A/N: Oh boy. Things are not easy, not in the main timeline or in the flashbacks. Honestly, I did not like Charles in the flashback. I had to remind myself that it was the flashback...anyway. This is a long chapter, but please tell me what you think. I appreciate all feedback. Thank you!

Charles sighed, enjoying the warm sunshine. John had invited him over on a quiet Sunday afternoon. To Charles's surprise and delight, he was greeted by a group of friends, toasting his and Elsie's forthcoming marriage and child.

"Another beer?" Bill asked. He held up a dripping, icy bottle. A lazy smile grew on Charles's face.

"Why not? Thanks." John grabbed it from Bill and poured it into a clean glass.

Tom Branson, the new day manager at Downton, laughed. "I had no idea you were so accommodating, Mr. Carson."

"He's not, usually," said Joe Molesley. "Only when his friends are being generous."

Bill slapped Charles on the shoulder. "Save some room for another drink later. Tommy Barrow's in town. He told me he wants to buy you a drink."

"Thomas is here?" Charles looked skyward. "Will wonders never cease? I never thought he'd come back here."

"Phyllis told him about Elsie. He said he'd visit for her sake…and yours." Joe finished his beer. Charles raised his eyebrows.

"I don't think I deserve much praise in regards to him. I only helped him a bit when he was in school. I'm sure he owes Elsie much more."

"Don't sell yourself short," John shook his head. "You were kind to him when not many were, myself included."

"He didn't exactly make it easy for you – or anyone – to be nice to him then. Not even Phyllis."

John half-smiled. "True." He stood up. "Before I forget, let me show you something. Everyone else can stay here, we'll only be a minute." Charles got up and followed him across the yard.

In the garage, he gaped at the mess. "No wonder Anna keeps complaining she can't park in here."

"You're partly responsible for some of this," John said, stepping around a bookshelf, primed for staining. "Remember a couple of years ago when you gave me this?"

"I gave you several things. I thought you and Anna might need them."

"You also said we might need this," John said, lifting a sheet off of another piece of wooden furniture. "But we thought you and Elsie would need it sooner."

Charles bent over, and pushed the rocking horse. It had been refinished and stained a bright cherry red. He swallowed.

"Thank you."

"I doubt Grandmother Pierce would have cared which of us keeps it. We both used it at some point." John grinned.

"Long, long ago." Charles murmured, gazing at the moving horse.

He was beyond grateful to John and Anna. And to their other friends for their support. Anna and Phyllis had spirited Elsie away for the afternoon. He hoped she was having a nice time, whatever they were doing.

Especially since she still hadn't spoken with Becky.

He prayed the sisters would be reconciled. They were family, after all.

0000000000000

Six months previously

"I was just looking for you. Tom said you'd be in here."

Charles looked up in surprise at John. "What are you doing here?"

John glanced behind him and shut the door to his office. Even though they were alone in the room, he leaned forward and whispered.

"Anna and I heard some talk in the store this morning."

The hair on Charles's neck went up. "What did you hear?"

John hesitated. "Leroy Drummond and his boys were hiking a couple of weeks ago along Solomon Creek. They saw smoke from the cabin and thought they'd drop by to say hello and warm up. But-" John's ears were red. "Leroy said he heard you inside. With a woman. And he said it couldn't have been Alice, because they'd passed her driving out of town to Hazard an hour earlier."

All of the blood drained out of Charles's face. He slumped back in his chair. John's face went equally white.

"I told Leroy there must be a mistake. That for all I knew, things were fine with you and Alice." His dark eyes bored into Charles. "Jesus Christ, are you telling me it's true?"

"Don't swear," Charles said automatically, his brain running a hundred miles an hour. Leroy Drummond was married to Barbara, a classmate of his and Alice's. The two women often had lunch together.

I am in serious trouble.

He bowed his head, pinching his fingers around the bridge of his nose. John put his hands on top of his head, taking deep breaths.

"Damnit, Charlie! What have you done!? Anna and I waited until my divorce was final with Vera! If I could wait, why couldn't you?"

Charles slumped lower. There was nothing he could say. John sighed heavily.

"I don't think I have to ask you who was with you that day," John said quietly. "Do I? There's only one person I can think of. And Charlie, please don't misunderstand me. I'm the last person to act the prude. I know how hard it can be to resist the woman you love. If the world was perfect, you'd be married to Elsie, not Alice. But you're not."

Covering his face with his hands, Charles groaned. "It'll be all over town by the end of the day. If not sooner. And you're right," he whispered, looking up at his cousin. "It was Elsie."

"You'd better go and find Alice," John said. "She probably knows already, but still." His eyes held nothing but sympathy. "People won't look at you the same way again. If you need somewhere to go, you're welcome anytime at our house."

"Thank you," Charles murmured. John left, closing the door behind him.

00000000000

My God. It's…true.

It's true.

He's been having an affair. He cheated on me.

Alice sat staring at him across the kitchen table in shock. His downcast eyes and slumped shoulders told her everything she needed to know.

Oh God, this will be everywhere. People whispering when I come into a room. They'll stop talking when I approach.

How could he do this to me?

She couldn't stand the thought of being the object of ridicule. Or sympathy. How on earth had she missed the signs?

"I'm sorry," he finally broke the silence. "I know that doesn't cover it, but-I'm sorry, Ally. I never meant for this to happen."

He told the truth. She could see that. And somehow it made her angrier.

She jumped to her feet and began pacing. Move. Keep moving, keep your anger, then you won't think about Barbara's face when she told you and how you didn't believe her. How you didn't want to believe her.

Words, thoughts, fluttered through her mind like wisps of cloud. She couldn't grasp anything.

"I should have said something long ago," he said softly. She jerked, but continued her agitated walking. "I-I've been unhappy. I felt you weren't listening, so I stopped trying to talk to you. We can't go on the way we've been living. I needed to be more open, I know." He closed his eyes, pain evident on his face. "But I don't know that there is a way forward for you and I. Not now. Things change, people change. If you hadn't left so often-"

Something snapped inside her.

"Are you saying this is my fault, Charlie? Because I'm not the one who had an affair! I've never, never cheated on you! You know why I have to go sometimes, we've talked about it-"

"Really?" he asked, his voice loud. "When have we ever talked about why you leave for months on end? It's always been the same – you tell me you're leaving, and you tell me when you're coming back. That's it. That's not a conversation," he growled. "I'm not saying I'm not at fault. I take full responsibility for what I've done. But if you could just listen to me-"

"Why should I listen to you?" she shouted, losing control. "You're a liar! You said this has been going on for months! No," she cried, stopping short and pointing at him. "You're wrong. Everything was fine before, not perfect, but we had a life together. We understood each other. If you weren't so damned stubborn-"

His jaw dropped. They started shouting over each other.

"Stubborn!? About what? I've never forced you to stay here when you were unhappy, I've given you everything-"

"-We could have been happier, but no, you had to have your way like a sulky child, hiding away in your precious cabin-"

"-whatever you wanted, I did my best to give it to you but it was never enough! Never! You've never seen me as your husband, sometimes I wonder if you even see me as human at all, instead of some prop to take with you when it suits you-"

"-and this is how you repay me, after all of our years together! You sleep with someone else, it's disgusting! Do you have any idea how humiliating this is? Everyone in town knowing, people laughing behind my back-"

"-and now I know how it feels to have someone love me, for once! Someone who doesn't take me for granted-"

For the first time, she heard what he was saying.

"What did you say?" she hissed. He stopped, glaring at her.

"It's different now. Maybe if you had been willing to listen, we might have been able to work things out, but I'm not sure I want that."

She reeled, clutching the back of a chair. Don't think, she told herself. Don't think about what he said.

Oh my God, I can't lose him.

"What are you saying? You want a divorce?" she whispered. He pressed his lips together, his face sad.

"I'm thinking about it, honestly."

"No," she muttered, sinking into the chair. "I don't want that. Anything but that."

She wasn't sure if she even meant it. She just knew she couldn't lose him.

He sat down slowly. "Do you mean that? Really mean it?" he asked pointedly. He looked down at the table, drumming his fingers. "I'm willing to give this one more chance. But only if you're serious."

"Of course I am," she said with all the sincerity she could give. I can't lose him. "We've been together our whole lives, I don't take that lightly. And neither do you," she reminded him. "You've always been honorable, been serious about your vows." She glanced at him, a question burning on her lips. He was staring off into space. "Who is it? Who have you – been with?" Her stomach flipped just asking him.

Part of her didn't want to know, but another side of her did. I can live with whoever he's been with. Even if it's a long-time friend. Someone we've known all of our lives.

Someone from here.

Just as long as it's not her. Anyone but her. Please, God.

He folded his hands. "I'll only tell you if you promise not to tell anyone."

"Why would I tell anyone?" she asked, confused. He raised his eyebrows.

"I wouldn't put it past you to ruin someone's reputation."

She snorted. "She's had sex with my husband. I'm humiliated enough without bothering about her reputation. Anyway, I think I have a right to know, Charlie."

He took a deep breath, rotating his thumbs. "It's Elsie Hughes."

Her stomach boiled. She put a hand to her mouth, hoping she wouldn't vomit. "Oh. Okay." She nodded and quickly changed the subject. "Look, I meant what I said before. I'm serious, I'll do whatever it takes to fix this. Just as long as you promise you won't see her alone again. Not at Downton, not anywhere. If I'm willing to change, then you have to be as well. Or it won't work."

He opened his mouth, flexing his fingers. "I…I'll have to see her once more. Just once. To explain," he said. He tried to ignore the screaming of his heart. Alice is right about the vows. One more chance.

I don't know how I'm going to tell Elsie, but I'll have to.

Somehow.

"All right," she said reluctantly. "If you don't mind, I'm going to lie down." He nodded.

She went to the bedroom.

I hate her. I HATE her. I've never been able to put her out of my mind.

Apparently, neither has he.

Bastard.

Her head throbbed. She felt like she wanted to explode, but her mother's voice rang in her ears.

'Don't get mad, get even,' Mother said.

Well. I won't lose him. I won't.

If I didn't want to keep some self-respect, I'd make sure everyone knew. Then she'd have to live with it.

I'll bet it's not true, what he said. That she loves him. She probably tells that to every man she sleeps with.

But somewhere in the back of her mind, she couldn't help wondering if it were true. And if he loved her.