Chapter 3
Unintentional guilt trip

"Are you two still not done with those dishes?" Startled by Adam's sudden appearance Evan nearly dropped the joint, but managed to put it in his jeans pocket unnoticed.

"Geesh, Adam! A little warning when you're about to scare the…"

"Guilty conscience?" Adam teased Evan.

"Course not," But both boys grew a little pale.

"Well, go on, finish up. I seem to remember checkers being on the agenda. And you wanted Crane to see that colt. And…"

"And Crane himself, would actually like to sit down with some coffee and relax!" Crane laughed.

"Might not happen until you get back to your dorm, buddy," Adam grinned mischievously. "We have plans…oh boy, have we got plans."

Crane groaned, "Well, while you two finish up I'll make coffee. Sounds like I'm gonna need it."

"Oh you do! Better keep that coffee going all weekend. You won't get a wink of rest. You'll need a week to recuperate."

"Well, Evan…" Crane looked at the younger boy, "While this brews you might as well show me how the colt is doing. I know you've been dying to."

"Oh yeah…I just…I mean…sure," Evan had been about to run upstairs to find a safe place for the joint, but couldn't come up with a reason to say no to Crane. If Crane noticed his brother's lack of enthusiasm, he didn't let on.

In the barn, Evan quickly forgot all about the offending item in his pocket and proudly showed off the new colt, named Diablo.

"Boy, he sure looks great, buddy," Crane praised, "You've been taking great care of him, I can tell."

"I've been playing with him in the corral every day….well, except when Adam got mad at me cause I'd gotten detention for mouthing off at stupid Beckham."

"You mean Mr. Beckham," Crane corrected gently.

"Yeah, well, you know how he is."

"Yes, I do. He's a very good teacher, Ev, just a little strict and old fashioned. He likes to run a tight ship."

"Yeah…well, guess I'm just not good at being a ship mate on his ship then. And Adam didn't like it one bit. Said I couldn't go out and work with Diablo for a whole two days. He'd have Brian do it instead."

"That must have been rough," Crane let the animal nuzzle his hand.

"Yeah…" Evan sighed. "I nearly got myself in even more trouble by throwing a fit."

"Well, you got through it and I'm sure Diablo missed you."

"He sure did. I mean, Brian's good and all, but…me and Diablo, well…we work well together, you know. We got a connection. And he listens best to me. Brian's too…"

"Brian isn't as patient as you are, wants to rush it. While you take your time and let the horse learn at his own speed," Crane filled it in for his brother and Evan nodded.

"Yeah, that's it." Then he looked at Diablo again. "He sure is a beaut, ain't he?"

"Isn't he."

With a role of the eyes Evan repeated, "isn't he."

"Yeah, he sure is, buddy, he's gorgeous. He'll be great when he's old enough."

Diablo had been nuzzling Crane's hand, then Evan's and almost put his nose into Evan's pocket, causing the boy to laugh, "yeah, I know what you want." He winked at Crane. "He loves peppermints. I usually only give them when he's done well at something, but he knows I've always got them in my pockets."

"Horses are smart."

"And Diablo is the smartest colt I've ever seen." Evan reached into his pocket to find the piece of peppermint. As soon as it was out the horse lapped it off his hand. If you didn't know better you'd say Diablo was grinning. Both boys had missed the joint that had fallen out of Evan's pocket when he'd gotten the peppermint out. It was half-hidden in the straw on the floor by the time they left the barn.

"Will ya watch me work with him tomorrow?"

"Sure, if Adam allows me some time off," Crane laughed, "you've heard big brother, this is a working ranch. There's…"

"…no such thing as vacation."

Laughing, the two of them entered the house. The beginning of the evening was amiably spent playing checkers, telling Crane all the stories he'd missed, and even playing some music. Evan was a little distracted as it felt like the joint was burning a hole in his pants. Had he known it was on the floor of the barn, the boy would have completely panicked, but he didn't know. He was simply wrecking his mind to try and come up with a good place for it. Ultimately, he decided to hold on to it until he could throw it away in the garbage in town. At home, the risk of someone finding it in the trash was just too big.

"Okay," Brian got to his feet, "I'll put Guthrie to bed and then I'm off."

"You're going out?" Adam made no attempt to keep the disapproving tone at bay.

"Just for a bit."

"We have a lot to do tomorrow and it's Thanksgiving. Besides, Crane's home…"

"Well, I'm sure Crane won't mind. He can do his partying at Davis." Brian gave Crane a wink and the boy rolled his eyes.

"Keep me out of it, Brian," Crane said sipping his coffee.

"Do you have to go out, Brian?" Ford asked, almost panicky.

"What on earth is this?" Brian ruffled Ford's hair, "Don't worry, buddy, I'm a big boy. You go to sleep and tomorrow you'll see me out doing my chores." He glanced at Adam. "If you're worried about the turkey, don't. I'm sure I can manage a few beers and some laughs with friends, get a few hours' sleep…and then cook your turkey and do chores as well."

"I'm just saying, Brian, you've been going out a lot lately." Adam tried to remain reasonable, not yell in front of the kids, but he didn't like Brian's nights out on the town. He didn't like the frequency of them and he didn't like the fact that he also went out on week days. The two had already had quite a few discussions about it, but seldom in front of the kids. At least, that they knew of.

"Now, Adam, stop being a mother hen. Guthrie…go brush your teeth."

"Don't you like being with us, Brian?" Ford tried again. The thought of Brian on drugs had him worried and he figured he had to keep their brother safe at home.

"Goodness, Ford, of course I like being with you guys. I love you, you know that. But when you're older you also want to do things kids can't do. I do have friends outside the family. But that doesn't mean I don't like being home or don't love you."

"I know….but…"

"He's just got a hot date, Ford. You know he doesn't stay with those girls anyway," Daniel tried to reassure his younger sibling, but it seemed there was no reassuring Ford at that point.

"I'll make sure Guthrie's tucked in," Crane offered, "You don't keep hot dates waiting."

"I'm not a baby anymore!" Guthrie complained as he finally got up. "No one has to put me to bed or tuck me in. Geesh."

Adam groaned. It was far too early for Guthrie to start entering those difficult teenage years as well. "Fine…go…can't stop you anyways."

"Noop," Brian grinned. "Don't wait up for me. See you in the morning." And off he was.

Crane laughed, "His hot date must not be too picky. He didn't even get changed."

Adam made a disapproving sound, but kept his opinion of these girls to himself, considering the audience in the room.

"Did Daniel mention he suddenly wants to go to college like his big brother?"

Crane's attempt at distracting his big brother worked like a charm, as he had known. "No!" Adam looked at Daniel in surprise. "What brought that on?"

"Oh don't get the wrong idea, Adam, it's not a matter of academic pursuit. He just loved eating frozen pizza and sitting in the park making music with strangers. He doesn't realize that I do try to eat as healthy as I can, but during exam times frozen pizza is the easiest and cheapest way to save time for studying. And that I hardly get a chance to sit in the park playing guitar with strangers. But anything to get our little buddy here in college, right?"

"Eh right…" Adam was still amazed, digesting Crane's words slowly. "Daniel at college."

"Hey, I can do it!" The boy felt offended, although he couldn't quite explain why.

"I know you can! We all know you can," Adam stated. Then he glanced at Crane, "Frozen pizza? Really?"

Crane just shrugged, but Daniel grinned, "It was great! And those people at the park didn't even know each other. And they sure didn't know me. But they still asked me to sing along. And you'd think I was too scared, but I wasn't. I just did it. And it was just the best. Crane said they play there all the time."

"They do," Crane affirmed, "But I don't often see them in classes." Seeing Adam's worried look, he added, "Maybe they're sophomores. Come to think of it, they probably are."

Evan and Ford had been playing checkers after Guthrie had gone to sleep, but when their third game ended in yet another argument over cheating Evan gathered all the pieces and dumped them in the box. "I'm done playing with you!"

"Well, I'm done playing with you!" Ford countered.

"I think I'm done listening to this," Adam looked up at the two, "Put those pieces away correctly, sort them. And then put the game away. It's almost bedtime anyway."

"But we don't have school tomorrow," Ford protested. Usually, it was Evan who would be complaining about having to go to bed, but the boy kept uncharacteristically quiet.

"I don't care. Morning comes early and the animals don't know you don't have school." Adam sure liked to repeat himself, the boys thought. Little did they know their oldest brother just repeated what he, himself, had been told all his childhood by their father. He tried to raise them as he thought their parents would have wanted.

"But Crane's here!"

"Ford!"

Crane interrupted Adam before the man could get angry, "I'll be here tomorrow and the day after and after…I'm not leaving until Sunday. And there'll be time enough to spend time with me. And that time is better spend when we're both rested instead of over-tired, don't you think?"

"yeah, I guess…"

"I guess so too," Crane smiled at Ford as the boys put away the checkers.

"Come on, I'll go on up as well," Daniel got up as well. "I feel like an early night." He hadn't slept much the previous night and doubted he would the next. Worry over his big brother kept him awake.

"Night, buddy, I won't be long myself," Crane was tired from the long bus ride and the hard work of the previous weeks. Deadline after deadline for all his classes had exhausted him.

When it was just the two of them downstairs, Adam looked at Crane, "How come you were never that much trouble?"

Crane laughed, although a little wryly, "I learned from your mistakes, bro. At least, I tried to."

"Well, you must have done more than try. Not a day goes by that I don't have to correct someone, punish someone, get calls from school, notes, get back talk…" He smiled a weary smile, "Wouldn't change it for the world though." He looked up at Crane, eyes full of pride and love, "Do I ever tell you how proud of you I am? I don't think I say it enough. But I am, kiddo. And not just because you're at college and doing so well academically. The way you are with the younger ones. I lose my temper too easily, but you? You just know what to say to diffuse the situation. You're an amazing kid, Crane."

Crane looked down at his hands, unable to maintain eye contact with his older brother. It was great to hear how proud he was of him, but he knew the man wouldn't be as proud of him if he knew what Crane was going to have to tell him on Friday. For a split-second Crane wondered if maybe he just could keep quiet. After all, there was no harm done. Even before Daniel found the joint he'd decided not to do it anymore. So he would just stick to that promise to himself and that was it. But then, he knew it still meant that Daniel was forced to keep his secret and although the boy was willing, Crane wasn't willing to have that on his conscience. He held himself to high moral standards and he simply couldn't do it. It went against everything he believed in. But knowing that, meant that hearing Adam's words of pride hurt. Still, he managed a, "Thanks," and cleared his throat. "I guess I'm heading up too. Want to get some reading done."

"Worried about school work?"

"No, don't worry, just like to stay ahead of the game."

"Remember what I said when I drove you there, buddy, don't spend all your time studying. Have some fun as well. Enjoy the experience."

It caused yet another jab from his conscience and Crane just nodded, "Don't worry. Night bro."

He left a confused big brother behind. Adam may not be the most intuitive guy in the world, but he knew something was wrong. Something was worrying Crane. And not just Crane. Ford and Evan had been acting out of character as well. He decided to allow himself a beer to relax a little before retiring as well. If his younger brother could go out and party, least he could have was a beer. And maybe watch some television. He figured he would stay up for another half hour, maybe an hour. Then he would check on his siblings and head to bed himself. But he was tired and didn't last more than 10 minutes before he drifted off on the couch.

Upstairs, Evan was in a full blown panic. He had gone through his pockets 5 times now and still hadn't found the joint.

"Evan, what's wrong?" Ford asked for the third time.

"It's gone," Evan finally whispered.

"What is gone?" Ford asked sleepily.

"You know what. Never mind. Don't you worry about it….it's nothing…just go to sleep."

"Not sleepy," the yawn that followed the words clearly made him a liar, but Evan didn't hold it against him. "What are you looking for?"

Even put his clothes away and got ready for bed as well, "It's okay. I just remembered what I did. I'm going to sleep." He turned off the light and got under the covers. He'd just lied to his brother. A bigger lie than not being sleepy. He simply didn't know where it was. He knew he'd put it in his pocket. And it wasn't there now. So he must have lost it somewhere. But where? In the barn? In the living room? As soon as he heard Ford's breathing slow down into that deep sleep he slipped out of the bed again and out the room. The light in the hall upstairs was enough for him to clearly see the floor and the white joint should stick out easily. But it wasn't there. As he glanced over the railing downstairs he noticed Adam on the settee . He immediately ducked out of sight, but after a minute or two glanced back down. When he realized Adam was asleep he let out a sigh in relief and got to his feet again.

Mindful of the creaking step he got down the stairs. One look at the games' shelf and near the table where they had played, made it clear it wasn't there. The only other place he could think of was the barn and so he quietly made his way to the door and put on his coat while slipping his feet in his boots. Putting his hand on the door knob he slowly turned it and opened the door. It creaked just a little and Adam turned over, "Brian? That you?"

Evan remained absolutely quiet, praying Adam would simply go back to sleep, but he was out of luck. As Adam opened his eyes and noticed Evan with his coat on he rolled his eyes, "Not this again, Ev. There's nothing wrong with Diablo and you are NOT sleeping in the barn. How many times do I have to tell you."

"But Adam…," Jumping at the excuse, Evan whined, "I just gotta…"

"You don't 'gotta' nothing. The only thing you 'gotta' do is get your butt back upstairs and into bed before I start swatting it all the way up."

Evan bit back a cuss word and closed the door. He'd just have to sneak out of the window. He'd done it before.

"Coat, boots," Adam ordered when Evan made his way to the stairs and with a groan Evan turned back to hang up his coat and heel out of his boots. There were sweaters, he told himself. "Upstairs. And don't get out of bed. Don't even think of climbing out the window like you did last time. You damn near broke your leg doing it."

"Not even close, Adam."

"Are you arguing with me, boy? I could ground you from Diablo again for the entire Thanksgiving break…"

With wide eyes Evan quickly made for the stairs, "no, sir! I'm off. I'm up. Night!"

Back in his room, he thought seriously of disobeying Adam and going out the window anyway, but he decided against it. He just didn't want to risk his time with Diablo. And going to the barn without his boots wasn't all that great of an idea either. He slipped back under the covers and thought about his strategy. He could always get up early to do the barn chores and look in Diablo's stall then. Yes, that's what he would do. This would work out just fine. He hoped.

The sunlight peeking in through the small opening in the curtain fell right on his face and he moaned. It was warm and cozy and he was dreaming he was lying in the meadows in the sun, looking up at the sky. Diablo was grazing next to him, which was odd because he hadn't taken Diablo out like that yet. But that was dreaming for you. Suddenly the sun got a lot warmer and he blinked. Diablo started pushing against him with his nose as if to hurry him. "Not yet, Diablo, you gotta wait." He turned over, but the pushing continued.

"Come on, Ev, it's late! You gotta get up. Adam'll get mad if we haven't done our chores in time. Come on…."

Evan sat up so quickly that for a second his head was spinning. "Huh? What time is it?"

"It's 8. Ya gotta get up. I overslept as well."

Evan had never dressed as quickly as that morning. "Come on…." He hurried Ford as if Ford was the one who was dragging. He ran down the stairs, slipped into his boots and got his coat. He was still putting it on when he reached the barn. The doors were open and Adam appeared in the doorway causing Evan to come to a sudden halt. The look on Adam's face said enough. He didn't even have to see the joint in his brother's hand.

"Looking for this?"