Warnings: Language. Possible misuse of alcohol.
Disclaimer: This is a work of FanFiction using characters from the Alex Rider series, intellectual property and copyright of Anthony Horowitz.
Ben Daniels turned the engine of the car off with a heavy sigh and dropped his hand into his lap as he bowed his head. He took a deep breath to compose himself before he dragged his eyes up to the house he had parked in front of.
It had been two days since that retrieval mission had gone so wrong, he'd only had one day in hospital and the next night he'd spent at the bank, compiling reports and timelines for the heads to read to their hearts content as they celebrated another
successful mission. For him it was like writing a step by step autopsy for a death that should never have happened.
Ben yanked the keys out of the ignition and shoved his door open roughly. He grabbed his bag from the passenger seat before turning towards the stairs of the house, locking the car as he walked up the stairs with his mind elsewhere. He pushed the door
key into the lock and turned it roughly, taking out the frustration that had taken route on the mechanism and it opened with an unsatisfying click. He walked in quickly, pushing the door closed roughly behind him, throwing the keys onto their hook
and dropping his bag to the floor.
"Ben." Ben snapped his head up to see Eagle in the doorway of the lounge and wondered how he hadn't realised there was someone in his house. The red head was looking at him with a frown and Ben nodded out a stark greeting. Awkwardness fell between them
and Eagle rubbed the back of his neck with one hand as he took a step out into the hallway.
"You think this is bad, you should try being near Luke." Eagle muttered quietly, Ben could tell he was trying to lighten the mood and he gave Eagle a humourless smile, the sound of the TV quietly filtered through from the lounge.
"What are you doing here, Ryan?"Ben asked tiredly, Eagle looked to the lounge before looking back with a guilty expression.
"We wanted to see how you were."
"You just thought you'd let yourself in?" Ben asked with a raised eyebrow, the man actually had the manners to turn slightly red.
"Quinn said you wouldn't mind, that you gave him a key."
"Right." Ben said simply, he didn't really have any other response, under any other circumstance it would probably have been the case. "You're all here?"
"Yeah."
"Okay." Ben picked up the bag he had thrown to the floor when he had entered and walked towards the stairs. He knew he was in no mood to see Wolf at this precise moment, and the footsteps that drifted through from the lounge made him pick up his pace
as he walked up the stairs. A hand appearing on the banister stopped him and he looked down at Eagle, the man looked like he was going to urge him to come sit in the lounge. Instead, Eagle seemed to think better of it and he sighed.
"How's your arm?" Eagle asked quietly. Ben shrugged.
"Could be worse,"Ben muttered as he started up the stairs again,pointedly ignoringthe whispers from beneath him. He started towards his room at the front of the house, stopping abruptly when the bathroom door opened just down the hall.
Wolf walked out and stopped dead when he saw Ben, there was a beat of silence before either spoke.
"Ben, how you feeling?" Wolf asked awkwardly, Ben mulled the question over firmly pushing aside any animosity to keep his tone somewhat neutral.
"Fine, Luke. You?"
"Never better." Wolf muttered, they stood like that for a minute, until Wolf walked forwards and passed Ben without another word and stomped down the stairs. Ben just settled himself by shaking his head and glaring at the man's back before stalking to
his room and closing the door roughly behind him. The thud of the wood mingled with the sound of the bag as he threw it to the chair in the corner and he led down on his bed, scrubbing a hand over his face roughly.
This was bad, he knew it. He'd been out of the SAS now for 16 months, but the men currently occupying his lounge were the ones he knew the best and could read them as easily as the morning paper. It hadn't changed with his departure, there was an adjustment
period but somehow they had found a routine that allowed them to carry on a comfortable friendship, or at least mostly. Things weren't easy like they used to be, they used to be able to laugh things off with a poor joke from Eagle, but this atmosphere
was one of old that Ben hadn't felt for a long time.
The snarky, edgy words, tense postures and more than anything, the silences. Ben shook his head to himself and pulled one of his pillows over his head. It had been like this only once before, and the outcome hadn't been particularly pleasant, resulting
in him moving out of the house they had once shared in Camden. Ben pulled the pillow away from his head when there was a light tap on the door,
"What?" Ben called, staring up at the ceiling. Snake poked his head through the door with a concerned look.
"You going to come downstairs? We need to talk." Snake said quietly. Ben narrowed his eyes at the ceiling as the Scot once again tried to play the peacemaker, he shook his head and pulled the pillow back over his face.
"There's nothing to talk about. I think you should go home, I'll call you later." Ben replied, his voice muffled by the covering and exhaustion. Snake sighed and walked into the room, Ben growled and removed the pillow once again, dropping it to the bed
beside him with a quiet thud.
"Ben-"
"Look Quinn, I've had no sleep, I've spent the last 24 hours writing reports and assignment summaries after getting out of hospital. To top it all, I had a session with Huhne so I really would appreciate it if you would just leave me alone." Ben said
as calmly as he could muster, he stuffed the pillow under his head and turned his back on the man. He heard Snake shuffle awkwardly as the silence filled the room.
"Alright. Well if you want-"
"To talk?" Ben asked, staring resolutely at the wall. "It won't be anywhere near Luke."
"He made the right call, Ben." Snake said simply, there was an imploring tone to his voice and Ben pushed himself up quickly, turning to look at the medic. Ben rubbed a hand over his face and took a deep breath, pulling away and calming himself from the
thoughts that seemed to have been racing since his mundane stay in the hospital.
"Quinn, it's really not a good time."
Snake turned and left after another moment's silence and Ben threw the pillow at the door in frustration, only just stopping the obscenity from escaping his lips as he flopped back against the mattress. He heard the front door open and close less than
ten minutes later, and when he heard the minivan that Eagle owns start up, he clamped his eyes closed and tried to force his mind to relax into a restless sleep.
Darkness.
Not the stifling darkness of eyes behind clenched eyelids, nor the claustrophobic darkness of a room with no windows.
No.
This darkness was warm, inviting, comfortable and it was being dragged away.
Small sounds.
An insistent, high pitched beep moving slowly in and out of focus as if transmitting on broken radio waves.
Cold.
It started with the twitch of a finger, before it started clawing at toes and snaking up a torso that was barely covered by a scratchy material.
Louder sounds.
Voices that pierced through the silence. Attempting to be low and subtle, but sounding like a yell as they resonated through sensitive ear drums.
"You need to deal with this."
"I am,"
"In a satisfactory manner." That voice, deadly, lethal.
"Soon, I will." The reply, sly, conniving and greedy.
Then a small scratch, like so many other inconsequential injuries followed by the darkness once again.
"We want to congratulate you on a successful assignment, Agent Daniels." Mrs Jones said primly as she placed another peppermint on her tongue. Ben watched her, his face completely plain as she sucked on the sweet. He wondered if it made the words she
was about to say any sweeter. He debated taking up the habit for himself.
The file Ben had presented just minutes before was placed to one side on her desk and she pulled out a separate one from her drawer. Ben eyed it warily.
"Now, normal procedure of course." She stated as she pulled out a sheaf of papers. Ben sighed and picked up the pen that was led on the desk beside the document for his use. He read the first paragraph, the same as always, just to ensure the text was
what he was expecting. His eyes stopped further down the page on a particular subsection that he remembered reading way back after his first assignment in the hospital in Darwin;
(4)For the purposes of subsection (3) above a disclosure is damaging if—
(a)it causes damage to the work of, or of any part of, the security and intelligence services; or
Ben glared at the clause that would prevent him from ever discussing anything about the assignment, but more than that, was the fact that that particular sub point was aimed at one thing. Or rather, one person.
Ben scribbled his signature roughly at the end of the 32 page document, he pushed it back across the desk with some vehemence and a light scowl that was directed at the desk. Mrs Jones picked it up and tucked it back into the file, she leant forwards
and Ben looked up to see her watching him carefully. Her eyes weren't soft, but there was more in them than Ben had seen before and she took a deep breath.
"I know, Agent Daniels, that you have found the last week particularly difficult. The post evaluation report was enough to confirm that. As such you are to present yourself to Doctor Huhne for weekly sessions until deemed fit for the field."
"I am fit for field work." He stated calmly in response. Mrs Jones leant her elbows on the desk and shook her head.
"Not from what we can see. You will be a liability to not only to yourself, but also to the establishment if we allowed you to be active." She explained calmly, there was no hint of emotion to her voice and that hint of something that had been in her
eyes disappeared. Ben gritted his teeth and glared at the desk, "We were concerned, not only about you, but also of that of your old unit with the circumstances regarding Croatia. They also have been passed for a full assessment before being admitted
to the field. Of course we expected some form of backlash regarding Agent Rider's change in status, but there is no reason you shouldn't be fit for field work within the month if you attend the sessions and work with Huhne in a complimentary manner."
Ben looked up at the woman, and firmly pushed aside the feeling he was being patronised as he thought the phrasing over.
"Change in status?" Ben asked after a brief pause, for a minute Mrs Jones looked as though she wasn't going to answer. The pause was a long one, and Ben waited silently, willing her to just tell him which of the two abbreviations they had decided to apply
to Alex.
"We have deemed it necessary to list him as KIA." Ben felt his heart drop, it was the worst of the two and he took a deep breath.
"Did you recover the body?"
"No, neither Rider nor that of Private Stevens. However after careful consideration and both reports being analysed, it was the most fitting." She confirmed, Ben looked up at her with a blank face.
"What about his family?" Ben asked simply. He caught the flicker of regret pass over Mrs Jones face before she and got to her feet, pulling another peppermint from her pocket in the process.
"That is none of your concern, Agent Daniels." She voiced in a clipped tone, Ben watched as she placed the sweet in her mouth and he wondered if it was possible to overdose on them. "There will be a private ceremony held on Saturday. If you feel your
presence is required you can obtain the details from Gloria."
Ben stood, and shook the hand when it was offered. Even though he wanted nothing more than to push it away and he walked from the office with his face firmly set into an impassive expression. When he stopped at the desk and absentmindedly asked for the
details, his mind was at home thinking of the gift he had received from his grandmother when he had been accepted into the SAS. She had joked he might need it one day, Ben wondered if the woman was a clairvoyant. That original bottle had long since
gone, he'd replaced it of course and its successor was nestled at the back of one of his kitchen cupboards. That bottle was the only thing he focused on as he started the long walk out of the "bank".
Ben walked into his lounge placing the bottle of liquor and half full glass on the coffee table as he dropped himself onto the cream leather sofa. He picked up the remote and flicked on the TV, he watched for a second as the news jingle played,
"A three vehicle accident on the A3217 early this morning caused havoc for commuters until afternoon today. Investigation is still underway, but the initial report shows a 125cc motor bike was the cause as it swerved dangerously into the path of an oncoming freight hauler. The driver, whose name isn't going to be released to the press by request of the family, is currently in a life threatening condition at a local hospital. All other- "
Ben sighed, not wanting to hear any more bad news and flicked through the channels until he came to stop on some midday infomercial. A young woman was strutting across the screen, advertising a piece of exercise equipment that she had probably never used
as being "the only solution to all those problems."
Ben rolled his eyes and picked up the glass from the table, he swirled the liquid around carefully and flicked the TV onto mute. It was only on out of a force of habit anyway; he took a sip of the searing liquid and dropped his head back onto the sofa
with a sigh.
He was tired, a week's worth of minimal sleep was pulling at his eyelids, almost burning and he shut them gently. He pointedly ignored the thoughts that were pushing at the edges of his mind, trying to think of something, anything that he could do to
occupy himself for the time being. To mull over the thoughts of his meeting with Jones would only serve to strengthen the restless sleep he had to look forward to that evening.
His mobile sounded through the silent room, and he grabbed it from its perch on the edge of the sofa. Pulling up the text message, he read it before clicking delete and placing it back beside him. It would be the first of many he would receive from Snake,
if he was honest he was surprised it had taken this long.
The unit drink he had attended faithfully whenever he wasn't working, had come and gone this week without his presence. The only proof it had ever occurred at all was a text message, not from Snake as he would have thought it would have been, but from
Eagle. It was still in his inbox un-replied to.
It was strange, Ben mused, there was once a time when they were like brothers, but like so many other things in life it had slipped away. It had been one of many things that the course of time and choice had taken, and while he wasn't wholly responsible
for the chasm of difference that was there now, he wasn't blameless either.
Ben raised the glass to his lips and a loud knock on the front door made him stop. He looked at the clock that was on the mantel of the fireplace. It was early afternoon, he wasn't expecting anyone and he would normally have been at work. There was another
knock, this time quieter but no less insistent and he kept the cool glass in his hand as he walked out into the hall. His mind had fixated on the unknown visitor as a form of distraction and Ben encouraged it, speculating in his mind who it could
be as he pulled open the door with a distracted hand.
Ben stared at the man on the doorstep, his mind freezing for a split second. Eagle seemed to understand though and he held up a bottle of vodka with a grim smile. There were no words exchanged, but Ben stood aside as the soldier walked in, making his
way through to the kitchen as Ben shut the door.
He returned to the lounge and retook his seat on the sofa, Eagle walked into the room with a glass in his hand and flopped into the armchair to his right. Ben saw the man look at the TV with a faintly bemused expression as a different woman silently talked
about some miracle face care product before the sound of liquid being poured into a glass alerted him that Eagle had a fairly healthy measure of his own liquor in his hand.
For a long time, neither of them said anything. They didn't really need to, this was enough, the semi-amicable silence, and it wasn't until Eagle had poured himself a second glass that he spoke.
"There's something you're not telling us." Eagle stated as he looked thoughtfully at his own drink.
"There's a lot I don't tell you."
"About this, I mean." Eagle clarified, Ben looked over to him, "Something important."
Ben stopped for a second, what was there to tell? Before not a lot was left unsaid between the four of them, there were very few topics they didn't broach head on, including assignments. Now though, it was different and not only because of the restrictions
of the OSA either. He'd tried, after the first of his "permanent" assignments to approach his old unit with his concerns, they'd never materialised.
"There's a lot of stuff I can't tell you." Ben replied slowly. Eagle looked at him with a frown and shrugged.
"Then tell me what you can." Eagle replied calmly as he reclined back in his seat. "You never drink spirits unless something seriously fucked up has happened. So what is it? The notification?"
Ben flicked his eyes to the red haired man. "You got that too?"
"We got Cougar's this morning. I'm assuming Cub is the same." Eagle replied calmly, Ben watched him take a drink from his glass and it was only because of experience he saw a slight shake to the man's hand. It was the only sign that belied the placid
exterior Eagle was managing to hold.
"KIA." Ben confirmed, Eagle's face turned uncharacteristically grave, "He's got a service on Saturday."
"Can I go?" Eagle asked quickly. Ben nodded slowly as he looked at his ex-teammate. He hadn't been expecting any one of them to want to participate. Especially considering it was Cub, but Ben felt the small spike of gratitude towards Eagle all the same.
There was a grim laugh, and Ben looked up.
"You didn't think I was that heartless did you?" Eagle asked. Ben frowned and shook his head slowly,
"No. I just-"
"Thought I'd be short-sighted and let anger cloud my rather deranged sense of morality?" Eagle offered, Ben let out a huff of laughter so sardonic it felt raw at the back of his throat. He chased it away by finishing the whiskey in his hand. "Did you
work with him?"
Ben nodded simply, keeping his eyes on the floor, Eagle sighed and placed his glass on the table.
"Why didn't you just say?"
"What was I supposed to say Derek?" Ben asked as he downed the last of his drink, "Firstly, I signed the OSA and secondly I didn't fancy being on the receiving end of Wolf's fist."
"Luke is a fucking idiot who can't see beyond the end of his own nose at times." Eagle said with a scowl. Ben looked up when he heard the anger behind the words and he shook his head slowly as he leant back on the sofa and rubbed his eyes.
"We shouldn't be like this."
He looked to Eagle who shrugged in response with a clearly unconcerned expression. "Choice and Consequence."
Ben nodded and pulled his head up off the back of the sofa, rubbing at tired eyes. He heard the two glasses being refilled and picked his up with a grateful smile towards Eagle, the red haired man took a drink before speaking again.
"You and Cub." Eagle said, Ben tensed and looked over with a raised eyebrow, "You two were close?"
"We were alright I guess as far as working together goes."
"Did you enjoy working with him? Like you did with us?" Eagle asked curiously. Ben frowned and took a second to question that thought.
He wasn't going to lie and say they knew each other inside out, the first time, it was outright diabolical. Alex hadn't said a word to him, and Ben returned the favour. It was the second assignment, where Alex had managed to get a bullet graze to his
ankle and rather than ask for help, hobbled out of his cover that Ben realised not talking wasn't as option. It would get one or both of them killed. It was after that, that the few words they said between them were vague, non-descript and purely
applicable to their current situation where he'd started to see Alex's wit and humour in dire situations and quiet professional qualities outside of them. It wasn't much, but it was something and Ben had given up protesting with Jones' eventually,
instead focussing on the anticipation he would get from being involved in something big. The guilt never faded completely, Ben realised, but it was instead blurred a little in the company of the young spy. Now though, his own misdoings in the entire
situation were obvious and that guilt returned tenfold when Wolf had given the order to pull out. Ben sighed and looked to Eagle who was watching him with an expectant face.
"It's complicated. I'd rather I never had to work with him." Ben admitted. Eagle nodded thoughtfully and Ben could feel the man's eyes on him, watching him as he downed the third of a glass of whiskey with a dry hiss after. Ben placed the glass
down and leant back against the sofa once again, turning his head to look at Eagle.
"I got something on my face?" Ben asked, with false enthusiasm. Eagle's eye narrowed and he shook his head slowly.
"You've changed, Ben."
Ben didn't know how to respond to that, so he poured himself another measure of the thought numbing liquid into his glass and they descended into silence. Eagle refilled his glass a second later, and he looked to Ben, holding it up in silent toast and
as a pair they both drank them in one go.
Ben smiled slightly as Eagle's face contorted from the acrid taste of vodka, the semi-tense atmosphere dissipating as quickly as their sober minds as they worked through their bottles.
Darkness.
Not stifling, and not comforting anymore. It was just black. Aware but not awake.
Odd.
The cold was clawing its way back again, this time starting from the abdomen.
Noises.
The beeping, still consistent, still unrecognisable. The voices, one familiar, one not.
"We need to move." The familiar one, sly, conniving, greedy.
"We have orders." A reply, it was unsure, almost scared.
"They get what they pay for, outside that, how we proceed is our call." Greedy.
"Yes, sir," Hesitant, unbelieving, untrusting.
"Tonight." Urgency bordering on desperation.
"Immediately, Sir."
Tiredness.
Not wanting to dwell in a sightless mind, slipping back into that warmth and comfort of nothingness, revelling in not having to form a coherent thought in a dark world.
Ben pulled the car up to the gates of Brompton cemetery on the Saturday morning. He rolled his window down as the guard stood by the closed gates walked over with a stern expression. Ben glanced at Eagle and the red haired man rolled his eyes.
"Two guesses who he works for." Eagle muttered, Ben turned when the man ducked by the side of the car.
"Cemetery's closed." The man stated. Ben just pulled his access card from the glove compartment and handed it over without a word. The guard took it, and swiped it down the side of a handheld device.
"First left. Have a good day." The guard stated with a face that truly wished them anything but. Ben waited while the gates were opened and Eagle shook his head slowly.
"We're at a cemetery and he wishes us a good day?" Eagle asked once Ben had driven through the gates. Ben just shot the man a tense smile and pulled the car into one of the parking bays near the front of the church. There were few cars parked, it was
hardly surprising. Ben was pretty sure not many people would be aware of the real reason for this ceremony, he saw the shaded out black car pull up directly in front of the church and watched as Mrs Jones climbed out. She was dressed in a black suit,
Ben couldn't help wondering if she had bought one especially or if it was just her normal office attire and she walked into the church with an escort of two men that Ben vaguely recognised.
"Was that- " Eagle asked quietly, Ben nodded with a sigh. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder and glanced at Eagle who had an unusually sombre look on his face. "Come on Ben, for Cub yeah?"
Ben climbed out of the car, pulling his jacket down after pushing the door closed he looked over at Eagle. If their purpose here wasn't so serious, he would have laughed. The soldier wasn't the sort to be able to wear clothes so formal, and he knew it
as he shifted uncomfortably adjusting his shoulders under the stiff jacket.
They walked together towards the doors and Ben recognised one of the agents that gestured them inside, the firearms they were carrying were visible to the trained eye and he noticed Eagle eying the area sceptically. They walked down the hallway that had
been indicated, Eagle leaned in.
"They're armed?"
"Can't be too careful." Ben shrugged. Eagle dulled into silence beside him and the pair entered a small room off the corridor. There were only five other occupants, Ben only knew one of them. Mrs Jones turned with a stoic face and he pointedly ignored
her. The others, Ben assumed were people from outside of the system, he wondered in the back of his mind exactly what story had been come up with to cover this over.
The pair took seats two rows from the front and Ben watched as the two youngest occupants of the room were whispering between themselves. One, the girl, Ben placed at about 18, she had long black hair that was tied into a neat ponytail and she was seemingly
talking to another younger member of the room. A boy, around the same age with messy black hair and blue eyes was gesturing desperately at her with an animated look on his face.
Ben wondered if they were related, the similarities were definitely there and it appeared they were arguing, and combined with the two adults who were sat watching the picture located at the front of the room, Ben wondered if they were Alex's family.
The fleeting looks Ben saw from the male adult towards Mrs Jones were certainly venomous enough to be so. The woman was pointedly ignoring them of course, and was sat with a straight back and watchful eyes directed towards the front of the room.
The boy sat at the front stood up with a frown, he said something that Ben didn't catch as he shook his head. His face hardened when there was a whispered retort from the girl and the boy stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him as he left.
"Well, that was dramatic." Eagle muttered as he turned to look at the back. Ben shook his head slightly before he felt a fist thump his arm. He turned his head to see Eagle's head was still turned towards the door and Ben stared as Wolf and Snake eased
themselves into seats at the back of the room.
"What are they doing here?" Eagle asked quietly, Ben shrugged and turned his eyes back to the front as the priest entered from a side door. Eagle slowly turned away from the two other soldiers and Ben stared determinedly at the front, completely ignoring
the eyes he could feel burning into his back.
Ben stood as the ceremony drew to a close after the four people seated at the front had each paid their respects through quiet words and left the room. Ben looked at the photo that was laid out at the front, Alex was smiling back at him looking like an
everyday teenager with the Golden Gate bridge in the background. He thought about how different it was to see Alex in his natural environment, even if it was just a picture.
Ben felt a tug on his sleeve and Eagle gave him a small smile before they started the walk towards the door. He spotted Wolf and Snake stood by the door, involved in a hushed conversation and Ben nudged Eagle. The red haired man looked around with a questioning
look,
"I'll catch you up." Ben said quietly. Eagle looked to the door and nodded quickly,
"Alright. Meet you at the car."
Ben smiled as he walked off, and spoke in quiet tones to the other two. Wolf looked over and their eyes locked for a second and Ben thought he caught a flicker of regret in the man's eyes before the threesome left the room. He sat back down in one of
the chairs and looked at the picture once again before resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his head into his hands.
"Why didn't you just listen?"
The room was of course silent in its response.
"Don't look at me like that." Alex muttered as Ben levelled a glare at him. A frown was on his face as he twisted his arm at an almost unnatural angle, trying to perform an escape act from the ropes that they were tied by, "Getting caught is half the fun."
"We'd be home already if you'd have just listened to what I said." Ben responded as he leant his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He felt a hand touch his skin just seconds later and looked around to see Alex crouched beside him with his hands free, untying Ben's own ropes. The blonde looked up with a smirk.
"And deprive you of my awesome company?"
Ben swallowed heavily and took a deep breath as he massaged his temples gently. That was one of many times things had gone wrong, and one of many times they had managed to get out of it relatively unscathed.
It was sadistic irony really, that someone who, by all counts, should never have been in the situation was more often than not the one who managed to squirm out of a tight spot.
Ben looked up at the picture one last time before he walked out of the room, he was in a mind-set of his own as he walked back through the hallway. His thoughts were occupied by musings and memories so jumbled they didn't really make all that much sense.
He looked up when he heard voices in front of him to see the young woman and man talking animatedly, tucked into a corner at the end of the hall. Ben stopped as the woman swiped at his face and there was a resounding crack of skin on skin contact,
Ben lowered his gaze a took a hesitant step forwards deigning to leave them too it.
"Tell me the truth Tom!"
"I am." The man, who Ben assumed was called Tom yelled, his face was red and Ben could almost see the imprint of the woman's hand.
"You're not. There was something wrong with him."
"Sab. It. Was. An. Accident." Tom stated in a dull voice. Ben got the impression this wasn't a new conversation and he looked up discreetly. Tom was playing with the sleeve of his jacket with his fingertips and breaking eye contact. The woman, Sab as
he'd heard, was shaking her head furiously. "They happen."
"Not to Alex they don't." She insisted, Ben saw Tom take a deep breath and turn to walk away. The woman just looked as his back as he walked in the opposite direction to Ben.
"Please, Tom. If you know anything, just tell me."
"Sabina, I know it's hard. But there was nothing going on, I saw him the night before and he was fine." Tom responded, Ben felt himself startle at the statement. There was no way he could have, that assignment was 9 days ago,
"But-"
"You're upset. I can understand that, but don't throw everything away because of it." Tom said gently. Sab had taken a step towards him and Tom pulled her into a hug, Ben diverted his eyes and walked as fast as possible past the pair who were busy whispering
what Ben could only assume were comforting words between them.
He kept up his pace until he exited the building, the sky was clear and the fresh air replaced the musty smell that always seemed to occupy churches. He walked hastily towards his car and stopped when he saw the three soldiers still talking between themselves.
Snake was the one to catch sight of him and wave him over, Ben walked over slowly. Trying to forget exactly what he had seen, it felt as though he had intruded on a personal moment that had only served to confuse him more and he leant against the
bonnet of his car when he reached it.
There was a drawn out silence between the four of them and Ben pointedly refused to look at Wolf. It was a childish notion, but some things really were best left alone at times. Unfortunately, the term "all brawn no brains" clearly applied with Wolf in
that moment.
"That his family?" Wolf asked, looking over at the two young adults that were leaving the church, Ben looked over and shrugged.
"Maybe."
"They got to be, there was no one else there." Wolf stated, Ben looked around and took a deep breath.
"I don't know, Wolf. We never spoke about it."
"You just worked together and never found anything out about him?" Wolf asked gruffly, his face was set and Ben knew a snipe when he heard one. He pushed himself away from the car and walked around to the driver's door without answering.
"Ben," Snake said quietly, the dark haired man looked at Snake with a raised eyebrow and the medic hesitated, "What he means is-"
"I know what he means." Ben replied in a dull voice, "You've got a problem with the fact I worked with Cub. Fine. It was out of my hands."
"You should have refused." Wolf stated simply. Ben looked directly at Eagle and noticed the man had gone red, with his fists clenched at his side.
"You getting in?"
Eagle nodded tensely and Ben climbed into the car slamming the door closed after him. The red head turned back to the two soldiers. He glared at Wolf.
"You are in the same position as him. He lost his partner, you lost one of your unit." Eagle hissed, Wolf stared back at him with grey eyes and shook his head firmly.
"He should have said no."
"Orders are orders Wolf, you follow them just as much as he has too."
"Well, I hope he's proud of them." Wolf muttered, Eagle took an angry step forwards and Snake placed a hand on his chest gently, still trying to play the peacemaker. It was only out of respect that Eagle didn't push it away, instead he lifted his eyes
to look at Wolf with a scowl.
"Hypocrite." Eagle stated in a low tone as he walked towards the car and yanked the door open. Ben looked at the red haired man as he stopped, "He wasn't the one who gave the order to pull out, Luke. Remember that."
Ben spared the two remaining soldiers one last look as Eagle pulled his door closed before he pulled away from them and started the journey back home.
Ben stared at the computer screen in front of him. He was sat at his desk, a cup of coffee to one side of him attempting to concentrate on a report that had been filtered through for his review. It wasn't working, and the words seemed to be shifting into
each other as he placed his hand around the mug. He glanced at the bottle to the other side and tipped some into the cup with the coffee to take the edge off his overly active brain, before placing the mug with the others that occupied that corner
of the desk.
Ben tapped a finger against the buttons on the mouse, creating an out of rhythm tune as he tried once again to concentrate on the font in front of him. He heard the door downstairs close and turned his chair, listening carefully for the sounds of whoever
had just walked in. There was only one other person with a key.
Ben wondered if Eagle had stolen it again.
He stood with a sigh, one that was this time grateful for having an excuse to leave the damn paperwork he was being lumped with and made for the top of the stairs. He heard voices from downstairs as he walked down the first couple of steps.
"You said he was coping."
"He is." Eagle's voice returned, Ben heard the sound of a bag rustling, "He's just in a bit of a slump."
There was a clang of glass on glass and Ben jogged down the remaining stairs and stopped in the lounge of the doorway, to see Snake holding four beer bottles in his hand. The Scottish man dropped them into the bag Eagle was holding with a frown.
"This isn't a slump Derek. This is Ben we're talking about. He's the tidiest person we know."
"Uh, Quinn?" Eagle said as he caught sight of Ben in the doorway. Snake just shook his head, and picked up the takeaway container Ben had left on the table with a scrunched up nose.
"Seriously, I asked you to keep an eye on him and let me know if it got out of hand-"
"Quinn!" Eagle snapped, giving Ben a sheepish look. The Scottish man straightened up with a frown, he turned to the door when he saw Eagle staring at Ben.
"I'm 21, not three." Ben muttered, Snake turned red and Ben sighed as he walked in and held out his hand to Eagle. "The bag."
The red head passed it over with an apologetic look and Ben shrugged it off as he started to pick up the rest of the rubbish that had been left around in the three weeks since the remembrance ceremony. Ben kept his eyes on his task, but noticed as Eagle
turned and walked into the kitchen after picking up some of the dirty coffee cups that had been left on the table. He heard running water a second later and went back to his task, firmly ignoring the eyes of Snake that were on his back.
"Ben?" Snake asked, Ben took a silent breath and straightened up, the bag hanging at his side he gave the blonde a questioning look. Snake didn't pick up on it.
"What Quinn?" He asked, he sounded tired and he refrained from rubbing his eyes that stung from the serious lack of sleep over the last month.
"You didn't come out for drinks last night."
"I didn't fancy it."
"Pushing us away will do nothing." Snake stated, Ben frowned and shook his head,
"I've just had a lot on."
"What, desk work?" Snake countered with a sceptical look, "Derek told me."
Ben looked down at the floor and took a deep breath. He wasn't angry, or disappointed. He knew that he himself had been known to turn to Snake at times, especially when he was in the need for a concerned ear. He felt a slight pang as he remembered it
had been a long while since he'd taken up that opportunity, or a long time since he had been able to.
"I know what happened in Croatia was bad, it would do you good to talk about it." Snake pushed gently. Ben could sense the hint of desperation under the words without even having to meet the Scottish man's eyes. He didn't answer though and instead picked
up an empty plastic bottle that had almost rolled under the sofa.
"We all need to talk about this." Snake admitted, Ben looked at him with a raised eyebrow as he continued, "We've been close for too long for something like this, something we all went through, to rip it apart."
Ben smirked and shook his head slowly, "Get real, Quinn."
"Excuse me?"
"I said get real. Things haven't been right since I left the unit." Ben said in a blunt tone. He surprised himself by how resolute he sounded. "Stop kidding yourself that everything is the same as it once was."
"But they weren't like this." Snake insisted, he was floundering against the normal placid words he would throw into a conflict when he was confronted head on.
"Yeah they were, this is just highlighting what should have been obvious." Ben countered calmly, Snake turned a glare to the floor and Ben sighed, "I don't have a problem with you."
"But with Luke?" Ben didn't reply, instead he just picked up another takeaway packet from the arm of the sofa, last night's Chinese by the looks of the less than half eaten food. Snake sighed from behind him, "He feels really bad, Ben. I think if you
just-"
Ben straightened up, hastily hiding the glare and shaking his head firmly. "Not happening, Quinn."
"But-"
"If you came here to push for a reconciliation because he is too stubborn, then I think it's best if you left." Ben replied calmly. He silently complimented himself on keeping his composure, and Snake looked to hesitate for a second. The Scottish man
opened his mouth to say something else, before closing it again and walking out of the room. Ben stood in place as the front door clicked closed and the stab of guilt was undeniable. He sighed and turned towards the door that led into the kitchen.
"You can come out now Derek." Ben said to seemingly nothing. There was a brief pause before Eagle stepped out from behind the doorframe with a sheepish look.
"Sorry."
Ben waved him off and sat down on the sofa with a sigh, he couldn't rightly be angry. He'd done more than his fair share of eavesdropping after all. Eagle walked over and sat down beside him with a despondent look on his face.
"You're disappointed?" Ben asked quietly, Eagle shook his head.
"Not really. I kind of expected it. Although, I had hoped maybe Quinn would have worked his magic."
Ben let out a small huff of laughter and glanced at the red haired man, "You've forgiven him then?"
"Wolf?" Eagle asked, Ben nodded. "Not completely. But I have to work with him and it's not like Quinn's done anything wrong, he's just trying to make the best of a bad situation."
Ben looked at the wall opposite him with a frown, for all his natural hype and strange sense of humour, Eagle could, at times, be highly sensible. Ben sighed and leant his head back as he remembered back to a time when that had been one of the most surprising
things he had experienced. It seemed like centuries ago.
"You ever reckon things will be the same?"
"I don't know. A lot can change in two years." Eagle replied with a shrug, "All I know, is living with Wolf is going to be the end of me if he doesn't stop being a grumpy asshole."
"Do you think I should at least try to make an effort?"
It was a shot in the dark, and a moment of helplessness that made him ask. Eagle didn't seem surprised that he had.
"It's your call," Eagle responded, "Most of it is between you and Luke. But I could play middle man if you needed it."
Ben sat in silence for a few minutes, and it was only the lingering sense of guilt in his stomach from when Snake had walked out of the door that made him look over to Eagle. The red haired man hid his look of hope quickly, and Ben realised it was for
his benefit, Eagle didn't want to push him either way, but he was obviously missing the old camaraderie just as much as himself. Ben rubbed his eyes slowly and took a deep breath.
"I suppose we could do drinks here this weekend."
Steady breaths.
Steady monotonous beeps.
A small finger twitch on top of the covers.
The cold spreading from the tips of toes, up well formed calf's and thighs and slowly creeping tendrils of ice spreading across a well toned torso.
Erratic eye movements behind closed eyelids, as light thoughts tugged at the side of a sightless mind.
One hand clenching into a fist as the first un-drugged breath was pulled though dry, chapped lips.
A low groan as each sound became more acute. Each second that passed making the darkness that was the perfect solitude recede a little more.
It becomes less calming, as a slow heartbeat starts to speed up. The beeping moves out of rhythm.
Another stuttering breath, followed by a heavy swallow trying to wet a throat as dry as a desert, the simple act burning like fire.
A grimace through clenched eyelids as they grasp for that darkness that was a sanctuary against this.
Eventually serious brown eyes flicker open and stare dully up at the grey, mould encrusted ceiling. Two sentences tugging at the corner of a hazy mind.
"They left you alone little boy."
"Go to hell."