WG: *head-desk*
Puggsy: *is on his second can of beer*
WG: Well... they've asked for it...
Puggsy: And they're going to get it... *crushes can in his grip*
WG: *sigh* here it goes...
Puggsy: We've got to get a lawyer...
WG: No, I need to practice my shooting-skills...
Puggsy: Yeah... that would work better.
WG: Want some wine?
Puggsy: No thanks, *holds up six-pack* I'm good...
WG: *nods*
Disclaimer: We own nothing... and are about to lose our dignity.
Normally these are just fluffies that center around trauma, bad days, stuff like that... but for SOME REASON everyone wants to see us humiliate ourselves! So HERE YA GO, HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY THIS, YOU BACK-STABBERS!
[WG... put the wine bottle DOWN...]
Not until I break it over someone's head... Where's ATF?
ATF: AUGH! *dives out window*
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Setting: Alternate universe... TOTALLY alternate!
It was a typical day at the studio...
By 'typical' we mean Puggsy and WG got into a fight and the short teen ended up getting KO'ed by the short adult woman who looked like a 12-year-old dude.
Long story short, they were causing too much damage of property, so everyone once again got together and demanded something be done to keep them from killing each other and causing their hospital bills to sky-rocket.
If only the twosome knew what was in store for them... then maybe, JUST MAYBE, they would have been nicer to each other.
"Alright, what's the 'solution' this time?" WG asked as they sat in a large office for an intervention. "Another stay at a lakeside cabin? Handcuffing us together? Making Kiff monitor us and give us the 'sad eyes' every time we start to act up?"
"No... but that handcuffing idea sounds good," Kite said, then nudged Edwin. "Write that down for next time."
"Cut to the chase, what's our punishment THIS time (even though I've felt I've been 'punished' enough)," Puggsy grumbled.
"Well, we've noticed you two keep fighting no matter what, and it doesn't help that a certain author makes it worse by humiliating you." Brielle replied, while giving WG a look.
"Oh like I'm the ONLY one..." WG huffed.
"Well, you hold the record," FF2 said, holding up a whole file of the list of things she's done to Puggsy.
"So, we've gotten together, and have decided to have you guys spend a whole day together." Edwin replied.
"Uh... we spent a whole weekend together last time, remember? How is this any... crueler?" Puggsy asked.
"Because you'll be spending it together... in a DIFFERENT way," ATF replied with a smirk. "We've all talked about it, and since WG has put you through something like it before, it counts as a fair punishment."
"Whaaat is it?" WG asked, knowing her brother always had some sort of twisted idea in his head. She then noticed Kim was trying to stifle a laugh, which was NOT a good sign.
"We've decided, in order to put this quarreling aside for a while, that you two..." Edwin began, then took a sip of coffee. "...should go on a date together."
WG froze in utter shock, while Puggsy looked at everyone as if they've all taken loony-pills and he wanted to push them in front of gasoline trucks. "WHAT THE FUCK?! ARE YOU INSANE?!" the short teen shouted... and you knew he was pissed because he hardly drops the F-bomb like that.
"I'm with Pugs- what the fuck?!" FF2 added, equally pissed.
"We didn't count your vote, and Brielle is okay with it," ATF said.
"WHAT?!" Puggsy and WG both shouted, looking at Brielle.
"Oh come on. I know nothing will happen between you too- unless one of you WANTS a dagger in the throat," Brielle scoffed. "And to make things fair, I'll go out with FF2."
"Nothing's fair about this!" WG yelled, gripping her OC by the shirt. "How could you be so calm about this?! Your HUSBAND is being FORCED to DATE a woman who LOOKS like you!"
"...Actually, not that much. Brielle actually looks like a woman," Kite said.
"NOT HELPING!" Puggsy shouted. "Brielle, how could you let them do this to us?!"
"If it'll keep WG from putting you into an early grave, I'll deal with it." Brielle said, then whispered, "Besides, I've already got some revenge planned for the twats- I'm just acting cool about it."
"We heard that!" Edwin sneered.
"Good, so you now have reason to sleep with your eyes open,"
"Double the reason," FF2 said, darkly.
"Triple," WG snarled.
"Quadruplicate," Puggsy sneered.
"It's not really that big of deal- just go out, have a good time with each other... but if Puggsy tries to sleep with my sister, he will die." ATF said.
*BANG!*
WG shot ATF in the forehead and he hit the ground... though, since he had this quick-healing power that prevented him from dying, he still lived. "...owie..."
"*ahem* Sexual humor aside..." Edwin said, clearing his throat. "It's basically like that OC Swap you did in the first Missing In Fiction story. You two will meet up, go out for the day to enjoy each other's company, and come back... And if nothing's changed, we'll keep making you do it until you either stop harassing each other, or FF2 and Brielle kill us all." he turned sharply to Fangpuss. "AND NO VIDEOTAPING!"
Fangpuss' shoulders sagged. "Awww..." he groaned.
"Now then... any questions?"
"Yes- can I commit suicide, real quick?" Puggsy deadpanned.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Apparently, suicide wasn't an option- though Edwin suggested the only way it would be possible if they ripped off Romeo and Juliet, and that's how the vampire got a brick to the face. And since everyone- except Brielle and FF2- were up to putting the twosome through an embarrassing situation that would no doubt haunt them forever and make them the laughingstock of the internet until the world ended, there was nothing they could do.
No, seriously. They couldn't flee town or lock themselves up in their apartments to avoid it. Fangface and Kitefang forced Puggsy to meet up with WG, while Kim and ATF dragged WG kicking-and-screaming to see him. They also warned that if either one of them tried to make a break for it, Vincent Fondane would shoot them with tranquilizer darts and they would be propped up in a cuddle-position for 24-hours.
"I'm finding new friends after this is over..." Puggsy muttered darkly as they walked down the street.
"I'm going to find a new brother after this is over with..." WG sneered. She let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, so what should we do? Movie? Dinner? ...Assassination attempt?"
"Why don't we just walk through the park? Keep things as light as possible,"
So they walked through the park for an hour or so in complete silence... even though they both wanted to rant and rave about this whole situation and use every swear word in the book while doing so.
Of course, WG wasn't one to walk in total silence for too long- despite she abhored the idea, she was on a date, and due to having little to no experience in the field with anyone but FF2, she felt she would have to say something so no one would mistake her for a homicidal maniac. ...No, really, if you're quiet too long and barely have a social life, people make that mistake. A lot. ...gosh I wish I were back in prison...
*ahem* Anyway, they sat down by the pond, Puggsy chucking rocks into it- hoping one of their so-called friends were walking by so he could dent their skulls. That's when WG began to speak. "It's a nice day, isn't it?" she started out with.
"Mm-hmm," Puggsy mumbled, apparently too pissed to really talk.
Being around him long enough, WG decided to end it there. Maybe it would be best if they went through this 'date' in total silence- at least then, if anyone *cough*Fangpuss*cough* were spying on them, they couldn't say anything that could be held against them... especially in a court of law. Maybe if they were lucky, Brielle and FF2 would torture everyone into calling it off, stating the whole thing made them uncomfortable and they would go on a literal killing-spree if they didn't.
"Oh, so it IS true..." came a voice.
"Oh, shit, how did SHE get into the story?" WG gasped, recognizing the voice.
Behind them stood Kara- the evil half of her sister Jennifer. "I thought you were getting over your sissues," Puggsy whispered to WG.
"Old habits die hard... besides it's just her annoying evil half." WG replied, then faced Kara. "What do you want?"
"I want to know what's going on," Kara said with a smirk. "Word around town is that you two got suckered into going on a date..."
"Is it any of your business? I didn't think so, beat it!" Puggsy sneered.
"Oh c'mon, what're your plans? Possibly more interesting that FF2's whole 'playing videogames and going to DQ' idea... So, what is it going to be? Dinner, movie, then a quick fuck?" Kara teased.
WG began to fume, ready to take out her machete and stab this bitch... until she felt Puggsy's arm around her. "Yes, Kara, that's it... Then she'll probably get pregnant, have a kid, and have her little sister look after it and waste their lives so she doesn't have to- oops, wait, I think those were YOUR plans. WG ain't a whore."
"Yeah, and Pugs is a guy who actually knows how to respect women... Tell me, Kara, how much respect have you've gotten- if you even know the definition of the word," WG added.
Kara sneered. "Stop being a retard, you don't even know how dates work!" she snapped.
"Really? You're the one who thinks we're going to have sex after one date... And, ah, if I'm not mistaken, you're the only 'single' one here."
Kara clenched her fists. "I have a boyfriend! And he's not here because I don't date cartoons! MINE is back in reality!"
"Ah, Kara, I thought you gave up on imaginary friends," WG quipped.
"Grow up! You're the one dating a cartoon!"
"And you're the one teasing us about it- just like how you'd always tease her and FF2... tell me, WHICH one of you has to grow up, again?" Puggsy questioned.
Kara was fuming this time, then turned and stormed off. "Forget it, I'm done... just wait until I tell everyone about your new fuck-buddy, you tramp!" with that, she was gone (thank God).
Puggsy and WG stood there for a moment or so. "...Hard to believe so many guys broke up with her," he said, sarcastically.
"Want to go get something to eat?" WG asked. He shrugged, and they walked off, grabbing a couple cheeseburgers and some sodas as they continued to walk around town. "Thanks for sticking up for me back there, by the way. I was two seconds from punching that bitch in the face!"
"When someone is using their mouth to upset you, a physical reaction isn't the right answer. You have to use your words back, or say nothing at all. She wanted to get a rise out of you, but instead you managed to get a rise out of her,"
"Yeah, but you had the leading line," WG began to turn red. "I just wish she hadn't found out... now I'll never be able to live this date down,"
"Hey, hey hey- don't let it bother you. Our friends know what we're really like (thus why we're on this damn date in the first place), and they know what Kara is really like. You think they're going to care what she says? ...Yes, but that's how that bitch-sister of yours will get impaled."
WG chuckled. "Too right,"
As they walked, they didn't notice they were being spied on... by Kiff, and his girlfriend, Di. "Why are we here, again?" Di asked as they watched them from a rooftop.
"I got the charge of monitoring my dad and WG to make sure they don't murdify each other," Kiff replied, watching them through binoculars. "And to make sure no one else spies on them, otherwise I'll open up a portal and hurl them back to the studio."
"O-kay... so how is this a date for us?"
"I'll buy you something at the end of it,"
"Smooth... So, aren't you uncomfortable about all this? Your dad dating another woman?"
Kiff paused. "WG's my surrogate mom and looks like my biological mom, how would I feel uncomfortable? Plus, I doubt anything will happen- unless my dad wants to risk a divorce and WG wants to screw up her one-good relationship and lead a sad and lonely life."
"Right. But do you really have to watch their every step?"
"Hey, when I'm given a task, I stay focused on i- oh hey! DQ is selling s'more blizzards!" he grabbed her by the hand and flew down. "Lets go get some!"
Di yelped as she was yanked off the building. "Oh, nice focuuuuuus!"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"So... what are they doing?" Silver, FF2's werewolf-half, asked Brielle.
"Just walking around- like they've been doing for the last hour," Brielle answered him.
Both of them were standing by some trees, keeping an eye on Pugsy and WG. "You two DO realize no one is allowed to spy on them, right?" Vincent Fondane deadpanned, sitting in a tree with a tranquilizer gun. "I already had to shoot down Fangpuss, Toni, ATF, Edwin, Fangs, and Luca."
"Yeah, but we're either married to or in a relationship with one of the two, so that rule doesn't apply to us!" Silver retorted, then took out a set of binoculars. "If he so much as holds her hand... ZAP! Crucio-curse in my next fan-fiction!"
"...You haven't written a fic in over two years," Brielle scoffed.
"Then... I'll draw a picture of it!"
Brielle rolled her eyes. "Gee, Silver, you sure know how to show a girl a good time."
"HUSH!" Silver then took out a set of head-phones attached to a super-hearing device, trying to tune in to a conversation. "I think they're saying something!"
"Aren't werewolves already supposed to have super-hearing?"
Silver gave a deadpanned look. "At the rate you keep talking, we need super-sonic spy-equipment!" he paused, tuning the frequency. "Oh my gosh... I think he just asked her if she wanted extra fries! That's code for 'have a make-out session'!"
Brielle slapped her forehead. "You have it aimed at the Wacky Burger drive-thru, you dipstick."
"...Who the heck uses that kind of code?" Vincent questioned.
Silver paused, then took off the gear. "Alright, once again technology fails me. Gah! They're going around the corner! C'mon!"
"Oh for the love of- Wah!" Brielle yelped as Silver grabbed her by the arm and yanked her away.
Vincent shrugged then continued on as well, loading some tranquilizers into his gun, knowing he'll be using a lot more of them.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
WG looked around, then let out a heavy sigh. "Alright, I can't do this." she said.
"What? Something wrong?" Puggsy asked, considering they had gone one hour without any mishaps.
"Yeah- I think we're being watched,"
"How do you figure?"
WG picked up a rock, then chucked it at a tree.
*WHUMP!*
Out fell Pugsy's younger (and extremely hansom) brother, Chance. "Ow..." he groaned, sitting up and rubbing his forehead. He then gasped. "Twiggy! Abort mission!"
Twiggy, Brielle's 'twin' brother (who looked like Chance but with blonde hair and blue eyes), jumped out of the tree... while holding a videocamera. "I just saw Vincent tranquilize Storm and Martin! We'd better-!" he began to stammer.
*Thunk! Thunk!*
The two of them were suddenly shot with darts. "Too late..."
*Plop!*
Both of them collapsed on the ground in a series of snores.
WG gave Puggsy a 'Need I Say More?' look, and he shook his head. "Figures we wouldn't get any privacy." he muttered. "Now what?"
"Simple," WG snapped her fingers, making a portal appear. "We ditch 'em. C'mon!"
She grabbed Puggsy by the arm and pulled him through the portal, both of them disappearing... with two darts shooting down where they just stood. "Dammit!" Vincent snapped, then took out a communication device... which was built in his shoe. "Bad news, guys. WG opened a portal and they made a break for it!"
"Well get Kiff to open a portal and track them down!" came Kim's voice.
"Right! ...Where is that kid?" He ran around the block... seeing Kiff step out of Dairy Queen with Di, both of them eating blizzards. "Kiff! What are you doing?!"
"Eating a blizzard. Want one?" Kiff asked.
"No! ...well, maybe later... We've got a problem! WG took off through a portal with your father!"
Kiff arched an eyebrow. "And... that surprises you?"
"They probably went somewhere for privacy." Di said. "I don't blame them- I would too if someone kept spying on me while I was on a date... DAWN! RUSTY! GO HOME!"
Dawn and Rusty- Kiff and Di's younger siblings- took off out of an ally, laughing.
Di sighed. "...See what I mean?"
"But we're supposed to make sure they don't try to skip out, remember?" Vincent reminded them. "Why else would they pay me $500?"
Kiff held up a $1000 bill. "Double if you drop the matter," he said.
Vincent took the money. "Done."
"GAAAHHH! THEY WENT THROUGH A PORTAL!" came Silver's scream, as he frantically looked around. "Quick, Vincent, help me track them down! We can't lose 'em!"
"Silver, calm down! I doubt they're going to do anything," Brielle scoffed. "They probably went somewhere for privacy,"
Silver gave her a look. "Oh, yeah! 'Privacy'! Even a five-year-old knows the code for THAT term!"
"Do you really believe WG is that kind of girl?"
Silver paused. "No."
"And Puggsy isn't dumb enough to cheat on his wife, let alone mess around with a werewolf's girl, so there's nothing to worry about!"
"Yeah, Silver. ...Remember, they were FORCED into this. I doubt they'd do anything, especially since several people keep trying to spy on them." Kiff said.
"I wonder where they went, though?" Di asked.
"Maybe to that secret place that they've brought up in the last few drabbles." Vincent brought up.
"I know where that is!" Silver exclaimed, then grabbed Brielle and hauled her off.
"Gah! Silver! Slow down!" Brielle yelped.
Di looked at Kiff. "You have a weird family," she said.
"You'll get used to it," Kiff replied.
Suddenly, Blackrose came running up with a video-camera. "Did I miss anything?" she asked, out of breath.
Vincent slapped his forehead.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
The hunter was right. WG and Pugsy went to their 'secret' spot by the pond in the woods, deciding to hang out there until the day was done.
"We should've come here in the first place," WG said.
"Yeah, but everyone would have trackified us down and spoiled the only solitary place we've got," Puggsy replied.
"True. ...You know, I just realized something,"
"What?"
"We always come to this place, and sit in the same spot... but we've never gone to the other side," WG pointed across the pond. "Ever wonder what's over there?"
"Not really. I'm normally too focused on the peace and quiet to care,"
WG stood up. "C'mon, lets go check it out."
Puggsy sighed. "Do we have to?"
"It might give us some extra privacy, in case anyone's trying to stalk us,"
He shrugged, getting up- knowing she wouldn't take 'no' for an answer- and walked with her along the edge of the pond, going around it to the other side. They walked through some trees and tall grass, turning a ways when they heard cars on the highway, and kept walking.
Silver, meanwhile, tumbled down a slope to the 'secret' spot they were just at, looking around. "Damn! They're not here!" he yelped.
Brielle walked over. "Considering everyone must know about this spot by now, I'm not surprised." she remarked. "Silver, why don't you just trust your girlfriend and my husband, and lets head back to the studio?"
Silver's shoulders slumped (say that 5 times fast). "I just don't want her to get hurt... And I'm not talking about Pugs. I'm glad he stood up for her when Kara came around- I was about to leap out and rip her throat out!"
"Yeah, I don't blame you..." Brielle paused just then. "Though... as psychotic as she is, I'm surprised she just walked away. I would have expected her to try to get back at them!"
Both of them looked at each other.
"Find our lovers and make sure that bitch doesn't try to maim them?" Silver suggested.
Brielle raised her daggers. "Oh yeah." she agreed, and Silver started sniffing the ground, getting their scent and they followed it to make sure their loved ones were alright.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
It was around sunset when Puggsy and WG decided to take a break from walking, stopping at the top of a hill that overlooked a large field with a stream running through it. On top of the hill was a weeping willow, which they sat under in silence.
It was a beautiful side, watching the sun set as the sky faded from orange to dark-blue, stars already coming out as a full moon began to rise. In the distance were some mountains, which were aglow with the remaining, sinking sunlight, while at the base of them another part of the city was built, lights coming on as it grew dark.
No one said anything, they just sat under the tree, taking in the scenery, relaxing a bit.
"Not so bad for a date, is it?" Puggsy said quietly, after ten minutes of silence.
"It's kind of nice... though, don't tell anyone I said that." WG answered, as they looked up at the stars for a bit, the sun having gone down. After another five minutes of quietness, she spoke again. "Pugs... Do you like me?"
He looked at her, surprised. "Huh?"
She blushed scarlet. "Gah! Sorry! Forget I asked that! (rewind, erase, do over)... Sorry, this whole situation is kind of boggling my mind..."
Puggsy shrugged. "You're psychotic, weird, brutal, and annoying..." he gave her a soft look. "But, you've gotten better over the years. Yeah, I like you."
WG blinked. "Pugs... did you chug a Jack Daniels while we were walking?"
"Hey, I'm serious. There are times I hate you for beating me up and harassifying me, but I know you've got a good heart. ...Just try to show it more often, alright? Then maybe everyone will stop forcing us to get together,"
WG nodded. "Alright... this is kind of OOC of you, telling me all this?"
"What, a guy can't give a girl a compliment on a first date?"
WG blushed again. "Well, sure... b-but you already complimented me enough after Kara came around,"
"Ah, I was just sticking up for ya. That bitch wouldn't know love if it smacked her with a 2x4,"
"Love, huh?"
This time, Puggsy blushed. "Not the 'romantic' kind, but you know... the plutonical kind."
WG chuckled. "I know what you meant, don't worry."
"The way he's blushing, I doubt it!" came a snap.
Puggsy rolled his eyes. "She's baaaack," he remarked.
"Dammit, this bitch can ruin any kind of privacy, can't she?" WG sneered, as they stood up, seeing Kara stepping out from behind the tree.
"It's a good thing I did, too, otherwise the two of you would have ended up-" she began to say.
*BAM!*
Before she could utter one vulgar word, Puggsy punched her with a right-hook... and as his kick-boxing record shows, he can knock someone out-cold with that move. "Thanks, I was worried I would have to type more slander from her," WG said.
"No problem. Now, lets get home, it's getting late- and I think Silver will be wanting you back," Puggsy replied, then turned and faced downhill. "Speaking of which... UP HERE, YA STALKERS!"
Brielle and Silver (who was looking under ever bush, rock and tree) looked up at them. "How's the date going?" Brielle called.
"Puggsy punched my sister's lights out- it's going pretty good!" WG called back, as they walked down the hill. "We're going to walk back to the apartments now,"
"(Thank God) ...Want us to walk with you?" Silver asked.
"Sure," Puggsy said, then developed a sly smirk. "But, if you don't mind, I'll walk WG back to her room- it IS customary for a man to show his date to the door."
"Alright- You walk WG, and Silver can walk me," Brielle replied, linking her arm with Silver's.
They walked back to the apartment complex. "...so going to make you suffer in my next fic, Pugs..." Silver was muttering.
"Your girlfriend and my wife did enough, can it." Puggsy retorted.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
As promised, Puggsy walked WG to her room, which was three doors down from his and Brielle's apartment... Silver keeping an eye on them as he watched. "Well, I had a good time," WG said to Puggsy.
"Meh, wasn't so bad for me, either. ...So, since I clocked your sister, will you stop assaulting me?" Puggsy asked her.
"Buddy, after what you did to her, I'll be keeping you off my 'hit-list' for a loooong time," WG looked down the hall. "Silver, though, maaay have some issues though."
"He does realize nothing happened, right?"
"Yeah, but it's common for werewolves to get jealous. ...I'll just talk to him about taking it out on my brother and the other 50 people who voted we do this,"
"Hold it, 50 people voted for you guys to go on a date?" Brielle questioned.
"That's what ATF said,"
"That dumbass! No one voted for that! We all voted it should be based on a scene from The Last Of Us!"
"Oooh, that would be a good one!" Silver exclaimed.
WG and Puggsy gave a blank stare. "So... anyone care to go on a double-date and, ah, mutilate a certain sibling of a certain authoress?" Puggsy suggested.
"Maybe tomorrow... when he least expects it," Brielle said, putting her arm around Puggsy's shoulder. "Right now, I'd like some time alone with my man,"
"Please spare us the details," WG quipped.
They all walked inside their apartments.
Despite the twisted scenario, the date was actually quiteo4hloh8iglmdhgiovhn7wbg ;ojeqvaqervo
0o0o0o0o0o0
Fangs: Um, sorry about that last part, guys... but while wrapping up this drabble, WG passed out on the computer. I guess Puggsy would have taken over... if he wasn't passed out on the floor.
I came in here to see how it was going, and found them both unconcious... the reason probably relating to all the discarded beer cans and wine bottles on the floor.
The other authors would have also joined me in this note... but FF2's on a hunt for ATF, haivng hired Moonlesscat and her creepypasta friends to join in. Though, chances are, they won't find him...
Namely because Hardy and Stalker caught him already, and dragged him off somewhere far away to beat the stuffing out of him and bury him in quicksand. Yeah, apparently they were either mad that he suggested their human-halves go on a date... or that they didn't get a cameo for this chapter.
Anyway, I guess this is the part where I ask you to review but not flame and, um, hope you enjoyed the drabble even though it wasn't very fluffy (but it was frickin' hilarious!) *ahem* I'm going to end this now.
*steps over Puggsy as he walks out... WG falls out of the chair and lands on top of him, sideways across his stomach. Fangs walks back in, takes a photo, and sneaks off giggling*