A/n: they're still feeling the effects of alcohol in this chapter.

Chapter 14: Up and Down

They ran back the way to Grimmauld Place, after taking the tube with Sirius as a dog and Hermione stumbling after him. Sirius was panting with his tongue hanging out. Sirius wasn't exactly sure why they were running. Since it was already well past 1am and they'd be getting a telling off from Snape either way, whether they arrived a few minutes earlier or later.

"Hold on Sirius I'm out of breathe!" Hermione suddenly cried as she stooped over, looking rather sick.

Sirius, or rather Padfoot, who had boundless amounts of energy came galloping back to her and attempted to lick her face. But Hermione was having none of that and pushed the black dog away.

"Stop it, Sirius. I don't feel well," Hermione said as she held her pounding head in her hands. She felt like her head was going to explode and her stomach churned as if she'd just swallowed a really disgusting potion.

Suddenly she dry heaved.

The black dog tilted his head wondering for a moment if she found him that repulsive he gave her nausea. Surely his dog breathe wasn't that bad?

But then Hermione bent over and threw up right on his tail.

Ugh!

Sirius immediately transformed back into his human form. They were already in the park near Grimmauld Place, so they were close enough to the house.

"Oh fuck." Sirius felt horrible.

He crouched down to help Hermione up but she violently batted away his arms as she turned to the grass and threw up again, spilling the contents of her stomach into a chocolate-coloured puddle.

"Sirius turn around, I don't want you to see me like this!" Hermione managed to whimper in between throwing up.

"You always say that Hermione! Honestly I don't know why you care," Sirius wrangled a hand guiltily through his hair. Hermione was always pushing him away whenever she was crying or in need; and he felt horrible about it. Because this whole night out had been his idea. And look how it ended.

"I've been much worse myself," he said stoically, trying to be a gentleman. "Much much worse. Hermione, you shouldn't be embarrassed in the slightest!" A little vomit wasn't going to affect him.

Hermione however wasn't helped by his stoicism as she dry heaved a few more times, not at all feeling lady-like despite Sirius' assurances otherwise, before vomiting again.

Sirius ignored her request to stay away and helped her pull back her hair so that she didn't get vomit in it.

"You should learn to pace yourself," Sirius couldn't help adding.

"Sirius just shut up!" Hermione yelled, making him jump a little.

"Sorry."

Sirius whistled to himself as he sat down in the grass beside her.

"And stop whistling."

"S-orry." What is wrong with whistling? he wondered slightly affronted.

His grey eyes shifted to look around the park, which was empty except for them and some homeless man sleeping on park bench a few bushes away. A few minutes passed in silence. Except for the sound of retching.

"I think I'm done," Hermione finally said feeling thoroughly humiliated that she'd just vomited, several times in a row, in front of Sirius. For some reason, that was not the image she wanted him to remember this night by. She quickly wiped her mouth.

Sirius clapped her on the shoulder, "You're fine Hermione. Swell."

"Right. 'Swell'," Hermione replied sarcastically. She never felt more repulsive in her life. She certainly didn't feel or look 'swell'. Although, she thought, Sirius did look 'swell.' She enviously eyed how fresh and carelessly elegant Sirius looked despite spending a whole crazy night out with her. Didn't the man ever break into a sweat or look horrible?

Sirius attempted to converse with her as they strolled back the last block towards the house but Hermione was in a foul mood and replied moodily to his questions in clipped tones.

Was she mad at him? Sirius thought. Well goodness knows he deserved it. Though on the otherhand it had never been his idea to go into the pub or to have drinks. That was all Hermione's doing. Though now that he thought about that, she'd only been compelled to rebel (against her normal conservative bookwormish image) because of Ron's rudeness. And maybe his own.

"You know I'm very sorry," he said as the went up the steps to the front door, "if anything I said yesterday might have offended you. I didn't mean it, Hermione, you're perfect the way you are. And Ron is an idiot if he thinks you're boring."

If she wasn't covered in her own vomit with her hair matted and mangy looking Hermione might've blushed at being called 'perfect' by Sirius. However, since she was covered in her own vomit and sure she looked horrible, she merely nodded her head and wondered if Sirius was being sarcastic.

"Right," she said, "Thanks Sirius."

He smiled at her and she tried to avoid eye contact with him as they opened the door and stepped into the house.

~/~

"Well look what the dog dragged in," Snape's voice drawled silkily, from where he sat perched on *his* armchair across from the door.

Though he had been expecting it, Sirius still winced as he heard Snape's voice greet them. That was certainly not the voice he liked to hear before going to bed at night. Sirius stood up straighter, squaring his shoulders as he stared hatefully at the man who hated him as much as he did.

"Black."

"Snivellus."

Suddenly Hermione interrupted their little staring match and he felt her punch him in the arm, "Behave yourself Sirius, his name is Severus Snape, not Snivellus," she turned to the keenly observing potions master, "Sorry Professor Snape."

"Miss Granger," Snape nodded his head before raising his brows skeptically at her, no doubt sensing that she reeked of vomit and looked like she'd been dragged through mud, "Perhaps you would have an explanation of where this man," he pointed distastefully at Sirius, "and you have been all night!"

"We were um...out..." suddenly her quick thinking skills abandoned her.

"..for a stroll!" Sirius said loudly.

Hermione shot him an angry look. Because that excuse made no sense. Sirius arched his eyebrows back at her before turning back to Snape.

"She took me out for a walk!" Sirius insisted, "D'you mind or are my dogwalks to be curfewed now even too? Wouldn't surprise me with the way things are going lately, though really I could do without your snide company as I enjoy my few moments of freedom!"

Snape's abnormally large nose raised itself higher in the air as he stared positively thunderously down at both him and Hermione, observing the obvious disparity between the truth and their tale. Suddenly he chuckled.

"You've never been good at lieing, have you Black? Otherwise you might've saved yourself the bother of going to Azkaban 12 years," he smiled grimly and Sirius felt his blood boil, "Of course I'm sure you could have come up with an excuse if you had a half a wit!"

"Oh shut the fuck up Snape!" Hermione said.

Sirius burst out laughing while Hermione clamped her hands over her mouth in shock. She'd just told a Hogwarts professor, scratch that the meanest most relentless Hogwarts professor, to shut the fuck up.

Severus Snape looked like his face had been petrified by a basilisk and his eyebrows were high on his forehead for a moment before they came crashing down into a frown.

"W-what," Snape drawled slowly, "did you say?"

"She told you to shove it where the sun don't shine!" Sirius laughed more loudly than ever.

Hermione felt her face redden. She really hadn't meant to say that aloud though Snape had gone too far when he belittled Sirius' time in Azkaban, no one should make a joke on that! Though Sirius wasn't helping the situation by laughing so loudly.

"Uhm I'm..." she mumbled, wondering, if an apology would even have any affect on Snape hating her for the rest of her life. Not that he already didn't sort of hate her for being Harry's best friend and the 'insufferable' Gryffindor know it all.

Snape made a face like you see on a cat that's been given a bath. A grumpy cat face. Very dour. If Snape were a cat, his claws would be out and his tail high in the air.

"I see," he drawled not so smoothly and tried to ignore Sirius laughter, "that there is no point in talking sense to either of you when you are clearly both inebriated!" he sneered at her messy bedraggled hair before turning his scorn to Sirius, "But rest assured, Dumbledore will hear of this!"

"And yes we're terrified of him!" Sirius spat, "Go ahead Snape, god knows you were always a little brown arsing tattle tale." Sirius laughed again and Hermione felt like kicking him because while she not fond of Snape, Sirius didn't have to go provoking him. Sirius already had enough enemies. But you couldn't really stop Sirius from making things worse ten times worse for himself by not shutting up.

"Sirius?" Harry's voice was suddenly heard.

"Oi what's going on?" Ron said groggily.

As Harry and Ron came down the stairs to see what was going on, Snape's lips shrunk into an ugly pout before he swept his black cape behind him and stormed out of Grimmauld Place like a hissy prima donna. The only person Snape hated more than Sirius and James Potter was Harry Potter, because he looked like James. So he didn't want to stick around any longer if Harry was going to be there.

Snape turned his head over his shoulder and shot Sirius one last withering look, "I'll be reporting to Dumbledore on all this Black, count it, there will be consequences. Goodnight."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Yeah goodnight Snape, too, don't let the vampires bite, unless it's a lovebite." He had a feeling that Snape and Vladimir were lovers.

Snape's dark eyes flared but he turned on his heel and slammed the door shut with a loud bang.

"He's dramatic isn't he?" Harry said.

Sirius grinned. "Dramatic doesn't even begin to cover it! He's always been a whiny git!"

Hermione punched him in the arm. "Do you know many house points this is going to cost us?!" Hermione moaned and buried her face in her hands. "Snape already hates us, now he's going to make my life a living hell when I go back to Hogwarts!"

"Relax Hogwarts is still two months away!" Sirius said.

"That's nothing!" Hermione shouted at him, "Snape is already going to be planning my academic doom! He could sabotage my whole future career options!"

Harry couldn't help but comment smugly, "Well, now you'll know what it's like being me Hermione. Snape's always hated me and only because I look like my father!"

Ron, who clearly just woke up, rubbed at his eyes, "Sorry why is Snape angry?"

Sirius snickered, "Hermione told him off," he paused to wipe a tear from his eye, "I don't think I've ever been prouder." For the second time that night, Sirius clapped Hermione on the shoulder but she made another angry hissy sound and stormed out of the room.

"She'll come 'round!" Sirius said to Ron and Harry's incredulous looks.

"Uhm Sirius you have vomit on your coat you know that right?"

"Yes, Harry. Thanks," he grumbled. So maybe this evening didn't end so well after all if Hermione was mad at him.

Damn it. Why did everything turn out this way?

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A/N: thanks for reading and special super thanks to Jily, Confidential author, peaceful blood and autumn900 for their reviews! It means a lot when people say they enjoy the story, otherwise i wonder if people actually are reading it! also happy halloween!