on, if someone thinks that they see a biter, they are to come directly to me." Rick's hands fell to his hips. "Before any action is taken, I'm going to perform a head count. If someone is unaccounted for, I'll walk right up to the suspected biter if I have to, just to be certain that it isn't a member of this group."
"That sounds like a good idea." Andrea piped up once again. "Problem solved."
Before anything else could be said about the matter, Rick moved on to other topics of discussion.
"Now, I plan on speaking with Daryl about this, but Shane and I have been thinking that it might be a good idea for us to build another house on the property."
"Another house?" Trish asked excitedly, clapping her hands together. "That would be great."
"We would certainly have more room for everyone." Carol agreed in her usual quiet manner.
"Like I said, I still need to talk it over with Daryl-"
"What's there to talk about?" Trish interrupted, running one hand over her belly. "With my baby coming, it only makes sense for there to be another house-"
"We wouldn't be building a house for you, Benjamin, and your baby." Shane interrupted, raising an eyebrow. "It would be a community home, just like all the others-"
"Except Daryl's house." Kate mumbled under her breath.
"What did you just say?" Emma asked, turning her head to narrow her eyes at Kate.
"Kate does make a good point." Andrea said. "We would only have that much more room if Daryl opened his home up to the rest of us."
"All right." Emma snapped, standing from the floor. "That's it."
"Emma-"
"Before myself, Merle, and Daryl rode into town this past summer, all of you were crammed into the reverend's home, praying that you would live to see the next day." Emma turned slowly in a circle so that everyone would get the full effect of the expression on her face as she spoke. "Merle graciously offered up this farm to all of you without a moment's hesitation. He...died...making sure that you and your children were able to get here safely."
"I don't think-"
"Daryl hasn't asked anything of any of you since you got here." Emma set her sights on Rick and Shane as they both tried to interrupt her. "He hasn't fought your rules. All that he has taken for himself is his home. After all that he and his brother have given you people, I don't think that's too much to ask."
Nobody spoke. Emma waited for one of the young girls to cry out in protest, for one of the older women to try and calm her down, or for one of the men to set her straight.
"...you're right." Rick finally said with a sigh. "You are absolutely right."
"Rick-"
"No, Shane," Rick turned his head to look at Shane, "she is."
"Merle and Daryl have given us more than we could have ever asked for." The reverend agreed, setting his hand on Emma's shoulder. "They have given us a home, the hope and the will to survive, and ultimately...Merle gave us his life."
Emma felt her features softening.
"If Daryl wants to continue living in his own home in peace, I say we let him have that."
"Thank you." Emma murmured.
"...so, I'll speak with Daryl when this meeting is over, ask him if it would be all right for us to build another house before the winter comes." Rick continued. "Speaking of which, we're going to have to make one final trip into town before the snow comes and blocks the road."
"Will we have enough to survive?" Trish asked worriedly.
"Of course." Rick reassured Trish. "As long as we continue being as careful as we have been, we'll have enough food and supplies to last until the pass opens up in the spring."
"We plan on taking that last trip at the end of November," Shane said, "and since we're going to be needing more than usual, we're going to be taking two carriages instead of just one..."
"Which means more volunteers." Rick finished Shane's thought.
"We don't need any answers now, but start thinking it over."
The meeting slowly and quietly came to a close. Emma couldn't miss the daggers being thrown her way by Trish, Kate, Shane, and even Andrea. Emma just shrugged them off with a smirk. She didn't need anyone's friendship.
"Emma."
Emma looked back as Rick caught up to her.
"I want to speak with you before I head over to Daryl's."
"Okay." Emma nodded.
"Walk with me."
Rick and Emma walked side by side away from the barn and houses. They ended up at the spot where Daryl had been shot and collapsed. Together, they walked along the row of willows as the sun fell away from the sky and gave way to darkness.
"If you're looking for an apology-"
"I'm not." Rick interrupted, hands behind his back. "I don't expect an apology. I don't want one."
"Well, then...?"
"Emma, things would be a whole lot easier for you if you just got rid of that chip on your shoulder."
"Excuse me?" Emma asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"You heard me." Rick replied. "It seems to me that you have a whole lot of pent up anger, frustration...maybe even something else entirely."
Emma looked away from Rick as they walked.
"Well, whatever it is, drop it." Rick continued when Emma didn't speak up. "It's not doing you any good. It's alienating you from the others, causing friction and discomfort among the group..."
Rick sighed, then lifted one hand to lay across Emma's back as they walked.
"You barely speak to anyone, and when you do, you're not very friendly."
"I'm plenty friendly." Emma disagreed halfheartedly.
"Well," Rick smiled, "you're friendly to the kids, but that's about it, really."
"So, what, you want me to make friends with everybody?" Emma asked, coming to a standstill.
Rick stood in front of Emma and put his hands on her shoulders the way he usually did when they had conversations similar to the one they were having at that moment.
"I want you to be happy." Rick murmured. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable with all of us being here. I don't want you to resent us for living here, or for making decisions about what goes on on this farm. I want you to be able to speak your mind freely-"
"It doesn't seem like it." Emma snorted.
"You have every right to say what you want and do what you want, barring breaking one of the rules we put in place." Rick lifted one hand to Emma's face. "If you hate that we're here, if you wish we were gone, so be it. That's your right, but until Daryl orders us off of this farm, we're here to stay, kid."
Emma sighed and rolled her eyes.
"I don't hate that you're here." Emma looked down the line of willows gently blowing with the wind. "I just...it's difficult for me..."
"I know." Rick replied sympathetically, giving Emma's cheek a stroke before pulling it away. "Just try to give everyone a chance, try to give all of this a chance, before..."
Rick took his other hand off of Emma's shoulder.
"Well, I better get over to Daryl's before it gets too late."
"While you're there, make sure he washed himself up and changed his dressings." Emma told Rick as he started to escort her back.
"I will." Rick promised with a chuckle.
0o0o0
The following day, Emma offered her services when Daryl gave the okay to begin construction on a new house. If everyone pitched in when they could, the house would be finished in just two weeks. That was, if everyone pitched in. With one man gone every four hours, and certain women who seemed reluctant to get their hands dirty, the project could potentially take longer. Merle and Daryl had built a house by themselves for Sam and Amy in just two weeks, but that was because they worked together around the clock to make it happen. Trish was out of commission due to her pregnancy. Kate, Mary, and Ellen seemed hesitant to help. Luanne could only do so much. Daryl was still on bed rest. It was going to take a lot of hard work to get the house done in time.
Shane was on watch for the first four hours of work, then it was the reverend's turn to take his leave. Rick and the doctor each worked alongside Mary and Ellen so that they felt more comfortable. Emma couldn't help but notice how closely Sam and Kate worked together. She wondered if anything was going on between them. Part of her thought it might be a good thing for Sam to move past what had happened with Amy. Another part of her thought it was the worst thing for Sam, under the circumstances. With biters in town and everyone sequestered to the farm, Sam's chance of losing someone he cared for grew immensely. Emma didn't want to see him hurting again like he had after Amy died. Slowly, but surely, Sam was getting back to his old self. Although, there was a part of him that died the moment Amy did. It could never be brought back to life.
Everyone was just finishing up for the day when Emma saw Daryl emerging from his house. He was buttoning up his shirt as he closed the door behind him. Emma met him outside his door before he could go any further.
"What are you doing up?" Emma asked as she approached Daryl.
"Doc said I could get up, so long as I didn't do any work." Daryl grumbled, adjusting his suspenders.
Emma couldn't help but smile as Daryl mumbled to himself.
"Cabin fever?" Emma asked amusedly.
"I guess you could call it that." Daryl muttered, taking a look at the work the group had accomplished that day. "I ain't taken a day off since...I don't know when..."
"I know what you mean." Emma replied, using her dirty fingers to itch the end of her nose.
"How..." Daryl started to speak, but when he looked back at Emma, he trailed off and started chuckling instead.
"What?" Emma asked confusedly.
"You got somethin' on your face." Daryl laughed.
"Well, I'm not surprised."
Daryl surprised Emma when he suddenly reached for her. She watched his hand as it came towards her face. As his hand cupped her cheek, she looked up at his eyes. Daryl used his thumb to gently wipe away the dirt from Emma's nose. His eyes were on his thumb. Once the dirty had been rubbed away, Daryl lifted his eyes to see Emma already looking at him. Quickly, he pulled his hand back.
"Um...so, can you show me what ya'll did today?" Daryl asked, stumbling over his words.
"Sure." Emma murmured, waving for Daryl to follow her.
Emma stood aside while Daryl surveyed the little progress the group had made on the house. She watched the way he would take a step back to get a better look at something, or the way he would move all around to get a different perspective. Emma was suddenly struck with the notion that if Daryl approached the rest of his life the same way, he might be better off. He was so stuck in his own head that he couldn't see any other points of view. The longer Emma pondered that thought, the more she thought maybe she suffered from the same problem. She wondered if Rick had been right about what he told her the night before. Maybe she would be happier if she gave this new way of life a chance. After all, she had given the Dixon farm a chance the year before. She had given Daryl a chance, and then a second one. Emma frowned.
"Well, if that's all." Emma broke the silence abruptly.
With that, Emma turned and headed for the barn. She needed to have a bath before supper.
"Wait."
Emma slowed her pace, but didn't stop.
"Hang on a goddamn second." Daryl snapped from behind Emma. "I'm not exactly in mint condition here."
Emma opened the barn doors as Daryl caught up to her.
"I wanted to tell you that I talked to Rick." Daryl said as he followed Emma into the barn.
"Did you?" Emma asked.
"He came to see me last night about the meeting at the house..."
Emma looked up from the empty basin she was about to lift.
"...and?" Emma asked.
"He said..." Daryl rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the ground.
"Well?"
"He told me...what happened..." Daryl mumbled slowly. "About what everyone said...what you said..."
Daryl lifted his eyes to meet Emma's. His features softened. The lines on his face became smooth.
"You didn't have to say all those things." Daryl said, his voice matching the sudden change in his expression. "You didn't have to stick up for me-"
"I didn't just do it for you." Emma interrupted Daryl suddenly. "I did it for Merle, too."
Emma felt an abrupt and unexpected shift within. She felt similarly to how she felt the day of Sam and Amy's wedding, on the porch. Emma took several steps forward, closing much of the distance between herself and Daryl.
"You know something?" Emma asked, pointing at herself. "I know he wasn't my brother, but I cared about Merle, too."
Daryl's facial expression didn't change, nor did his posture. He stood as still and as mute as a statue.
"You don't think it was hard for me to leave you guys?" Emma asked, her voice soaring as loud and as confident as it had the night before at the meeting. "I didn't want to leave Merle, or you...I wanted to stay behind and make sure ya'll were all right, but..."
Emma shook her head and looked down at the ground.
"I was so damn scared." Emma's voice lowered just as quickly as it had risen. "I was scared of dying, scared of seeing one of you die...scared of everything."
Daryl still didn't speak. Emma slowly lifted her eyes to see if his face had changed. It still hadn't.
"Even though I was scared, I tried to do what I could." Emma continued, her voice finally settling into a comfortable in between volume. "I tried to help. I got people out, got you guys horses...and I promised myself that if there came a moment where I could save someone, I would."
Emma took a step towards Daryl.
"I did." Emma looked into Daryl's dark blue eyes as she spoke the words she hadn't realized she had been keeping prisoner for so long. "I saved you, and yes, maybe that was selfish of me. I...I didn't want to..."
Emma could feel emotions she didn't want Daryl to see welling up inside of her. A lump was forming in her throat. Her chest ached. She cleared her throat in an attempt to swallow the ball of emotions that was lodged in her throat.
"Merle would have wanted me to save you," Emma murmured, "and I think what hurts the most...is that deep down, you know that. It's just easier for you to blame me for Merle's death than it is for you to grieve for him."
Emma took a step backward.
"You would rather sacrifice...what we...had..." Emma turned from Daryl. "...and that's what hurts."
Without another word, and before Daryl could finally discover his voice, Emma swept the basin into her arms and quickly exited the barn. She had finally gotten rid of that chip on her shoulder.
"Down On Our Own Shield" - Jakob Dylan [Emma shows Daryl the work on the house, talk in the barn]