Chapter 8: The Forgotten Life of Regulus and Take-out Delivery...and Black Family Matters

It was the next morning and the first chance they had to discuss the Regulus case in private. They had both decided the day before that it would be best not to mention anything to Harry or Ron. Harry would just worry for Sirius' sake. Ron wouldn't understand but might prove a liability if he blabbered about it. In turn, the leaking of gossip would strengthen the Ryders resolve against telling anymore of their secrets. Meanwhile they didn't have proof of anything, had not yet met with Selena Ryder and still did not even know how they were going to pull it off. Neither could Hermione and Sirius agree on how they were going to get information out of Selena. Hermione mentally went through the possibilities of using a combination of polyjuice, veritaserum and memory charms, but Sirius had entirely different ideas.

Perhaps it was the gentleman in him that respected his brother's widow because he wanted to pull no tricks. He wanted them to just go in there and have a completely honest conversation with Selena.

"I don't get what you're thinking Sirius, you can't honestly think you can show up at her doorstep. She'll have a heart attack and think you want to kill her!"

"Don't exaggerate Hermione, I'm her brother-in-law, not the bogey man."

"Who happens to be a fugitive thought to be an insane murderer. Or do you not remember how Harry and I reacted when we first saw you?!"

"You kids tried to kill me!"

"Because we thought you were trying to kill us! You are not very good at first impressions Sirius, so the whole idea of you going as yourself is absurd!"

"Hermione, I could polyjuice into someone else, as could you, but Selena's simply not going to trust us. I know this woman as being very stubborn and impossible to strangers. You couldn't melt her with a torch, if you tried."

"Her son was friendly enough!"

"He's a Black," Sirius said knowingly, "I'm sure he had an agenda."

Hermione quirked an eyebrow. Now that she thought of it, Perseus Ryder was more than a bit friendly, he was downright flirtatious. But then he must have thought she was interested after she singled him out from the crowd and proceeded to ask him a bunch of random personal questions. She blushed at her naivete, Perseus must have thought her quite bold.

"Listen, the only chance we have that she'll confide in us is if I go as myself. She'll understand it's a Black family matter and why we want to know. Though I agree with you that I can't just show up as myself..as you kindly pointed out I don't make a good first impression when the first things people associate with my name is 'evil crazy murderer'. You'll have to warm her up first."

"I don't know Sirius, it's taking a pretty big risk. How do we know we can trust her? She might not believe anything you say and report you to the ministry."

"Ah but Hermione, you do not see how the wizarding world actually works. Selena Ryder comes from an old pureblood family and the last thing she would do is send a fellow nobleman to prison, regardless of whether he is guilty or not."

Hermione found it odd hearing Sirius referring to himself as a "nobleman" but then this was how he must have been raised. Despite how he rebelled against it.

"As unfair as it is, it was barely a century ago when having noble status was a get out-of-jail-free card for a wizard," Sirius said sardonically, "Even though it is no longer legal to act without impunity, among the old families, they still honour this tradition informally."

"Basically, no one tells on anyone else?" Hermione guessed.

"Exactly."

"That would explain a few things about Lucius Malfoy."

"Actually, I think that git still thinks he's living a century ago."

They broke into laughter. After Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy was his next favourite target to make fun of. Sirius never tired of telling how he punched the pompous blonde in the face when they were fighting in the Department of Mysteries. He was equally impressed when Hermione told him of how she had punched his son Draco in the face during her third year. It seemed they more things in common than they knew.

"What are you guys laughing about?"

Harry and Ron had just come back from the Burrow when they followed the sound of laughter to the living room. Harry was delighted when he found out that they were making fun of the Malfoys. It was no understatement to say that Harry also hated both the father-son duo, so he eagerly joined the conversation with his own stories of one-upping the Malfoys. Ron looked less than happy, for although he had been the butt of Draco's rude jibes for years, he had never properly avenged himself. His one attempt at getting back at Malfoy in second-year had completely backfired. It still brought a flush to his cheeks whenever he remembered how he had accidentally hit himself, rather than Draco, with the slug-eating curse.

"So how was the Burrow?" Sirius asked.

"Same as ever," Ron replied.

"You don't sound too happy about it." He noted that both boys seemed unusually tired and put out.

"Why should I? Mom had us clear off a garden gnome infestation," Ron whined, "Those buggers nearly bit my fingers off."

"That's why you're supposed to wear garden gloves, Ron," Hermione said.

"Yeah, well, maybe you should have been there to help."

Sirius chuckled softly at Ron's stupidity before turning to Harry, "How about you Harry? Did they get you?"

"Strangely no. I didn't get one bite. And I didn't wear gloves either."

"That's because you had the easy spots while mom sent me in to do all the dangerous holes where they were hiding!"

Sirius couldn't help a loud laugh. It was nice to know that Molly sent her son, rather than the-boy-who-lived, to do the dangerous bits. Then again, she was a member of the Order and understood the importance of Harry's life to the future of the wizarding world.

Ron looked angrily over Sirius. "Remind me again Sirius why you weren't able to come over and help?"

Hermione was quick to his defense "Ron! He's an adult, he doesn't have to take orders from your mother...especially not after how she treated him!"

Everybody rolled their eyes at her last sentence, even Sirius because he thought it was high time she lay it to rest.

"Hermione would you just please let it go? Sirius didn't even want to go that wedding and Molly must have known that," Harry pleaded.

"It's true Hermione," Sirius said half-heartedly knowing that Hermione knows he is lieing.

"I don't believe you Sirius," she said looking into his grey eyes knowing that he knows that she knows that he's lieing.

Ron interrupted their cozy little staring match by sitting down between them on the couch. He said with his typical eloquent charm, "I'm hungry Hermione. What have you cooked?"

"Ron why don't you cook yourself!"

"You had all day to cook! And you're the one who volunteered to take over Kreacher's duties."

"Ron, just shut up," Harry said.

"No, I will not shut up. I'm hungry. Do you want me to get Kreacher to make something? Because I'll do that Hermione," he said threateningly.

"I wouldn't try it, Ron. I think anything Kreacher might serve you will be poisoned." Sirius said.

"So what am I supposed to do, starve?"

"Over poisoning? I think it's the preferable option," Sirius said impatiently.

"Um, has no one here heard of take-out?" Harry said in frustration. Living as a muggle for so long made him realize how impractical the wizarding world could be. As he tried to explain what take-out food was to a confused looking Sirius and Ron, Harry sighed in frustration. "Honestly, it's like wizards refuse to wipe their own ass if a spell or elf can do it, no matter if it takes longer and is highly undignified."

Hermione and Sirius burst out laughing.

Ron looked miffed. "No one gets elves to wipe their arse, Harry, there's at least ten different spells to do that. Honestly, I don't know where you got that idea."

"It's a metaphor Ron."

"Hey, I bet you Lucius Malfoy does it!"

"Ugh!" The mental image made them all gag.

A few moments later, Harry stood up, "Right, I'm going to get the food now. Any requests?"

"Can you get pizza, Harry?" Sirius said

"Sure, any toppings?" Harry observed the blank expression on his godfather's face, "Toppings are the things that go on top of the pizza, Sirius."

"Oh yeah! Can you get those little fishy things? I like those."

"Anchovies? No," Harry said flatly.

"Get pineapple and relish then."

"Relish is for hotdogs, not pizza. Honestly, you have the weirdest tastes Sirius."

"I meant wizard relish," Sirius said with dignity, as if it were a serious issue.

"Right. You can just add that yourself."

Harry turned to Ron who was stretched out on the couch and looked like not even an earthquake could get him to move. "C'mon, Ron, I am going to show you how to get take-out. It's a very important life skill and I don't want to find you dead one day because I didn't teach you."

"Sorry Harry, I'm too tired. Go without me."

"Ron, it's very easy, sort of like a spell, you mumble aloud some things into a phone and delicious food arrives at your house half an hour later."

"I have to wait half-an hour? What kind of spell takes half-a-bloody hour?"

Harry was losing his patience. "That's it. This is for your own good, Ron."

Harry took out his wand and said "Locomotor Ron!" A second later, Ron floated in the air behind Harry as they went to order pizza.

"Good job Harry!"

"Whoa! Harry!" Hermione cheered.

Hermione turned to Sirius, "What's wizard relish?"

Sirius raised an eyebrow cheekily and Hermione wished she hadn't asked.

Later that night, when they were alone again, Sirius and Hermione resumed the discussion they were having before being interrupted many hours ago.

"So we covered how we want to do this thing. Now we have to decide on when," Hermione said.

"The sooner the better."

"I thought you'd say that. But do we really want to hurry this?"

"Is there any reason not to? I don't see any merits in delaying. You never know when people might drop dead."

"That's a dark thing to say."

Sirius waved a hand through his hair, "But very true, especially with witnesses who have information others want to suppress. With the family she's from, Selena is likely to be privy to alot more than just my brother's secrets. If someone keeps to themselves as much as Selena Ryder does, I would say it's because they're worried for their safety...Or are being watched."

"You're right, I hadn't thought of it. That would explain why she's so wary of meeting strangers."

"Which means her house will be tightly warded. Which means the only way we're going to reach her is by invitation."

"You're leading somewhere with this, aren't you?"

"Yes," he cleared his throat and resumed as if he hadn't been interrupted, "Which means that you're going to have to get Perseus to invite you."

"Great. Exactly how am I going to casually get a seventeen year old to introduce me to his mother?"

Sirius could not resist a joke, "Easy, tell him you want to marry him."

"Ha, bloody, ha, Sirius. He must already think I'm daft. I'm not going to lead him down that road any further."

"You're such a tease, Hermione, I had no idea."

She coaxed an eyebrow at him, just daring him to try her patience. Sirius backed down from the challenge.

"Listen, you won't say you want to meet his mother. But once there, you'll have to make some kind of diversion so that it's just you and Selena...and me." He rubbed his hands together.

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A/n: yeah i told you this chapter was going to be sillier ;) Oh dear what could Sirius be up to? Trust me the next chapter is going to be VERY silly :)

big thank yous to everyone that reviewed, it made sirius feel a lot better !