Searching for Cal, Max and Lofty had all sorts of thoughts running through their minds. Thankfully, they just found outside the pub sobbing into his hands. They carefully approached him. Sat on either side of him they didn't speak. Cal was glad they didn't. The three of them sat in silence.
"Cal," Lofty started to say as he pulled an envelope out from his pocket. "Uh, this was with Ethan when Dixie and Iain were called out. It looks like he wanted to say his final goodbye to you before he went."
Lofty handed him the note and indicated to Max to leave him alone. Silently the two of them left and Cal was left alone holding the envelope. What he held in his hands made the grief only too real. He let out a strangled sob as he traced his fingers over Ethan's handwriting.
Taking in a deep breath, Cal carefully opened up the letter.
Dear Cal,
By the time you will read this I will be gone. By the time you will get this I will be with mum. I know you'll be angry with me but, I can't go on living like this.
I want you to know you mustn't blame yourself, I don't. Well, not anymore. I did at first, when you told me. But, I wasn't really angry at finding out we were adopted I was angry by the fact that you thought you could tell Charlie and not me. Not your own brother. I was angry that I didn't notice something was wrong. Well, assume it was to do with Matilda when it wasn't. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive when you discovered Matilda wasn't your daughter. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive when you thought you was in love with Taylor.
Even though we've had our arguments, moments where you teased me to no end and called me 'Nibbles' at the most inappropriate times, I am grateful to have you as a brother, Cal. I'm proud to have you as a big brother. I can't imagine my life without you. Writing these words to you is hard and my heart is breaking as I write them, but, my time has come. I have to end it all before it ends it for me. I know you'll have a hard time accepting my decision like you've had ever since I was diagnosed with Huntington's, however this is what I want. Please accept that. Please accept the fact that I want to do this. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. I'm not even scared. And when I'll go I'll see mum. I'll tell her you love her. I will also tell her that we know. We know about the adoption.
Remember, you'll have our friends' support. Most of all remember that I'll always love you, Cal. Always. And I'm sorry.
Forever your little brother,
Ethan
xxxx
Tears stained the ink as Cal grieved for his brother. He pressed the letter to his chest as he sobbed. His little brother was gone. His safety net was broken. He felt his heart break and his world crumble around him.
Later on Cal didn't know how he got home but, he had. Perhaps Lofty or Charlie had driven him back to the flat. A flat that was full of memories. He didn't realise how much stuff in the flat reminded him Ethan but, they did. The pain was too much to bear. He couldn't stay in the flat any longer. He got into his car and drove. He knew he was in the right frame of mind to be driving, but he didn't care. Why should he? He just drove, drove far away from the flat as fast as he could manage. He drove, drove until everything went black.