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"You must live life with the full knowledge that your actions will remain. We are creatures of consequence."
Zadie Smith
Chapter Six
Clara was sure that she was not in control of her own body, as she followed behind the others, through the dark tunnel of the underground base hidden inside a dam that Maria had brought them to. She said it was a safe location. Or at least, Clara thought she did, she wasn't sure, she hadn't been paying much attention.
She was numb, acting purely on instinct, unable to think of anything but what she had just found out. It kept replaying, over, and over, and over in her head. Like a video on repeat. Bucky was the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier was Bucky.
Steve and Sam were holding up Natasha, weak from blood loss, a man running towards them.
"GSW, she's lost a least a pint." said Maria to him
"Maybe two." Sam called out
"Let me take her." said the man
"She'll want to see him first." said Maria
"Him?" Clara asked, her head snapping up from where her eyes had been trained on the ground, but Maria didn't answer her
The cogs in Clara's brain kicked into gear, as they continued. Who could Natasha possibly want to see more then getting the medical treatment she desperately needed. There was only one person she could think of. But he was dead. Unless he wasn't. Was Fury alive? But he died. She'd seen him die. How could he fake that?
Because he was one hell of a manipulative bastard, she told herself, knowing that it was the absolute truth.
As they walked into a room, the identity of the person hidden behind a curtain. Clara sucked a breath in, as Maria pulled the curtain across, to reveal a bruised and battered Fury lying in a hospital bed.
"About damn time." he said
She let out the breath she was holding, her chest heaving, as she gripped the back of the chair the doctor was guiding Natasha into. Relief washed over her, but anger was quick to follow. Fury had let her think he was dead. Why hadn't he told her? Didn't he trust her? But he did. She knew he trusted her.
The only reason she could go come up with, was because of Steve and Natasha. Too many people couldn't know about his survival. Maybe he hadn't trusted her not to tell them. But it wasn't like she hadn't already been keeping things from Steve.
Speaking of Steve, seeing her unbalance, he gently gripped her arm, steadying her. Usually, he would have offered her an encouraging smile, but neither could muster the energy to fake emotional stability enough to help the other.
"Lacerated spinal column, cracked sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver, and one hell of a headache." Fury listed off
"Don't forget your collapsed lung." said the doctor, who was beginning to work away on Natasha's bullet wound
"Oh, let's not forget that," said Fury, "But other then that, I'm good."
"But they cut you open, your heart stopped." said Natasha,
"Tetrodotoxin B, slows the heart rate to one beat per minute," said Fury, "Banner developed it for stress, didn't work so well for him, but we found a use for it."
"Why all the secrecy?" Asked Steve, "Why not just tell us?"
"Any attempt of the Director's life had to look successful." said Maria
"Can't kill ya if you're already dead," said Fury, "Besides, I wasn't sure who to trust."
Clara crossed her arms over her chest, her jaw tightening. She was sick of all of these secrets, and their dramatic reveals. In only a span of a few days, everything she'd known had been turned over on its head, utterly destroying it.
Fury had died, but then he hadn't. Bucky was dead, and then he wasn't. Hydra was gone, but there'd actually infiltrated SHIELD. She was starting to see a pattern.
Nothing about her life would be the same again. Things had changed. And she just wished she could go back, to when things were simpler, and everything made sense.
They were now down at a table, all except for Steve, who looked like a bundle of barely contained rage and angst, and Sam, who seemed barely fazed by suddenly being thrown into the world of superheroes and spies. He was probably fazed on the inside.
"This man, declined a Nobel peace prize " said Fury, looking down at a photo of Pierce, "He said peace was not an achievement, it was a responsibility",dropping the photo onto the table, "See, it's stuff like this, that gives me trust issues."
"Tell me about it." Clara muttered, she'd known Pierce just as long as Fury had, granted she was never as close to him, but she'd never have expected this of him, not in a million years. Guess she really was a poor judge of character.
"We have to stop the launch." said Natasha
"I don't think the council's accepting my calls right now." said Fury, as he opened up the briefcase, revealing three chips inside of it
"What's that?" Asked Sam
Maria turned around the computer screen, as she began to explain, "Once the helicarrier reach 3000 feet, they'll triangulate with Insights satellites, becoming fully weaponised."
"We need to breach those carriers, and replace their targeting blades with our own," said Fury
"One or two won't cut it," said Maria, "We need to link all three of the carriers for this to work. Because, if even one of those ships remains operational, a whole lot of people are going to die."
"We have to assume that everyone on those carriers is Hydra," said Fury, "We have to get past them, insert these server blades with our own, and maybe, just maybe, we can salvage what's left".
"We're not salvaging anything," Steve interjected, "We're not just taking down the carriers Nick, we're taking down SHIELD."
"SHIELD had nothing to do with this," defended Fury
"You gave me this mission, this is how it ends," said Steve, "SHIELD's compromised, you said so yourself. Hydra grew right under your nose and you didn't notice."
"Why do you think we're meeting in this cave," said Fury, "I noticed."
"And how many had to pay the price before you did?" Asked Steve
"Look, I didn't know about Barnes." said Fury
"Even if you had, would you have told me?" Asked Steve, "Or would you have compartmentalised that too? SHIELD, Hydra, it all goes."
"He's right." said Maria
Nick just stared at them all, moving his gaze to each of them in disbelief. When his gaze landed on Clara, he raised his eyebrows, obviously expecting her to agree with him.
"Steve's right, and we both know it," she said, meeting his eyes, "I know what SHIELD means to you, I know how much this hurts you, it hurts me too. But he's right."
"Well," said Fury, leaning back into his chair, "Looks like you're giving the orders now, Cap."
The group went over the plan, ironing out the kinks, Steve delegating jobs to everyone, instructing them on what they would do. Her, Steve and Sam would take down the helicarriers, Natasha and Fury release the information onto the internet, and Maria would be in charge of communications and co-ordinating them.
"But, what about the SHIELD agents? The loyal ones," Clara asked them, "Once we announce Hydra's presence, chaos will erupt. Hydra'll be ready, but they won't. They'll be sitting ducks."
Steve thought it over for a second, before nodding in agreement, "I'll take two chips," he said, "You'll take out as many Hydra agents as you can, and get everyone else to safety."
Clara had sought sanctuary outside of the dark and decrepit tunnels, needing a breath of fresh air, and some time alone to contemplate her entire life. She supposed a bridge was a good place to do it, symbolising change, and all that bullshit. But, she'd had enough of change. Permanent and stable sounded pretty damn good to her.
"How are you doing?"
"Should'nt I be asking you that," she replied, "You must be, god, this has got to be the worst few days of your life."
"You too" he said
"It's not your fault, you know that, right," she said, "None of this is, not SHIELD, not" she goppled, her throat tightening, "None of it."
"I should've looked for him," Steve said, "I should've known."
"There was no way you could've known," she said, softly, as if her tone could absolve him of his imagined sins. Unfortunately, hers were not imagined. They were quite real. "A, a fall like that, it, it would've killed, anybody, else..." she stammered, pushing back her tears. She had to be strong. Steve needed her to be strong for him.
"You should hate me," said Steve, and she tilted her head, her eyes widening in shock, "He was your. You lost him. I could've saved him."
"We lost him," she corrected, "And you did everything you could. I don't blame you. And I could never hate you."
"I'm glad," he said, his voice sounding so incredibly broken. He'd lost so much in such a short time. But he wasn't alone. He'd never be alone. She'd always be there for him. No matter what
"This, mission, it's not like anything we've ever faced, and we don't have any extra help, and there's a lot resting on our success", she stopped when she realised she was rambling, and wasn't telling him anything he didn't already know, "Are you, will you be okay, I mean, facing him?"
"I'll be fine," he told her, But she knew that look on his face, she'd seen it before. The utter resignation to your fate. And, whatever it was he had accepted, she wasn't sure she'd have the same sentiments. "What is it?"
"You, you gave your life to save the world, and I'd wouldn't expect you to do any less for your best friend" she said, reaching out to grip his arm, "But, I'm asking you, to at the very least, try your hardest, to not sacrifice yourself."
"You don't want me to save Bucky?" He asked, frowning at her
"I want to believe that Bucky's still in there, somewhere, but we have to face the very real possibility that he's gone," she pleaded, taking a step forward, but he looked away from her, "Steve, I'm not saying you shouldn't try," she said, squeezing his arm, to get him to look at her, "I'm just asking, if you can do it without dying, that would be preferable" - taking his other arm in her hand - "Because, I need you"
"Clara," he tried to say, pulling away from her
"No, just, listen," she said, holding up her hand. He nodded at her, shoving his hands back in his pockets, "I could, go on a speil about how the world needs Captain America. But I'm not, because I need you, I need Steve Rogers. Because when this is over, assuming we win, when the dust settles, I'm really going to need a friend. So please, I can't lose you too."
"I'll try," he agreed softly, and Clara doubted his words, but she told herself that her doubts were unfounded, and based off her own issues with loss
"Thank you," she said, lifting up her hand, but thought better of it, pulling it back, dropping it down to her side, "I'll, uh, go and get ready." she muttered, her head hanging as she retreated
She passed Sam on her way, but kept her eyes on the ground, not wanting to talk. Steve needed him more.
Either Fury or Maria had gotten out a SHIELD uniform for her to wear, not having her own, even though she had multiple ones, none of them were with her. It had been a long time since she'd worn one of them, and it felt unnatural to her, like a second skin that didn't quite fit. But it was all she had, so she'd make do.
"You ready to go?" Fury asked her
"Yes," she replied, bolstering her gun, moving to join Fury in the doorway
"You okay?"
No
"Yes."
Fury paused to look a her, clearly doing his own assessment of her. Was she okay? Definitely not. Could she still function enough to see the mission through? Hopefully.
"It'll be okay." he told her, a futile attempt at comforting her. But heartwarming none the less.
"No, it won't," she said, managing a sad smile, "But I came to terms with that a long time ago."
Hope you liked it, please tell me what you think.
According to the poll, everyone really likes Clara and Steve, I'd love to hear all your opinions on them. Please vote and tell me what you think, it may possibly have an influence on future stories.
Also, check out my spin-off story of sorts, A Series of Occurences.