(Pugs and WG are sitting at the computer- Pugs is face-palming, WG is rubbing her temples, and the authoress' kitty is eating her ice-cream)
WG: Well… we DID need a new change of setting… (to kitty) Stop eating my ice-cream!
TC (kitty): Mew *continues eating ice-cream anyway*
Pugs: *to audience* Don't ask why we wrote this, just read!
Disclaimer: Blah blah blah.
This plot set-up will be different… as in, the characters will be having somewhat of a father-daughter relationship- and boy, is Puggsy glad both his kids are sons!
[…just get it over with…]
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Setting: Alternate Universe, in which all the authors are portrayed as pre-teens.
"NO! PLEASE! ANYTHING BUT THIS!"
…Just so you know, it was Brielle screaming at her top of her lungs this time, not Puggsy, nor WG. Said love-interest for the loudmouth was being dragged down the hall, her fingernails clawing at the carpet, Kim and Kassy dragging her by the heels. "Come… on… Brie! It's… just… for… the… WEEKEND!" Kim grunted, until she and Kassy finally managed to get Brielle on her feet- which turned out to be a bad idea, as Brielle just ended up bolting down the hall.
"NO! NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO! I REFUSE! I HAVE RIGHTS! I HAVE LAWYERS! I HAVE LETHAL KARATE-MOVES!" Brielle yelled.
Kassy sighed, then changed into Hunter and caught her cousin, carrying her over the shoulder towards the front door. "Oh for gosh sakes! It's just a weekend at the spa! Just us girls, having a relaxing weekend…" she tried to coax.
"That's PRECISELY why I don't want to go! I hate getting primped and pampered- why do you think I ran away from home at age 14?! …And unless there's a bunch of guys around to balance out the Y-chromosomes that'll be overflowing there, I'M STAYING HERE!"
"Why can't we let her stay behind, again?" Gin asked Kim in a whisper.
"Because the last time she hung out with only guys, she ended up in a wrestling-match with her brother and accidentally broke his arm," Kim replied.
"Well, it was an accident-"
"Gin, he was in his werewolf-form!"
Gin's eyes widened. "…Yikes."
"Besides, we figured some girl-time will help her unwind, ease down, and break less body-parts," Tracker replied with a shrug.
"At least she's putting up less of a fuss than Storm." Hunter said (still holding on to Brielle) as the girls all looked down the hall…
…where Storm was bound in chains, being carried by Toni and Claw. "PUT ME DOWN! I REFUSE TO SACRIFICE MY DIGNITY!" Storm was shouting.
"Ah, shut it. A spa-weekend won't be that bad," Toni remarked.
"Says you! You both get the liberty to hang around the Jacuzzi or buffet because no one under the age of 18 is allowed to get their hair or nails done, get those weird skin-therapy treatments that involve seaweed, aroma therapy…" Brielle retorted, then paused, suddenly getting an idea…
"You're not lying about your age to get out of this, Brielle." Hunter remarked, as if reading her mind.
"OH, C'MON!"
As the girls hauled Storm and Brielle out, Gin paused by Biff, Kite, Luca, Stutz, and Edwin, who were helping load up a van. "You boys set for your guys' trip?" she asked Biff.
"Yeah, I can't wait to go hiking up the mountain," Biff replied.
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TAKE ME WITH YOU!"
"Brielle, knock it off- you're abusing the caps lock!" Claw scoffed, then looked at the guys. "I thought Pugs was going with you?"
"Nah, he's staying behind to have a bit of peace and quiet," Kite replied.
Brielle turned to the females. "Can't I stay behind with him?!"
"We can't risk the two of you multiplying," Storm remarked. Brielle reached to strangle her, but Hunter held her back- and Storm was still chained up.
"What does she mean, Mom?" Kiff asked- being only 7, he didn't get the joke yet.
"We'll tell you next time the authoress allows to you be twelve. …Better yet, 18," Brielle answered casually- then tried to break free, with no success.
"I vote we keep these two in the trunk," Toni whispered to Claw, who giggled.
"Isn't Hardy going with you guys, too?" Kim asked.
"Nah, he wanted to stay behind too- he promised Stalker a weekend of marathon brawling. Lamone is acting as the referee," Fangface replied.
"Maybe he'll need help!" Storm exclaimed, trying to wriggle free, but Claw only tightened the chains. "Gack!"
"See, THIS is why you both need more girl-time," Tracker commented.
"Speaking of raging tomboys, isn't WG joining you girls?" Fangpuss asked. "…or was she tougher to persuade than Brie and Storm combined?"
"She was willing to go just for the Jacuzzi… but ended up grounded from the trip," Blackrose replied.
"How?" Biff asked.
"She ended up setting fire to the swimming pool with the fire extinguisher," Edwin replied, then turned to the audience. "…Even by cartoon-logic, we will never figure out how."
"Shouldn't we warn Pugs? …I mean, he and WG get along worse than Garfield and Scooby-Doo at an eating competition!" Hunter replied.
"I'll stay and supervise!" Brielle and Storm both exclaimed, and tried to run- but were held back by chains and Hunter.
"…Think again."
"I think they'll be fine- as long as they stay away from each other and no one allows WG by anything flammable," Fangpuss commented.
"We'll be back Sunday night. See you girls then!" Biff said as he and the guys climbed into the van and drove off.
"Bye, have fun!" Hunter called as she and the rest of the girls climbed into their vehicle.
"…can't we go to a Comic Con instead?" Brielle whined.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Puggsy, meanwhile, was sitting in the living room of his and Brielle's apartment, feeling at ease for once in his animated life. "Now THIS is what I call relaxation!" he sighed to himself. "My wife is off to the spa for the weekend, the kids are being dropped off with their grandparents, all the werewolves are going hiking, my werewolf-half will be brawling with WG's werewolf-half out in some isolated area, and the crazified pre-teen herself is grounded until further notice. I can finally let my guard down!"
…Or, so he thought.
*Knock Knock Knock!*
The cartoon grimaced. "…That had better be the pizza-guy…"
"It's not. Open up!" called a Romanian-accented voice.
Puggsy sighed and opened the door for the vampire, Lamone (who finally decided to make a cameo in this story- just to keep the authoress from annoying him in real life). Right next to him was the crazy authoress herself, WG.
The short teen's eye twitched once. "…Please tell me you're just visiting,"
"Keep an eye on the girl. She was trying to decode my Ink-Alchemist journal," Lamone replied, shoving the authoress forth. "I'd take care of her myself, but I have to make sure both of your werewolf-halves don't demolish the city in their own 'Mortal Kombat' game," With that, he slinked off.
Puggsy looked at WG, then down the hall. "I'm putting garlic in your food for this!"
"I'd appreciate it!" the vampire-who-really-wants-out-of-Fanfiction called back.
Puggsy groaned, then looked at WG, who had taken his place on the couch and was flicking through the channels. He walked over, snatched the remote back, and sat down. "You give me ANY trouble, and you won't live to see 13,"
"Give me back the remote and I'll heed your demand," WG replied, looking at the TV while sticking her hand out towards Puggsy.
Puggsy rolled his eyes but handed over the remote, namely because TV helps keep the pre-teen quiet (so long as there was something good on), and also because she would end up brawling with him over it (Fangs learned this the hard way when she was 11). "…exactly HOW long are you grounded for?"
"Until the others get back so there'll be a greater chance of a witness for my next act of chaos… or until my mom calls me home. She's working graveyards, and since my older siblings had plans with friends, she said I could stay here. …Got anything to eat?"
The cartoon teen sighed and thumbed at the fridge. "Help yourself…I'll go watch TV in my room," he began to walk off, but turned and pointed at WG. "But no antics otherwise you can go back and deal with your sister!"
WG scoffed. "Sheesh, why not just threaten to send me to a concentration camp?"
Puggsy rolled his eyes and walked into his room, lying on the bed and watching television. Out in the living room, WG did the same, while eating a few chips and eating soda, keeping quiet for once. The teen soon drifted off…
~3 Hours Later…~
Puggsy was snoring his heart out, deep in his slumber, until WG walked over and poked him in the face. "Pugs…? Pugs, wake up…" the pre-teen said, her tone sounding aching.
"Zzz… huh? What do you want?" Puggsy asked, groggily. He noticed the girl was wincing and holding her stomach. "Something wrong?"
"I don't feel good… my stomach hurts- like really, REALLY hurts," she cringed, as if someone stabbed her stomach. "Oh! …ugh, it feels like my guts are tying themselves in knots…!"
Puggsy got out of bed, leading her back to the living room- where he saw candy-wrappers, empty chip-bags, a bowl with traces of ice-cream in it, and a few soda-cans littered about. "Probably all those snacks you ate. Drink some water, that oughtta help dilute the junk in your system,"
"Okay…" she began walking towards the fridge, but suddenly gripped her stomach and ran towards the bathroom. "Different solution- ohh!"
Puggsy shook his head, beginning to clean up most of the mess on the coffee-table. "Probably caught the flu… just what I need, a sick-kid to handle-"
"PUGGSYYYYYY!"
The blood-curdling scream caused the short teen to throw the wrappers and soda-cans he had so-far gathered up in the air, turning towards the bathroom. "WG?! What's wrong?!" he ran and opened the door-
"DON'T COME IN!"
Puggsy, remembering his decency, closed the door. "Well, how am I supposed to help if I can't come in?!"
"Just… c-c-call a doctor!"
"Doctor?"
"Not unless you know how to handle a hemorrhage!"
"Hemor- you're bleeding?! Where?!"
There was a pause, before she replied. "…I can't tell you- it's embarrassing. Oh! Make sure the doctor is female!"
Puggsy paled. "You're… bleeding… from somewhere… private?"
"Y-Yeah…"
"Uh-huh. …One second." He quickly took out his cell-phone and called up Kim. "Kim. Cancel your plans. We have an emergency!"
"What's wrong?! Which villain is attacking?!" Kim gasped on the other line.
"N-No attacks… except on my heart… WG's time of the month has come,"
Long pause. "…That's the emergency? What's the big deal?"
"What's the big- it's her first one! And I don't think she knows what's going on. …Someone has to explain it to her!"
"Why don't you?"
Puggsy looked at the phone the same way he'd look at Kim, giving a shocked glare. "WHAT?!"
"What's going on?!" WG called from the bathroom.
Puggsy turned towards the bathroom door. "Hold on!" he turned back to the phone. "No way, Kim- it makes more sense if another girl told her."
"(here, Kim, I'll talk to him)." Came Brielle's voice, and soon she was on the line. "What's going on, Pugs?"
"WG got her first period- can you talk to her?"
"(…And you wanted PUGS to do it? Geez, Kim…) Sure, put her on,"
Puggsy sighed with relief, knocking on the door. "WG? Brielle's on the line, she wants to talk to you. I'm coming in, okay?"
"O-Okay… cover your eyes, though!"
Puggsy looked to the audience. "'Girl acts like I'm some anime-pervert…" Covering his eyes, he entered the bathroom, holding the phone out until WG grabbed it, then hastily ran out and shut the door, taking a deep breath. "Calm down, Pugs… Brie will explain it to her, and things will be fine… hopefully…"
Overhearing the conversation, however, didn't exactly reassure him. "…I'm on my WHAT?! Oh my gosh- for how long?! …Are you kidding me?! A whole week?! …W-W-What am I supposed to do?! …Pads, okay, yeah that makes sense… alright, pain-killers in the cabinet… oh man, this is horrible… okay, okay… n-no, I'll be okay. I will. Bye," After she hung up, there came a long groan. "Uggghhhhh… why did I have to be a girl?!" there came a pause, followed by another moan. "Pugs? …Can you go get my overnight bag, please? I… need to change,"
"Why did I have to be the babysitter…?" Puggsy groaned himself.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
After WG did what she had to do (which, considering half the men reading this probably abandoned ship already, we won't go into detail about), the pre-teen lied on the couch, curled into a little ball while hugging a pillow. "…fluffin' pain-killers don't do jack…" she muttered, glaring at a bottle of Midol.
Puggsy stood there, awkwardly clearing his throat. "Well… um… if you need anything… just call," he said, shifting uncomfortably. When he didn't get a response, he walked back towards his room.
By this time, Hardy was coming through the door- looking like he was hit by a truck, but still smiling. "Boy, is Stalker giving it her all tonight! 'Must still be mad about how I ranshackified her face with that wrecking-ball last week- hope Lamone can keep her busy while I find my key-blade," he said, before noticing WG curled up on the couch. "What's up with WG? Stomach-ache?"
"Worse,"
"How much worse? Flu?"
"…I don't think you'd be able to handle it,"
The werewolf scoffed. "Pugs, I've dealt with zombies, evil vampires, dark wizards, and managed to play Silent Hill 2 without flinching. There's nothing I can't handle!"
Puggsy gave him a deadpanned look. "Her period started,"
"HOLY-!"
*THUD!*
Hardy fell to the ground, with little X's in his eyes and his tongue sticking out. Puggsy looked at the audience, then at Hardy. "Very funny, Hardy. How about gettifying up and helping out?"
Hardy didn't move.
"C'mon, Hardy, I know you're just faking! Quit playing dead!"
Not a budge.
"Hardcore! …You know, this is demeaning to your werewolf-image!"
Hardy: X_X
Puggsy: T_T
"…what's he doing?" WG asked, turning her attention to them.
"Being an ignorpotomas, as usual. Why don't you get some rest? It'll help with your… feminine thing."
WG moaned, lying back down. "I can't sleep- my stomach still hurts… and I feel nauseas,"
"Okay, well… just watch TV, then."
WG looked at him with a glare. "Oh, sure! Just so you can have some peace and quiet, right?! I'm in pain, and the only thing YOU care about is your solitude!"
"Now I didn't mean it like that! You just need to relax-"
"RELAX?! I don't even know how this thing works! But what would YOU care, right? You hate me!"
"If I hated you, would I be letting you stay here?!"
"You didn't want me here in the first place!"
"Ooh, ooh, that's cold," Hardy commented, sitting up.
Puggsy looked at him sharply. "Want to handle this?!"
*Thud!* Hardy resumed playing dead.
"Just go away… I'll let you know when this thing is about to kill me!" WG sneered.
Puggsy sighed, looking up at the ceiling with a 'Why Me?!' look, before turning back to the mini-authoress. "Look, there's no reason to have a fit. Yes, I wanted to be alone for the weekend, but now my objective is to help you out when you need it- unless you want to go back to reality and deal with it yourself, I suggest you show some gratitude!"
"Whatever…" WG sneered, turning away from him.
Puggsy sighed, then headed for his room. "Use chocolate, that'll keep her quiet," Hardy whispered.
"Don't you have a brawl to get back to?!" Puggsy sneered.
"OH, RIGHT!" With that, Hardy fled.
Puggsy sighed, rubbing his face. This was going to be a LONG weekend…
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
~The next day… at 4:32 AM…~
Puggsy was once again awakened by WG poking him. "…what?" he bluntly asked.
"We need to go to the store," WG replied, hastily.
Puggsy, after making sure this wasn't some weird nightmare, rubbed his face and looked at the clock. "It's not even 5 AM yet… go back to sleep…"
"I can't… that's why we need to go to the store…" by the squeamish tone her voice took, the teen was sure something had happened.
In fact, he put money on it. "What did you break?" he sighed, getting out of bed and following her out.
"Nothing, but… um… you're out of stain-remover,"
Puggsy froze, looking at a red blotch on the couch. He stared blankly ahead. "…Please tell me you murdered someone,"
WG cringed. "…whatever helps you sit on the couch again…"
He hung his head low, groaning. "HOW did this happen? I thought you were wearing a pad!"
"I-I was! But… it came unstuck and slid off…"
"BLLAAAAUUUURRRRGGGHHHHHH!" came a noise from the distance.
WG looked towards the distance, alarmed. "What was THAT?!"
"…that was the sound of several men reading this story, vomiting." Puggsy replied, still rubbing his face and trying to keep from throwing-up himself. "Alright… let me get changed, and we'll head out for stain-remover…" he looked at the dreaded stain. "…On second thought, I'll just buy a new couch."
"What will you do with this one?"
"…probably burn it,"
WG's eyes lit up. "Can I help?"
Puggsy once again looked to the heavens. "…of all the blossoming girls to deal with in the world, why did I get stuck with the pyromaniac one?"
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Pinkie Pie attacked Dan with a pillow-
(…wait, wrong set-up…)
Puggsy was glad Wal-Mart was always open 24 hours, as they walked down the aisles at 5 AM, moving sluggishly and wishing there was an all-night coffee-shop open somewhere too (the only ones moving more sluggishly than he was were the employees that had to work the graveyard shift). Unfortunately, the large store didn't have a furniture department, so he had to settle on buying stain remover (at least five cans) and figured he could flip the cushion over for the time being.
However, there came a new problem…
"You want to buy new pads? What's wrong with the kind Brielle has?!" Puggsy asked WG, as they stood by the aisle that was filled with the feminine products.
"She's out, for one thing… and I need a kind that isn't so uncomfortable," WG said, shifting a bit- which Puggsy noticed she had been doing for the last half-hour.
He sighed, rubbing his face. "Okay, okay… just find some so we can go home and get back to sleep,"
WG nodded, walking down the aisle, looking at the different packages. Puggsy, in the meantime, looked at his watch, and wondered if he shouldn't buy more coffee while they were in the store… and aspirin. He seemed to go through that a lot ever since he met the kid Authors, he realized, and wondered if he was in danger of over-dose… Maybe he should get a hobby- get back to boxing at the gym, or try out that videogame Destiny. Anything that would ease his stress…
His mental rambling was put on hold, when he noticed WG had been standing still in the aisle, a look of uncertainty on her face… and seemed upset. Oh no… what now? He thought. "Hey, uh, WG, what's the hold up?"
WG rubbed her arm, her face turning slightly red. Clearly, she was embarrassed. She then mumbled something.
"What?"
"*mumble* don't… *murmur* pick…"
"Speak up, I can't-"
"I don't know which one I should pick, alright?!"
Puggsy froze, looking around- seeing that only a couple drowsy employees were awakened from their naps at the register, and a couple early-bird senior-citizens only turned to arch eyebrows. "…no need to shout, you could've walked over,"
She slouched, giving him a look. "So could you… Come help me out, will ya? I'm lost here,"
Is she serious?! …didn't her parents teach her about the differences in one's sexification? Puggsy thought. He took in a deep breath, then walked forth- praying to God that no one else would see him enter the dreaded aisle. He looked up and down the shelves quickly, then grabbed some 'starter-pads' with wings, hastily shoving them into WG's arms. "Here, these'll work, lets go," Turning on his heel, he quickly walked out, WG following.
They walked up to a register, checking out. The short teen leaned against the counter, reminding himself it was almost over and he could go back to bed; the shorter pre-teen was looking at the candy-stand, the chocolate bars looking tempting. "Can I get some of these?" she asked Pugs.
"…I don't care…" Puggsy rubbed his face- he didn't care if the girl cleaned out the store of sweets, he just wanted to get back home.
"WG! Didn't think I'd see you here so early!" came a voice, and they looked over, seeing FF2 walking over, accompanied by Scoobycool9 and Luckycool9.
"Guys! …Um, heh heh, yeah just… woke up early, couldn't fall back to sleep, so I came to Wal-Mart with Pugs," the mini-authoress said, trying to hide her nerves.
"…you're the one who hauled me out of bed…" Puggsy muttered.
WG ignored him. "What are you guys doing here so early?"
"Buying more videogames- I finished The Last of Us, heard that The Taken King was out, and decided to take my level in Destiny up a notch," FF2 replied first, and nudged Scoobycool9. "I also talked Scoobycool9 into trying out Ni No Kuni,"
"He told me it was like a combination of Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, Harry Potter, and Legends of Zelda… so I decided to give it a shot," Scoobycool9 replied.
"I just wanted to harass the employees- wait until they see the fort I made in the toy department with all the tires, pillows, and toilet-paper!" Luckycool9 added.
"That was a prank? …I figured they were having a desperate-clearance sale," Puggsy remarked.
"Excuse me, sir, the price isn't coming up on these," the woman at the register stated.
Puggsy and WG both turned their attention to her. "Huh?"
"The barcode on this package appears to be damaged. I'm going to have to run a price-check," She held up the package… filled with the 'requirements' for Eve's Curse.
WG's pupils shrunk. "…crap…" she cursed under her breath.
The woman then spoke into the microphone. "Price Check on #5- one package of Always™ starter-pads with wings, small size, all-night leak protection… is she alright?"
The cashier was referring to WG… who had her hat pulled over her now-completely red face, cringing so tight that she looked like she was trying to shrink out of sight. The boys were just staring, wondering what was going on with her. "Relax, WG..." Puggsy said- though his attempt at condolence only made her more feel more humiliated.
"I'll be in the car!" With that, she ran out of the store.
"…First timer, huh? I remember that stage- good luck," the cashier said to Pugs, before ringing him up. "…That'll be $19.78,"
"…thanks a lot," Puggsy muttered, taking the bags and walking off. The boys followed him.
"Is she okay?" FF2 asked, concerned. "What is she upset about?"
Puggsy, not wanting to bring up the subject, shook his head. "She's… going through a phase. I shouldn't talk about it." He replied, then smirked. "…But I'm sure Edwin can tell you all about such a sensitive matter when he gets back,"
"Okay…well… tell her we'll be hanging out at my place, if she wants to hang out- is she still grounded?"
"Yeah… buuut, given the saturation, I'll let her have a parole."
"Awesome! See you around, then," Scoobycool9 said, and the boys left.
Puggsy walked over to the car, climbing in, and noticing WG was lying face-down in the backseat. He unleashed a heavy sigh. "It's alright, WG- the guys were clueless. Plus, it's not that big a deal-"
"Easy for you to say! You're a guy!" WG sneered. "…just drive, I want to get home…"
Finally, something we can agree on. Puggsy thought, and they drove home in silence.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0
"I can really go to FF2's?" WG asked a couple hours later, after Pugs got some more sleep and the couch was void of the scarring stain. She gave him a suspicious look. "Are you sure you're not trying to get me into trouble?"
"Nah, I told the guys I'd give you a parole, so you can go hang out." Puggsy replied, drinking his coffee.
WG pondered a bit. "I don't know… after the night I just had-"
"They're playing Ni No Kuni,"
"I'll be back this afternoon!" With that, WG was out the door.
Puggsy smirked, turning to the TV. "I knew that would work,"
…It worked for barely an hour.
Puggsy, by this time, was on the phone. "No, Kiff, you and Blackrose can't ride Eric's solar-surfer… You do realize if you crash it, I won't protect you from his wrath! …Well, that'll teach you to hi-jack things! …It's not 'borrowing' unless you ask permission for it- they even put it that lesson in Spongebob! …No, the old shows- back when he was still suitable for children."
*SLAM!*
WG ran through the apartment, into the nearest bedroom, and slammed the door.
Puggsy blinked, then turned back to the phone. "…Just don't cause your grandmother any gray hairs. We'll talk more Sunday," he replied, bidding farewell and hanging up. He then walked over to the door, knocking slightly. No answer, but he found it to be unlocked and- gathering his courage- walked in. "Wherever Girl? What's the matter?"
WG- who had her face planted in a pillow on the bed, trying to stifle sobs- only replied with a muffled, "…go away…"
Puggsy sighed, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. "What did those boys do? Not let you have a turn or something?"
"No… we were taking a break from the game. We decided to have a water-balloon fight with some other boys," she pulled the pillow over her head. "I got hit with a couple, and then some of the guys started laughing at me- at first, I thought it was just because they managed to get me soaked, but then they started pointing…" she sniffled, her legs curling beneath her.
"Pointing?" Puggsy questioned, thinking the worst. Crap, don't tell me the pad slipped again!
The pillow bobbed, as she nodded.
"Why were they pointing?"
"…I don't want to talk about it. Bad enough FIVE guys were making cracks…"
He walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed and resting a hand on her back. "I won't make any cracks. Just tell me what happened."
WG cringed more, and he could sense she was really red in the face in embarrassment. Finally, she sat up- keeping the pillow pressed against her chest. "Well, my shirt got wet… and then they started pointing and laughing. I didn't get it at first… until they started saying stuff…" she winced.
"OOOOHHHHHhhhhh…" Dammit, this is getting more uncomfortable. "Well… um… Ah, don't worry about it. Those guys were just being numbskulls about someone growing up," he rested a hand on her shoulder (finding that her clothes were still damp). "It'll be okay… What about FF2 and the others? If they were laughing too, I'll tell Lamone to give them hell."
"I don't know… I ran away after the other guys started making comments." She buried her face in the pillow, keeping it held against her abdomen. "As if the incident at Wal-Mart wasn't embarrassing enough…!"
Puggsy rubbed the back of his neck. "…well, we've all gone through embarrassing things like this before,"
She looked at him. "Have you?"
He shrugged. "Well… Fangface pantsed me on television about 4 times in my career, I've had to cross-dress a couple times, and… well, you know all that's happened to me in those days, since you've watched every episode,"
She only rested her chin on the pillow- not even reminding her of his past-torment seemed to put a smirk on her face.
OH MY GOSH! SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HER! CALL 9-1-1! GET AN EXORCIST! THE WORLD IS ENDING! YAAAAAHHHH!
(A/N: Ha ha, very funny, Pugs T_T)
[Pugs' A/N: Oh, like everyone else wouldn't have the same reaction!]
ANYWAY…
The mini-authoress remained mellow. "I think I've got your embarrassment beat…" she muttered. She looked at him. "But… this is as bad as it gets… right? It happens for a week, and then it's over with for good, right?"
Puggsy blinked. "…Didn't your mom ever give you this talk?"
"Only what to expect on my period. …Why?"
He breathed in deep, slowly letting it out- and really, REALLY wishing the girls had let Brielle and/or Storm stay behind. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, WG… but your period happens every month."
"E-Every month?! …For how long?!"
Puggsy rubbed the back of his neck. "Um… probably until you're in your 40's."
WG let out a long groan, falling backwards. "Why-hy-hy-hyyyyyyyy?!" she looked at him. "Why do girls have to have periods anyway?! Why can't we just go through voice-changes like boys do?!"
"Well, for one thing… um… never mind." He stood up to leave.
She yanked him back down. "What?! If you have answers, fill me in!"
"Can't you wait until one of the girls get back…?"
"NO."
Puggsy muttered something vulgar under his breath- he forgot how bitter girls get during this time. And considering WG had been through quite a bit, she wasn't about to go back to being happy-go-lucky anytime soon. "It just prepares you for childbirth. …And do NOT make me explain THAT to you!"
WG scoffed. "I'm not a total dumbass, Pugs. I know about that…" she sighed, hugging the pillow. "I just… wasn't informed of everything." She began to wince. "Actually… the way all this is starting out… I don't think I want to learn anything else. I'm… I'm not ready!"
"Calm down, WG! No one's rushing you into anything," he looked to the audience, whispering, "…if they try, they'll end up getting stabbed,"
"No, I mean… I'm not ready to grow up! Not like this, anyway…" she curled up on the bed. "You're lucky you're a cartoon- and a male one at that!"
Puggsy scoffed. "It ain't easy for me, either. I've been 18 for the past 37 years- sooner or later, my son is going to be the exact same age as me! …and unless the writers make it to where the rest of us are adults, that's going to be awkward to deal with."
"...still not as bad as being 'forced' to mature…" she rolled on her side, her back to him.
He sighed. He was running out of material. He looked at the girl for a moment, before lying next to her, looking up at the ceiling. "Y'know, they never said you had to mature. Sure, you're growing up, but how you choose to act is up to you. Real maturity comes from responsibility, not hormonal feelings. For instance, those guys who made cracks about your chest? They're not mature- and unless they learn to be more respectful, they ain't going to be seeing any more girls in the future, outside of magazines."
She looked at him. "How did you figure this?"
He shrugged. "Just gained wisdom through the years. There's going to be times when you have to be mature… but that don't mean you have to stop being a kid at-heart." He then smiled, rubbing her head. "Just, ah, try to be a smart-kid at heart, not the delinquent-kind who end up in juvi."
She smiled. "Thanks, Pugs…" she sighed. "…I don't think I'll be showing my face in public for a while, though, after so much humiliation."
Puggsy sat up. "Hey, if anyone makes fun of you, you come to me," he flexed his right arm and clenched his fist. "My right-hook can still put people in comas,"
She chuckled, sitting up with him. "Thanks… but I think I'll just punch their lights out myself,"
"Suit yourself… Now, ah, why don't you go change into some dry clothes- my cousin Toni might have left a couple sports-bras in the guest-bedroom you can borrow.
She blushed. "You won't tell anyone about this, will you?"
"Nahhh… I'm not suicidal." He rubbed her back in reassurance. "Tell you what, after you change, we'll haul the couch out back, go get something to eat, then set it on fire. Sound good?"
WG's eyes sparkled. "Can we use the flame-thrower?"
He rolled his eyes. "Just a match and kerosene," she gave him a disappointed look, and he sighed. "…And a can of flammable hair-spray."
"Suh-weet!" She then sprinted out of the room.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Puggsy, as insane as it sounds, held up his promise, as he and WG stood in the backyard later that afternoon… watching the stained couch burn. "You sure Brielle will be okay with this?" WG asked, roasting marshmallows by the flames.
"Meh, she said she wanted to get some new furniture, anyway." Puggsy retorted, drinking a soda.
"WHOA! You guys didn't say anything about a bonfire!" Scoobycool9 exclaimed as he, Luckycool9, and FF2 came running over.
"Had we known, I'd have brought my report-cards," Luckycool9 joked.
WG turned to them… seeing they had black-eyes, looking like they got out of a scuffle. "What happened to you guys? …Did you get in the way of Stalker and Hardy's brawl or something?"
"Ha! If you think we look bad, you should see those assholes from earlier!" Scoobycool9 laughed.
"How do you mean?" Puggsy asked.
"They made WG cry… so we decided to make THEM cry," FF2 said, walking over and resting a hand on the girl's shoulder. "Are you alright?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I'm good now."
"Great! Lets go finish playing that game now- WG, you can take on the boss!" Luckycool9 stated, and the kids ran off.
Puggsy shook his head, finishing his soda and throwing the can on the fire. Well… it's only uphill from here. He thought.
He heard a car pull up, seeing the women climbing out. "…just HAD to copy WG's example, didn't you?" Hunter was snarling at Toni.
"Hey, they should have warning signs that hot-tubs are flammable!" Toni muttered.
They all paused, seeing Puggsy and the burning couch. He looked at them, giving a short wave.
"The couch is on fire," Storm pointed out.
"We don't need no water, let the mother-fucker burn!" Puggsy scoffed, walking off.
"O-kaaay…" Kim stated, a bit confused.
"…Told you we should've stayed behind to supervise," Brielle scoffed.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Meanwhile, out in some desolate area, Stalker was lying on the ground- well, in a crater, is more like it. "Geez, Hardcore, lighten up!" she groaned, holding her stomach. "You're getting too rough!"
"Too rough?! I only swung a punch that could stop a truck! " Hardy called from the top of the hole. "What gives, Stalk? You've been slacking…"
"I don't know- I think you hit me in the stomach too hard…" she looked down, and gasped. "WAY too hard!"
"W-What makes you say that?!"
"I-I don't know what organ might have burst, Hardcore… but I'm bleeding from down-under!"
Hardy went pale, then turned to Lamone. "Oh, crap…! Lamone, we've got a saturation! Stalk's… *gulp* is maturating!"
Lamone only drew out a knife and stabbed himself in the chest. "Can't help, I'm dead." He stated bluntly, before hitting the ground.
"OH NO, YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THAT EASILY!" Hardy yanked out the knife, allowing the wound to heal, but the vampire wouldn't move. "Oh, c'mon! I know you're still conscious! Lamone! LAM!"
Lamone: x_x
Stalker climbed out, tapping him. "Hey, Hardy, what does it mean when someone bleeds a lot but doesn't die… and has a craving for chocolate?"
*THUD!*
Hardy: X_X
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
A/N: …Good luck, Hardcore.
Puggsy: Lets never write something like this again T_T
Me: Agreed.
*apologies to anyone who were traumatized while reading this*