This is a work of fiction and parody. The characters portrayed are used under fair use laws, and not for profit. So if one of Fox's or Mutant Enemy's lawyers is reading this, go make another season of Firefly, rather than try to sue someone as broke as me.
"You're telling me that Willow has suspected some sort of-of supernatural wrongness between the two of them for weeks, and never bothered to tell us? Of all the-the, childish, immature…"
Giles' rant trailed off as the group trouped into the library to confront the errant red-head and research the issue at hand when they saw Oz sprawled out on the floor, and no sign of Willow.
Buffy rushed over to the musician as Xander pulled his first-aid kit out of the cage. The blond Slayer was relieved to find that Oz was still breathing, and didn't seem badly injured, though the bruise on his head would hurt for a while. Xander quickly brought him round, and ended up with a panicky werewolf on his hands.
…well, panicky for Oz.
"Spike."
One word was all that was needed to send a jolt through the scoobies. Spike wasn't the most powerful of the adversaries that they'd faced, but he was still kicking, which put him in a unique position.
Not that everyone present knew that.
"What Spike? Who wakes up complaining about their hairstyle?"
Giles cast a weary look at Faith while Marston looked at the other Watcher quizzically.
"Spike is the colloquial name of William the Bloody, the youngest member of the Whirlwind, the most destructive band of vampires in recorded history. He has 3 known Slayer kills, and was involved in the attempt to end the world last year. If he's back in town, it does not bode well."
Faith rolled her shoulders in cocky manner and cracked her neck. "Well, let's go lay the pain down on Spiky, get our brainy-girl back, and figure out what is up with B an' me. No sweat."
Giles rolled his eyes, but started to gather the tomes and components needed for a locator spell, finishing with the locked case of hairs from the hidden drawer in his desk. Fishing out the red one, he started giving out orders.
"Xander, get into your trance and see if you can track her. Faith and Elliott will accompany you. Buffy, assist me with the ritual, and then Oz, you and I will head directly to where she is, in case you three lose the trail. Use the, um, mobile thingies to stay in touch, and don't do anything reckless. Spike is very dangerous, and has Willow."
Xander was already sitting cross-legged on the floor, trying to slow his breathing as Oz grabbed a couple of painkillers and joined him. Faith and Marston were arming up from the cage, with Faith grabbing Xander's backup axe, and Buffy was carefully drawing out some chalk lines, trying to copy from the tome he had open.
Xander's eyes opened up, glowing yellow, and he took a deep sniff.
"I have her." He growled out, and stalked out of the room, followed by Faith and Marston.
Willow awoke to a face-full of cold water.
"Oy, Red, up and at'em. Time to make with the magic."
Confused, she looked around. She was lying in a cold, dark room, likely a basement of some type, chained to the wall by her ankle, and Spike was standing over her, talking and…
'OhmigodSpike? Thatssupernotgood! Hesevilandmeanand…he hit me!'
Spike snapped his fingers in front of her face, dragging her out of her thoughts. 'Weird bint.'
"Hey! Magic time! I didn't drag you here for your sparkling conversation, after all. Make with the spells. Now!"
Willow jumped when he slammed his hand against the wall, punctuating his last statement.
"Umm, umm, ahh, what spells?" She cringed away and covered her head, hoping that her arms would absorb the blow.
…a few moments later she peaked out, and saw him apparently thinking.
"Right, you were unconscious when I told you. You're gonna make everything starshine and bluebells between Dru and I, right?"
Willow looked at the vampire blankly.
"…love spell. You cast a love spell for me. Is that plain enough English for you?" Spike growled at her.
"Ummm, ahh, I, um, don't know any um, love spells?" Willow's voice reached a register normally used to call dogs by the end of her stuttered statement.
Spike groaned, rubbed his ear, and shrugged.
"Right then. No use, guess I'll have one for the road, and head off to figure out a better plan."
"O-ok, have a nice trip!" Willow waved at him somewhat desperately.
"You realized that YOU'RE the one for the road, right luv?"
"…did you say love spells, or, um, glove spells? Um, because, ah, I'm terrible with, um, GLOVE spells, but love spells, um, hey, no problem! Right?" Willow babbled nervously
"Knew you had it in you. Now get cracking."
Marston had got a call from Giles after half an hour of following Willow's trail, which was a lucky break because it seemed that Spike was quite skilled at hiding his trail.
"They're on their way, and say that he's in the green warehouse on 4th and Spruce." Elliot relayed to his team.
Xander let out a growl, his eyes almost glowing yellow. "A good place to kill." He was about to charge off when Faith grabbed him and pulled him back. He snarled at her, but she snarled right back, getting up in his face.
"Reign it in, stud. We go charging in, we're like to get Red dead, y'read me? So push it back and pull your brain back out, X-man." Faith tried to hide her worry, not for the newbie witch, but for her boyfriend who seemed to be joining her in the feral and crazy club.
Xander stared at her for a long moment before his eyes dimmed, the normal brown showing through. "No-one gets away with hurting my pack, and he's done it before. But you're right, we need a plan."
Elliot cleared his throat before giving his wards a reproving glance. "If we could think like humans for a moment, it's clear that waiting for Rupert, Buffy and Mr. Osbourne is the wise choice, but that doesn't mean we can't reconnoiter first." He sighed upon receiving blank looks. "Scout the place out?"
"Ahhh." He rolled his eyes as they chimed in with the pretense of understanding. Muttering about American youth under his breath, he took the lead towards the warehouse so they could see what was waiting for them.
Spike glared at her as she trembled, trying not to drop one of Drusilla's dolls that Spike had kept, along with a lock of her hair, flecked with her dried blood. That would have been creepy if he hadn't had it in a locket under his shirt. No, wait. That was still creepy. She was surprised at how prepared Spike was for the ritual, he'd had a pile of tomes, as well as several kinds of reagents, enough for her to cobble something together.
She coughed a few times before lighting the candles and starting the chant. She was therefore understandably startled when the upper door burst open and Buffy came charging through, quickly followed by Oz.
Spike snarled "You stop chanting, you start bleeding!" before grabbing a baseball bat and taking a mighty swing at Buffy. She dropped back before kipping up and tying up the bat, leaving Spike vulnerable to a tackle from Oz. The vampire threw the werewolf over him and rolled to his feet in time to catch a haymaker from Buffy. Stumbling towards the wall, he was shocked when the back door he'd hidden was thrown open, revealing another three enemies for him to fight. A quick check on his captive mage showed the old English ponce pulling her away and protecting her, showing he wasn't getting his spell done tonight.
The vampire braced for the renewed conflict when one of the jars on the table exploded, filling the room with a noxious smoke. It took several minutes to clear, but Spike was long gone by then.
Willow was on the receiving end of many hugs as Marston jimmied her ankle cuff open. But it was only when Buffy complained about Spike getting away that Faith and Xander started to chuckle.
"What's so funny, guys?" She asked the pair with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, we were, as M put it, recon-ing, when we found a car with blacked out windows. So Xander slid underneath and cut the break lines. Spikey may have gotten away, but he's not gonna have an easy ride, y'see?"
It was Giles, of all people that broke the stunned silence with laughter, but it soon proved to be contagious, as the room filled with genuine, joyous noise.
Spike staggered out of his now wrecked car that had just taken down the hastily repaired Sunnydale sign. "I BLOODY WELL HATE THIS TOWN!"
The Mayor turned to his newest associate as she put away her mirror and cleaned up after her spell. "I think that went quite well, don't you? I'll admit, William is not the sort I want in town, being rebellious and difficult to manage, but he does remain an excellent distraction for young miss Summers and her friends. Your spell work was impeccable, giving him just enough cover to escape. Well done, Miss Post."
The blond ex-Watcher smiled at her benefactor. "Thank you, Mister Mayor. I appreciate the chance not only to be a part of something greater, but to extract some measure of revenge against those who thwarted me."
"Oh, there's no need to worry about that. All in good time, my dear, all in good time."
AN: Yes, I know it's been a while. Life got busy, and will likely remain so in the foreseeable future, but at least I'm feeling inspired.
I meant to post last chapter that I had passed a significant milestone: I now have more reviews than chapters. I feel all tingly thinking about it, and I sincerely thank everyone who has left one. But of course, feel free to leave more of them.
I also have to have Buffy make more puns. I'm re-watching the series, and had forgotten just what her sense of humor was like.