A Moose once bit my sister…

Humans get the short end of the stick when it comes to healing magic. No-one is sure why. It might me the nature of magic, the sacrifices involved, or some, bizarre metaphysical screw-job, but most healing magic plain doesn't work on humans. At least the big stuff doesn't. Even the dark rituals used to extend lifespan only give twenty to thirty years, tops. In order to live longer, you'd have to sacrifice your humanity, along with several fortunes in rare and expensive herbs, and probably some unlucky souls as well.

The fact of the matter is, healing magic doesn't do much for humans. At least that's the traditional thought. It turns out that taking several brilliant people, and one guy who lives to point out what he considers obvious, with serious interests in magic and mundane healing, and you can get some really cool synergy.

Xander spent Homecoming mostly comatose with a mixture of anti-inflammatories, Aum extract and St. John's Wart in an IV for him; runic patterns for energy channeling drawn on his ribs and stomach, in a room with tightly organized Feng Shui. A fresh stick of Willow's special incense was lit every five and three-quarters hours (minus two minutes), and the room had Southern exposure to maximize sunlight. It wouldn't have him doing back-flips by Monday, but he'd be awake, if not terribly lucid (when they tested this method of healing, he'd been loopier than a roller coaster for four hours after he'd been exposed). He'd be able to return to school by Tuesday or Wednesday, though he'd likely need a cane for a few days, and a diet of soft food, low in artificial ingredients. Really, it was being cut off from his Twinkies that hurt the most.

Cordellia, Willow, Oz and Buffy had all gone to Homecoming, partially to distract themselves, and partially to make sure that nothing out of the ordinary happened. As it turned out, it was a quiet night, supernaturally speaking. No vampires, evil magics, or bounty hunters to be seen. Giles and Marston did research, and read the new Watcher into the secrets of the Scoobies (which had been well and truly spilt when the cavalry had come running to the rescue). Elliott seemed surprised but pleased with how the group had formed, and swore to uphold their secrecy from the Council, agreeing that the old stuffed-shirts back in England would never approve of Slayers having a social life and friends, even if they did help hunt vampires.

Faith stayed at Xander's bedside, making sure the incense was changed on the schedule that Willow had given her, eating the casserole that Mrs. S had brought over, and trying to get her thoughts straight over everything. Until she had met Diana, her first Watcher, she'd never really felt accepted. Diana's death was a wound that she still carried, one slow to heal, and certainly one she'd never forget. But these quirky Californians, with their proper British father figure, eased the pain she carried, and made her feel welcome. Mrs. S in particular was a one-woman welcome-wagon, feeding her, and mothering her, in all the ways her own mother never had. She treated her as a daughter, and assumed that everyone would be just as welcoming. While she still had many of her self-defense mechanisms in place, she was beginning to thaw towards this strange bunch of Californians (including the two obvious transplants).

Xander returned to school on Wednesday, mainly because he didn't feel like explaining why he had to walk with a cane. A case of the flu explained his absence and weakness better than "I was almost cut in half by a huge demon", an excuse that Synder was not terribly fond of.

In his absence, much research had been done. Willow had traced the Von Hauptman family to one of three places in town: the ancestral manor (bulldozed and replaced with a strip mall), the family crypt (due to be checked ASAP, but they have to go through paper records to find it), and the liquor store that the last member of the family owned, now re-done as a hair salon. Lacking a magic detector, the group decided to split in two: Buffy and Cordelia would head to the salon with Marston as their uncle driving them, and snoop around, while Willow, Oz, Giles and Faith would head to the town archives, braving vampires, bureaucracy, and the red-head's complaints about backwards, techno-phobic public officials to try and track down the crypt. Xander would stay at Casa de Summers with Joyce, catching up on homework and minding the radio.

At least that was the plan until it was derailed by a troll. A hideous, annoying, poorly-dressed troll with chocolate bars.

"I didn't even realize our school had a band." Buffy complained as she carried the box out of the school alongside the rest of the Scoobies. She noticed that her school spirit was seriously lacking compared to when she was a cheerleader. Of course, back then she didn't have to worry about horrible, world-ending menaces.

"Oh, yeah, they play at football games, and basketball games, and, um, I can't think of any other times. I considered joining at one point, but I only play flute and piano, and they didn't have any openings for flute, or a piano, OH! and I have trouble walking and reading music at the same time."

Faith smiled, a crude comment on her lips when Cordelia walked over and handed them each a wad of cash. They looked at the money, looked at her, looked at each other and then looked back at Cordelia.

With an exasperated sigh, she roller her eyes. "I may not be the best with all the oogie-boogie stuff, but I do know that saving the world is more important than handing out this crap. Daddy owes me for missing the last football game, so it's on him. Keep the candy, throw it out, shower with it, whatever. Just don't waste time selling it."

"Um, I'm not sure about the rules for this sort of thing, but doesn't it behoove the Homecoming Queen to actually have some school spirit, and be motivated for this sort of thing?" Xander smirked at his former girlfriend.

"Ugh. Bite me, nerd-boy."

"Not allowed anymore, sorry." Xander was on the receiving end of three slaps, as Willow, Faith and Cordelia all attacked him.

"Ow, ow, stop, still healing, oh the pain!"

Faith and Willow looked shocked and horrified at this, remembering he was still healing, but Cordelia snorted.

"That didn't work on me when we were dating, and it doesn't now. So get moving people! This research won't do itself!" She stormed off to her car, muttering about the changes in her nice, normal life.

The rest of the gang stood there for a moment before gearing up and swinging into action, Oz driving Willow and Buffy home with Xander playing chauffeur for Faith.

In a small town like Sunnydale, almost everyone donates to school fundraising events. It's just how it is. So Buffy and Cordelia were surrounded by people eating chocolate bars as they approached the salon with Marston. He sighed as they got to the door. "I travel thousands of miles across an ocean and a continent to fight the forces of supernatural evil that prey on humanity, for what? To distract a woman brandishing hair-rollers in a beauty salon. The excitement never ends."

The pair of teenagers shot him a look before opening the door and walking in. The lady behind the counter was not a ringing endorsement of the salon, with try, over-bleached hair and makeup that looked as though it had been applied with a paint roller, but they squared their shoulders and walked forward anyway.

She looked up from her Cosmo magazine as they approached, and waved at them the chocolate bar clutched in her left hand. "Howya doin', and welcome ta Suzie's Dos. I'm Brandi, how can I help ya?"

With a voice like nails on a chalkboard, the three of them shivered as she spoke. Cordelia had mustered the will to approach the woman when she dropped the chocolate, her eyes rolled to the side and she slumped out of her chair, falling to the floor. Around the shop the scene was repeated, as several of the clients and stylists crashed to the ground as well. The trio rushed to attend to the fallen people, noticing that they had started to drool, and their eyes were still rolled back. They were shaking slightly, but seemed unharmed aside from a few bruises, and a mild burn with a curling iron.

A crash from outside alerted them, and they rushed to the window to see that almost half of the people outside were in similar seizures, including at least one driver, to judge by the car wrapped around the telephone pole. Buffy was nearly paralyzed at the scene until her phone rang, with Xander in a panic because Joyce had fallen unconscious and was shaking on the floor.

"Xander, hold on, we're on our way back. This isn't just mom, but almost half the town. We'll rush her to the hospital when we get there, just keep her safe, ok?" She hung up the phone and grabbed the door when Cordelia swore.

"Crap! It's the candy!" They all looked around and saw evidence of the candy wrappers where people were passed out. Not with everyone, but certainly enough of them that there was reason to believe it.

"It's no coincidence that everyone dropped at once. Look!" Marston pointed to the skyline showing the last remnants of a sunset in the west. "Someone used a spell or ritual to do this. We need to find some of the candy to figure it out."

"That won't be hard, we dumped half of it at my place. Call Giles and the others, tell them to meet us there."

Elliot fumbled with his mobile as they ran to the cars, bringing it up to his ear and cursing. "No connection on the other line. I fear that Rupert and the others are underground and unable to receive calls. You go take care of your mother, I'll find them and bring them back."

Jumping into Cordelia's red convertible, she gave a tight nod as the two cars took off in opposite directions.

Buffy had managed to get her mother comfortable on the couch while Cordelia set up a call circle to try and get news and Xander pulled out the medical box that they kept there. He did so carefully so not to pull his stitches.

Once Joyce was resting, he pulled out several types of incense and herbs, sorting through them while mumbling to himself, before handing a dried twig of some type to Buffy and grabbing some matches.

"I'm not great with the magical side here, but I remember that lavender has calming properties, and doesn't interact with anything, so this should be safe." He lit the leaves and gave Buffy a metal bowl to put them in. Buffy felt herself relax slightly as the smoke filled the air, and her mother's tremors lessened.

Then they waited.

Cordelia was punctuating her phone calls with frequent obscenity, surprising Buffy with both the foulness and variety of ways of swearing the society girl had. She let off a particularly long string of vulgarities as the door opened and Giles and Marston charged through, followed by a worried Willow and Faith carrying Oz in a Fireman's hold.

"Quick, put him here. Where's that damned chocolate?" Giles was brimming with rage, but contained it as Xander handed him one of the bars and a book. Giles had heard about the sales, of course, but was fortunate that he'd been undisturbed in the library while it was handed out. He quickly rattled off several symptoms as he leafed through the book, and the rest of the team followed his examples while Willow and Marston pulverized and then melted down the chocolate at the kitchen counter.

The sounds of frantic research were cut off with a resounding "FUCK!" as Cordelia pitched her phone into the decorative brick fireplace.

"Whoever was behind this was smart. They left opened boxes of the candy in the police station and hospital break rooms. Fire crews and ambulances are mostly ok, but the streets are a mess, and from what I can tell, between a quarter and a third of the city was hit. Including the little weasel Snyder."

Silence filled the room until Willow started. "Oh. Oh! Hey, I've got it!"

Everyone crowded into the kitchen to see Marston pulling on his glasses and staring at the reaction that Willow had made. Pink smoke was rising from the strange apparatus she had assembled, and the smell of pine trees permeated the air. The atmosphere was greasy, and people felt a tingle in their back molars.

"It's a modified German sleep potion! It was used to get a night's uninterrupted sleep, free of nightmares. It's been strengthened so people don't wake, and the eyes and shaking are from the mind trying to go into the REM cycle, but being locked out!"

Marston looked at the apparatus. "It would appear that whoever did this added some sort of base mineral to lock them into the dream state. I would suggest finding a ritual to counteract sleep, but modify it with the antipode of the base, once we determine it, to break through this potion. I'll start on a magnifying circle, so we can cover the town."

The Scoobies leapt into action, wielding books, chalk and crystals as they cobbled together some sort of counter to the ritual. The deepening night weighed on their minds, knowing that any vampires who came across passed out people in the middle of the street wouldn't hesitate to indulge.

With Willow scribing the circle and Giles checking it, the ritual was assembled quickly. Lines were written out, candles were lit, and people took their places.

They began to chant, more incense and herbs were lit, and soon, with a ringing crescendo, Willow threw her head back and screamed

"Aupnoj!"

Both Willow and Marston dropped to their knees as the spell went off, Willow from powering the spell, and Elliot from amplifying it. Buffy rushed inside to see her mother shaking her head and waking up, as well as Oz rubbing sleep from his eyes. She launched herself at her mom, who caught a ballistic slayer hug with some confusion.

"Buffy? What's wrong? Weren't you out at the salon investigating?"

But Joyce's daughter was so happy that she was safe she couldn't find the words. Xander and Cordelia guided Willow to the couch next to Oz, and Giles helped a babbling Marston to an easy chair. After a brief explanation to the formerly passed out people, Faith took charge.

"A'right, me and boy-toy will drive a sweep, make sure everything's chill. Queen C can use my phone to check the same. Wolfie and Red should bed down here, and the old guys can head back to G-man's. We cool?"

Tired nods were the order of the evening, and Faith helped Giles carry Marston to the car, the latter babbling about something outside the lines, and splitting the line untold times. She shook her head at the Watcher. "Old man talk is weird."

Mr. Trick opened the door to a darkened yet tastefully decorated office and silently stepped in. He closed the door behind him and turned to the desk.

"The tribute to Lurconis went off without a hitch. The sacrifice was deemed acceptable, and it won't be missed after the chaos at the hospital. The files have been changed to rule all four cases SIDS caused by the neglect in the mess."

"Good. I've dealt with the CDC and the governor, they won't investigate, and it won't be carried in the news either. I do admit surprise that the candy was countered, and so quickly as well. The Slayers and their allies are more impressive than I expected. This is why I vetoed your little plan for homecoming. Always remember, Mr. Trick, the deadliest enemy is one you don't know you have."

AN: FINALLY! I've had writer's block caused by my new job as a tech writer for a while, so it's a relief and a pleasure to put out the next chapter of my opus.

Grammatical notes: While the spelling looks wrong to me, the abbreviation of hairdo is do, and pluralizing it is dos. I think it looks wrong, but what do I know?

For those who want to know what the final word of the spell is, that would be "Awaken!" in Greek, at least according to babelfish. I can't even spell baba ganoush. And this site won't use greek characters, so it's not quite as cool as I would have liked.

I loved the Episode "Band Candy", and I will admit to the temptation of having a drugged-up Joyce try to jump Xander, but I wanted a more subtle, more menacing Mayor, and now you've seen him. I also didn't think I'd be able to do it justice.

Questions, comments and reviews can be sent to the normal place. Flames will be used to defrost my car.