Chapter 15

The moment Magnus took one elegant step into the Infirmary, the whole room fell silent and any on-going conversations dissipated in the air. The warlock surveyed the scene, using the sudden silence to his advantage as he looked around. Robert Lightwood stood on one side of an occupied bed in the centre of the long room, back on a visit from Idris no doubt due to the recent happenings involving his son. Maryse stood also, a woman whom Magnus was more familiar with and although it wasn't exactly pleasing to be around her, she tended to send him many less angry looks than her husband did. She stood on edge at the foot of the small bed; she'd been listening to Alec speaking, but the boy's words had been cut short immediately by Magnus' sudden entrance.
Alec - his eyes were wide and blue with the same kind of anxious dread that Magnus also felt within him. No matter how much Magnus tried to push it away, a feeling of longing and - well - love filled his heart. It stung and ached, the exact same sensation that filled every one of his dreams concerning Alec - which was pretty much all of them as of late. But he had shove the feelings to the back of his mind, using all of his might to hold the floodgates closed, as he cleared his throat and willed himself to speak without choking on his lingering emotions.
"You called?" he asked, eyes still locked on Alec's despite his words being directed at Maryse. His cat-like eyes scanned over the blue-eyed Shadowhunter instinctively, but he couldn't spot anything physically wrong with the boy - or at least nothing more than the night before when Magnus had last checked him over. But when he peered a little closer, he could see that Alec was shivering, his teeth chattering and his shoulders tense.
"Alec," a worried voice breathed from behind Magnus, and before the warlock even had a chance to turn around, Jace barged past him impatiently and rushed over to the bed where Alec sat. As soon as he reached his parabatai Jace immediately curled his arms around the older boy and held him close, allowing the fire that burned through his veins to seep through Alec's skin and warm him. Alec didn't move to pull away, but even with Jace's arms wrapped around him he didn't become any less tense. He was too conscious of not only his parents being present, but also Magnus, to care about the cold that plagued him. Robert unwillingly sent Jace an uncomfortable look, but Jace was scowling back within the blink of an eye.
"He's cold!" the blonde Shadowhunter said in a protective growl as he held onto Alec like a whining child refusing to let go of a beloved teddy bear. "Excuse me if I don't want him to freeze to death."
Magnus sighed, tucking a lock of glittery blue hair behind his ear. As much as he was glad for Jace's protectiveness towards Alec - someone had to worry about him, and Magnus knew he no longer could - Jace could be incredibly annoying at times. "He's not going to freeze to death, Jace," Magnus assured him, but the blonde only gritted his teeth and didn't make any move to let go of his parabatai. "If you want me to look over him again I will, but you'll all have to leave."
Jace stared at Magnus as though the warlock had gone mad. "But he needs me to keep him warm."
"Jace, I'm fine," Alec spoke up finally, shrugging the blonde's arms off of him. "Really, it's not that bad." The words were a blatant lie - every second Alec was away from Jace his skin burned with the ice cold memory of the river's water around him, but he knew that having Jace around was an inconvenience - not to mention the fact that he was sure he wouldn't be able to take the awkwardness of having both Jace and Magnus around him simultaneously.
"It won't take more than a few precious minutes of your time," Magnus informed not only the two teens but their parents as well. "You can wait outside."
Jace and both of the adults all looked at Alec expectantly, as though asking if he complied. "I'm fine," he told them for the millionth time, and it wasn't any more true than any other time he'd said it. "I'll call if I need any of you."
Reluctantly, they left the room, Jace last to depart, holding Magnus' gaze for a long moment before he shut the door behind him. And all of a sudden, Magnus and Alec were alone, both unusually silent and unsure of what to say.
The mood had changed. Instantly, Alec felt sicker, colder, icier to the point where he was quaking noticeably and couldn't breathe. Magnus was at his side in an instant, without a single word required, and his hand reached to feel the Shadowhunter's forehead. It was hot, but not unusually so, and Magnus couldn't hold back from stroking his hand through Alec's dark hair as he pulled his hand away.
"Does it hurt?" he asked, staring deeply into the boy's eyes, which were like windows into a black abyss rimmed with the deep blue that Magnus loved so much.
"It's really not that bad. Jace is overreacting -"
"Alexander, tell me the truth," Magnus pleaded before he could go on with his denial. He had expected Alec to try and conceal his pain from everyone just to be less of an inconvenience, but as the warlock sat on the edge of the teenage Nephilim's bed, he wished that Alec could be more open about the extent of his pain. "I can help you, but not if you don't tell me what's wrong."
Alec hated the way Magnus was speaking to him. He usually adored hearing the warlock's soft yet suggestive tone, but at this point Magnus sounded patronising, treating Alec as though he was a child who ought to be protected from harm.
"Don't talk to me like that, Magnus, I'm not a kid," he requested, and the warlock drew back. "Yes, it hurts. I'm freezing." Those few words truly did nothing to explain the agony that rocketed through Alec's nerves, but even past Alec's reluctance to honestly describe his pain, he wasn't great at explaining things anyway. Despite this, Magnus nodded, content with at least this little shred of honesty, and got to work scanning Alec's body for any trace of magical interference. He was sure he would find nothing more than the night before, but he took his time with the search, not only for the sake of Alec's family but his own sanity as well.
"Magnus."
Alec's voice was a murmur, and his eyes were lulled almost completely shut. The scan tended to draw the energy from an individual when performed, yet Alec wasn't completely asleep just yet. He watched Magnus work through his half-open eyelids, but looked away when the warlock opened his own eyes and glanced up at him.
Magnus didn't say anything at first. He was apprehensive as to what the Shadowhunter had to say, but when it was clear that Alec wasn't going to say anything without a prompt, he let out a long sigh. There was obvious tension between them, and as much as Magnus wished it would simply fall away, he knew that if not for this veil of distance he would be unable to retain from reaching out to touch Alec's soft features yet again.
"Alec," he replied, just the cue the blue-eyed boy was looking for. Alec was speaking again within a breath of Magnus' reply.
"I'm so sorry, I really am. I know you're probably furious with me, but I promise that everything with Jace started after we broke up." Alec gulped, before risking a glance up at the warlock's face. "Please don't hate me."
Magnus stared back in utter disbelief, shock scrawled all over his glittery features and feline eyes. Was that really what Alec thought? That he hated him? It was true that Magnus had been a little more than surprised when he heard of what had transpired between the two parabatai so soon after his and Alec's breakup, but as much as it had hurt him, the warlock couldn't imagine ever hating Alec because of it. If anything, Jace and Alec's relationship had stopped him from doing anything stupid like taking Alec back. Every night since he'd ended it, Magnus had dreamed of Alec, and every morning he'd promised his heartbroken self that he would put everything back to how it was. But he knew in his most rational of thoughts that continuing with Alec would only end in more heartache, and that the young Shadowhunter was better off with someone else - more importantly, someone mortal. Jace reminded him profoundly of that fact.
"I don't hate you," Magnus told him, a little sterner with his words than he meant to be, and Alec looked back at him with a stare of confusion. Was he really unable to comprehend someone forgiving him? "Your love life is no longer any of my concern. If you wish to be with Jace that is your decision, and it shouldn't be impacted by me." As Magnus said all of this, desperately trying form his appropriate thoughts into words, at the back of his mind the magical scan was still ongoing, whirring with the usual static that magic brought to his mind.
"Oh," the blue-eyed blue breathed, and his eyes fluttered closed. He remained still, the only movement being the rise and fall of his chest. Magnus was sure he had fallen into a sleep, drained by the magic being performed on him. If he'd known that Alec was in fact still conscious, he may not have confessed what he then did, but regardless he found himself uttering the words as he unlaced the magic from around Alec. He had found nothing more than he had the night before; Alec's pain was psychological, and unfortunately he was unable to do much to help with that sort of ache other than the light healing spell he left on the boy as he redrew his magic. He hoped it would help at least a little.
"I'm leaving, Alec," Magnus sighed. "I've resigned my position as High Warlock of Brooklyn, and I'll be off to Peru tomorrow morning."
"What?!" To the warlock's surprise, Alec sat up suddenly and stared at him with wide eyes - he obviously had not been sleeping quite yet. Alec was filled with a sudden desperation, an energy that was ignited by Magnus declaring his looming departure. It occurred to him that if Magnus left now, he may never see him again, and that realisation struck him with a painful stab at his chest. "You're leaving?"
Magnus nodded in response, but was knocked backwards by the sudden impact of lips against his when he looked up again. Alec was kissing him, lips soft and desperate, and as much as he would have loved to kiss him back, Magnus restrained from engaging in the kiss and simply pushed the boy away. The cord that had tied them together some weeks ago was torn, and the injury was a splintering ache that both of them felt. Each was hurt in their own way, and as much as their minds still felt the same agonising love for each other, their hearts both required time to heal before a kiss like that stopped tasting so bitter.
"Magnus, I love you," Alec blurted out the second their lips had devastatingly parted. He seemed sincere about it, so truthful that Magnus' heart ached for him, but nonetheless he was forced to pull even further away.
"You love Jace," Magnus reminded him, but Alec only sat up higher, reaching out to touch the warlock and frowning with heartache when he flinched away.
"But I love you too," he told Magnus, tears stinging at his eyes at the thought of never seeing Magnus again, never being able to make him understand how much Alec really loved him. "I don't how it's possible but I love you both."
Magnus sighed at the boy's inexperience. "Alexander, it's entirely possible. But Jace is your parabatai, you share a unique bond. I completely understand that your connection with him is stronger than ours -"
"No, Magnus, I love you both the same." Alec spoke through gritted teeth by this point, and unwanted tears of frustration were pooling in his eyes and tumbling down his cheeks. Magnus was already brushing them away with his fingertips before he could stop himself.
"Jace is better for you, Alec," Magnus told him, making a futile attempt at convincing Alec the same way he'd convinced himself that this was the right thing to do, even if it felt as though he was going against every instinct within him that told him to stay. "You and I would have ended up in heartbreak sooner or later anyway."
Alec tried to argue, but Magnus quickly stopped him. "No, we wouldn't -"
"You're mortal, Alec," the warlock explained, a solemn mood clouding his expression. "At least with Jace you'll be able to live out your lives together, and I won't have to watch you grow old." On the contrary, Magnus would have loved to watch Alec grow old, and age with him if it wasn't so horribly impossible. But he wouldn't let his true feelings shine through and stop Alec from living his life. "I only want you to be happy," he told the boy truthfully.
"I don't want to hurt you." The damage is already done, Magnus thought for a second but bit his tongue to refrain from saying it. He could already see the self-hatred pooling in Alec's eyes, and the last thing he wanted was to intensify it. Besides, it wasn't Alec's fault.
Magnus gasped as a hand grabbed his wrist with a grip, and he was forced to look back at Alec as he realised that his eyes had wandered away, no doubt trying to spare him the pain of watching Alec's face. "Please don't leave," Alec pleaded in a whisper, but he was too late. Magnus had already made up his mind hours past, and he was stubborn in refusing to change his mind.
Magnus shook of Alec's hold of his wrist and stood, pacing to the other side of the bed which was nearest to the door. "I have to. I can't stay here anymore, not now," he told Alec. He had to admit that he was reluctant to leave, but Alec was fine and his rational mind could see no reason for him to stay. The emotional side, however, he was afraid to ask the opinion of. "I'll be back, I promise," he bid to Alec, hoping the vow to help to ease the pain. Of course, Magnus was kidding himself - words couldn't fix the tear in Alec's heart that he was regrettably causing.
"When?" Alec urged.
"Soon."
"How soon -?" But Magnus cut off his questions with a hand that took Alec's cheek and stroked the strong bone of his jaw. It was so familiar, yet at the same time horribly distant in his memories.
"Alec, do me one favour," Magnus asked, and Alec was suddenly silent. "Take that love you feel for me, and direct it instead to Jace. He loves you, and he deserves the same back." He was sure that Alec was about to say something back, but before he could utter a single syllable, Magnus pressed his lips to Alec's for one final, farewell kiss, and departed as quickly as his feet would carry him.

Jace and Isabelle were both waiting outside the door as Magnus left, the blonde Shadowhunter pacing with obvious restless respite as Izzy stood still, a little more patient. The second Jace's eyes locked with the warlock's, he headed straight for the door Magnus had just left through to re-join Alec. There was an uncomfortable feeling running through Jace's veins that made every cell of his being itch, and it was projecting through his parabatai rune with Alec. Although he was sure that the feeling was probably more to do with Magnus' presence than actual pain, the blonde was anxious to make sure that Alec was OK. Magnus was partly relieved that Jace had left so suddenly - he'd never really been all that fond of him - but once he had departed, it only left Izzy leaning on the wall at the other side of the hall. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was staring at Magnus as though she knew something he'd been trying to conceal.
It was true that Izzy had suspicions; there was something about the way Magnus was acting, which such caution as if he was afraid of shifting too much to unveil a secret he was anxious to keep hidden. She didn't know what it was just yet, although his solemn secrecy led her to believe that it couldn't be good news, but she wasn't going to let Magnus leave until he told her.
"Is he alright?" she queried, as beneath her suspicious glare she was still just as concerned for her older brother as Jace was - she just hid it behind calculated calm. In all honesty, she wasn't sure she'd be able to cope if she reacted like Jace had, with such possessive protectiveness, as she usually would. She saw now through the blonde that his worrying only got in the way, and Alec would only feel worse if there were two of his siblings watching and cradling him every waking minute.
Magnus shrugged back. "He's much the same," he reported, slightly unnerved by Izzy's hard expression, licked with determination. He wasn't sure she would approve of his plans to leave New York and was therefore reluctant to reveal them to her. "There are no dark strains of magic lingering. I think his pain is more psychological than it is physical, and in which case I can't help, but I've cast a healing spell just in case."
Izzy nodded back silently, but she looked as though she expected Magnus to say something more. "Call Catarina if he develops any more symptoms," he said, meant to be a final note, and turned on his heel to leave to New York Institute - it hit him with a sharp slit that this would likely be the last time.
But Izzy, assertive as she usually was, didn't let him get away quite that easily. She caught Magnus by the arm and swung him back around to face her, and her eyes were like venomous pools of spitting fire, rimmed with the same level of suspicion yet this time around she had a general idea of what he was hiding.
"Why Catarina?" she wondered accusingly, piercing Magnus' unusual eyes with her deep brown ones. "Why not you?"
"All I meant was that, as she works in a hospital, Catarina is probably more qualified for this kind of assistance -" Magnus attempted, but Izzy wasn't having it. The Nephilim girl was anything but stupid and so she could see his avoidance from a mile away.
"Magnus," she urged, and the warlock's lips pressed together into a thin, stubborn line. But when he didn't offer up his own explanations, Izzy simply concluded her own. "Magnus, are you leaving?"
Magnus found himself coughing to shift the reluctance his voice held to sound any words. "Yes," he finally managed, as reluctant as he was to reveal this to Isabelle. "I'm off to Peru."
"Weren't you banned from Peru?" Izzy asked as she recalled Alec relaying Magnus' stories to her when she forced him to tell her all that had occurred on one of their dates.
"Up until recently, yes, but the warlocks there have granted me a holiday, so long as I behave myself." Izzy couldn't ever imagine Magnus 'behaving himself', given his usual quirkiness, but whilst she wanted to grin at the image of him gallivanting around Lima to the devastation of the people there, she was sure she would choke on tears if she tried to laugh. She would miss the warlock, and knew for a fact that her brother would also feel the ache of his departure, but on a horribly selfish level, she wished that she and Magnus had been better friends. He was truly magnificent, when not acting like an arrogant idiot, and she didn't want him to leave. Izzy being Izzy, she voiced her disapproval.
"You know, you can't just run away."
Magnus scoffed. "I think you'll find I very well can." There was no point trying to conceal the true intentions behind his actions from Izzy, she was too perceptive, and would only press him more of she picked up on a lie. In truth, he was running away, fleeing from the heartache he knew would plague him if he stayed. But more than that, he didn't want to find himself as an obstacle wedged between Alec and Jace - breaking a pair of parabatai apart was the last thing he wanted, and besides that, he didn't want to interfere with Alec's life any more than he had already. Alec deserved to make his decisions without Magnus as a factor.
"But Alec still loves you, and I know you feel the same and -" Izzy's voice broke, shattering into a million tiny pieces as it hit her that she didn't want Magnus to go, not just for Alec but for her. "Magnus, please don't go. I'm going to miss you so much." Tears were pushing at her eyelids, and Magnus was idly reminded of the similar reaction he'd received from Alec.
"I'll be back some day," he told her. It was the only condolence he could offer, and even this he wasn't totally sure of. "But for now I have to go. Goodbye Isabelle."
And with that he turned and left, and this time Izzy didn't try to stop him. His shoes clicked on the hard wooden floor, and although the echoes stung at his heart and made him ache with the reminder of all that he had loved about this place, he forced himself to keep walking. New places awaited: Peru, a land he hadn't seen in ages due to his ban, but now he had the perfect opportunity to look around a little. New adventures were ahead, new dreams and new people and new love. He would leave behind New York and the Shadowhunters who dwelled there, and he would keep moving, on and on and on. Just like always.

A/N: So as it turns out, this chapter is the longest so far – it should probably be split into two chapters, but I think it all fits nicely together as one. This is also the second from last chapter of this story. Yes, there is just one chapter remaining and then that's it for now, folks. I must admit that I feel pretty bad for breaking Magnus' (and Alec's) heart but I think I backed myself into a corner by bringing him into the equation at all – at the end of the day, this is a Jalec story, and Malec will just have to wait for another day. Anyway, the last chapter should be up as soon as possible since I've almost finished it, and please remember to review.