A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews!

He was almost out the door of his office when the phone rang.

"Charles Carson, the Downton Hotel."

"Oh good, I caught you," Elsie said quickly. "I just wanted to let you know how the day's gone. I dropped off my keys with Mr. Blake, and William and Adam moved my things out of the apartment with no trouble. Adam had to leave a little while ago, he said to tell you hello. William's rearranging some furniture here, and I'm starting to unpack." She paused. "Good luck."

"Thanks," he replied, jingling his keys in his pocket. "I'm glad the move went well. I'll be there as soon as I can. I love you."

"I love you, too." They both hung up, and he left.

When he pulled into the driveway, he thought of how ironic it was that there was a moving truck there as well as at the cabin. But the difference was stark. At the house, the occupant was leaving, while the cabin welcomed another arrival.

He sat in the car for a few moments. He still questioned whether or not he should talk to Alice face to face. Surely it would be easier to let their attorneys communicate.

No. You need to speak with her. At least ask her the question.

Even if she doesn't give you an answer, you at least tried to get one.

Taking deep breaths, he got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk and across the porch.

He knocked on the front door. About a minute later, she opened it.

"Can we talk for a few minutes?"

Wordlessly, she held the door open. He went inside.

000000000

Five months previously

Elsie sat in shock on the couch. Charles watched her for any sign of response. But she seemed unable to speak.

He didn't blame her.

Her mind whirled, and the room almost seemed to spin. She put out a hand, steadying herself. With the other, she covered her mouth. Disbelief and despair combined to make her nauseated.

She hoped she didn't get sick on the rug. But it would feel better than the tempest raging inside her.

"I don't understand," she said low, praying her voice didn't break. "You say you don't feel for Alice what you feel for me, yet you're going back to her? Again?" He flinched.

"I know it doesn't make sense," he whispered. "But I want to try. One more time. And I still care about Ally, she didn't ask for this-"

"Then she should not have left you. Again!" She yanked a hand through her hair.

"I know, but-"

"Why do you still defend her?" Her voice rose. "She has left you how many times? At least five times since you married, and it isn't as though she just leaves for the weekend. Months and months she's gone, and you still welcome her back!"

"She's my wife," he said gravely. "I made a vow-"

"What about her? What about the vows she made? She doesn't deserve you!"

"Maybe not," he said, his heart cracking within him, "But she deserves someone who honors his promises." Or who tries to keep them after he's broken them.

"And I don't?" she asked, her voice wavering. He could see the beginning of tears in her eyes. "You said you loved me, Charles. Was that a lie?" Her voice broke on the last word.

"No!" he cried. He balled his hand into a fist, slamming it into his other palm. "I love you. You have been everything to me. You are everything." He put a hand over his face.

"But you will still go back to her. What am I supposed to do then?" she couldn't stop from asking, the hurt coursing through her. She wiped at her tears in vain. "I love you, too. I can't forget that."

He sat on the floor with a heavy thud. "I'm not asking you to," he choked out. "But we-we can't be together, Elsie. Not like this." He shook his head. "Not like this."

She grabbed fistfuls of her hair, a shaking gasp escaping from her lips. She knew he was right. A part of her even agreed with his keeping his vows no matter what. He was an honorable man, and she loved him for it.

But her heart, oh, her heart was broken. Inside, she screamed in protest.

He crawled across the floor and reached for her hands. She took them, more to feel steady than anything else. To know that he was there.

It was beyond difficult to know what she wanted. She wanted him to be at peace, to somehow keep his vows, retain his honor.

But that would be at the cost of her own happiness.

She could do nothing but cry.

He led her into the bedroom where they climbed under the sheet and old quilt fully clothed. He held her close against him, his warmth comforting against her back. Whispering apologies, his tears dampened her hair.

She wanted to hate him for doing this, for leaving her. But she couldn't.

How am I going to go on without him?

Her body was racked with sobs. It only increased his guilt, knowing what he was doing to her.

You've been nothing but selfish. Having your cake and eating it, too. You deserve all the pain you're feeling.

But she doesn't. She didn't ask for this, either.

She cried herself to sleep. He wished he was able to sleep – but then again, he wouldn't be able to hold her, touch her, and whisper how much he loved her.

I hope it's worth it, going back to Alice.

Eventually, he had to wake her. To take her home. He nearly cried again when she was in the bathroom, thinking of how much the cabin had felt like home when she was there. How it had become their home.

They kissed for the last time in front of the door. He tried to savor every contour of her face, the touch of her lips on his.

In his truck, her stomach flipped when she noticed his hand on the steering wheel. He had put his wedding ring back on. He saw her looking, and they shared a guilt-ridden glance.

When she stumbled into her apartment, she felt empty. Drained. As if their affair had been a real fire, and there was nothing left but cold ashes. She vomited into the toilet, resting her face against the cold porcelain.

She would always love him.

He was grateful Alice was not at the house when he got there. He splashed water on his face, but gave up trying to fight his grief any more. He sat with his back against the closed bathroom door and cried like he had at his father's funeral.

He would never stop loving her.