Author's note: Very sorry that I'm posting this past midnight. Someone was hogging my time & comp and it is impossible for me to type on tablet etc...so i just had to wait. I will post two chaps tommorow since it is late now ;)

Chapter 4: Drunk as a Skunk

Grimmauld place stood in dissarray. The Golden Trio had been gone exactly two days when the shit hit the fan, sort of speak, for Sirius. Suddenly sitting quietly in the house was impossible for him to do any longer. His blood was pulsing and he was restless. He tried to sit down and read but his eyes could not focus and even his legs began to twitch. There were only a few things that could calm him right now and alcohol was one of those things. In a matter of hours, and before the morning was truly over, Sirius had cleared the entire liquor cabinet. And still he did not feel calmed.

There was something definitely off.

Luckily, he didn't have to be sober with everyone gone, including the Order. Most of the Order members had been invited to the wedding, all except him. The house was completely empty except for Kreacher, who like a ghastly demon from his past espoused all the Black family values Sirius despised. As he lay in a drunken stupor on the floor, Sirius could have sworn he heard the hideous elf argue with himself over whether he should suffocate the drunken Master Black because he was such a disgrace and it was what the Mistress would have wanted. Sirius kept his room locked after that. He would have felt safer having Kreacher dead with his head mounted on a plaque, but thought better of it when he imagined just how angry Hermione would be if she found out. She might never forgive him.

In the morning, he woke with a splitting headache and lying in a puddle of his own vomit.

Always one for perfect timing, this is just when Remus decided to pay him a visit. Arriving through the floo network, the friendly werewolf looked well-groomed and highly respectable in his well-ironed slacks and tweed sweater, basically the opposite of how Sirius looked.

Though dammit, Sirius thinks, he's not even a professor anymore so why should he look so smug?

"I look smug because you, Sirius, look a rightful mess."

"Not fair, Mooney, how'd you read my thoughts?"

"Because you said that aloud."

"Well, good, because it'd be pretty low to use occlumency on an inebriated wizard. That's like mind rape."

Remus cleared his throat. "Do you even know what mind rape is, Padfoot?"

"Some muggle crime or other where you take advantage of a drunk person...Of course I know what it is!" clearly not knowing what it is.

Sirius was still slurring his words and looked unable to stand on his own two feet. Remus decided to wait no longer in getting a pepper-up potion for his friend.

A few moments later, after a bit of a struggle to get Sirius to shut up long enough to swallow the potion (which Remus had to assure him was not cabbage flavoured), the two friends sat back in the living room. Sirius stretched out on a faded green couch while Remus sat back in an armchair charmed to make the occupient feel as if they were sitting on the most comfortable chair ever.

Remus sighed in comfort, "I could spend all day in this chair."

"You should, the chair is charmed to be so comfy that you never want to get up from it. It's a trick to get people to stay longer than they intend to."

Sirius smirked to himself as he thought of all the times he got Hermione to spend hours in conversation with him as she sat in that same chair.

"Please Sirius, I'd rather not hear about your tricks, especially at your age. You put an old friend to shame."

"Bloody werewolves, you really are an uptight and responsible bunch."

Remus smiled. "You learn to be when you have to worry about accidentally killing or maiming someone once a month. Really teaches you to keep up those wolfsbane potions. No excuses or slip ups."

"You're no fun at all Remus, most of the fun in life in is the slip-ups. You should let loose once in awhile, forget about your medication!"

Remus raised his eyebrow and fixed his friend with a stern look, "If you're idea of letting loose is spilling the contents of one's stomach on the floor and then sleeping in it, I'd rather not. Thanks for the offer though."

"I'd rather you forget you saw me like that, Remus."

"I would. I'd obliviate myself if I could but given the number of times I've seen you like that, I'd have to go through alot, if not almost all of my memories of you."

"Oh shut up Remus, I haven't always been a drunk! I'll have you know, I was perfectly sober for thirteen years in Askaban. You can ask the dementors if you don't believe me." He laughed to himself, but Remus did not find his dark joke funny. Remus' face was suddenly full of pity and Sirius found that more annoying than anything,

"I'm sorry that-" Remus began.

"Bugger off with your apologies, they're a whole lot of use to me now," he swore half-heartedly under his breath while trying to hold back his temper. It was a bit too late for apologies when Mooney had let him rot in prison for thirteen years without so much as a visit. But he pushed these dark thoughts away.

He looked back at Remus who sat with his eyes lulled by the perfect comfort of the chair. "Why are you even here?"

"Besides a visit to an old friend?" Remus replied lazily with eyes half-closed,

"Well, to be honest, I just came back from Percy's wedding rehearsal and wanted to get away from Molly, the place is a madhouse."

Sirius was pleased at this bit of news. His face broke into a genuine smile.

"Really now? And what has dear Molly done so far to piss her guests off?"

"You mean besides everything? Give me a second to think now. Oh, yes, in addition to being hostess of the wedding, she now also thinks she controls everyone's lives and can play god with the seating arrangements."

"But, Remus, she is god at that wedding, didn't you know?"

"Yes, well, god or not, she can bugger off with her attempts at meddling with other people's lives and playing matchmaker."

Sirius whistled. "So Molly has been trying to set you up has she? Oh that is just too precious. I almost wish now I had been invited."

"Believe me, you do not want to be there. Between the bride and the mother of the groom fighting over every detail, it's like watching Hitler and Mussolini replaying over who gets Russia."

"So what? The place is probably crawling with women...So who did Molly try to set you up with?"

Remus groaned loudly, though it didn't really sound like he was in distress what with the chair working its magic on him.

"Tonks. If you would believe it."

"Nymphadora? That's just classic!" Sirius barked with laughter, "What was Molly thinking setting you up with HER?"

"Don't ask me! She's practically half my age, but Molly insisted we sit together at every possibly moment. She has no subtlety either, so it made for a painfully embarrassing evening or two."

Sirius laughed.

Remus continued "Not to mention, sitting beside Nymphadora Tonks is like sitting next to a land mine. There are always accidents. I can't tell you the number of times I had beverages spilled down my pants"

"Maybe she did it on purpose?"

Remus reddened. "Don't be stupid Sirius, you know how clumsy Tonks is. She doesn't have to try."

"Hmmm...True. Still can't say I'm not surprised, I always figured Tonks didn't swing that way."

"Swing that way? What are talking about Sirius?" Remus opened his eyes from relaxing in the chair and looked angrily across the room at his friend.

"Calm down Remus, I only meant that I always figured she might not be interested in men, what with her crazy hair and boots..."

"She's a metamorphagus Sirius, of course she's going to have crazy doesn't make her a lesbian!"

"Yeah, I don't know, mate, it's all a bit iffy with the combat boots and boyish personality."

"You're completely daft. Not being as vain as you doesn't make her gay."

"What are you interested in her now? Because I have to say, as her cousin and last remaining male head of the Black family, that I do not approve of the match."

"You're so full of it, Padfoot. You're only a Black when it serves you. Lest I remind you that you were covered in your own vomit when I arrived here."

"I should have obliviated you."

"You couldn't even if you tried."

They held each other's gaze for a moment in playful camaraderie.

"What would it matter to you anyways? Not that I am interested in Tonks in the slightest, with all due respect to the ancient and noble house of Black." He added sarcastically. "But why would you dissapprove of it so strongly?"

"One very good reason."

"What is that?"

"Can you imagine how smug Molly Weasley would look if she found out? You'd never live it down mate. She's probably want to be included in all your wedding anniversaries!"

He laughed at Remus' horrified expression.

.

.

.

A/N: Why is Remus so resistant to the idea of him and Tonks? Methinks the werewolf doth protest too much ;) But Sirius may have a similar situation coming and then Remus will be the one laughing. Also I picture Sirius here a bit like a dog in that he'll go crazy when his loved ones leave him locked up in the house.

Reviews appreciated, they dont have to be long, a smiley face :) would be nice to know people are reading...or unhappy face :( if they hate it