By the time Sheldon reached Caltech the parking lot was half empty. Glancing at his watch he saw it was gone 5pm. A quick glance told him Leonard had left already, so had Howard and Raj it seemed. Sheldon walked to his office and not bothering to turn on the light sat in his chair and closed his eyes. She had looked so good. The same and yet different. He thought her hair was a little longer maybe. Her shoes had been exactly the same, nice sensible, comfortable practical. Like her. The clothes had looked different though. The pale green blouse had made her eyes shine even more than normal and the lighter fabric of the skirt had swayed around her hips as she had left in such a hurry. Maybe she had bought the clothes in new York, he mused. Or maybe today because the weather here was so much warmer? Shaking his head at his only silly pondering Sheldon stood and moved to turn on the light. Yes she had looked good. Yes the clothes had suited her but sitting here thinking about it was no good.
He should have told her.
Once again he had failed to do what any other member of the male species would have done. A simple compliment was all that was needed and he had failed to deliver. This is what Meemaw had been talking about. Telling Amy the little things. He never told her when she looked nice, or even thanked her when she drove him places. He expected her to do these things because she had been his girlfriend. But now, now he had the perfect chance to show her he understood, that he had changed and he had missed the opportunity. She was probably sat with Penny and Bernadette right now bemoaning the fact he had not changed. That he would never change. And maybe, Sheldon conceded, she had a point.
She had said she would be returning to work here. That meant he would at least get to see her everyday regardless of where she ended up living. Moving to look at his white boards Sheldon saw nothing there to inspire him. His mind, previously full of science and ideas and theories seemed these days full of Amy. Since receiving his Nobel he felt empty. Maybe things with Amy could not be solved like an equation. If this were true he realise he really was in trouble.
73
Down in her lab Amy had spent time chatting to her colleagues; all of whom were keen to hear about her work in New York. The conversation had been light and pleasant but she had sensed they were all keen to get home and soon she found herself alone. Glancing round at the empty room she felt more calm than she had expected. She had been worried coming back would feel like a mistake, but since Caltech had taken on Ricky and some of the other primates from UCLA, Amy felt she would be the ideal candidate to move the new studies forward. Ricky had been pleased to see her, although she was forced to admit once he had finished searching her pockets, that he had probably been hoping she had cigarettes rather than a genuine happiness at her sudden appearance. He seemed well though and looking at his charts it seemed he had been off the nicotine for nearly 2 years now. Happy to sit and watch for a while Amy knew she couldn't hide here all evening. It would be getting dark soon and Penny would wonder where she was.
Ensuring all the cages were secure and the lights turned off Amy made her way out towards her car. It was as she turned on the engine she noticed him. He was exiting the building and walking towards the road. He couldn't have known she was there she reasoned after a second of panic, had he been avoiding going home too?
Deciding there was only one thing to do Amy steered the car in the direction of Sheldon and stopped.
"Sheldon'! Get in I will give you a ride home."
Sheldon blinked. How had she got there? "Err…" he mumbled
"Sheldon come on. I am going to the same building surely we are adult enough to share a car ride."
Nodding, still shocked at her sudden appearance, Sheldon walked to get into the car. Settling his bag at his feet and the safety belt across his chest Sheldon looked at Amy for the first time.
"What were you doing there?"
"Same as you I am guessing," Amy smiled ruefully. "I didn't want to go back and face a lot of questions so I thought I would check in at the lab."
Nodding Sheldon "Yes. I came here for the same reason. Although it must be noted us arriving back together will probably lead to more questions than we would have originally faced."
Amy frowned. "You would rather catch the bus?"
"No! No, I was just pointing out … it doesn't matter." Sheldon fell quiet again. He suddenly realised the car he was in was vastly different to Amy's previous car.
"This is nice!" He smiled.
"It is isn't it!" Amy grinned. "Part of my new image!"
"You need a new image? There was nothing wrong with the old image. I liked the old image!"
"Yes well I didn't." Amy stated firmly.
"OK." Sheldon said timidly, unsure where this sudden aggression was coming from but deciding while she was operating a motor vehicle was probably not the best time to get into a heated discussion. He also noticed, as his fingers grabbed for something to hold on too, she drove a lot faster in this car and before he knew it they were pulling up outside Los Robles avenue.
"Thank you for the ride." he squeaked, unclenching his fingers from the seat now they were stationary. Glancing at Amy he saw a huge grin on her face.
"What?" he asked
"Nothing," she giggled "its just if I had known driving fast kept you quiet in the car I could have sold the information ten times over!"
Huffing Sheldon unfolded his long frame fro the passenger seat and straightening waited for Amy to join him. As they walked towards the building Sheldon said "I thought you liked our in car games?"
"I did Sheldon I was joking." Amy grinned. Following him up the stairs she decided teasing him may not be the best way to go if they were to get through the next few days as neighbors. As Sheldon trailed after Amy up the stairs towards the fourth floor his eyes were once again drawn to the swishing material of her lighter skirt.
"I like your skirt!" he blurted out without thinking immediately regretting his words and knowing his cheeks had flushed.
Amy glanced back at him in surprise, she could not remember Sheldon ever voluntarily commenting on her clothing before. "Thank you." she smiled.
Nodding to acknowledge her words but biting his lip to stop himself saying anything else as hippy dippy Sheldon forced himself to keep his eyes on the floor until he was stood outside the door to his apartment. Looking up as he pulled his key out of his pocket he was just about to ask Amy if she wanted to come in for some tea when Penny burst out of her apartment causing Amy to jump back.
"Hey guys!" Penny grinned. "Amy I thought you had run off again." Penny laughed causing both Amy and Sheldon to flinch at her careless words. "I am just off to meet Leonard to look at the house he found, then we are going for dinner. Do you want to join us?"
Sheldon was already half inside his apartment and muttering "No thank you," as Amy shook her head and said, "thanks bestie but its been a long day."
Shrugging Penny was gone before they could say any more and suddenly alone again Sheldon turned back hesitating.
"Amy would you like to join me for tea, and pizza. Neither of us finished our food earlier after all."
Seeing her pause to consider he continued. "Penny will not have any food in I'm sure."
Shrugging Amy said, "OK tea would be good, but I am really not hungry."
So shutting the door Penny had left open Amy crossed the landing and followed Sheldon into the apartment that had once been so familiar. Glancing round as Sheldon made his way to the kitchen Amy saw very little had changed. Leonard's desk was still there although the shelves housing ornaments and other sci fi souvenirs were emptier than she remembered. As she moved towards the sofa she realised being here did not feel as strange as she had thought it would. The last time she had been here with Sheldon though had been he evening of their 5th anniversary and the night their relationship had started to unravel. Shaking herself mentally to stop going down that path of thoughts Amy looked towards Sheldon who was walking towards her carrying their tea. Placing her mug before her he did not sit next to her in his usual spot but on the adjacent chair causing her to frown.
Before she could comment though Sheldon spoke. "Amy I was wrong. Wrong to not explain how I was feeling, wrong to not tell you how I liked having you as my girlfriend. Wrong to let you walk away."
"It was my choice Sheldon." Amy said quietly, stunned he was actually apologising but needing him to know that was not his doing but her choice.
"Yes it was your choice," Sheldon nodded "but maybe if I had been a better boyfriend it is a choice you would not have felt the need to make. Today," he continued before she could interrupt, "I failed to convey my feelings appropriately. I did not mean to once again upset you. My poor phrasing made it sound as if I was more concerned about the opinions of others than you. What I had been trying to say, badly, is I never considered our relationship to be an affair as an affair is some kind of sordid physical relationship to gain instant gratification; whereas our relationship was deeper and more of the mind."
"Yes I know." Amy muttered.
"No!" Sheldon stood now, pacing in his frustration. Why could he not put into words how Amy had made him feel. "Amy what we had was not meant to end. We were better than others. We had more than just mere physical attraction."
Amy closed her eyes as Sheldon's words washed over her. She knew he was trying, trying to make her feel better but it was not working, his constant underlining of their lack of physical closeness was like someone picking at a recently healed wound. Opening her eyes she was shocked to see Sheldon slumped now back in the chair.
"It always comes out wrong." he muttered.
"What does?"
"Whenever I try to tell you how I feel it comes out wrong. When I spoke to Meemaw she said I should tell you what I told her. But it comes out wrong."
"What did you tell Meemaw?" Amy asked curious now.
"Just about that night. How when you kissed me it felt right. How every time you kissed me it felt right. That I knew when I was with you I didn't need anyone else. I wanted them to know it was more than lust. And Meemaw said I should be telling you not them. When I told her we didn't talk about those things she asked why and I said it was too soon. She told me it was not too soon, it was too late and she was right. I am sorry Amy. Sorry I left it too late!"
Looking at her for the first time properly since she had sat down he saw she had tears in her eyes.
"Amy please don't cry. I didn't want to make you sad. I never wanted to make you sad. You always made me so happy. You always looked after me and I was so busy being happy that I didn't realise I was not making you happy too."
Amy was shocked at the raw emotion in Sheldon's voice and hesitated before replying. "It wasn't just you Sheldon, I was not happy at work, or with my life in general. No you did not tell me how you felt but I did not tell you either. I'm sorry too."
"Can we be friends Amy?" Sheldon asked earnestly. "I miss having you as my friend."
"Id like that." Amy smiled.
Sheldon grinned, "Maybe you can help me convince Leonard how stupid his plan is to buy a house across town."
"Why is it stupid? They are married, it s closer to both their jobs and if they plan on starting a family surely a house is better than an apartment."
"Hmmph." Sheldon snorted, "that's the kind of nonsense Leonard was spouting too."
"Then maybe it is true." Amy smiled gently. "Sure you wont have your buddy across the hall but it is not as if he is leaving the state." As she finished the sentence Amy winced as this was exactly what she had done and she knew Sheldon would be scared Leonard was about to leave him too.
"Sheldon, Leonard will need you as much as you need him. Once he is living alone with Penny and her shoes 24/7 he will be begging for you to have games nights, or even to go over to theirs to clean!"
Sheldon smiled at this, "Yes you maybe right. But I will still have to run the gauntlet of new neighbours."
"So take control." Amy grinned. "Help them advertise yourself. It worked out when you got Leonard as a room-mate after all!"
Considering the logic of her words Sheldon nodded. "See, that is why I missed you Amy Farrah Fowler, pure brains."
Smiling a little sadly Amy stood. "I had better go, thanks for the tea Sheldon."
73
It was several hours later as Sheldon looked at the list for his ideal neighbour he realised Penny had been right. Amy would fit the bill perfectly. Now they had made friends could he persuade her to move across the hall? He contemplated knocking next door to show her his comprehensive list of requirements but decided she may not appreciate it this late at night. Turning off his laptop and beginning his night time ritual before bed Sheldon felt a lot more at ease than he had done for many months. Amy was back and had agreed to be friends. Her face had looked both happy and sad Sheldon reflected as he lay on his bed going over the events of the day. She had seemed happy to accept his offer of friendship, but he must have said something to upset her because he was fairly certain he had made her sad too. Maybe tomorrow he would run the conversation past the others and see if they could shed any light on the complex maze of emotions that was Amy.
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