Jace had no idea what he was doing.
After hours of work at trying to settle the Heavenly Fire that was still burning bright in Jace's veins, Brother Zachariah had let him go, admitting that there wasn't much more he could do. He warned Jace to rest for at least a few days - he would be fine as long as he didn't get up to any exciting activities. The blonde had nodded and obeyed the Silent Brother's orders, returning to his room and wondering how he was going to avoid his parabatai given the swarm of emotions he felt for the other boy.
After much deliberation and desperate attempts at sleep, Jace had given up and left the solitude of his room, only to find that it was late in the morning. The sun hung high in the sky, leaving steep shadows on the floors of the Institute. It seemed that the old building was empty, but as Jace wandered around, with no destination in mind, he heard the distant sound of a shower running.
He remembered pressing his ear to the door, somehow knowing it was Alec, before easing the bathroom door open and creeping inside. The next thing he knew, he had joined the older boy in the shower, sliding his arms around Alec's waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Thankfully, he found that he had left his boxers on, although Alec was obviously wearing nothing at all.
For a few minutes, Jace found that he was completely content in this comforting position, encircled in a bubble of comfortable silence and Alec's intriguing scent. To his surprise, the dark haired boy relaxed onto him, a low moan escaping his throat. Jace found that Alec's skin was beautifully soft under the gentle patter of water, and couldn't help but stroke the boy's abs with his thumb, tauntingly close to a region that Jace wasn't sure if he would like to explore. Part of him longed to, overwhelmed by the same height of lust that had made him kiss the boy. But Jace had never been with a man before, and he had to admit that he wasn't entirely sure what it entailed. Before a couple of days ago, he hadn't wanted to know.
Suddenly, after quite a while of content silence, the blonde felt Alec's body go tense for a second, before the boy scampered away, startled when he saw Jace standing behind him. Alec's back hit the wall as he stepped away, trying to extend the distance between them as much as possible. Jace frowned when he saw what he was doing.
"Jace, what the hell are you doing?!" Alec blurted out, obviously too stunned to realise the harsh disgust in the way he spoke. Jace bit his lip, confused as to Alec's sudden change in attitude, whilst trying to numb the ache in his chest as he heard the other boy's tone. He knew that his friend would never intentionally hurt him, and he didn't understand his strange, unwelcome sensitivity, but he couldn't help what he felt.
Jace gulped and didn't say a word, and neither did Alec, but he sent a look as if he was waiting for a long winded explanation. "Well?" He pressed, and Jace fumbled for an answer, a little put of by Alec's lack of clothing.
"I just... Heard the shower running and though I'd join you." It was the truth, but no matter how honest, Jace knew that his reply sounded pathetic. Alec let out an agitated sigh as he did whenever Jace crossed the line, but he didn't shout or give him the usual disappointed look.
"Jace, didn't you hear a word Brother Zachariah said? We can't... This has to stop. You could kill me, or worse, kill yourself." Alec sounded as though his words were unwillingly being forced out of his mouth, as if they'd been scripted for him to say. He knew that the responsible thing to do would be to stop this strange, undefined fling between them before it got out of hand. And by the Angel, Jace hated it when Alec tried to act responsible.
"I won't hurt you," Jace insisted, uttering the words as though they were a solemn promise. "It seems to me that I'm more controlled when I'm near you, anyway." Back in the infirmary, Jace had felt a million times better in Alec's presence, and he was sure that his parabatai had some unexpected effect on his ability to contain the Heavenly Fire inside him. The lust might be a problem, but as long as they were careful, Jace was happy to risk it to sooth the longing to be near the other boy. The Heavenly Fire hadn't affected Alec in the infirmary or when they'd kissed, like he was immune. Or maybe the Fire was sparing him.
"No," Alec said sternly. "I don't care about that. You could hurt yourself because of me, and I can't - I won't risk that."
When Jace didn't say anything in response, Alec lowered his gaze. He was suddenly very conscious of the fact that he was naked, and that he was probably erect in Jace's presence. He didn't want to confirm his suspicions by looking down. Instead, he turned and stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel to provide him with some privacy. "I'm gonna go. Turn off the water when you're done," he told Jace, wrapping the towel around his waist. He didn't really want to leave, but felt as though he should. He knew he had to be the adult here, since there was no chance that Jace was going to - the Heavenly Fire probably hadn't even faded away from the previous day yet, and Alec was honestly concerned about how another violent flare might affect the blonde. But what he didn't tell Jace about was the guilt tugging at his heart, as his conscience whispered to him that this was wrong. The voice was Magnus', naturally, and something stabbed angrily at Alec's chest with every word.
But just as Alec reached for the door, before he could take hold of the handle, a pair of strong arms grabbed him from behind and lifted him off the ground, bringing him back into the shower. Startled, Alec could do nothing to stop the culprit, and only squirmed once his feet were off the ground. But Jace refused to give in, and held Alec to him even when his feet were back on the ground, water yet again falling onto his shoulders and head.
The blonde boy's lips quickly caught his, removing the distance between them with a swift tug at Alec's hips, so that their bare chests were pressed together. Jace's skin was hot and feverish, as Alec had expected, but after only a second of connection, the heat dulled to a comforting warmth, as though Alec's touch soothed the Fire.
"Jace, I told you -" But the blonde hushed him quickly, one hand moving from his hip to the small of his back, and Alec noticed that one of his own hands was entangled in Jace's golden curls.
"I don't care," Jace said, in a possessive growl. Then he laughed with a light hearted grin. "Alec, the Heavenly Fire doesn't affect you."
"But it affects you -" Alec was cut off by Jace's lips against his once again, and he found himself pressing into the kiss as much as possible, just in case he was able to convince Jace to lay off.
"Not when you're here." The hand on Alec's back stretched out its fingers as the next kiss commenced, more hungry this time, applying gentle pressure to bring the boys' hips together so that Alec's entire body was pressed to Jace's. Alec gasped when he realised that the hard pressure against his thigh was Jace's erection, the parting of his lips allowing the other boy's tongue to slip into his mouth and collide with his own.
Alec couldn't help but allow the kiss, intoxicated by Jace's taste. Soon, a battle for dominance commenced, both boys attacking the kiss so hungrily that Alec almost didn't notice when Jace's hand moved to tug at the towel around his waist. He only realised something was up when a cold wind swept over his upper thighs and the now drenched towel fell to the ground.
All of a sudden, Alec ended the kiss, immediately feeling as though he had lost the function to breathe. Jace gave him a puzzled look, which disappeared almost instantaneously when his gaze drifted downwards.
"Whoa," Jace said, smiling. Alec could feel the persistent burn in his cheeks, but all he could do was observe as Jace crouched in front of him. His eyes squeezed shut, blinding him from what Jace could be up to. He didn't want to be surprised, but his embarrassment sealed his eyes shut. "How have you been hiding this?"
Alec scoffed, trying to act normal, as if the fact that Jace knelt so close to his dick didn't bother him. "I haven't been hiding anything - nobody asked."
"Honestly, Alec, I must admit my expectations were pretty low. What is it - eight, nine inches? Pretty impressive."
"You talk like it takes skill."
Jace laughed. "Magnus is a lucky guy."
Alec sucked in a breath, holding it in his lungs as if the torture was a sufficient one. "Was."
Alec didn't hear the other boy move, but his lips were right by Alec's ear when he whispered, "I'm sorry." Then a brief kiss was planted on his mouth, throat, chest, abs, navel, and finally, Jace's mouth rested on the tip of Alec's erection, tongue swirling around the -
"Stop." It took all of Alec's willpower to say that one word, knowing that he wouldn't be able to live with himself if Jace went any further. His eyes flew open as Jace pulled away, their gazes immediately connecting. "I-I'm sorry, I can't."
Jace nodded and stood, looking a little disappointed even through his weak smile, even when he said, "It's OK. I understand." He looked as though he was about to leave, when he turned back to Alec at the last second. "I don't think it's over between you and Magnus."
Alec sighed. "You sound like Isabelle."
"I mean it. He loved you, and he'd been an idiot to give you up."
Alec looked deep into Jace's golden eyes. He rarely said such a thing, ruining any heartfelt moment with a joke or sarcastic comment. He gulped. "What about you? What about this?"
Jace's gaze remained steady. "I think we both know that if you had to pick between me and Magnus, you'd pick him." Later, Alec spent a while debated whether he agreed, and after hours, he still hadn't come to a conclusion.
Alec climbed out of the shower almost reluctantly, and pulled a towel around himself. By now, his skin was wrinkled to the point where Alec wondered if it was possible that he'd been in that shower with Jace so long that he'd grown old. But no, when he glanced in the mirror, he was still eighteen, with dark hair, blue eyes, and clear signs of Shadowhunter origin in the faded marks that tattooed his arms and torso. Jace was still in the shower, having kicked Alec out on the basis that he was a distraction, as though it required focus to shower. But when Alec mentioned this, Jace joked that it wasn't easy looking this good.
It was as though they were back to normal, like the awkwardness that their kisses had created had suddenly dissipated. But the swarm of emotions and sensations that Jace's presence brought had only intensified.
Suddenly, as Alec rubbed his hair with a towel to dry it, he heard a shout from far away, before a knock hit heavily on the bathroom door.
"Alec!" His sister called. "Hurry up - the demons won't wait for you to braid your hair!"
Jace's head peeked out from behind the shower curtain. The boys shared a grin, before they rushed off to pull on their Shadowhunter gear and kick some demon ass.